In the puzzle today at 38D the clue was “Senokot alternative” and the answer was EX-LAX. My brother Jay (alav hashalom) told me this joke. I can still see him delivering the punchline.
The pharmacist says to his assistant. “I’m going out for lunch, if anyone comes in, be conservative.”
“OK, Boss.”
He gets back and asks how it went.
“Fine. There was just one customer. A woman came in complaining of a cough. I told her to take five doses of Ex-Lax.”
The pharmacist says, “She came in with a cough and you gave her Ex-Lax!! Are you nuts??!!”
And the assistant said: “No. Look. There she is now, holding on to that post. She’s not going to cough.”
I’ve been quick to lambast The New Yorker for its lousy cartoons. So I need to praise them when they score. I’m including three today that I liked from the current (9/30) issue.
“I don’t get it.”
That one is by Shannon Wheeler who grew up in Berkeley CA. He’s best known for the character Too Much Coffee Man, who rarely sleeps and derives his powers from coffee and cigarettes. He’s been in outer space and a U.S. prison.
Too Much Espresso Guy is his cynical friend. Too Much German White Chocolate Woman With Almonds is their mutual friend. She is pale-skinned, worries a lot, and has large almonds on her face. She is skilled at making cakes, and is able to detach her almonds, which are edible.
This poem, “The Yak,” from today’s Writer’s Almanac, is by Hilaire Belloc.
As a friend to the children, commend me the Yak;
You will find it exactly the thing;
It will carry and fetch, you can ride on its back,
Or lead it about with a string.
The Tartar who dwells on the plains of Thibet
(A desolate region of snow),
Has for centuries made it a nursery pet,
And surely the Tartar should know!
Then tell your papa where the Yak can be got,
And if he is awfully rich,
He will buy you the creature—or else he will not
(I cannot be positive which).
Wallace Shawn was in the puzzle today, but only in a clue, not in the grid. The clue was “‘Toy Story’ dinosaur voiced by Wallace Shawn,” and the answer was REX. Was it a coincidence that REX was in the grid? It happens to be the 18th anniversary of Rex Parker’s blog.
Do you have fond memories, as I do, of Shawn’s great film with Andre Gregory “My Dinner With Andre” from way back in 1981 (ouch)? It was a film in which absolutely nothing at all happens, yet it was completely absorbing. In honor of Shawn’s appearance today, Rex shared this snippet of the duo that may recall the film for you.
“Do you have to stare at her right in front of me?”
Headlines from today’s Onion:
Biden Rushed Into Surgery After Eating Sock
Dad Insists On Using Pocketknife To Open Can Of Chili.
[At press time, the man’s daughter, Jennifer Ballard, was said to have thrown out the partially opened can of chili after determining it had too much blood on it to be edible.]
Woman Reaches Arm Deep Into Purse Like Farmer Artificially Inseminating Cow
It’s a two-poem day! This one was in yesterday’s Writer’s Almanac. It’s called “The Necessity for Irony,” by Eavan Boland.
On Sundays,
when the rain held off,
after lunch or later,
I would go with my twelve year old
daughter into town,
and put down the time
at junk sales, antique fairs.
There I would
lean over tables,
absorbed by
lace, wooden frames,
glass. My daughter stood
at the other end of the room,
her flame-coloured hair
obvious whenever—
which was not often—
I turned around.
I turned around.
She was gone.
Grown. No longer ready
to come with me, whenever
a dry Sunday
held out its promises
of small histories. Endings.
When I was young
I studied styles: their use
and origin. Which age
was known for which
ornament: and was always drawn
to a lyric speech, a civil tone.
But never thought
I would have the need,
as I do now, for a darker one:
Spirit of irony,
my caustic author
of the past, of memory,—
and of its pain, which returns
hurts, stings—reproach me now,
remind me
that I was in those rooms,
with my child,
with my back turned to her,
searching—oh irony!—
for beautiful things.
Favorite clue/answer today:
At 21A: “Stock quote?”
Answer: MOO
There were also two sneaky baseball references. At 9D “Fan fare?” was FRANKS (think ballpark franks). And at 39A “Word after double or day,” was the clue for BED. And Abner Doubleday is credited by some with the invention of baseball.
William Faulkner was born on this day in New Albany, MS, in 1897. There was no U in Falkner when he was born. He adopted the U (“bought a vowel”) when applying for the Canadian Royal Air Force, believing it made his name look British. Having already been rejected by the U.S. Army Air Corps because of his height (5′ 6″), he also lied about his birthplace, and adopted a phony British accent.
In my day we did stuff like that to avoid the military.
This one’s my favorite:
Let’s close today with this pretty song by Caroline Spence, who is new to me. If you like your music with strings attached, you’ll find it especially lovely.
Enough.
The Wellington Files 