Jess McClain, below, is a great runner. She was well on her way to winning the U.S. half marathon championship in Atlanta recently when things started feeling creepy. Like, where is everyone? Oh no! She followed a lead car, but the car took a turn off the course! By the time she recovered, all she could snare was 9th place. It cost her $20,000 and a guaranteed spot in the world championship race in Denmark. She filed an appeal and it was held that the racing people f*cked up but there was no remedy: she was screwed. She still has a shot of qualifying for Denmark. She finished eighth last year. We’ll try to keep an eye on her.

Jess is 34, from ‘Zona, with BA and MA degrees from Stanford. Simmer down, fellas, she’s happily married.

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Forgive me, Chatterheads, for wasting your time with this if you already know it (I could be wasting it in other ways), but it amazed me to learn this just today. Did you know there is a prescribed order for adjectives? Some of this you already apply without even being aware of it. E.g., you say you sat in a big red chair, never a red big chair, right? That’s because size precedes color in adjective-world. Here’s the list:

Opinion (beautiful, delicious)

Size

Age

Shape

Color

Origin

Material (what it’s made out of)

Purpose (sleeping, cooking, etc.)

(OSASCOMP may not help you remember it.)

So, e.g., you would describe something as a lovely large three-year-old oval green Swiss burlap sleeping bag. And you’d probably need to use it once you finish.

If you have more than one adjective in the same category, they are to be separated by a comma or an “and.”

The material I am looking at says these rules are “inviolable,” with only minor exceptions too boring to discuss. Yikes!

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The more I thought about the puzzle’s theme yesterday, the more I liked it. The theme was FIRST THINGS FIRST, and the four theme answers started off with the first things you do in the morning: STIR the pot; GET UP to speed; STRETCH Limos; and SHOWER gift.

And I learned a new slang term: SLAPS. You hear of it? It’s slang for “It’s awesome.” Like, that new (whatever) really slaps. The Urban Dictionary also says it’s like saying “Good as f*ck.”

At 56A, the clue was “They already left,” and the answer was TOOLATE. Egs says that also works as an excuse from a carpenter’s son: A TOOLATE my homework.

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True story: When Trump was touring Mount Vernon he said Washington should have put his name on it. “If you don’t put your name on things, no one will remember you.” Right. Hardly anyone remembers George Washington these days.

A question raised in a letter to the NYT yesterday: When/if this Iran war ends, can Trump count it along with the other nine wars he ended?

Headline in The Onion:

Trump On Fence About Attending Ayatollah’s Funeral.

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There’s a beautiful obit in the Times today for Isaiah Zagar, who passed away last month at the age of 86 in Philly. He created giant outdoor mosaics with shards of tiles, glass, pottery, and whatever else was at hand. “My whole stance in making art is joy,” he said.

He is best known for his Magic Garden Museum on South Street in Philly, but his work is all over the place, much of it outside Philly too. Some is in the permanent collections of the Philly Museum of Art and the Penn Academy of Fine Arts.

Zagar was born in Philly but raised in Brooklyn and was Jewish. He changed his name from Irwin to Isaiah when he and his wife, the artist Julia Papiroff, were in the Peace Corps in Peru and the artisans he worked with couldn’t pronounce Irwin.

I’m going to let the photos, below, save me thousands of words. We are certainly going to seek out Mr. Zagar’s work when we get down to Philly. Also strongly recommended along these lines are the Heidelberg Project and African Bead Museum (outdoors) in Detroit. Great stuff!

Rest in peace, Isaiah.

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Favorite clue/answer today: 6D, “Slow down there, big guy.” Answer: EASY TIGER.

Cleanup in Stall #3? (3D) MISS THE MARK next to (32D) TOILET LID.

At 33A: “Wowzers!” Answer: GEE

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We may shoot up to Lake Placid to see our Princeton women skaters in the ECAC Championship game on Saturday. They’d have to win the semi against Quinnipiac Friday first. Hope so. Already found a cheap dump for us to stay in.

See you next time!