The Wellington Files

  • Boom!

    First they came for James Comey. Next for Letitia James. You’d have to be a moron not to see they are coming after everyone with James in their name. Etta James, James Earl Jones, James Earl Ray, LeBron James, Sweet Baby James, James Baldwin, James Dean, James Mason, Bill James, Elmore James, James Garner, James Taylor, Jesse James, five Presidents, for sure: Madison, Monroe, Polk, Buchanan, Garfield. And the Jimmies! — they’re all Jameses too! — Jimmy Kimmel (yikes!), Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Carter, Jimmy Stewart, Jimmy John’s sandwiches. Nobody and nothing is safe!!

    I ask you, readers – why is this man being targeted?

    Did you know that James Taylor has a son named Rufus? That’s him, below, bearded, with JT, his twin brother Harry, and his mom Caroline. Caroline and James have been married for 24 years. It was eleven with Carly Simon before that, and ten with actress Kathryn Walker before that. JT had children Sally and Ben with Carly. Happy Birthday, Whomever! Nice shot, Phil.

    I noted yesterday that my note on Rex’s blog (that placing Dolly Parton in the puzzle along with NO BRA DAY sent me running for my heart pills), led Anony Mouse to call me out by posting: “So unnecessary. And juvenile. And offensive.” I get that from time to time, especially when I post a joke or comment that is juvenile and offensive. So it doesn’t bother me (much).

    But get this – later in the day, another Anony Mouse came to my defense with the following: “No, no it’s not. Please stop being offended by everything. Please.”

    How nice is that? Must be some other drooling old timer who likes big boobs. Thanks, Mate!

    At 26A today, the clue was ‘Someone who spends a lot of time baking?,” and the answer was BEACH BUM. (Get it? “Baking” in the sun.) So I shared this (true) story on Rex’s blog:

    “The first baseball game my oldest granddaughter ever attended was in Traverse City, MI. The team was called the Traverse City BEACH BUMs back then. There was a triple play – men on first and second, hot grounder to third, step on third, fire to second, then to first. The team later changed its name to the ‘Pit Spitters’ in recognition of the region’s large cherry growing industry, and it’s in a college summer league now.

    “We were up in Traverse City visiting my son Sam who was working at his first job — I’ll never forget his saying the five most beautiful words a parent can hear: ‘Dad, I got a job!’ It was a beautiful area and I was a little sad when he left for a better position near Detroit. The Traverse City firm commissioned an analysis of its operations shortly after Sam started there, and it concluded that employee morale was low. The first step they took was to cancel the Christmas party, figuring ‘What’s the point?’ It took him a few minutes to convince me he wasn’t kidding.”

    Oy, we better put the whole city of Philadelphia on suicide watch. It was a night of historic lows for the Phillies and Eagles. The 4-1 Eagles flopped badly losing to the 1-4 Jints in Jersey 34-17. The Eags looked like a shadow of their Super Bowl-winning selves. But even worse was the Phil’s season-ending loss to the Dodgers on a dreadful play on a grounder back to the mound in the eleventh inning. The bases were loaded with two outs. Pitcher Kerkering bobbled the ball briefly but still had a easy out at first. Instead, he panicked and threw home wildly — game and (season) over. As LA whooped and hollered (deservedly so), the Phils gathered around their poor pitcher in consolation. The first video, below, shows what happened. The second (just ten seconds long) is a study in contrasts — the Dodgers celebrating as Kerkering settles into despair.

    A loss has many fathers, though. Kerkering should not be too hard on himself. Luzardo could have not walked Betts to tie it up in the first place. And Trea Turner and so many other Phils could have gotten hits when it mattered. LA was held to one stinking run — you couldn’t beat them in nine, guys?

    At 38D, for the clever clue “Part of a film studio’s overhead?,” the answer was BOOM MIC.

    Romance novelist Nora Roberts turned 75 today, kinehora. She said: romance novels “are a celebration of relations, finding love, overcoming obstacles, and making commitments. I think that is something very worthy of respect. They’re not just about naked pirates, although what’s wrong with a naked pirate now and again?”

    At 34D, “One of a kind individual” is a RARE BIRD. You’ll find one in this one-minute song by WIRE.

    Nick Renouf, of the Dull Men’s Club (UK) tells us: I lost one of my screwdrivers this week. Distraught, I purchased a replacement within 24 hours; one with a longer shaft (stop sniggering at the back) was 15p cheaper than another which was shorter, so that was rather good. The question is, when will my missing screwdriver mysteriously reappear?

