Whenever I saw Bob Uecker on TV he reminded me that I didn’t have to spot him any points. By that I mean, he wasn’t funny “for a ballplayer” or “for an announcer.” He was very funny by the normal standards for good comics. And he was funny with a heart — never mean. Here’s how he describes becoming a ballplayer: “You know, I signed with the Braves for $3,000. That bothered my dad because he didn’t have that kind of dough to pay out. But eventually, he scraped it up.”

He said he had two highlights as a player: he was walked intentionally once by Sandy Koufax, and got out of a rundown against the Mets. He actually had a few more, including homering off of Hall of Famers Koufax, Fergie Jenkins, and Gaylord Perry. (He hit a total of 14 homers in his six-year MLB career.) He later said about Koufax: “Each time I see him, I apologize. I was worried it would keep him out of the Hall of Fame.”

BTW, the intentional walk was “real.” It was Uke’s at-bat right after he hit the homer off of Koufax. Koufax walked him to get to the pitcher.

Uecker’s lifetime batting average was exactly .200. Whew. He was one pop-out away from an ignominious .199.

Before he became an announcer, Uecker was hired by Bud Selig to be a scout for the Brewers. Selig said he was the worst scout in baseball history, and swore he once received a scouting report in the mail from him that was smeared with mashed potatoes and gravy.

Uecker always kept in shape and was proud of a photo that appeared in a Sports Illustrated issue he referred to as his “swimsuit issue.” (That’s Uke on the right, leaning against the bar.)

Here’s an example of what you might call Uecker’s “counter boasting.” It’s from an appearance of his on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.

“I made a major contribution to Cardinals’ pennant drive. I came down with hepatitis.”

Carson asked: “How’d you catch it?”

Uecker said: “The trainer injected me with it.”

He was inducted into the Hall of Fame as an announcer. In his induction speech, which was more of a stand-up routine than a speech, he started by talking about how he was born. His parents were on a run to Chicago for colored (yellow) margarine — you could only get white where they lived in Wisconsin. His mom went into labor on the drive back so they pulled off the highway at an exit and parked. He described it as “a Nativity sort of scene” — the exit lights were shining down.

Uecker died yesterday at the age of 90. He is survived by his two children, Sue Ann and Bob, Jr., neither of whom were ever, even juuuuuuust a bit, outside.

Rest in peace, Bob.

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This poem by Declan Ryan is called “Rope-a-Dope.” It’s the poem of the day from the Poetry Foundation today.

Nothing for days, then a message:
“I want to see a fight. An old one,”
so I bring a fight to you.
You know nothing of these men;
even the most famous
get to slink in their youth again —
for you Foreman is Leviathan, unstoppable;
Ali just past his prime
flown “home” to muscle back his title.
Not sure how you’ll react to violence
we lie down again together —
your feet in woollen stockings
kneadable across my thighs,
your mouth close to my ribs
and their inmate: a pouting lifer.
I fidget and you scold.
As Ali opens up with right-hand leads
you flinch
but soon you’re lost to the screen
where he waits it out along the ropes,
takes everything Foreman throws.
You don’t believe he can soak up
all this pain and go on standing;
we cheer him on,
winter softened in the tropic of his strength.
When Ali comes alive to put Foreman on the ground
I see a hallelujah look as you turn to face me.
“He won,” you say into my cheek.
“He did,” I say.

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David Brooks’ article on Hegseth in the Times today is spot on, and vividly explains real military dangers the country faces with the dreadful (non)leadership of the new administration. I sent some snippets to Frank Bruni for his “For the Love of Sentences” feature.

If you thought [serious] questions would dominate the hearing, you must be living under the illusion that we live in a serious country. We do not. We live in a soap opera country.

Hegseth is in no danger of rising to the level of mediocrity. . . .  The world is on fire and what’s his obsession? Wokeness in the military. I went through high school trying to bluff my way through class after doing none of the reading, and in Hegseth, I recognize a master of the craft.

He kept saying he was going to defend the meritocracy. In what kind of meritocracy is being a Fox TV host preparation for being secretary of defense? Maybe in the one Caligula fancied when he contemplated making his horse a consul.

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Lots of good football on tap for the weekend. Detroit faces a tough , Washington team, and the Chiefs start their run for a third straight Super Bowl. We asked TS if she thought they could do it and she shot us quite the look. Sorry, babe — silly question.

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See you tomorrow!