The time is not passing rapidly in prison for Owl Chatter staff member George Santos. We haven’t been able to figure out how many years 87 months is (his sentence), but it’s a lot. More than five, we think. George was in charge of keeping the OC fridge stocked with diet soda — that was his only responsibility, actually — and it’s been a disaster since he’s been “on leave.” The last time I checked there was just one half-empty can of Diet Pepsi in there — the kind with no caffeine. Celebrities come by and we have nothing to offer them. We’re probably out of chips too, big fella.
George wrote an op-ed piece for the South Shore Press (of Long Island). [Not kidding.] “Let me tell you something: I thought I’d seen government dysfunction before, but never at this level,” he wrote. “What I’ve witnessed here is not just inefficiency, it’s outright chaos, sometimes bordering on what I can only describe as criminal negligence. Now, this is not some cash-strapped government agency struggling to keep the lights on. No, this is the Bureau of Prisons, one of the most well-funded agencies in our federal government. And how do I know that? Simple. I worked on their budget back when I served in Congress.”
“It’s meant to be difficult,” he wrote. “But there’s a line, a moral line between punishment and outright neglect of human dignity. When you house 48 men in a dorm with poor air quality due to a broken AC system and black mold on the ceiling…when the bathroom is unsanitary and falling apart…when you serve food that is clearly past its ‘good through’ date, you’re not enforcing justice; you’re stripping people of their basic rights.
[OMG! They are forcing him to eat food beyond the expiration date! Animals!]
“What’s worse, when I’ve pressed administrators for answers, I’ve been met with excuses so flimsy they’d be laughable if they weren’t so insulting to my intelligence,” he added.
What Santos describes as “unexpected light” comes from the wildlife that surrounds the prison complex. The wooded, “pastoral-like area” he describes is routinely trodden by a litter of cats. Santos said he’s spent “plenty of my commissary money” on tuna to feed them. “Those cats bring us a sense of normalcy, a moment of tenderness in an otherwise harsh environment,” he wrote. “They’re a blessing, a morale boost, and a reminder that life, in all its forms, finds a way even here.”
He’s also been friendly with frogs and garden snakes. “They shift my mindset, break the monotony, and remind me that even in confinement, the world outside is still turning,” he concluded. “So yes, this is prison. Yes, it is tough. But it’s also America, and in America, even behind fences, we are supposed to hold ourselves to high standards. “We must never forget that prisoners are human beings.”
Marjorie Taylor Greene has asked that his sentence be commuted. [Not kidding.]
George wrote the following on X last month:
“Well, darlings… The curtain falls, the spotlight dims, and the rhinestones are packed. From the halls of Congress to the chaos of cable news what a ride it’s been! Was it messy? Always. Glamorous? Occasionally. Honest? I tried… most days. To my supporters: You made this wild political cabaret worth it. To my critics: Thanks for the free press. I may be leaving the stage (for now), but trust me legends never truly exit. Forever fabulously yours, George”.
We love you and miss you Georgie. Big sloppy kisses from Ana (and Phil!). Remember the good times, Buddy.
This is the “poem of the day” from The Poetry Foundation. It’s by Chi Lechuan, translated by Wang Ping.
Three Horses Drink Water at the Riverbank
One white, one red, one black
Three horses are drinking at the riverbank
They drink at their own pace, some up
Some down
Sometimes their heads reach the river
At the same time
As if a river were flowing
Out of their mouths
As their minds flow from the river source
Still innocent, clear, undisturbed
The sun is setting slowly
A man watches, without blinking
How a river disappears into the night
Held in the mouths of three horses
In an LA Times puzzle I did recently, the clue was ” Rhyme of ‘Romeo’ in the last couplet of ‘Romeo and Juliet.’” Three letters and I had no idea. I guess I could rule out “snow.” Turned out to be “woe.” Of course! Look who we’re talking about.
Bring me southern kisses from your room
Let me smell the moon in your perfume
A clue that puzzled many yesterday was “Heat setting, perhaps.” The answer was MEET. What? It’s from track and field. At a track MEET, heats are run. That’s some Saturday-level sh*t, for sure.
Everybody’s favorite was at 33A: “Classic warning to a knight.” Answer: HERE BE DRAGONS.
Per Rex: I always think of the phrase as THERE BE DRAGONS, but HERE is right. The Latin phrase is “hic sunt dracones” (“here are dragons”); it’s a phrase that became associated with medieval maps, though I just learned that there are only two extant globes that bear this phrase, and that the standard phrase used by medieval cartographers for parts unknown was actually “hic sunt leones” (“here be lions!”). So HERE BE DRAGONS is an anachronism.
Right above it was “Wind up in ruin:” COME TO A BAD END. Scary. And both were crossed by NOT A GOOD IDEA (“I’d avoid that”).
But four lines above was a nice plate of MINI DONUTS (“Little dippers?”) So all is well.
Coach Prime, Deion Sanders (Colorado), may have lost his son (to the NFL) who was the QB of the team last year, but he gained a toilet. What? Special cheers to DS for working on taking the stigma out of incontinence. Taking the stigma out? Hell, he said he’s going to make it sexy.
The background is a bit scary, but also reassuring. Sanders was diagnosed with bladder cancer last April. Aggressive. He opted to have his bladder removed. It’s been replaced by a “neo-bladder” made out of his intestines. He is now cancer-free. But it has affected how he urinates and has left him incontinent.
Sanders said he “depends on Depends,” and it led to him signing a sponsorship deal with the company. He never considered giving up coaching but was concerned about getting through a game without access to a bathroom. Not a problem: the Colorado sideline now sports a portable toilet for the coach.
Meanwhile, Colorado lost its opener to Georgia Tech, 27-20. Delaware’s next. Good luck, Coach!
Today’s theme was James Bond, with an unusual phonetic twist. First, to cover 007, there were seven places where the across answer contained OO, and no other double Os in the grid. And if you connected the OOs, you formed a large seven.
Additionally, JAMES BOND and SEAN CONNERY were the answers forming one row across, near the bottom. But did you know that Sean Connery was known for pronouncing S as SH? I didn’t. So there were theme answers that were wacky phrases using SH to replace an S. E.g., at 22A, the clue was “Don’t flick that cigarette over here!” and the answer was MOVE YOUR ASH. 63A spanned the grid. The clue was “Just dropped off some of your newly buffed knight’s protection!” Answer: SHINED SHIELD DELIVERED.
Other neat stuff in the puzzle included 61D: “New Zealand parrot that can solve logic puzzles.” It’s the KEA. Did you know about this bird?
42A was a good clue: “Device for cutting bangs?” Answer: SILENCER.
Did you know PERIDOT is a “Green gemstone?” Also, fittingly, it’s the August birthstone.
See you tomorrow — Happy Labor Day 2025!
The Wellington Files 