Getting lost on the way to the puzzle-solving tournament was not a good omen. I forgot or never knew that the #2 subway line peeled off and headed east after 96th Street. So when I got off at 116th, I was way east of where I had to be. And where was that? Riverside Church way on the Westside at 119th. At Lollapuzzoola 2025, the second biggest crossword tournament in the U.S. It was going to be my third appearance. Or so I thought.
I had close to an hour so I started walking west, but Morningside Heights is not heights for no reason. (Please don’t not forgive my double negatives.) So after a few blocks there was a massive set of steps heading up to the heavens. I started the trudge, but it was hot, and I’m suffering from my summer allergies, so I thought better of it after a few flights. I gave up.
The options were to really give up and just head home — that would teach the Universe a lesson! Or take a cab, if I could find one. I found one but it passed right by me. Arggggh. F*ck you Universe! But the second one stopped and I climbed in. I still had about 25 minutes, plus I knew it really didn’t start at the crack of ten. The driver did his best to get me there, but we were stopped several blocks short by a parade. (I forget what the parade was for.) The cop told him he’d have to go all the way down to 96th to cross. (We were on 120th and that’s where I needed to be.) I told the driver I’d walk the rest of the way and paid him $12 for a $9.40 fare. It was about 9:45.
Remember The Graduate? The last scene? Dustin Hoffman had to get to Katherine Ross’s wedding so he could stop it and run off with her. He’s driving like mad, but runs out of gas. D’oh! So he ditches the car and starts running. That was me, except I was walking. With about seven minutes to go, I burst into Riverside Church, banged on the chapel windows and started shouting Elaine! Elaine! Hundreds of puzzle solvers turned around to see what was happening. Time stopped. Elaine’s dad called me a son of a bitch. Finally, Katherine Ross screamed Ben!
And Lollapuzzoola 2025 was on. Never in doubt.
I’m pretty sure I did worse than my previous two times. I came in #144 out of 173 in my category. (There are three categories: local (normal people); express (geniuses); and pairs (couples working together).) Still — I finished in the top 100%!
The first puzzle eased us into things and I completed it with time to spare and no errors. Yay me. You got points for correct answers and a bonus for a perfect grid. You could ask for help (an answer) 8 times during the day by cashing in a google ticket but each time you did it cost you 25 points. You also got a point for each second you finished before the allotted time.
The second was a notch tougher. I was still able to finish early but made three errors. Not too shabby.
The third one bloodied me. There was a trick to it. It was called “Balloon Animals” and some of the answers expanded with repeated letters, but I couldn’t get a handle on it. So I ended up using all the time and making a whole bunch of errors.
For lunch, I found a nice bench on Riverside Drive and relaxed by doing crossword puzzles on my phone. No I didn’t!! Are you nuts? I enjoyed a fine tuna sandwich I brought from home. The tournament provided pizza and drinks for $15 but I opted out. I’m glad I did — there was some mess at the distribution point.
We were warned that the fourth puzzle would be the hardest. Yup. No question. I took all 40 minutes and only figured out part of the trick. And for the first time ever I cashed in two google tickets. It helped. I managed to fill in much of the grid, but it was rife with errors. One of the organizers had constructed the puzzle. It was brilliant. The theme was revealed in the final across answer which was CALL BULL. (Like saying “bullshit.”) And throughout the grid whenever the letters RED appeared in a word, something happened, and the answer was the opposite of what the clue asked for. SRSLY, right? They sent us copies of all the puzzles. I’m going to try that one again at my leisure. I just have to find my leisure suit.
You might think I was depleted after those bludgeonings, but I had my best showing in the fifth puzzle. A perfect grid, finished early! Nice to end on an up note.
I’m ending here so I can get ready for our big summer vacation. A concert today at 3 at Music Mountain in CT, followed by four nights in Waitsfield VT. Can’t wait. Broadcasting may be spotty, but I’ll do my best.
Thanks for popping in Chatterheads!
The Wellington Files 