    Gareth Dunley: When is a difficult question, but you can be certain that you will find it somewhere that you have never taken it, and probably a location with no accessible screws at all. In fact, it will most likely be somewhere you have never previously been. You may also find 15p in loose change along with it.

    Rick Bedford: And yea, it was decreed that upon the third day it shall be seen, there upon the bench, behind the holy pot of wd-40 just where you left it. And it was good. And the people did rejoice.

    John Stockton: If you want to see ‘screwy’ again leave £25 in unmarked coins in a brown bag behind the third toilet along at…. Oh darn it! You can see my email address…. Just forget about him. He can have a new life here with me.

    Avi Liveson: It should have shown up as soon as you bought the replacement. The universe must be broken. Maybe you can fix it with your new screwdriver.

    Avi Liveson again: Wait. Is this it?

    See you tomorrow! Thanks for popping in.

  • The Burghers of Calais

    It’s the end of the line for the 2025 Yankees: bridesmaids again, no brideship since 2009. A crippling error by the very likable Jazz Chisholm Jr. coupled with the inability of bullpenner Devin Williams to get a key out gave the Pinstripers too steep a hill to climb in the waning innings. Toronto was the better team: to a man, they rose to the grand occasion. This was no fluke; it was a drubbing.

    Joan Kennedy (nee Bennett) passed away yesterday at the age of 89. It was not an easy life, marked by severe alcoholism and a bad marriage to you-know-whom (Ted). I didn’t know she was a brilliant pianist and gave a recital with the Philadelphia Orchestra in 1970 that was very well reviewed. She taught classical music to children.

    She deserved better than Ted’s flagrant infidelities and they eventually divorced. She was considered the best-looking of the Kennedy wives by the family, not that we are shallow enough to even mention that. Here she is, first as a bride, and then famously appearing at a formal dinner at the Nixon White House in a minidress. Gasp.

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    She is survived by her sons Patrick and Ted, Jr., nine grandchildren, a great-granddaughter, and her sister. Joan’s daughter Kara passed away in 2011 at the age of 51 from a heart attack. Rest in peace.

    The puzzle stuck its foot right into our Dirty Old Man Dept today. At 35D the clue was “Annual breast cancer awareness observance,” for NO BRA DAY. Toss in Dolly Parton at 12D (“Dolly Parton and others”) for BLONDES, and you’ve got me running for my heart pills. (NBD is Monday, btw.)

    Classing up the joint further was the sculptor Auguste RODIN, clued via his work “The Burghers of Calais.” (Not to be confused with “The Burgers of McDonalds.”)

    The monument commemorates the heroism of six leading citizens of the French city of Calais. In the fourteenth century, at the beginning of the Hundred Years’ War, they offered their lives to the English king in exchange for the lifting of his siege of the city.

    Yesterday’s puzzle, you may recall, was a love note from the constructor to his wife Ruby. It reminded Rex of a puzzle he constructed years ago for his grandmother’s 90th birthday. The theme answers all had the letter combination XC in them, e.g., BOXCARS, roman numerals for 90, of course. His earliest memories of crossword puzzles were of his grandma working on them. He gave his tribute puzzle out at the big family party for the occasion and soon regretted not making it easier as the entire family started working on it and cursing him (in good spirit).

    The party was held in St. Maries, Idaho, where she lived. He said the first thing you see as you drive into the town center is “a jolly, two-story-tall axe murderer.”

    Here’s a nice shot of him with Grandma and the dictionary he found on her fridge. Since Rex is a guiding spirit of Owl Chatter in a way, you might as well see what he looks like.

    We love minor league baseball. For years we made an effort to take in games all over the place: Buffalo, Rochester, Columbus, Richmond, Trenton, Hagerstown (MD), Frederick (MD), Norwich (CT), Pawtucket (RI), Burlington (VT), Waterbury (CT), Newark (NJ), Wilmington (DE), Syracuse, Madison (WI), South Bend (IN), Somerset (NJ), Staten Island, Pittsfield (MA), Williamsport, Aberdeen, Bowie (MD), Holyoke (just this year!), Portland (ME) and Portland (OR), New Britain (CT), Traverse City (MI), Vancouver (Canada!), Indianapolis, Toledo, Lansing, Albany, Reading (PA), Sussex County (NJ), Altoona, Harrisburg, and who the hell can remember where else?

    In Burlington VT we saw Ken Griffey Jr lace a double to right field on his way up to Seattle and, eventually, the Hall of Fame, and a nice player handed little Caity in my arms a ball. In Altoona, I grabbed a foul ball that landed near me. In Vancouver, for a few minutes, half the stadium shouted “Tastes Great,” with the other half responding “Less Filling.” The Traverse City Beach Bums game was Lianna’s first ever ballgame and they pulled off a triple play. (They have since changed their name to the Pitspitters, in recognition of the vast cherry production in the region.) In Pittsfield, Mookie Wilson signed a ball for Caity.

