Some baseball people will say the record least likely to ever be broken is Johnny Vander Meer’s consecutive no-hitters. To break it, you’d have to pitch three consecutive no-hitters. Pitchers can barely pitch complete games these days.
JVM accomplished his feat for Cincy on June 11 and 15 in 1938. The first was against the Boston Bees and the second against the Brooklyn Dodgers. Amazingly, the game against Brooklyn was the first ever night game at Ebbets Field. How cool is that? He may not have been at the top of his game that night — he walked seven batters and was helped out by some spectacular fielding plays. Still. No hits.
Vander Meer came to mind today because of another unbreakable record of sorts set by a 51-year-old Florida woman named Susan Avalon, who is being charged with killing two ex-husbands on the same day. The previous record was one.
I know what you’re thinking, readers — Does this look like the face of a killer? Well, yeah, sorta.
The fateful and fatal day was last Wednesday, December 17. Police in Bradenton FL responded to a call and found a man who had been shot. Before he died, he told them his ex-wife Susan shot him. (Note: He would not have been able to tell them after he died.)
That evening, 125 miles away in Citrus County FL, Susan grabbed a Panera soup from a nearby store, without paying for it, and showed up at the second victim’s door. The authorities state that it is not clear at this time whether it was Autumn Squash or Broccoli Cheddar. Both are quite good, if a little salty. The victim’s daughter’s statement led them to Susan, his ex-wife. The police found her at her home, cleaning her car with bleach. (Not kidding.) When they approached her and said they wanted to talk to her about her ex-husband, she responded: “Which one?” (Still, not kidding.)
That story is from People magazine, as recounted by AOL, so you know it has to be true.
Andy Spragg, one of my brothers in the Dull Men’s Club (UK) posted the following, with the photo:
“Farewell then, old friend. You were approaching your best before date when we bought you for 40p from a little delicatessen in Rothbury several years ago, and you’ve given us quiet ongoing service, adding the colour brown to myriad dishes, ever since. Until last night, when you finally ejected your last aliquot. The hole you have left in our fridge door will take big boots to fill.”
Sarah Jenkin-Green: I’m in shock at the Lea and Perrins in the fridge, it doesn’t need refrigerating.
Heather Hughson: I just put some mint sauce in my peas, said to expire Sept 2023. Still a few more good years to come!
Brian Taylor:
Avi Liveson: There are labs in the U.S. growing tomatoes with “Best By” dates emblazoned on them. (It’s possible I only dreamt that. Hard to tell since hitting 75.)
The big (Sunday) puzzle today was a classic. Brilliant, IMO. It was by David Kwong a professional magician and was called “Present Time.” The “presents” were Xmas presents under the tree. There were six. So, we needed six trees. For these there were six rebuses, one tree each. E.g., CLAREN[CE DAR]ROW gave us the CEDAR, all squooshed into one square. It was crossed by DAN[CED AR]OUND. We got an oak via I’M S[OAK]ED, crossed by PRELUDE TO A KISS (Duke Ellington song). Four other crossings similarly gave us ELM, PINE, ASH, and PALM rebuses. OK, take a breath.
Then, the square under each “tree-rebus” was circled, representing the present “under the tree.” So you had six presents: six circled squares. Reading the letters in those squares left-to-right gave you two more trees: FIR and YEW. And, finally, since the presents spelled out FIR + YEW, you should read it as “FOR YOU.” Hope you were able to follow.
At 94A, “Kind of cipher in which A becomes B, B becomes C, e.g.,” was CAESAR. It’s referring to a code in which you just bump each letter up by one. So, CHEESE becomes DIFFTF. It’s called Caesar because that’s the code he used when communicating. And that’s why you often hear of his exasperated friends saying, “C’mon, Julie, what the fuck are you getting at?” It could also be why they stabbed him. It was annoying as hell.
Also learned about the TETROMINO. It’s like a domino but with four squares instead of two. “Game piece made of four squares.” They are the pieces used in Tetris.
Also learned about the PORCUPINE FISH today. They are exactly what you’d think they are.
This story in today’s Met Diary is by Naomi Malka and is called “Taste Test.”
Dear Diary:
The day after Thanksgiving, a question arose: What does one eat next?
For a family ranging in age from 8 to 80, keeping a festive mood through the weekend required a new idea. Someone suggested a blind taste test of Upper West Side pizzas.
Soon, ballots were printed and categories debated: sauce, crust, mouth feel, overall taste. Three pies lined the kitchen counter.
When the votes were tallied, the winner came from a spot near 105th Street and Broadway. There were leftovers, and the three youngest members of the group and their aunt carried one box back to their apartment.
At West End Avenue and 70th Street, they were stopped by a sanitation truck. The driver got out and smiled.
“What’s the best pizza around here?” he asked.
“We actually just decided,” one of the kids said.
They explained their ranking system and even offered the man a slice.
He shook his head, laughing.
“We see a lot of different pizza boxes in the garbage,” he said. “We were hoping for a local opinion. Middle of the shift, we get hungry out here.”
He climbed back into the truck, waved and drove off.
We’ll let this pretty song close for us tonight. The band is Hem (from Brooklyn!), and that’s Sally Ellyson’s voice.
It’s colder than hell
This time of the year
The moon is bright
The night is clear
And I’m out on a road
The homes that I see
They’re all safe and warm
But they’re not for me
All I know is I want to be with you for Christmas
See you tomorrow!
The Wellington Files 