Let’s start today with this poem called “Wedding Cake” by Naomi Shihab Nye from today’s Writer’s Almanac, even though it will be all downhill from here, for sure.
Once on a plane
a woman asked me to hold her baby
and disappeared.
I figured it was safe,
our being on a plane and all.
How far could she go?
She returned one hour later,
having changed her clothes
and washed her hair.
I didn’t recognize her.
By this time the baby
and I had examined
each other’s necks.
We had cried a little.
I had a silver bracelet
and a watch.
Gold studs glittered
in the baby’s ears.
She wore a tiny white dress
leafed with layers
like a wedding cake.
I did not want
to give her back.
The baby’s curls coiled tightly
against her scalp,
another alphabet.
I read new new new.
My mother gets tired.
I’ll chew your hand.
The baby left my skirt crumpled,
my lap aching.
Now I’m her secret guardian,
the little nub of dream
that rises slightly
but won’t come clear.
As she grows,
as she feels ill at ease,
I’ll bob my knee.
What will she forget?
Whom will she marry?
He’d better check with me.
I’ll say once she flew
dressed like a cake
between two doilies of cloud.
She could slip the card into a pocket,
pull it out.
Already she knew the small finger
was funnier than the whole arm.
I am guilty of a terrible sin. I abandoned the Michigan footballers after their fourth quarter fumble. I couldn’t stand to watch what was clearly unfolding: a dreadful collapse and certain defeat to USC. We were dominant in the first half but only led 14-3, and all the pop went out of our balloon in the second half — we sucked and the lead was down to 20-17 and we fumbled at around our own 25. Argggggh! I couldn’t take it anymore and turned off the TV.
When the game had to be over, I said to Linda — should we check on what happened?, only to discover that we were still up 27-24 and there were 37 seconds left. We turned it back on. USC was out of time outs but driving and they had a good kicker and only needed a field goal to tie. (Goddamn that missed extra point!!) After a few short gains and a few incompletes, USC completed a sideline pass on 4th down with 8 seconds left. But the receiver went out of bounds a half yard short of the first-down marker — so close, but clearly short. With 8 frickin seconds left, the game was finally over. Linda!! Get me my heart pills!!
I’m not going to make it through the season.
Here’s former ‘Rine coach Jim Harbaugh nailing a brilliant ad for something weird. Give it a look — it’s just a minute long and it’s hysterical.
Men! — brace yourselves for a joyless future. A story the NYT devoted nearly the entire front page of its Style section to today starts: “The women walk into the surgeons’ offices with photos cued up on their phones. Miley Cyrus. Keira Knightley. Bella Hadid. I want my breasts to look like this, they say. They’ve already spent hours on YouTube where an army of ordinary women post about their breast reductions.”
According to The Times, in 2023, more than 76,000 American women had elective breast-reduction surgery, a 64% increase since 2019, according to the Plastic Society of American Surgeons. Oops, sorry, that should be American Society of Plastic Surgeons. The increase is reflected across all age groups, but especially among women under 30 — exactly the group we spend all of our waking hours drooling over!!
Where’s Harris on this? [We can guess where Trump is.]
Sarah Thornton, a sociologist, has done extensive research in the area and says: For a woman to withdraw from the male gaze, to assert herself in her refusal to be ogled, to relieve her own pain, to be able to comfortably train for a marathon or dance at her own birthday party — that is liberation. “If women are going to have an emancipated rack,” she said, “then men need to change.”
Yup — get used to it fellas.
Here’s Bella Hadid, mentioned above:
In the puzzle today, at 64A “Brainy bunch” was MENSANS. Commenter Rich shared this: Funny thing about ‘MENSA’. I live in Mexico and in this country, ‘mensa’ means stupid woman or stupid girl. No wonder MENSA Mexico has trouble recruiting members.
97D — Did you know that an AGAPE is an “Early Christian meal of love and fellowship?” News to me. What’s on the menu?
At 80D, “Hey, I’m walkin’ here!” was a good clue for WATCH IT.
