Let’s open with a riddle today: What type of bear is least likely to bump into a tree? Give up? A spectacled bear.
Ever hear of such a bear? Me neither. It was in the XW at 30D today: “Where spectacled bears live.” Answer: ANDES. It’s the only bear native to South America. Facial markings can make it seem like it’s wearing glasses.
Careful, Philly — nice shot!
I posted the following on Rex’s blog: “I expect a spectacled bear would be quite a spectacle. It shouldn’t be confused with spectacled beer — which is beer in glasses.”
Do you remember this classic line from Midnight Cowboy? “Hey! I’m walkin’ here!!” The following clip has the original line from the film, followed by quite a few later applications.
The clue for the puzzle’s “revealer” today was: “Memorable ad-lib in Midnight Cowboy.” And the theme involved three famous people from history who would use that line in particular locations. So, e.g., for Neil Armstrong, the answer was: TRANQUILITY BASE. You are supposed to picture him walking on the moon saying, “Hey, I’m walkin’ here.”
Then there was Dorothy Gale. That’s Dorothy from The W of Oz. Did you know she had a last name, Gale? The answer for her was YELLOW BRICK ROAD. “Hey!” she says to the scarecrow — “I’m walkin’ here!”
The last one was Jesus. For Jesus it was SEA OF GALILEE. Folks found it amusing to picture Jesus walking on water and saying, “Hey, I’m walkin’ here.”
E.g., had to laugh picturing Jesus walking on water when a fishing boat nearly sideswipes him, and he yells out in a Brooklyn accent, “I’M WALKING HERE!”
Joke: A Unitarian watches Jesus walk on water and mutters sneeringly, “Guy claims to be the son of God and he can’t even swim!”
Midnight Cowboy won an Oscar for Best Picture and John Schlesinger for Best Director in 1970, the only X-rated film to win Best Picture. Voight and Hoffman both got nominated for Best Actor but lost out to John Wayne (True Grit). There is some confusion over whether Hoffman’s great line was an ad-lib or not.
Let’s give egs the last word: “Ad libbed line from Best Supporting Actor in The Deer Hunter: ‘I’m Walken here.’ (Christopher Walken won an academy award for this film).”
BTW, this was a nice comment by pabloinnh about W of Oz: Any reference to The Wizard of Oz is aces with me, an all-time favorite. Q: “How can you talk if you don’t have a brain?” A: “I don’t know.” Simple and elegant.
At 49D the clue was “Participate in a crawl, perhaps,” and the answer was BAR HOP. Says egs: I’ve been known to “participate in a crawl” after too much BARHOPping.
At 58A today the clue was “Flattening, informally” and the answer was SMOOSHING.
It led commenter Gary to post:
Has anyone ever smooshed?
By showering in Dijon I’ve douched
I’ve worn my Nikes so I’ve swooshed
In olden times I drove a barouche [type of horse-drawn carriage]
On a minibike I don a tarboosh [fez]
I’m known for being louche [disreputable]
Some say I’m quite farouche [sullen or shy]
But have I ever smooshed?
Has anyone ever smooshed?
When fitting five into a booth
We feel the whoosh of smoosh
Which induced Carola to share: My high school boyfriend failed an English class vocab quiz on Robert and Elizabeth Browning by defining “barouche” as “the sound an elephant makes when it sneezes.”
Calls to mind the old joke: What’s the difference between a tavern and an elephant farting?
One’s a bar room, and one’s a ba-ROOOM!
Gotta give the Pods credit for last night’s very heated victory over the Gnats. I knew that the night before the Padres dealt a devastating blow to DC, overcoming a three-run deficit in the bottom of the tenth. Ouch. But I wasn’t aware that after Jurickson Profar had the game-winning hit, he taunted the Gnats. So when he came out to bat in the bottom of the first last night, Gnats catcher Keibert Ruiz confronted him and the dugouts emptied. No blows were thrown — baseball fights are like dances. (No MLB player would last ten seconds in a hockey rink. Breeds apart.)
Anyway, the umps issued warnings to both teams. The very next pitch to Profar was a ball thrown at him by Mackenzie Gore, but it him in the legs — nowhere near the head, and the ump didn’t deem it enough to toss Gore. The Padre manager, Mike Shildt, came out roaring — incredulous that after the warning and hit batsman on the very first pitch Gore wasn’t thrown out. So the ump threw Shildt out! Gotta love it!
