This poem, “Hardware,” is by Ronald Wallace, and it’s from today’s Writer’s Almanac.
My father always knew the secret
name of everything—
stove bolt and wing nut,
set screw and rasp, ratchet
wrench, band saw, and ball-
peen hammer. He was my
tour guide and translator
through that foreign country
with its short-tempered natives
in their crewcuts and tattoos,
who suffered my incompetence
with gruffness and disgust.
Pay attention, he would say,
and you’ll learn a thing or two.
Now it’s forty years later,
and I’m packing up his tools
(If you know the proper
names of things you’re never
at a loss) tongue-tied, incompetent,
my hands and heart full
of doohickeys and widgets,
whatchamacallits, thingamabobs.
A personal note before we flounder our way into the usual nonsense: Owl Chatter friend Roy sent us the following:
I’m participating in this year’s JFCS Wheels for Meals 2025 on October 19, 2025 to raise money for Jewish Family & Children’s Service of Greater Mercer County. Would you like to help me fight hunger by donating and/or joining me for this ride? Doing so will also honor the memory of my dear friend Dan Reynolds. Please check the links below.
Last year Dan invited me to join him for this ride supporting a worthy charity near his home outside Trenton, NJ. As most of you know, he sadly passed away in June while he and I were riding together in Wisconsin. I plan to continue doing this ride as a way to honor his memory. Below is a picture of Dan from last year’s ride – he’s the one in the yellow jacket. You might also recognize the cyclist on his left in the yellow helmet.
If you’d like to join me or make a donation, please visit my Team Page using the following link:
TeamPage: https://secure.qgiv.com/event/jfcswheelsformeals2025/team/1003598/
Team Name: AI Cyclers
Team Captain: Jay Ganzman
On the team page you will see two buttons:
- “Donate Now” if you’d like to contribute
- “Join My Team” if you’d like to do the ride with me. I’ve registered for 25 miles, but would consider doing more if you’d like.
If you’d like more details about the event, please visit https://secure.qgiv.com/event/jfcswheelsformeals2025/.
I learned so much from a recent post in the Dull Men’s Club (UK)! The post was about plurals, but the discussion touched on ellipses and quotation marks as well. Here is Adrian Bull’s post:
I’m currently on holiday in Spain. I’m also a grammar and spelling pedant. Both of those facts are relevant here. I just went to the local supermarket for some post-lunch refreshments. My partner wanted a Magnum ice cream for this afternoon. I decided to have the same. Should I have asked for two “Magna”? Or do proper nouns such as brand names not take a plural?
Murray Atkinson: Depends… do you want correct grammar or for the other person to understand and actually fetch you the ice cream?
Adrian: I was unwilling to sacrifice either outcome!!
Murray: then .. can I have a magnum please?… ooh, make that two!
Adrian: Sir, you are a genius!
Andy Spragg: Correct me if I’m wrong, but an ellipsis is (or should be) precisely three dots. [OC note: Adrian originally used a two-dot ellipsis in his post.]
Adrian: My apologies. Now corrected. I’m blaming the glare of the sunshine from the screen. Still mortified though.
Andy: If you introduce yourself as a “grammar and spelling pedant” in your second sentence, you must expect that other, and bigger, grammar and spelling pedants are going to scrutinize your post without mercy.
Mik Shaw: …and the plural is ‘ellipses’, with a long second “e”, so as not to be confused with the plural of ‘ellipse’…
Andy: Out of scope, but a valid contribution.
Avi: My exhaustive research on the matter (you know, a minute or two online) reveals that precisely three dots is correct. Glad you brought this up. Adds to my knowledge.
Andrea Barratt: I think you’ll find the plural of magnum is magni.
Chris Couchman: Nope. It’s Magna. Magnum is neutral. If it was Magnus (masculine ending) in the singular it would be Magni. If it was Magna in the singular (feminine ending) it would be Magnae. But Magnum (singular, neutral) is Magna in the plural.
Roger Briggs: This is top notch pedantry. I salute you , Sir.
Chris: Thank you, but to be truly pedantic, I’m Ma’am, not Sir.
Roger: Sorry Ma’am. I stand corrupted and humbly beg your forgiveness.
Avi Liveson: Did you mean “corrected?”
Fran Lye: Are you bored on holiday?
Stuart Morris: If used as a measure, as in bottles of Champagne, the plural is either magnums or magna. If with a capital, as in Magnum chocolate ice cream, the plural is Magnums.
Kurt Robinson: Should it be “Magna” or ‘Magna’?
Adrian: Different people have different preferences there. I’ve always been brought up on the double quote mark.
Avi Liveson: Found this online: Whether to use single or double quotes depends upon whether you follow US or UK style. Double quotes (“ ”) are used to enclose text in American (and often Canadian) style, with single quotes used around words in text already within quotes. In contrast, single quotes (‘ ’) are preferred in British (and often Australian) style, with double quotes reserved for quotes within quotes.
J. Paul Murdock: I was in Denmark with my parents once a few years after studying Swedish (which is very similar to Danish). I was in the Tivoli in Copenhagen and wanted to impress them by asking the maître d’ at the restaurant for a table for three in Swedish. I later found out I’d asked for a plank of wood until 3 o’clock!
Avi: I once asked a waitress in a fancy restaurant for a “giraffe” of red wine. She nodded and said “I know what you mean.”
Ken Irvine: All this faffle… just ask for Magnum twins.
Adrian: Tried that once before… Tom Selleck and his stunt double showed up!
The last week of the baseball season has turned into an desperate battle for playoff spots on several fronts. The Mets have collapsed from their seemingly safe perch and both Cincy and the ‘Zona snakes have designs. The Tigers fell off the truck and face a deadly serious challenge from the Clevelanders. What’s neat is they play each other three times starting tonight! And Seattle, Houston, and Boston are scrabbling for a spot. Yikes!
As for our lowly Gnats, let’s credit them for taking two out of three from the Mets in NY last weekend, and for making sure they will not face the ignominy of a 100-loss season. Baby steps next year, boys — baby steps.
Happy New Year to all of our Jewish friends and any goyim they hang out with — from Linda, Phil, Ana, Sarah, and me. And to our “Jew-ish” friends, from our poor incarcerated Georgie. May the year go by fast for you, Buddy! We’re sure you’ll be pardoned by the Big Fella, if not the White House.
May all your matzoh balls be fluffy. See you next year!
The Wellington Files 