The puzzle was all about the escape from prison in THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION. That was a theme answer, as was TIM ROBBINS, and ANDY DUFRESNE, the character Robbins plays. The bottom of the grid contains a little box representing jail, with shaded squares spelling TUNNEL, VENT, SHAFT, etc. leading out of it. And the letters spelling ANDY DUFRESNE proceeding (via spaced-out circled squares) out of the prison and through the tunnels to freedom. Pretty neat.
Rex noted the absence of even the slightest nod to Morgan Freeman, “Red” in the film, who played a key role. He says: This movie has been accused (on more than one occasion) of indulging in the “Magical Negro” stereotype, where the Black character exists primarily to impart wisdom to the white protagonist and help him on his journey. In this puzzle … well, we get a white man’s journey, and the Black guy … he’s not even in the picture. Not even on that beach or wherever Andy ends up meeting him at the end of the movie … [looks it up] … ZIHUATANEJO! Why isn’t that in the puzzle!? And where’s Red, man? What happened to Red? You can’t spell REDEMPTION without “Red.”
To clue UKULELE, the constructors referenced the song “Hey Soul Sister” by Train. I know the song (duh), but don’t recall having heard of the band. Here’s a different tune of theirs Rex shared. Sounds like David Bowie to me, not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s “Drops of Jupiter” and it won a Grammy for Best Song in 2002. Pat Monahan (lead singer) says it was inspired by the death of his mom, but it’s joyous and beautiful.
But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way?
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind?
Was it everything you wanted to find?
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?
Lindsay Cook, of the Dull Men’s Club (UK) writes: At a venue watching a show and I decided to splash out and buy an over-priced fizzy drink. Upon paying, I was informed they would need to take my lid. Apart from being rather annoying I can’t see why it is necessary. Does anyone know the reason? (She describes herself as: “Female, 35, size 6 feet. Wants my lid back.”)
There have been 103 comments (so far).
“It’s to stop you from using a full bottle as a missile.”
“And also stop the cap being thrown.”
“Throwing the cap isn’t going to do any harm though.”
“Put a coin in it and see if you still feel that way.”
“Or just throw the coin. Jeez!”
“Hey I’m just telling you what they do with the cap at games, hence they take them. Jeez!
“So you bought the bottle of drink. They then want the bottle top, but that now belongs to you. Was that established in the contract when you bought the bottle?. Maybe you could sell the bottle top back to them. Or drink the drink and then say the bottle is not fit for purpose as a bottle as it doesn’t have a lid. By rights you should get a refund.”
“You sound really fun.”
“From my understanding it’s that you cannot throw a full bottle if the lid is off.”
“You can with a bit of knowledge and application of practical physics. Hold the neck of the bottle and allow it to rotate while using a wide swinging motion to throw, centrifugal force will keep it in the bottle until you release.”
“But the likelihood of you getting the space to wind up and have it hit on target drops dramatically – especially as it will have to be a forceful direct shot to stop the liquid escaping.”
“Guy on trial for assault. Victim has massive bruise on his cheek. The defendant is charged with throwing a tomato at the victim. Judge: ‘But you can’t do that much damage with a tomato!’ Defendant: ‘It was still in the can.’”
“I normally keep a spare lid in my bag.”
“They let you hit someone with a 90% full bottle. If anything they should let you keep the lid but confiscate the bottle.”
Here’s Lindsay’s lidless bottle. (Note she’s careful to prevent us from confirming those “size 6 feet.” Could use one of those foot-sizing fluoroscopes,)
With the mainstream media completely in the dark on whether Taylor will be in attendance at Trav’s game in Atlanta tonight, we asked Phil to use his connections with Taylor to find out. He assured us the lovebirds are in Atlanta together but he sounded more drunk than usual, which is saying a lot. So we asked him for proof and he sent us this confirming photo. Thanks Buddy! Never really doubted you.
See you tomorrow Chatterheads!
The Wellington Files 