A crossword puzzle sometimes gives you a little insight into how your brain works, as you watch it pinball from wrong answer to wrong answer to, if you’re lucky, the right answer. It can make some funny stops. Here’s Rex describing a brain journey he took today:

The clue was “Creature with over 200 tiny eyes along its shell,” and the answer was SEA SCALLOP. (Who knew?) [OC note: A potato has eyes, but the answer is not “sea potato.”]

Rex: I may have come up with the dumbest wrong answer of all time. I dare you to beat it for dumbness. I had the SEAS- at the beginning and wrote in SEA SERPENT (a dumb answer, to be sure, but not the dumb answer I’m talking about); thankfully, it didn’t take me long to realize that SEA SERPENTs, in addition to being maybe fictional (?!), is almost certainly shell-less. So I left that answer and came back to it. When I came back to it, I had the -ALLO- part, and after a split second of wanting SEA SWALLOW, whatever that is, I thought “oh, no, it’s the seafood thing, the thing you never order at restaurants … what’s it called? … oh yeah, shallot! It’s SEA SHALLOT! (it was not, in fact, SEA SHALLOT, as a shallot is a kind of onion, as you likely know). In my defense, a shallot is roughly the size of a scallop (I’m just kidding, I have no defense, I plead insanity). 

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When ya gotta go, ya gotta go. I was with Linda in Central Park and the restroom we raced to for me was closed! Arggggh! No choice — with Linda standing guard, I snuck behind some thick bushes and . . .

My nephew Jared wasn’t as lucky. Years ago, I went to court with him after he was charged with public urination. I forget how it turned out – not too bad, I think. It was a long journey to court from when I was the holder (of his little legs) at his bris. It was quite an honor. I held on, but didn’t watch.

Anyway, this all comes up because of what happened, incredibly, at the Masters golf tourney this week. Jose Luis Ballester, a golfer from Spain, who was paired with the golfer ranked #1 in the world, Scottie Scheffler (whom I haven’t heard of, but that’s on me), just sauntered behind a bush on the 13th hole and peed into Rae’s Creek. He thought he was out of view, but some fans saw him and clapped! [Please make up your own puns. The Associated Press has already called him the Whiz Kid.]

If you’re wondering, well, how do the golfers relieve themselves during a long day of golfing? — there are restrooms spaced out along the course. Ballester just forgot about them.

We await blowback. The Masters is famous for its rigid sense of decorum. E.g., Ballester’s coach was kicked off earlier for wearing shorts. And he kept his fly zipped.

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When I saw that yesterday’s puzzle was by Adam Wagner, I knew I was in for a treat. He’s a great trickster. Sure enough, I completed the entire grid but had no idea what the theme was. See how you do. Here are the five theme clues and answers. (I knew they were the theme because the clues were in italics.)

Clue: “Shoveling?” Answer: GENTLE NUDGE

“Martini?” — VENDING MACHINE

“Bandito?” — PINKY RING

“Sublet?” — FINGER SANDWICH

“Rockette?” — GRAIN OF SAND

See what’s going on? Took me a bit to figure it out. The ending of each clue makes it a diminutive. So, take Rockette – a very small rock is a grain of sand. A small shove is a gentle nudge; a small sub (sandwich) is a finger sandwich. What made the puzzle unusual is there was no “revealer,” i.e., you were on your own to figure out what was going on, and, as I did, you could complete the entire grid and still not know.

REM was a musical guest in the grid and Rex shared this song of theirs.

The lyrics are cryptic, at best. This is the second verse:

Who will tend the farm museums? Who will dust today’s belongings?
Who will sweep the floor, hedging near the givens?
Rally ’round your leaders, it’s the mediator season
Cheyanne is on the beach, do you realize the life she’s led?

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“It was at this point, gentlemen, that the President decided it was his plan all along to reverse course.”

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You’ve made mistakes, amirite? What do you do? — You try to fix it, to undo the damage. Do you need the Supreme Court to tell you that?

So the government f*cked up and sent some poor slob in Maryland to a dreadful prison in El Salvador, by mistake, in their own admission. Instead of making a reasonable effort to get the poor guy back, they are fighting all the way up to the f*cking Supreme Court having to take any action to undo their damage. Even in light of all the craziness this administration has unleashed, this one still boggles the mind. It’s not the usual refusal to admit a mistake – we’ve come to expect that. They’ve conceded the error. With a human life at stake, how could anyone not take the next step to remedy the mistake? At least make a f*cking phone call. Remarkable. Even the Supreme Court said, “Duh, get the poor slob back, you idiots.” Nine to f*cking nothing. Even a monster like Alito couldn’t abide this one. Jeez Louise.

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Can’t leave on that note. Phil — what do you have for us?

Nice shot, buddy. You still in Jersey? It’s Jessica Springsteen, The Boss’s daughter – world class equestrian. Not just a rich girl’s hobby: Jess won a silver medal in Team Jumping for the U.S. at the Tokyo Olympics.

That’s better.

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See you tomorrow!