Boeing execs are jubilant that it wasn’t one of their planes that caused the Baltimore bridge collapse. “This couldn’t have come at a better time,” said Boeing CEO David Calhoun.
Onion concern: Supreme Court Action on Mifepristone May Effectively Ban Flintstone Vitamins Too.
A death in Minnesota reveals that morons pose just as large a threat to the public as drunks. Moron Brent Keranen, 21, fell asleep and drove into a State Trooper’s car last Thursday. Tests showed he hadn’t been drinking — he was just very tired from working a lot and had been up late drinking with friends the night before. So he was given a ticket and let go. He next drank a 5-hour energy drink to counter the tiredness and continued driving. In retrospect, that was not a good move since he veered off the road and struck and killed a pedestrian, 61-year-old James McNeil. It was at this point in the story that it entered you-can’t-make-this-stuff-up territory.
Keranen, who was neither drunk nor asleep, explained to the police that he was playing air guitar while listening to the radio and failed to watch the road or control the car. The incident took place in Moose Lake, 115 miles north of Minneapolis. Keranen is being charged with vehicular homicide and faces up to ten years in prison. Owl Chatter is seeking to find out what song Keranen was “playing” when the homicide occurred but that information has not been made public.
Phil managed to snap this photo of Keranen for Owl Chatter. He says he can tell that Keranen is an excellent air guitarist. “You can just sense something like that,” Phil explained. “You know?”
We don’t.
A 32-year-old queer woman who goes by the professional name of Curly Fry is Owl Chatter’s Mensch (Womensch?) of the Day today. Ms. Fry, or Curly if you prefer, is on the Long Island Roller Rebels, a roller derby team. You ever watch roller derby? Decades ago I would run into a match on TV now and then — on the weird channels — 5, 9, 11.
Players roller skate around and around, shoving and elbowing each other pretty roughly, and somehow points are scored. Apparently, when your “jammer” laps someone, you score. A lot of pads are worn for protection, but the women are very tough — the sort of women who, if you look at them the wrong way on the street, pick you up, break you in half like a wishbone, and continue on their way with no interruption in their conversation.
Well, the ladies are not taking kindly to being told they cannot have trans women on their teams on Long Island. As Curly Fry put it:
“The whole point of derby has been to be this thing where people feel welcome. We want trans women to know that we want you to come play with us, and we’ll do our very best to keep fighting and making sure that this is a safe space for you to play.”
I might not describe the roller rink where you skate at top speed and get rammed in the face with elbows “safe space,” but we know what you mean, Curly.
“You come in here and you say, ‘I’m a trans woman. I’m a nonbinary person. I’m genderqueer.’ OK? We accept you,” said Caitlin Carroll, a Roller Rebel who competes as “Catastrophic Danger.” “The world is scary enough. You should have a safe place to be.” Amen to that, Cat.
The league expects their application for a permit for the season to be denied by the Nassau County Board of Schmucks, and the matter will be taken to court. The NYCLU and the NY Attorney General are on Curly’s side.
Phil, scared sh*tless of the whole roller derby scene, wisely kept his distance, but managed to score this nice shot of Curly Fry for Owl Chatter before fleeing in terror, leaving some equipment behind. We’re not paying for that stuff, Phil. Go back and get it! Take George with you if you’re scared — he’s from the Island.
It’s Opening Day for the 2024 Baseball Season! Nats fans are a bit concerned about the new sign over the clubhouse door that reads: “Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here.” And the Yankees have already caused an overcrowding in area hospitals not seen since the Pandemic. Cy Young winner Gerrit Cole is out along with a host of lesser lights. Oy. I’m afraid to check in with Detroit. Maybe in June. Meanwhile, the Pistons lost their eighth straight game, but Cade is back! And all eyes are on the Lady Beavers at 2:30 tomorrow versus the Irish. Can’t wait!
From Frank Bruni’s “For the love of sentences” feature. Jesse Green reviewed a new Broadway production in the NYT: “Romantic musicals are as personal as romance itself. What makes you sigh and weep may leave the person next to you bored and stony. At ‘The Notebook,’ I was the person next to you.”
The theme of today’s puzzle was the wonderful POTATO HEAD toys. Not Mr. or Mrs. Potato Head — the gendered titles were dropped (like a hot . . . ) back in 2021. The center of the grid was potato-shaped and russet colored. And circled letters spelled things like EAR, EYES, HAT, etc.
T-shirt: “Always be yourself. Unless you can be a potato. Then, always be a potato.”
Did you know that there are grandparents in the Potato Head family? (Not kidding.) They are Yamma and Yampa. Yamma wears pearls and Yampa has a gray mustache. They both wear glasses.
The puzzle had some tough parts. Who the hell is PHIL IVEY? I’m supposed to know he’s the “Winner of 10 World Series of Poker bracelets?” Seriously? And they get bracelets? Who’s running poker — Taylor Swift? Andrew suggested PHIL IVEY should be clued with “Penn.”
17D: “Nirvana achiever?” The answer is ARHAT. WTF?
55D: “Songwriter Barry who once had six consecutive #1 hits.” Remember the Bee Gees? — Barry GIBB. Maybe he made it into the puzzle for his song Words?
Hey, do you know how God created the universe? In the beginning there was just one huge void. Then there was another void. And another. And one void led to the next.
See you tomorrow!
The Wellington Files 
One response to “Play Ball!”
We watched a lot of roller-derby in the mid 60’s on the Philadelphia channel 17, a “UHF” station, which required a sonewhat newer TV. At the time we only had channels 3 [NBC] 6 [ABC],10 [CBS] and 12, the PBS station that nobody my age watched. Now , PBS is the only station we turn on !
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