It’s the anniversary of the publication of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice (1813). Both on the same day: what are the odds?
How better to start this glorious Tuesday than with a crappy cheap joke?
Keira Knightly must be the poster child for thin women. In Chris Rock’s paean to fat women he said he’d drop-kick Keira to get to Rachael Ray.
Could anyone possibly make up a better name than Emerance Maschmeyer? Maschmeyer’s the funny part, of course — and Emerance is such a beautiful name. It’s French for “emerging,” or “rising.” We first came upon it last night because Emmy (I’m guessing at the nickname) is the goalie for the Ottawa Crush of the PWHL. She’s an Olympic gold medalist (Canada, 2022). Could you shoot a puck at this face? SRSLY.
How about this face?
That’s Genevieve Lecasse. Also an Olympic-gold-medal-goalie, although Gen’s retired. What do these two women have in common, other than the obvious sports connection? Each other! They got married in the summer of 2023 (Phil was there, of course, see below), and they have a son, Beckham, born just last September.
Of course none of that mattered last night as the Sirens were desperately holding on to a 2-0 lead against Maschmeyer with the Crush controlling play and literally pounding the crap out of us for the entire second half. (In case you don’t know, hockey games have three twenty-minute halves — like the old Car Talk radio show.) It was a brutal game – these women are stone-cold killers – and we couldn’t relax for an instant. Play was more even-handed in the third half, and our goalie, backup Kayle Osborne, was brilliant. Final result — Sirens 3, Crush 0. Whew!
For those of you into sports porn (and who isn’t?), here’s what Emerance looks like in her sexy uniform.
Let’s play “guess the theme.” Commenter Lewis likes to do this with the puzzles – you fill it out as best you can while avoiding the “revealer.” Then, from the theme answers you try to intuit the theme. So today the theme clues/answers are:
“The 68 participants in the N.C.A.A. March Madness tournament, e.g.” Answer: SEEDED TEAMS
“Michelangelo’s David and the Venus de Milo, for two.” Answer: MARBLE STATUES
“Purim or Rosh Hashanah.” Answer: JEWISH HOLIDAYS
“Old TV series featuring the creepy main character Barnabas Collins.” Answer: DARK SHADOWS
Okay — so what’s the theme? Can you find a connection?
Well, here’s the revealer: “Courtroom directive.” ALL RISE.
Still no idea? You have to read the revealer phonetically: all ryes. Each theme answer has a type of rye bread: seeded, marble, Jewish, and dark.
Kudos constructor Dan Margolis. Good one.
But I noticed some other stuff going on in the grid. At 6D ELDERLY was right next to DIE (5D). Ouch. Was that really necessary, Dan? It left me with very little appetite for my OREO at 3D. Then I saw that ELDERLY was also abutting ABSTAIN at 24D. I don’t think Dan is looking forward to his golden years. Is this a puzzle or a book about my prostate surgery?
At 67A, “Place for a lace” was EYELET. Here’s egs on it:
What did the distraught shoe designer say to his boss after it was pointed out that there were no holes for laces? I feel like EYELET you down.
As a member in excellent standing (or lying down, snoring and drooling) of the Dull Men’s Club (UK), I am good authority for whether the expression is “Prof. Liveson’s classes were as dull as dishwater,” or “Prof. Liveson’s classes were as dull as ditchwater.” It’s a study in evolution. The expression began as “ditchwater,” from the muddy water in ditches by the side of roads. But it morphed into “dishwater” from the dingy water in which dirty dishes soak, which is more often encountered in daily life. The more tradition-bound club members insist of sticking with ditchwater.
In any event, Andy Spragg of the club posts the following (with photo): Increasingly often these days, I find that I have to wash the washing-up bowl after I’ve finished washing the dishes, to remove a grey slimy residue from the bottom. I concede this may be connected with the “bad” habit of leaving things soaking and allowing the water to go cold, but that is not something I only started doing recently and I never noticed before. I find myself wondering: is it to do with a change in the water quality (we’re in hard water Thames Water territory, so maybe I should just be glad we don’t have turds coming out of the tap)? Or maybe something nefarious in the washing-up liquid? Or, just something to be expected and I’ve only just noticed?
Tony Wickenden: I only use the original green fairyliquid [?] and have not experienced this. I am not sure why you have to remove a grey slimy residue from your bottom – or who would be best to advise you.
Andy: I avoided including posterior-related tomfoolery in the sure and certain knowledge that I could rely on it being supplied in some of the comments
Tony: Happy to oblige.
Ruth Hunt: Buy a grey bowl. You won’t see it.
Andy: Our old one was grey! The current one is a sort of buff colour. Evidently a strategic error
Ruth: Don’t buy a black one..whatever you do..it hides all manner of stains!
Andy: A black washing-up bowl! What do you think I am, a goth?
Mary Lou Wilshaw Watts: Have you changed your eyeglass prescription?
Tony Ross: Why use the bowl in what is effectively another bowl (the sink)?
Ruth: That is how those of us who don’t have dishwashers wash up. The dirty water gets dumped into the sink, and the plastic bowl is used for the crockery etc, which also prevents the sink or crocks getting chipped if you have a ceramic sink!
This poem is called “Roustabout.” It’s by Jack Ridl and was in today’s Writer’s Almanac.
It’s a bed. Can’t gripe.
Plenty of coffee. Have
my mug. Been here
with the show ten years.
Once took off to try
some factory work.
Hated it. Every day
was Monday. Always
the same place. Here it’s
a new town, something
new to talk about, deal
with—mud, wind, broken
rigging, ripped canvas.
During matinees we bet
on Alfredo, if he’ll try
a triple, and every night
after tear down, we see
if the town’s got any action.
But you turn on a townie,
you’re gone. One guy lost it
in Nebraska somewhere. “No
one pulls a knife on me,” he
growled walking off the lot.
Most guys last two, three years.
A few jump mid-July. I can’t
settle. Rather be nowhere, be
nobody. Put up the tent,
play some cards, during the show
take a nap, eat, tear down, roll up
the canvas, pull up the stakes.
Ted Kennedy was campaigning once, early in the morning, outside the entrance to a factory. Shaking workers’ hands. One guy said to him, “Hey, Kennedy, have you even worked one day of your life in a job like this?” Kennedy said: “No, I can’t say that I have.” And the guy said, “Well, you haven’t missed a fuckin’ thing.”
Last, from our You Just Can’t Win Department comes the tale of Matthew Huttle, 42, shot to death during a traffic stop by a Jasper County Indiana sheriff’s deputy. Huttle had a firearm and was resisting arrest. An altercation arose and . . . bang bang. It comes to our attention because Huttle was just released from prison via Trump’s pardon for crimes related to the Jan. 6 insurrection. Impressively fast denouement.
Next!
See you tomorrow!
The Wellington Files 