Steven Wright links global warming to the end of the cold war. I can see it.

I hate to say it, but my wife is a terrible cook. She made alphabet soup and my kid used it to spell out H-E-L-P. She made breakfast the other day — I never saw toast that had bones before. At our house we pray after we eat. (Thanks, Rodney.)

Bob Hope was born on this date in 1903 near London and his first name at birth was Leslie. His last name was really Hope. I was never a big fan. But he said once “My neighbor got a pacemaker installed. Now, every time he has sex, my garage door opens.”

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At 43A, “Actor Josh who was once married to Fergie,” is DUHAMEL. But he wasn’t married to the Fergie who is the Duchess of York. He was married to another Fergie, Stacy Ferguson, who is an American pop star and member of the Black Eyed Peas. (They have one child, a son.) Her first solo album is named The Duchess, though — so there’s that.

Josh Duhamel is an actor and former model who is way too handsome.

And here’s his ex, Fergie:

Here’s a subtle piece of puzzle craftsmanship by the constructors, Jeanne Breen and Jeff Chen: The clue at 30D was “Magazine with cover exclamations like ‘Bigger Biceps!’” The answer was MEN’S HEALTH and it crossed Josh DUHAMEL (at the H). Well, get this — Rex noted Duhamel was on the cover of Men’s Health twice. Here’s one of them.

OK, OK, enough with Mr. Handsome already.

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At 30A the clue was “One of the ‘Gilligan’s Island’ castaways,” and it turned out to be MARY ANN. The producers kept her just unsexy enough to save every teenage boy in America from exploding. Cut that outfit down just a little bit and the entire country crashes.

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Yikes! You hear the latest from the Pope? I thought we finally had a cool Pope, but when he didn’t know the mic was on, and the question of gay priests came up, he essentially said F*ck the f*gs. Ouch!

Here’s how you say “Oops” in Popanese: “The pope never intended to offend or express himself in homophobic terms, and he extends his apologies to those who were offended by the use of a term, reported by others.”

Hmmmmmmmm.

According to the NYT, “Though only a handful of priests in the U.S. have come out publicly, gay priests and researchers estimate that gay men probably make up at least 30 to 40 percent of the Catholic clergy in the U.S.

Here’s the Pope, who is single, hitting on some babe at a recent church social. He was miffed when she wouldn’t give him her number.

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“We don’t want your sh*t — literally!” That’s the gist of South Korea’s message to North Korea, after a sort of balloon war broke out between the two countries. It started in early May when North Korean defector-turned-human rights activist Park Sang-hak sent 20 balloons carrying 300,000 leaflets condemning North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. The North retaliated by sending over 200 balloons back full of, well, crap: trash, including manure and excrement in some.

South Korea’s Defense Minister, who is eleven years old, says it’s preparing to escalate to water balloons if necessary. The North’s Minister, 13, replied: Bring it, mofo.

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Trump’s Memorial Day message to the nation, per historian Heather Cox Richardson (not kidding):

“Happy Memorial Day to All, including the Human Scum that is working so hard to destroy our Once Great Country, & to the Radical Left, Trump Hating Federal Judge in New York that presided over, get this, TWO separate trials, that awarded a woman, who I never met before (a quick handshake at a celebrity event, 25 years ago, doesn’t count!), 91 MILLION DOLLARS for “DEFAMATION.”

He then continued to attack E. Jean Carroll, the writer who successfully sued him for defamation, before turning to attack Judge Arthur Engoron and Judge Juan Merchan.

Stirring, no?

This is EJC when she was young. Trump said she was “not his type.” Puh-leeze.

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The great classic “Angel of the Morning” was written by Chip Taylor, who is actor Jon Voight’s brother. Chip is 84 and lives in Yonkers. He also wrote “Wild Thing.” Angel was first recorded by Evie Sands, who popped by the puzzle and OC headquarters yesterday. But it only became a hit when others recorded it, due to promotion issues for Evie’s producer. It was offered to Connie Francis first, but she turned it down as “too risqué.” BTW, in the Jewish version, he does beg her to stay. Voo den?

Here’s Evie:

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See you tomorrow!