Love makes you stupid. You’ll go to crazy lengths to earn a point with whomever you are drooling over. It’s okay, though: that kind of stupid is okay. If you’re lucky, the love stays and the stupid slowly wears off. Also, if you’re lucky, you don’t get too stupid — just the right amount of stupid. This story from tomorrow’s Met Diary is by Elisabeth Rosenberg and is called “Full Hands.”
Dear Diary:
I was on the F train going uptown when a young man carrying a large pizza and a small dog got on at 34th Street and sat down next to me.
“Excuse me,” he said. “Where are you getting off?”
Roosevelt Island, I said.
“Do you mind holding my pizza until then?” he asked.
I must have looked at him funny.
“I have a new girlfriend,” he said, “and I wanted to impress her, so my dog and I took the train up to New Haven this morning so I could buy her a genuine Frank Pepe pizza.”
“I’ve been carrying it for hours,” he continued, “and my dog needs my attention.”
He handed me the pizza and put the dog on his lap.
“What’s on it?” I asked.
“Sausage and mushrooms,” he said. “Her favorite.”
“Mine too,” I said.
Here are two clues from the puzzle today, followed by an erudite discussion.
19A: “‘The ultimate form of free speech,’ to Denis Leary.” Answer: COMEDY.
50D: “‘The origin of wisdom,’ per René Descartes.” Answer: DOUBT.
First, Rex had me laughing with this: “Why are we being told it’s René Descartes, specifically? Is there some other Descartes? Jimmy Descartes? Typically, Descartes is a one-name dude. If you don’t know him as Descartes, then “René” is not gonna help you.”
But then he went on: I don’t know why it’s “per” René Descartes but “to” Denis Leary. Is Leary not fancy enough for a “per?”
Commenter G. Marcel helped us out (I think):
In fact there is a reason it is “per” for René Descartes and “to” for Dennis Leary…
“Per” is about following a method or instruction. Descartes was not simply expressing an opinion; he was giving a method or instruction for doing philosophy, with step #1 being doubt. This process has become commonly known as the “Cartesian Method,” around which an entire tradition and school of philosophy was built, and one that dominated European philosophical thought until the modernists came along to challenge it. The use of “per” here is most appropriate and accurate, then.
Denis Leary, however, is not giving an instruction or proposing a method about comedy. He is instead stating a conclusion from his experience as a comedian and as a fan of comedy – a phenomenology that expresses his existential reality. The use of “to” here is most appropriate and accurate, then.
And finally, per the unknown ancient Roman philosopher, whose works have largely been lost: “Semper ubi sub ubi.”
[OC note: That Latin phrase means “Always where under where,” and is jokingly construed as “always wear underwear.”]
And, while we’re on the topic: make sure you always put da horse before Descartes. Right, Jimmy?
This one is for the head of our Owl Chatter Math Dept. (Hi Judes!):
38A: “Mathematical subgroup.” Answer: COSET.
It generated this comment: As I’m a retired mathematician, I get irritated every time I see “coset” misdefined. A coset is NOT a sub-group, it’s obtained by multiplying a sub-group by a group element. Editors: NOTE THIS AND GET IT RIGHT NEXT TIME!
[Hrrrrrrumph!]
At22A, “Streaked” was STRIPY. Some grumbled, but I love STRIPY. What sort of homicidal maniac wouldn’t like STRIPY, I ask you?
And how about this one? (What a great puzzle!): 6D: “‘Thanks a lot!,’ in intentionally butchered French.” Got it? MERCY BUCKETS. (From “merci beaucoup.”)
34A: “MacGyvering” is JURY RIGGING, and it means to employ a temporary fix on a boat. (A jury mast is thus a replacement mast.) It has nothing to do with jury tampering in court. In jury rigging the word jury comes from the word root for “aid.” “Jerry-built” similarly means something poorly built but derives from a different root: jerry in the sense of shoddy.
At 62A: “Saul Bellow’s ‘The Adventures of ___ March’” was, of course AUGIE.
I was surprised that some folks hadn’t heard of it. So I shared the following via a comment:
Here’s the first sentence of Bellow’s AUGIE March:
“I am an American, Chicago born, and go at things as I have taught myself, free-style, and will make the record in my own way: first to knock, first admitted.”
It’s considered one of the great opening sentences in modern American lit by many: a “Call me Ishmael.”
My favorite sentence of his is from Herzog: “Stuff your face with herring, [name I forgot], and mind your own f*cking business.” (Something like that.)
This is the poem of the day from The Poetry Foundation. It’s by Petra Keppers and is called “Found on the Pond Deck.”
The husk of a tiny dragonfly, translucent,
clings upside down on a yellow spear of grass
its roots clasp the dry wood of the deck.
Tiny white fibers everywhere: the planks, breathing,
expectorate their innards, wood weeps and uncoils
what it knew when it stood, tall in a wet Redwood forest,
before the chains of a truckbed, dark and long, bite, here,
where all trees are twisted into themselves against
the prevailing winds. On that white-spun deck,
I remember my watery nature, pour my liquid body
to wash away the pain of the shorter years,
to wash away the pain of a hollow embrace,
the feeling that we all will slide, not into the clear pool,
but into the murk of a place that should not be settled.
Kudos to the valiant Lady Beavers of Oregon State U. They fell to a superior Stanford team in the PAC-12 tourney yesterday after their brilliant double overtime win over Colorado. They’ve got one last ride ahead of them in the NCAA tournament. Go Beavs!
See you tomorrow!
The Wellington Files 