Sophie Aldus, of the Dull Men’s Club (UK), asks this entirely theoretical question:
If a person were to attempt a repair using superglue and get more superglue on their hand than on the object needing the repair, what might said entirely theoretical person do to remove it? For the purposes of this theoretical exercise, this person has misplaced their superglue remover and is currently unable to bend one of their fingers.
Here are the dullest of the 82 comments:
Neale Rumble: It will come off on its own.
Ruth Hunt: The finger?
Bob Lyons: A mate of mine had a similar issue when he tried to open a tube of superglue with his teeth.
Stu Davies: Will the next question be “How does one remove superglue from a keyboard..?”
Alison Ritchie: or how does one remove a keyboard from one’s hand?
Rob Sancassani: Chainsaw.
Vicky Gerard: They should, theoretically, entertain the masses by posting a video/photos of theoretically glued fingers…
Bill Jeffs: Imagine (theoretically) being so benighted the first time you used super glue that you didn’t know you had to pierce the top, so you’ve got the object to be repaired in one hand and you (theoretically) keep squeezing the tube becoming impatient as no glue is forthcoming, so of course (theoretically) you squeeze more and harder…
At some point the tube gives way, but not at the front of the tube: it (theoretically) makes a small hole at the back and is now jetting! over your (theoretical) self.
Now imagine you have a big curious dog coming over wondering why you’re cursing and screaming and what those things are in your hands.
(Theoretically) I had visions of rocking up to the ER trying to explain why I’ve a Weimaraner stuck to me…
And then, theoretically, there’s this:
Reuters reported this morning that Trump’s Department of Inhuman Affairs is preparing to deport the 240,000 Ukrainians who fled Russia’s attacks and have temporary legal status in the U.S. These people had to be completely financially independent, pay tax, pay all fees (around $2K) and have an affidavit from an American to even come here. “This has nothing to do with strategic necessity or geopolitics,” Russia specialist Tom Nichols posted. “This is just cruelty” Trump is inflicting on innocent people on Putin’s behalf. The NYT also states the State Department is making plans to close a dozen consulates, mostly in Western Europe.
I saw Zelensky being interviewed by a foreign journalist the other day. The journalist said: “I heard you told Trump that Putin is afraid of him. Did you tell him that?” There was a long pause before Z answered. He was hesitating to admit he said that because it’s a preposterous statement. Putin, of course, has nothing but contempt for Trump whom he correctly views as a dimwitted lackey. And yet Z did tell Trump that as part of the flattering nonsense Trump laps up from everyone he deals with. Finally, Zelensky answered and said “Yes.” Then there was another pause and he added with a smile: “So now he knows.”
Today’s poem-a-day from poets.org is by Laura Read. It’s called “Love Poem With Staples.”
After the nurse has taken all the staples
out of Brad’s new scar, he asks me how many
there were, and I regret not counting.
This is the seventh surgery
since his accident fifteen years ago,
the hardest except for the first
because the doctor had to rebreak
the bone and start over.
We can rebuild him, we have the technology
is something Brad likes to say
because before all this,
he was a boy in the 1970s
who watched The Six Million Dollar Man.
The morning of the accident, our sons
were at swim lessons.
I was watching Matthew’s round head
as he did his bobs, the water slicking
his hair to his face so he looked like
he was being born.
I never saw him like that since I’d had
c-sections and my own staples.
One of my last memories of Brad’s brother
happened at Staples.
They were leaving to drive across the country,
and we were saying goodbye, and it was late
and dark, but they were still going
to try to make it to Montana,
and of course before they left,
they needed to print something at the last minute
because for them time was always something
you could make more of.
We said goodbye under the red sign
that said Staples, and this stapled itself
to the moment so now when I drive by Staples,
I think of Terry bending down to hug me
for one of the last times before he died.
Brad walked into this room
on the same crutches he’s been using
since the original accident.
The handles are wrapped in blue tape,
and parts of the gray cushions are flecking off.
They are the Velveteen Rabbit of crutches.
There are many ways to be broken,
and Brad is all of them.
After she was dead too,
I read in my mother-in-law’s journal
how grateful she was for me
so Brad would not be alone.
I thought how prescient because now
it’s just me here with him, and the nurse
who is funny and kind and fills up
the room and makes us feel
like things will be all right
but is also almost done with the staples
and on her way out.
Today’s puzzle is by Malaika Handa who subs for Rex once a month. So I sort of feel like I know her a little which gives the puzzle some personality.
Here’s a great clue for the simple word OVALS: “Slices of hard-boiled eggs, for instance.”
But it got on John H’s goat. He wrote: NO ONE slices eggs on the long axis (making ovals). Egg slices are circles. [Hrummmmph!]
Anon I shot back: No way! Ovals are used for salads all the time. Makes for the best distribution of yolk in every slice.
And Anon II chimed in with a little edge to it: My egg slicer pretty much requires slicing on the long axis. But make your declarations, John.
Potatoes have eyes, right? But dates don’t. That’s why they’re called BLIND DATES. Actually, the clue was “Some romantic setups.”
And if you’re planning to wear your SUNDRESS to that date (“Sleeveless summer attire”), you might want to go in for a BRA FITTING. Just sayin’. (“Service for someone who needs support?”) And don’t even think of a visit to the DONUT SHOP till it’s over (“Enterprise with many holes in its business plan?”), unless you don’t mind a lot of ALONE TIME in your future (“Introvert’s need”).
Today’s visiting starlet: the lovely OLIVIA RODRIGO, “Pop star with the #1 albums ‘Sour’ and ‘Guts.’” She just turned 22 and is single. We’ll let her bed head and pretty eyes send us off tonight. Nice shot, Phil. See you tomorrow!
The Wellington Files 