    So it shouldn’t surprise you to learn I subscribe to a newsletter on minor league ball put out by Benjamin Hill called Baseball Traveler. He likes to find the crazy stuff, of which there is rarely a shortage. Here are a couple of awards he gave out at the end of the season (in categories he made up).

    Most Purr-fectly Named Concession Item: The Litter Box Sundae (Omaha Storm Chasers)

    Hill says: It only resembles the contents of a litter box and fortunately doesn’t taste like one (not that I would know). This feline-omenal dessert — featuring vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup atop a bed of graham cracker dust and rainbow sprinkles — comes with its own scoop. It’s featured on cat night — when cat owners are encouraged to bring their cats to the ballpark.

    Most creative use of a common household item: Toilet Paper Night (Charleston RiverDogs)

    This promotion was originally staged in 2021 as a response to the previous year’s COVID-era toilet paper shortage.

    As you know, Portland Oregon has turned into a war zone requiring military intervention. Here’s a report from the front:

    Get this: My observation on Rex’s blog that the puzzle’s inclusion of Dolly Parton and No Bra Day has sent us dirty old men scurrying for our heart pills, elicited the following response from Anony Mouse: So unnecessary. And juvenile. And offensive.

    Ouch! Guilty as charged!

    See you tomorrow! Thanks for stopping in.

  • Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, Will You Be Mine?

    Remember your Magic Eight Ball? You’d ask it a question and shake it up and get an answer. Loved it, right? Today’s constructor, Daniel Trujillo Diaz, says he never used one for important decisions, but his decision to center today’s puzzle on one was spot on. He asked one three times whether Ruby would go to the prom with him. First it replied (at 16A), MY SOURCES SAY NO. Ouch! Don’t give up Dan! Next it said (at 32A), ASK AGAIN LATER. Hope! Finally, third time’s the charm, it said (at 37A), WITHOUT A DOUBT. Yay! He made clear what was going on at 55A: “Provider of the [above] answers:” MAGIC EIGHT BALL.

    Here’s the adorable backstory. Every year, Daniel constructs a puzzle for his wife Ruby on the anniversary of their meeting. This year is the 8th anniversary, so he used the “magic eight ball” as the theme. And the Times accepted this one for publication, his first acceptance! Bravo!

    Rex and several commenters shared a bunch of “Ruby” songs for the occasion. If you don’t like , or are unfamiliar with, Tom Waits, maybe this will win you over.

    The song inspired the Nobel prize-winning author Kazuo Ishiguro into changing some events of the climax of his novel “The Remains of the Day.” He stated: “Ruby’s Arms is a ballad about a soldier leaving his lover sleeping in the early hours to go away on a train. Nothing unusual in that. But the song is sung in the voice of a rough American hobo type utterly unaccustomed to wearing his emotions on his sleeve. And there comes a moment, when the singer declares his heart is breaking, that’s almost unbearably moving because of the tension between the sentiment itself and the huge resistance that’s obviously been overcome to utter it. Waits sings the line with cathartic magnificence, and you feel a lifetime of tough-guy stoicism crumbling in the face of overwhelming sadness.”

    And how about this one? Any 75-year-old punk rockers out there?

    BTW, according to commenter Lewis, the Magic Eight Ball has 20 possible answers: 10 positive, 5 noncommittal, and 5 bad news. If you are flying with one, you better check it in your bag — TSA won’t let it through security with you. You can take a live lobster on board, though, in a clear plastic spill-proof container. This guy looks like fun. Take him.

    Commenter Bob M. said: Never heard of a MAGIC EIGHT BALL. Definitely a puzzle for the younger generation.

    Anony Mouse 1: The younger generation meaning boomers? The magic 8 ball was a cultural phenomenon in the 1950s and 60s.

    Anony Mouse 2: Did you go to the prom with Cleopatra? Magic 8 Balls have been out since the 50s, and have been referenced in countless movies/tv shows/etc.

    Anony Mouse 3: I’m 78 and we had magic eight balls in elementary school.

    Anony Mouse 4: The 80th anniversary edition of Mattel’s Magic 8 Ball is available online.

    OC: Yup. On Amazon for $11.