But once passions settled, the battle was to be waged on the field. Pod Manny Machado blasted a two-run homer, thus making his statement: F*ck you, Gnats. But the Gnats roared back with four runs of their own to take the lead. “No! Fuck YOU Pods!” But San Diego came out on top at the end 9-7, with the crushing blow a goddamn grand salami by, you guessed it, J. Profar. A very hard loss.
The time has come to excoriate The New Yorker again for the shabbiest collection of cartoons all of which are the opposite of funny in the July 1, 2024 issue. I’ll go through them one by one. Let’s drop the bar as low as it will go — I dare you to find a single one even mildly amusing.
Page 13, a backyard BBQ scene. The men are standing around a grill near a fence. The neighbor is on the other side of the fence, clearly not invited to the BBQ and he’s glaring at the guy working the grill (the host). One of the guests says to the host: “Don’t let him get to you. I’m sure there are lots of people you didn’t invite.”
You don’t need my comments on how unfunny that is. Res ipsa loquitor: the thing speaks for itself.
Page 17. Edgar Allen Poe is standing in the doorway of a home, looking out at a raven who is standing outside. Poe says: “Once upon a midnight dreary, while I waited weak and weary, Over many a package of goods galore—While I nodded nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, As if Amazon gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door—But it’s a stupid bird and nothing more.”
Apparently, the humor is in having Poe open his door for an Amazon delivery and finding a raven. Shall I pause to let you compose yourself?
Page 18. Two people walking on a city street near a parking garage. One says: “The city never fails to excite after two hours of traffic.”
I am not making these up, folks. That is intended to be funny.
Page 25. The next is by Ed Koren, whom I love. (Hi Bob!) It’s a take on Egyptian hieroglyphics. You get the option: Reading time: 4 days; Listen: 7 seconds.
Sorry, Ed. No sale here this time. Love the drawing. But no laughs. I guess it’s a play on how long it would take to decipher the hieroglyphics. Take a look:
Page 26. A boy talking to his parents: He says: “Listen, I know you’re both worried that I haven’t made any friends, but it will really pay off in twenty to twenty-five years, when I’ll be spared from having to attend a wedding every weekend.
OMG, that is so not funny, I wouldn’t know where to begin to flay it. Plus it’s way too long. Gotta be punchy. “Take my wife — please.”
Page 30. In the command room on Star Trek. The hilarious line is: Captain, the shields are down and also the air-conditioning.”
What am I missing? Puh-leeeeze.
Have any of these even come within a long-range missile strike of a weak chuckle? I ask you.
We soldier on.
Page 37. A man crouching in an aisle in Home Depot, talking into his phone. He says: “Yeah, I’ll be a minute. ‘Landslide’ just started playing at Home Depot and now I’m crying in lamps and light bulbs.”
Oy, amirite?
Page 40. This next one is so bad, I’m speechless. Have a look:
Page 44. Five people around a table with laptops or writing pads. Apparently trying to come up with ideas. One says uproariously: “I’m just wondering why you only say ‘no bad ideas’ after my suggestions, Janice!”
Page 49. A play on God as an employee somewhere. He’s at a desk, having taken his glasses off.
The caption says: And, on the seventh day, God rested his eyes. Just for a second. He didn’t nap. That would be so unprofessional. He wouldn’t do that while on the clock. Please don’t fire him.
God-awful.
Page 52. A doctor at his patient’s hospital bed. Apparently the patient is near death because the doctor regales him with: First the good news, Mr. Edmonds: you’re going to get closure.”
As a son and brother of doctors, and the father of a nurse, that one is offensive. I wouldn’t mind offensive, believe me — if it were the slightest bit funny.
This next one on page 54 may be the least horrifying of them. It’s silly. And we like silly at Owl Chatter. Not funny though.
And, finally, on page 62, the always-popular source of great humor — a cookbook cartoon. It’s a cookbook with a picture of a carrot and a cracker on the cover, and its title is “365 Meals of Quiet Resignation.” Quite the thigh-slapper.
That’s it, folks. That’s every single cartoon from the July 1 issue. I rest my case.
That’ll do. We’re off for a night in Albany tomorrow, followed by The Mikado in Vermont Friday night. Vermont Liz is joining us, with dinner in Montpelier before the show. So it’s northward in the morning!
Thanks for popping in!
The Wellington Files 