Owl Chatter’s Dirty Old Man Division perked up whatever it can still perk up upon learning that the U.S. Army announced that it developed its first combat-ready bra. It’s addressed in The New Yorker of June 26 in an article by Patricia Marx called “Show of Support.” Marx confessed that she decided early on that she needed to try one on. It’s called the Army Tactical Brassiere (“ATB”) and, not surprisingly, is still being tinkered with, because, well, who wouldn’t want to tinker with a bra?
BTW, how about a special Owl Chatter shoutout to Robert Shurtleff, of the Revolutionary War’s Light Infantry Company of the 4th Massachusetts Regiment, the first American soldier ever to wear a bra! He served for close to a year and a half before losing consciousness from a fever. While receiving treatment, it was discovered he was actually Deborah Sampson – a woman. Sampson disguised herself so she could serve her country — women were not allowed in the army back then. As to our topic, for a bra, she bound her breasts with a linen cloth. (She was kicked out when she recovered, of course.)
The Army says the ATB will improve “overall performance and lethality.” Marx’s comment: “Gadzooks! Yes, it’s flame-resistant, but what else can it do? Shoot bullets? Hypnotize the enemy? Turn its wearer invisible?”
It’s made of proprietary compression-knit fibers designed to wick moisture and dry quickly, and is designed to remain intact after 100 launderings, since mending is tricky when you are being shot at. Its hardware and seaming placement is designed for compatibility with other military garb. The really complex part is the sizing: the Army tried to fit the fifth through ninety-fifth percentile of its population, by taking a zillion measurements from female soldiers. The Army also polled soldiers and learned that some bind themselves with tape or Ace bandages to reduce bounciness, buy sports bras smaller than they usually wear, or wear two or three bras at once to increase support. Everyone said they wanted the bra to be black so it won’t show dirt and grime. The men who were polled all stressed that it should be very easy to take off. [No they didn’t: they weren’t polled.]
The Army was hesitant to let Marx try one on, for fear she’d give it a bad review. But she persisted and was given the chance. Her report: “I pulled up the zipper with ease and immediately felt cozily swaddled. The synthetic support was robust and made me think I might enjoy being a mummy.”
As exciting as it has been to write about bras, Owl Chatter questions whether the project was worthwhile and a good use of taxpayer funds. As a female officer from Kansas told Marx: “Everyone has different wants and needs when it comes to a bra. I’d rather get a stipend to buy my own.”
Here’s a photo released by the Army. Could it possibly be less sexy? It’s followed by one much preferred by Owl Chatter for obvious reasons.
Federal District Court Judge James M. Moody, Jr., is Owl Chatter’s Hero of the Day. His vigorous 80-page decision protecting the rights of trans children lays bare the perfidy of GOP efforts to target them. At issue was an Arkansas law forbidding medical treatments for trans kids. To his credit, former Governor Asa Hutchinson vetoed it, calling it “off course.” (Not to his credit, though, he called it “well-intentioned.” Gimme a break.) He recently said he stands by the veto, calling the law an intrusion into parental rights. In any event, the troglodytic legislature overrode the veto and Hutch has since been replaced by Trump sycophant Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
But never mind them. Here come da judge! Moody held that the law discriminated against transgender people and violated the constitutional rights of doctors. “Rather than protecting children or safeguarding medical ethics, the evidence showed that the prohibited medical care improves the mental health and well-being of patients and that by prohibiting it, the state undermined the interests it claims to be advancing.”
The challenge was brought by the ACLU of Arkansas and argued that the ban violated transgender people’s constitutional rights to equal protection, parents’ rights to make appropriate medical decisions for their children, and doctors’ rights to refer patients for medical treatments.
“There is no evidence that the Arkansas health care community is throwing caution to the wind when treating minors with gender dysphoria,” Judge Moody wrote, adding that “the state has failed to prove that its interests in the safety of Arkansas adolescents from gender transitioning procedures or the medical community’s ethical decline are compelling, genuine or even rational.” (Owl Chatter emphasis.) Good job, Your Honor!
Frank Bruni includes the following in his “For the love of sentences” feature this week. It’s by Andrew Coyne, writing about Trump in The Globe and Mail of Toronto. Re: How Trump in the wake of his federal indictment, is trying “to bring the whole U.S. justice system down around him. This is not the reaction of a normal person. It is not even the reaction of a mob boss. It is the reaction of a Batman villain.”
I was today years old when I learned that ACHOO (in the puzzle today at 37A) is not only a made-up word that mimics a sneeze. In the medical world, ACHOO is an acronym (backronym?) for a sternutation disorder called Autosomal Dominant Compelling Helio-Ophthalmic Outburst Syndrome that results in uncontrollable sneezing. The D and the S are sort of fudged. [Sternutation means “the act of sneezing.”] Stand back!
Yesterday’s puzzle revealed an interesting connection between Popeye and Shakespeare. “ET TU, Brute?,” of course, is what Caesar famously said to Brutus as he was getting stabbed. And BLUTO was “Popeye’s burly foe.” The two answers (ET TU and BLUTO) crossed each other in the grid yesterday. I didn’t see any connection, but it turns out that the comic strip character Bluto had his named changed to Brutus when Popeye went on TV as a cartoon show. The producers wrongly thought they couldn’t use the name Bluto for copyright reasons. The name later reverted to Bluto for a Popeye movie and other productions. Popeye may have been able to say “I yam what I yam,” but for Bluto/Brutus, it was more confusing.
Don’t get up! I’ll let myself out. See you tomorrow.
The Wellington Files 