    At 14A, “European capital with canals,” seemed easy to me, since we were just there in April: AMSTERDAM. But it raised a bit of a stir. In defense of the puzzle,  The Constitution of the Netherlands states that “the King shall be sworn in and inaugurated in the capital city, Amsterdam”. But that is the only reference in the document stating that Amsterdam is the capital. The Hague is the seat of all governmental functions. The Royal Palace is in Amsterdam, but the King does not live there. He hosts state visits there.

    We’ll give Trump credit for one thing — he doesn’t exclude women from his inner circle of monsters like Hitler did. So we get Noem and Bondi. Bondi is quite attractive — almost as pretty as Pete Hegseth over at the War Dept.

    If you saw even a minute of Bondi’s sh*t-show on Capital Hill yesterday, you have our sympathy. Historian Heather Cox Richardson, who seems able to stomach all of it, called attention to the following. Senator Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI) asked: “There has been public reporting that Jeffrey Epstein showed people photos of President Trump with half-naked young women. Do you know if the FBI found those photographs in their search of Jeffrey Epstein’s safe or premises or otherwise? Have you seen any such thing?” [I’d also be interested in which half.]

    Bondi, who says she has seen the files, would not answer “no.” Instead, she accused Whitehouse of “trying to slander President Trump.” Da noive!

    IMO, nothing will come of it. We will never see the files, even if the Supremes order it. The victims will need to come forward with names.

    Let’s close with this final Ruby song. See you tomorrow!

  • Polysemic Elasticity

    In connection with a Shakespeare quote in the puzzle today, Commenter Kitshef remarked about a party she attended once where a requirement for entry was that you recite a poem from memory. I posted the following note by way of reply:

    @kitshef. What a nice idea for a party — the poem. The ones I used to go to just required we bring beer or, worse, a casserole. The closest I came was when my sister Bonnie threw a 70th-birthday party for my brother-in-law and asked us each to write a poem for the occasion. I still remember my limerick. (Mitch was a physicist.)

    A young man in science well-versed
    Won our Bonnie’s heart from the first.
    She married the guy
    Then two children came by.
    All in all, she could have done worse.

    I didn’t include the haiku I also wrote. The party was up at Mohonk, a gorgeous resort north of NYC. Here it is:

    Driving to Mohonk
    Mitch is turning seventy
    Hope there’s no traffic

    May they both rest in peace. I miss them.

    The quote in the puzzle was at 16A: “It is ‘an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken,’ per Shakespeare.” The answer, you may know, is LOVE. Awwww.

    It’s from Sonnet 116, which was the poem Kitshef memorized and recited for the party.

    Let me not to the marriage of true minds
    Admit impediments; love is not love
    Which alters when it alteration finds,
    Or bends with the remover to remove.
    O no, it is an ever-fixèd mark
    That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
    It is the star to every wand’ring bark
    Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
    Love’s not time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
    Within his bending sickle’s compass come.
    Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
    But bears it out even to the edge of doom:
    If this be error and upon me proved,
    I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

    SPA is one of those words that’s often just filler in a puzzle. But I was stopped short by its clue today: “Belgian resort renowned for its mineral springs.” It turns out that Spa is a municipality and city in Wallonia in the province of Liège, Belgium. Its name became an eponym for mineral baths with supposed curative powers. (Wikipedia) That’s where the word “spa” comes from.

    At 34A, the clue was “Mysterious way to vanish,” and the answer was INTO THIN AIR. It reminded me of Richard M., who came to work at The Journal of Taxation back when I was on the editorial staff (1978-82?) He was obese. He made me look not heavy. No one made fun of him, certainly not I. But he didn’t like it there, and the day after he received his first paycheck he was out, and never came back. About a week later, someone from the printer stopped by and asked after him. He just left without saying goodbye, someone noted. And I added: “He disappeared into fat air.”

    The owls have requested more birds in our posts. Can’t say no to those two.

    At 54D, for the clue “Material for some gloves and balloons,” the answer was LATEX. Per egs: In honor of my first wife who is now deceased, I’m painting my house in LATEX.

    There was some muttering about 29A: Clue: “Diaphanous.” Answer: LIGHT. Rex started it: “The most confused I got today was at 29A: Diaphanous (LIGHT). I thought something ‘diaphanous’ was characterized by the interplay of light on its surface, or the way light shined through its delicate substance … yeah, it’s basically ‘translucent.’ Of fine composition. Airy. I would not have thought of it as LIGHT (adj.) meaning ‘not weighing much.’ I guess by implication diaphanous things wouldn’t weigh much, but I dunno. Weird to use LIGHT as an adjective here and change the meaning of the ‘light’ normally associated with ‘diaphanous’ (which is the noun kind of light, the kind that shines through a diaphanous … thing).”

