Welcome to Owl Chatter Post #950, not to be confused with the VFW Post of that number. Congratulations on wasting hours and hours of your life with this nonsense! What the hell is wrong with you!!

From The Onion:

Wooden Spoon Only Thing In Man’s Life Not Giving Him Cancer

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Also From The Onion:

Religious Cousin Ruins Family’s Christmas

MONTOURSVILLE, PA–The arrival of devout Christian cousin Barb Krueger has “for all practical purposes ruined” the Langan family’s chances of having an enjoyable holiday season, sources reported Monday.

“Christmas Day is something our whole family greatly looks forward to, drinking egg nog, opening presents, sitting around the family room in our pajamas and robes, and sipping hot cocoa throughout the day,” said Marv Langan, 51. “Well, you can forget about that this year, with Barb hovering over us with her Bible.”

“Jesus is the reason for the season,” Krueger said.

Holiday-cheer-killing activities foisted upon the family include daily “devotionals” involving candle-lighting and scripture readings, formal prayers before all meals, and longwinded harangues explaining why Jesus wants the Langans to reject such “blasphemously secular” holiday TV specials as Frosty The Snowman and Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer.

“I hope she never comes back here again,” said one of the Langan girls. “I hope she gets run over by a bus and goes to Heaven. That way, she could spend the holidays with her best friend Jesus.”

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At 35D in the puzzle today, “Historical region of southwestern France,” was AQUITAINE.

With a play on Accutane, I posted the following on Rex’s site: AQUITAINE is a popular acne remedy. The Times really blew it on that one.

Anony Mouse wrote: Never heard of it. Whereas Eleanor of AQUITAINE is famous. The Times didn’t blow it at all.

And tht replied: Anonymous, I take it you’re new around here. It’s a safe bet he was kidding.

[Yup.]

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Thursday’s puzzle had a laughing theme. It inserted Jingle Bell lyrics, leading up to “LAUGHING all the way,” and inserted laughs into long answers, e.g., BROUHAHA. David Byrne must have approved.

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Broadcasting today from Bloomfield Hills MI. The drive out was fine despite predictions of dire ice storms. And here’s a holiday treat for us with a special accent, courtesy of the Roches.

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Yesterday was the birthday of David Sedaris, 69, born in Johnson City NY. He is one of the great humorists of our age. He also wrote this:

“Their house had real hardcover books in it, and you often saw them lying open on the sofa, still warm from being read.”

Let’s close on that. See you next time!