A short news item on the radio reminded me of how lucky I am to be able to crank out this nonsense sitting in my warm house in my warm robe with a hot cup of coffee by the side of my laptop. It’s another thing entirely to find humor in life’s most difficult circumstances. The item was about Alexei Navalny, Putin’s foe whom he imprisoned. Navalny “disappeared” a few weeks ago and his family and supporters worried that he was killed. But he resurfaced; it turns out he was relocated to a very harsh penal colony up near the Arctic Circle. He was able to get a message out that took note of his “polar” location: “I’m your new Santa Clause,” he said. Extraordinary. Alexei, please come see us when you can — we just “relocated” you into the Owl Chatter Hall of Fame.
The other story of humor under pressure is about our friend Neal Grossman (alav hashalom). Neal was suffering from an unknown illness that was steadily weakening him and the docs were at a loss. He was in Cornell-Weill, a leading hospital and medical research center in NYC, but the best docs were having trouble getting a handle on it. They consulted with outside experts and asked Neal if he’d be okay meeting with a group of them. He said, “Of course.” So they set up a small auditorium with all the doctors and staff sitting in the audience, and Neal and his main doc were down on stage. The doc explained the situation, and introduced Neal, and thanked him for attending the meeting.
Neal took the microphone, looked up at the docs, and said: ”This will cost you $200. And if you want naked: 300.” The room exploded.
Now, tbh, that’s the story as Neal told it. I believe it. But it is possible it’s an “embellishment.” I never tried to nail him down on it, and he’s gone now.
Here’s our new Russian Santa with his beautiful family, in happier times.
The exquisite SALMA Hayek is in the grid today! — at 20D. (“Actress Hayek.” Who else could it be: Yetta? Mimi? Of course it’s SALMA.)
Some folks are so beautiful you have to turn them down a few notches or you’ll go blind. It’s like staring into the sun. That goes for both men and women (though it’s mostly women). So Phil wisely shot Salma with shades on and wearing a not-too-sexy outfit. Still, it may be good to keep an ambulance idling nearby.
Come on in, SH, how’s your daughter Valentina? Sixteen already, wow. Salma, of course, is of Mexican descent. Feliz Navidad! .
We received a card today from friends Remon and Nancy (I call them “The Ramones,” of course), who relo-ed to ‘Zona to be closer to their beautiful daughter Jessica and their two gorgeous grandkids. It was a combination “holiday and here’s-our-new-address card.” I sent back a holiday card on which I wrote: ”This is a test of your new address. If you receive this card, no further action is necessary. If you do not receive it, please call us immediately.”
Wait, what?
In Baltimore’s solid win over SF last night, there was a weird play that led to the score being 2-0 SF — odd for a football score. Baltimore’s QB, former league MVP Lamar Jackson, was pedaling backward for his life, fleeing SF pursuers (or perusers, right George?). The ref was back-pedaling alongside him, because that’s what they do, to stay near the action. But the ref fell on his ass, just as Jackson turned in his direction. Jackson fell too and since this took place in the end zone, if he were tackled it would be a safety for SF and two points. So Jackson threw the ball away: a harmless incomplete pass. The problem was there was no receiver nearby, so Jackson was called for intentional grounding and SF got their two points anyway. I didn’t think they should have called it because the ref’s falling played a role in the play. But it’s the right call — the ref is treated as part of the field, and what happens happens.
Remember those “wanna get away” ads? What’s the poor ref thinking?
The ref wasn’t the only one who fell on his ass yesterday. Tony Romo announcing the Chiefs’ earlier game referred to Taylor Swift as Travis Kelce’s “wife,” watching in the stands. He corrected himself and said “girlfriend,” but the gaffe did not go unnoticed. Romo’s partner, Jim Nantz said “You’ve been down that road with that before,” which made no sense to me. But it turns out Romo made the same “mistake” at an earlier game attended by Swift. Is TR playing matchmaker? Stay tuned. (Hi Tay!)
Turning back to the puzzle, at 45A, “Fashion designer Kamali” was NORMA. I’m supposed to know that? On a Tuesday?? Ref — get off your ass and blow the damn whistle! Well, the crosses were okay, so there’s that. Norma Kamali, who is 78 now and still active, is best known for the “sleeping bag” coat, garments made from silk parachutes, and versatile multi-use pieces. OMG! — get this fellas — she designed the red one-piece bathing suit worn by Farrah Fawcett in the iconic 1976 poster. It’s in the Smithsonian. (Not kidding.)
She also designed the bathing suit worn by Whitney Houston on the back cover of her debut album.
Kamali reached a peak of fame during the early 1980s with her “Sweats” collection, a variety of casual garments done in sweatshirt fabric, most famously flounced, hip-yoked miniskirts called rah-rah skirts in the UK, for which dirty old men are thankful to this day. Here’s one of my tax students sporting a rah rah. She appears to be stumped on one of the exam questions too.
That reminds me — Phil still hasn’t come back from that assignment. Santos, check the local hospitals and jails!
The New Yorker that arrived in the mail today contains a review of “Ferrari” by Anthony Lane, who can be very funny. It stars Adam Driver as Enzo Ferrari. Lane writes:
“Motorsport in the era of ‘Ferrari’ is a matter not of do or die but, as Enzo understands, of do and die. Yet he is not doing the dying.
“To an extent, Driver is an odd choice for the leading role. In no respect does he resemble the real Ferrari, who looked like a hybrid of Rodney Dangerfield and Salman Rushdie.”
Really?
Since I spent a good amount of space lambasting The New Yorker for cartoons that were the opposite of funny, I should give them credit when it’s due. I really like this one by Liana Finck.
All eyes will be on the Pistoffs at 7 pm tonight as they take on Brooklyn in Motown with the consecutive loss record on the line. I’ll be able to watch since the Brooklyn games are televised here at OC headquarters. Full report to follow in tomorrow’s post.
Gotta go now. Too nervous. Thanks for popping by.
The Wellington Files 