Have to give credit to commenter Andrew for this one: “Say what you want about Elon, but DOGE has successfully cut down time waste – anyone else notice the number of hours in the day have been slashed by 4%, virtually overnight!?”
The puzzle yesterday was all about famous headlines from the past, e.g., NIXON RESIGNS, and TITANIC SINKS. One of them was when NYC was facing bankruptcy and President Ford was hesitating to provide assistance. The classic NY Daily News headline was FORD TO NY: DROP DEAD. If you watched the recent SNL anniversary special, you may recall they played with that on a banner that read: NY TO FORD: WHO’S DEAD NOW?
But by historical consensus the all-time best headline was in the NY Post of 4/13/1983, which the constructor, Michael Schlossberg, wisely included. A decapitated body was found in a city tavern. The headline was: Headless Body in Topless Bar. Interestingly, Vinnie Musetto came up with it, but the Post refused to run it until they could confirm it was in fact a topless bar. The bar was closed and phone calls to it went unanswered. They tried calling neighbors, but none could confirm. Finally, they sent someone down. She reported back that it was closed and was told to look through the windows. In doing so, she saw a sign near a stage that said: Topless Dancers. Bingo!
Musetta had several other notable headlines to his credit, including: “Khadafy Goes Daffy” and “Granny Executed In Her Pink Pajamas.” But headless/topless cemented his place in history.
At 43D the clue was “They’re known to open with some jokes,” and the answer was APRILS. (Think April Fools Day.)
There is a daily “wordplay” column in the NYT that I should read religiously, but don’t. Yesterday it led me to this wonderful video on, perhaps, the greatest April Fools joke of all time: BBC’s report on the spaghetti harvest.
At 84A the clue was “Headwear that’s stereotypically red.” Seven letters. The answer was FIRE HAT, but several folks admitted to thinking MAGA HAT first, vomitously. Puh-leeeze.
This poem is from today’s Writer’s Almanac. It’s by David Shumate and it’s called “Chinese Restaurant.”
After an argument, my family always dined at the Chinese
restaurant. Something about the Orient washed the bitterness
away. Like a riverbank where you rest for awhile. The owner
bowed as we entered. The face of one who had seen too much.
A revolution. The torture of loved ones. Horrors he would never
reveal. His wife ushered us to our table. Her steps smaller than
ours. The younger daughter brought us tea. The older one took
our orders in perfect English. Each year her beauty was more
delicate than before. Sometimes we were the only customers
and they smiled from afar as we ate duck and shrimp with our
chopsticks. After dinner we sat in the comfort of their silence.
My brother told a joke. My mother folded a napkin into the shape
of a bird. My sister broke open our cookies and read our fortunes
aloud. As we left, my father always shook the old man’s hand.
Who names their kid Conan? Whatever. It’s Celtic and means “little wolf.” O’Brien was in a clue in the puzzle today and it led guest blogger Eli to share this clip with us. It reminded me of a restaurant in Las Vegas (the downtown, not the Strip), where we had a great breakfast. There were shelves all around holding many many hot sauce bottles from all over the country. One was enwrapped in a black velvet bag, so you couldn’t even see it. Too dangerous, we supposed. We called it the “hot sauce of death” and imagined it could only be used in “last meals.” Anyway, the clip:
I like Conan’s “don’t worry” at the end.
The clue at 22D today was “Small duck.” Now it’s Monday, so we should know that. Four letters, so ducklet is out. Duck can’t be part of the answer anyway. Small duck — lunch portion? Too many letters. No idea. You got it? SMEW. Yes, that’s the answer — not a typo.
Here’s a cute one:
Commenter Gary was just as lost as me, and he was moved to poetry:
Only a few know SMEW
what, pray tell, can you
tell me of this SMEW
he’s not a woodland caribou
covered in powdery mildew
he’s not a judicial review
or a system of connective tissue
does he crow cock-a-doodle do
or is he an apple from Peru
should I consult a wandering Jew
or box a tree kangaroo
to learn of this SMEW
does SMEW like tiramisu
or live on Park Avenue
will I meet a SMEW out of the blue
while eating mulligan stew in Mogadishu
is SMEW a celebrated Japanese yew
growing in Kalamazoo with great hullabaloo
can a SMEW earn revenue
from his skills on a digeridoo
are many SMEWS well to do
or often named Bartholomew
has he tried a true vindaloo
while fighting the French at Waterloo?
A duck say you a duck a duck!
OHO! SMEW’S a duck? What the ….
Our favorite commenter, egsforbreakfast, was off in Europe for a while. There were a few hairy moments during the flight home. “I can see the headline now,” I said to Mrs. Egs. “Regular Rex Parker Blogger, 318 Others Perish In Frigid Atlantic.”
When I typed MAGA HAT above, I asked Phil what sort of people wear them, beyond the low-IQ morons you see interviewed on TV. Look whom he came up with — this woman is Jewish, 29 years old, a supporter of Ukraine, active in fighting anti-Semitism. She’s also a model and the national spokesperson for the GOP. She was married at Mar-a-Lago. Elizabeth Pipko. Say it ain’t so, Babe! Open those smoky eyes.
See you tomorrow!
The Wellington Files 