Trevor Bauer, who was suspended by Major League Baseball for abusing women, was released by the Dodgers last year and no other club showed any interest in him despite his winning the NL Cy Young award in 2020. The suspension cost him $37.5 million, the highest figure lost by a player under Baseball’s domestic abuse policies. He signed a contract to play for the Yokohama Baystars of Nippon Pro Baseball in Japan this year.
“I can’t tell you how excited I am to be playing for the Baystars this year. Playing in the NPB has always been a dream of mine,” said Bauer, in a statement that set new records for bullshit, according to researchers at Cal Tech.
Fresh off of their stunning victory over Nicaragua on Sunday, the Israeli national baseball team took the day off on Monday. Unfortunately, they were playing Puerto Rico at the time. So they lost 10-0 and failed to get any player to first base. Ouch! Even hugging The Mensch on the Bench didn’t help. Observers have noted the Mensch is the only team mascot who wears a tallis. Hope they do better against the Dominican Republic today.
I have good memories of Joe Pepitone, who died yesterday at age 82, but Mickey Mantle, who was very funny, may have summed him up well when he quipped, “I wish I could buy you for what you’re really worth, then sell you for what you think you’re worth.”
[As a side note on Mantle, there is a very funny scene in which Casey Stengel and Mantle have been called to testify before a Congressional hearing on baseball. Rather than me describing it, take a listen — it’s under two minutes. Casey engages in his usual doubletalk, and Mantle’s response is on point.]
Pepitone’s career got off to a fine start, with three All-Star appearances, three gold gloves, and two World Series. (The Yanks lost to the Dodgers in 1963, and the Cards in 1964. Joe hit a grand-slam homerun in Game Six in 1964.) But his life-style and bad habits got the better of him and he slipped badly on the field and in life.
He was serious about his hair. Jim Bouton said Pepitone went nowhere without a large bag full of hair products. He was the first player to bring a hair dryer into the Yankee clubhouse, and he wore an assortment of toupees. One flew off of his head along with his cap one time when he was running from second to third, and when play stopped and he turned around to look for it, he saw it sitting on second base. The umpire ruled it was part of him and called him out when it was tagged. [No he didn’t.]
When his MLB days were over, he signed a lucrative contract to play in Japan, but that was a disaster. He hated the rigid team rules and long practices. He played only 14 games in Japan, batting .163 with just one home run. His notoriety for hanging out in discos at night and then calling in sick to skip a game caused “pepitone” to become a Japanese term for “goof off.” [I’m not joking.]
In 1975, Joe published a memoir that was open and honest about his difficulties. He also posed nude for Foxy Lady magazine that year, continuing the open and honest theme, I guess. At his lowest, he spent four months in Riker’s Island in 1988, for two misdemeanor drug charges. I imagine the RI baseball team kicked ass in the Prison League that year.
He was popular enough culturally for his name to be mentioned in episodes of “The Golden Girls,” “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” “The Sopranos” and “Seinfeld.” In one Seinfeld episode, Kramer explains to some tourists that Joe Pepitone designed New York’s Central Park.
Joe was married three times, but went O for 3. He is survived by five children, several grandchildren, at least one great-grandchild, two hits, and no men left on base. He had recently moved from Long Island to Kansas City to be closer to his daughter Cara.
Here he is, in happier days, with Maris and Mantle. They’re all gone now, but not forgotten. At least not in Owl Chatter. Rest in peace Joe.
When Sam was at UMich, he kept up with his viola by joining a student orchestra for non-music majors. He shared his music stand with a beautiful girl with whom he was friendly, but not dating. She took the orchestra very seriously. She was always on time, always remembered to bring the music, always practiced the pieces at home — you know, how you’re supposed to be. Sam was pretty much the opposite. But he showed up and took it seriously while he was there, so he was good enough, by Owl Chatter standards.
One day, the rehearsal was about to begin and Sam’s partner wasn’t there. This was unheard of. Unthinkable! She was always way early. So Sam, and others, started wondering what was up. It came time to start, so they started. But as the minutes ticked by, people started worrying more and more. Then, after about 45 minutes she showed up — all frazzled, all upset, clearly not herself. She dashed to her seat, flashed an OMG look all around, and started in on the music. They would have to wait until the break to get the story.
