The Jets debacle yesterday was so complete it was art. They gained only two net yards the entire second half. I’m going to type that again: They gained only two net yards the entire second half. They had more punts (10) than completed passes (9). Even so, the score was tied 3-3 with under a minute to go. It appeared to be heading for overtime. The Jets just had to punt the ball away (punt #10) and watch the last few seconds tick off. But the punt was returned by New England’s Marcus Jones for a touchdown with five seconds left and the Jets lost 10-3. It was the only punt returned for a touchdown by any team all year so far, in roughly 150 games. The Boston Globe posed (and answered) this question: Why didn’t the Jets just punt the ball out of bounds instead of to Jones? And the answer was because they are the Jets.
After the game, hapless Jets quarterback Zach Wilson was asked if he felt the offense let the defense down, since the defense performed very well, holding New England to just three offensive points the entire game. Wilson said “No.” I remember taking Caity to the doctor when she was one or two years old and, as a developmental marker, the doc asked if Caity understood what “No” means. (We said she did. Well, she knew how to use it, just not how to accept it.) Apparently, Zach Wilson doesn’t know what “No” means.
My friend Lance, who passed away a long time ago (alav hashalom), went to a few Jets games with me and understood the torment of the Jets fan. Every Monday during the season when I got to my office at Hunter there would be a message on my office phone. It was Lance somberly intoning the Kaddish.
Yisgadal, ve-yiskadosh, . . . .
Special thanks to Judy, the third Brandeis alum to chime in on the Buckley story. AND, she threw her support behind Anonymous in the great math battle from yesterday’s post. Judy is a retired math teacher, who clearly hasn’t lost a step. She taught at Akiba Hebrew Academy in Merion Station, PA (renamed the Barrack Hebrew Academy), where Pennsylvania Governor-elect Josh Shapiro went. Josh was not a student of Judy’s, but Josh’s brother was a student of Judy’s and Hank’s son Aaron, who also taught at Akiba. (Hi Hank!)
Here’s a joke about brothers:
So this guy dies and the Rabbi asks if anyone would like to say a few words on his behalf. Well, it turns out he was a real schmuck and no one has a good word to say about him. The Rabbi is upset and says: “What’s wrong with this community? A fellow Jew passes on to the next world and not one of you can come up with a kind word to send with him on his journey?” Finally, an old, wrinkled man in the back row raises his hand and stands up and slowly makes his way to the front. He looks out at the crowd and leans over the pulpit and says: “His brother was worse.”
Speaking of school, my tax class did not do well on the midterm, to put it mildly. Not as bad as the Jets, but along those lines. Only one perfect paper out of 35, which is not a good sign. One student got a 21 (out of 100). Ouch! In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have written the exam in Yiddish, but these are all city kids – that shouldn’t be a problem. It was an open book/notes exam and I put all the questions in problem sets we worked on together in class. So, I ask you, what more can I do? As Yogi said: If people don’t want to come to the ballpark, you can’t stop ’em.
The first semester I taught I had a student who scored a 3 (out of 100) on an exam, and it was just luck that he got the 3. He tried to convince me to give him a passing grade. He pointed out that he answered all of the questions. I said, “But your answers made no sense in the context of the questions — you would have to improve considerably just to get the answers wrong.”
The puzzle today was a paean to Soccer’s World Cup. One long answer spanned all 15 squares with OLE OLE OLE OLE OLE, and another with GOOOOOOOOOOOOAL. And 17A: “South African horn that produces only one note” was VUVUZELA, that droning sound you hear if you watch a match. The vuvuzela has been the subject of controversy when used by spectators at matches. Its high volume can lead to permanent hearing loss for unprotected ears after close-range exposure, with a sound level of 120 dB(A) (the threshold of pain) at one metre (3.3 ft) from the device opening. (Is it a coincidence that in the puzzle VUVUZELA is across from HUSH UP?) When this was brought to the attention of the Commissioner, he said “What?”
A Rex commenter noted that a concerto has been written for vuvuzela and orchestra (by a composer named John-Luke Mark Matthews, and that’s the gospel truth). Last, another commenter confessed: “I can never remember if it’s VUVUZELA or ZUZUVELA or VENEZUELA or ZUZU’S PETALS.” Huh?
Comedian Kevin NEALON dropped by the puzzle today. I was surprised to learn he’s only 4 years younger than me. He has been a vegan since 1989, and is active in the animal rights movement, supporting PETA, the Amanda Foundation, Farm Sanctuary, the Washington Wildlife Alliance, The Ark Trust’s Genesis Awards, and Meat Out. He is distantly related to Daniel Webster.
On February 22, 2006, Nealon contributed an opinion article to NYT about having his phone tapped and his police records searched by a Hollywood private investigator who was later convicted of illegal wiretapping. It was also revealed in a court case that investigators working for the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus may have targeted Nealon for wiretapping in connection with his work for PETA.
No animals were harmed in the construction of today’s puzzle.
The Wellington Files 