It’s Inauguration Day. Phil has refused to cover it for us, so we are relying on The Onion. Here are two of their features:
RFK, Jr., Attends Inauguration Shirtless
Pete Hegseth Crashes Golf Cart Into Inauguration Stage
Look at this beautiful cookie tree Caity made for Zo (9) and me (75). Yum!
The puzzle today had some pretty tough words for a Monday. For example, who knew “Hair knots with a French name,” is CHIGNONS? Not moi. Our style consultant Ana says they can be sleek and glamorous but they are sexier when messy. Either way, we’re sold.
Ana herself is not partial to them. Phil had to (jokingly) pull a gun on her for this photo. Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot!
And how about “Geometric figures whose subparts mimic the full shape.” WTF! On a Monday? FRACTALS. Gimme a break!
And Barbie has sisters? Turns out she has three. I also learned she has a last name: Roberts. Her sisters are Skipper, Stacie, and Chelsea (who was formerly Kelly). Stacie is the “tween” the puzzle was looking for. Also, in case it comes up, Ken’s last name is Carson, and Barb’s parents are George and Margaret.
Here are Barbie’s parents with little sister Chelsea.
I knew right away that the “Chinese general who wrote ‘The Art of War’” was LAO TZE. Unfortunately, it’s SUN TZU. D’oh! Goldberg. . . Greenberg. . .
In an act of vital national interest taken within two hours of being sworn in as Prez, Trump ordered the removal of the portrait of retired General Mark A. Milley from the corridor in the Pentagon where the portraits of all other former Chairmen of the Joint Chiefs of Staff hang.
Trump has called Milley a “woke trainwreck,” “slow moving and thinking,” a “moron,” and, most recently, a “big fat doodyhead.” Reportedly, the portrait was transported to the White House, where Trump drew thick eyeglasses and a mustache on it with a black magic marker. Here is the portrait of the moron as it hung in the Pentagon before Trump’s enhancements.
In more inauguration news, Trump’s attempt to kiss his wife Melatonin before being sworn in was blocked by the brim of her hat. (Not kidding.) He had to settle for an “air kiss.” “I usually have to stiff-arm the schmuck,” she later remarked to Jill Biden.
Oy. Buckle up. See you tomorrow!
The Wellington Files 