It finally came and everyone gathered around to hear what happened. She was walking up State Street towards the bus stop to get to the rehearsal. And she just glanced at one of the cars driving by. Right at that moment, the driver happened to glance over at her too. Being courteous, she smiled at him. He smiled back and didn’t see that the car in front of him had stopped short. So he slammed the hell out of it, wrenching his neck in the process. Cop cars and tow trucks and ambulances raced to the scene, with their sirens blaring, and a cop asked her to make a statement as to what happened. Of course, she felt terrible about this poor guy who got hurt, and all the cars that got damaged, and everything took forever which is why she was so late, and it was all one big nightmare that she was still shaking from, a little bit.
So all of her friends started in to provide the appropriate comfort and sympathy, except for Sam. Sam had a different take on it, as he often does. Sam said to her, “Are you kidding me? That must be every girl’s dream — to be so beautiful that when you walk down the street cars start crashing into each other.”
Now I have to complain about my tax students, but to do it right I’ll need to cover some material with you first. Don’t be scared. It’s quite painless. You won’t even need novacaine.
If you get life insurance as a benefit at work, the first $50,000 of coverage is tax-free, but you are taxed on the value of any coverage above $50,000. The value is determined based on a table. The table gives you the value of $1,000 of coverage for one month. That’s it — that’s the whole topic. This example will show you how it works.
Tom Taxpayer has $130,000 of life insurance as a benefit from his job all year. The table tells him (for his age) to use 23 cents.
Step one. Figure out how much coverage he has over the $50,000 tax-free amount. $130,000 minus $50,000 = $80,000.
Step two. If 23 cents is for one month, multiply it by 12 for the whole year. So .23 x 12 = $2.76.
Step three. If $2.76 is for $1,000, multiply it by 80, because we are valuing $80,000. So $2.76 x 80 = $220.80. He includes this amount in his taxable income.
That’s it. That’s your answer. That’s all that’s involved. I went over it carefully in class. Took questions, and went over it again. I gave the exact problem in a homework set and went over it with them when we reviewed the homework set. I posted the answers to the homework set. I posted a handout (supplementing the textbook) which went over it.
Before I tell you how the class did on that question, let me note that my granddaughter Lianna has math homework in 7th grade that is ten times harder than that. Fractions and polynomials and stuff you’ve never seen before. Thank God she knows better than to ask for my help.
Anyway, back to my tax students. So I told them they could bring notes to the exam — one page, both sides, write as small as they want. And I put that exact question on the test, thinking it was a free shot at a couple of easy points — who could possibly have trouble with it among a group of upper class accounting majors?
Nineteen out of 46 got it wrong. That’s over 40%. 16 students scored below 60% on the exam, which is failing. The average grade was 68%.
It was never nearly this bad before the pandemic. Something happened. It’s a mystery to me. Good thing I’m not the type to complain.
Erasing any remaining doubts as to his moral standing, Ron DeSantis said yesterday the U.S. has no vital interest in supporting Ukraine, and referred to Russia’s relentless and brutal commission of horrific war crimes as a “territorial dispute.” I’ll tell you, folks — that’s one hell of a territorial dispute. Seems a bit like the dispute Germany had with Poland a while ago.
There was a cute clue in today’s New Yorker puzzle: “Like some victories and chocolate bunnies.” [You got it, right? Six letters.]
Today’s puzzle had a March Madness theme. Commenter Weezie noted: My father, despite being 6’7”, never played. When people asked him if he played basketball, he would say, “No, do you play miniature golf?”
At 63A, the clue was “Who’s solving this puzzle?” and the answer was YOU (meaning, the solver). Some folks thought it should be I AM, instead of YOU. One comment noted:
This reminds me of a classic bit on The Simpsons. Bart interacts with a talking statue of Smokey the Bear, which has a sign in front of it reading “Only WHO can prevent forest fires?” and two buttons, one labeled “You” and the other labeled “Me.” Bart pushes the “You” button. “Wrong!” says the bear. “You chose “You,” as in me. The correct answer is “Me,” as in… YOU.”
Let’s end with Kerry Condon at the Oscars last night in her yellow gown. She didn’t win there, but she’s a clear winner here at Owl Chatter. Hi Kerry!
Thanks for popping in. See you tomorrow!
The Wellington Files 