    Southside J. noted: “I did a search for ‘diaphanous’ and one of the first definitions that popped up was LIGHT, so I’m guessing that it just caught Rex off guard, as it definitely seems legit.”

    But Anony Mouse countered: “No, Rex is right. Yes, diaphanous fabric is light, but its characteristic quality is translucency. You would never simply swap out LIGHT for ‘diaphanous.’ Without the fabric context, the clue is clumsy.”

    Finally, gregmark really let it all out, to wit:

    “Rex does this, as do many xword solvers, as I do in my not-best moments, waxing all doctrinaire about the fixed, impenetrable borders of definition when it’s convenient, forgetting that modern crosswords are all about idiomatic misdirection and the infinite polysemic elasticity of English.

    “Okay, that last point is precise but likely not easily understood—I mean that English wordplay is as expansive as we allow it to be; words would never evolve otherwise. If Rex was able to consider ‘airy,’ he should have been able to land on LIGHT faster than he did. But that’s very hard to impossible if, like Rex, you apply a super-hard mode approach to solving puzzles on easy days.

    “So the fabric context is optional and you absolutely would swap in DIAPHANOUS for ‘light’ if so you chose to do—one need only click their slippers three times and dream it.”

    [Owl Chatter note: Me? Forget that “modern crosswords are all about idiomatic misdirection and the infinite polysemic elasticity of English?” Not in a million f*cking years, Mojambo! How dare you!!]

    I’m too upset to go on. Taylor — we’ll chat about the new album tomorrow. Say Hi to Trav for us.

    See you next time Chatterheads!

  • Four Strong Winds

    The writer Tim O’Brien turned 79 this week. He was drafted and sent to Vietnam out of college, and described his hometown as “a town that congratulates itself, day after day, on its own ignorance of the world: a town that got us into Vietnam. Uh, the people in that town who sent me to that war, you know, couldn’t spell the word ‘Hanoi’ if you spotted them three vowels.” But he saw a silver lining there — it gave him something to write about. This is how one of his short stories starts:

    “First Lieutenant Jimmy Cross carried letters from a girl named Martha, a junior at Mount Sebastian College in New Jersey. They were not love letters, but Lieutenant Cross was hoping, so he kept them folded in plastic at the bottom of his rucksack. In the late afternoon, after a day’s march, he would dig his foxhole, wash his hands under a canteen, unwrap the letters, hold them with the tips of his fingers, and spend the last hour of light pretending.”

    O’Brien’s (and wife Meredith’s) two sons were born when he was 56 and 58. Here’s the mishpocha.

    Andy Spragg, of the Dull Men’s Club (UK), writes:

    A few days ago, I persuaded management [the wife] that our frying pan and wok were both long overdue to be replaced, and I hotfooted it to Robert Dyas in Thame before she could change her mind. It cost me about £30 for a pair of quality replacements, for things we use several times every week, and what deep dull joy came my way when I used them for the first time. Polenta slices – guaranteed to stick like sh*t to a blanket in the old frying pan – sliding around like friction hadn’t been invented yet. Fried eggs – no more tearing them to shreds in the battle to flip ’em over – once the underside had set, over they went. I’m here to tell you, folks, don’t hang on to old hobware.

    Victoria Tredwell: Cast iron. No Teflon.

    Andy Spragg: Why are so many people equating “non-stick” with “Teflon?” 

    Victoria: Probably because that’s what is usually sold

    Andy: I wouldn’t know where to start picking fault with that particular statement.

    Victoria: Stupid reply.

    Janette Bremner: DON’T FLIP YOUR EGGS: you’ll be having people think you’re American.

    Andy: Even Americans get some things right.

    Avi Liveson: Not lately.

    Ade Brownlow: I lived in Thame. The Robert Dyas is obviously new. One of the pubs had great wooden benches that acted as resonators when you farted on them. That still work?

    Andy: Do you remember the name of the pub, or where it was? Asking for a friend.

    Shaun Gisbey: I know the place, it was called the Farting Bench and Whistle.

    Ruth Hunt: We have several saucepans that are pre WW2.. they will never EVER be referred to as “hobware.” They are all “pans” named for their designated purposes….sauce pan, frying pan, etc.

    [OC note: I can’t find anything on the word “hobware.”]

    We pride ourselves at Owl Chatter at improving the lives of our readers. Teaching things. So, e.g., today let’s learn about “prone” and “supine.” The clue in today’s puzzle was “Facedown,” and the answer was PRONE. If you lie facedown, you are prone. If you lie on your back, you are “supine.”

    How to remember the difference? Supine and spine are close: So if you are lying on your spine (your back), you are supine. [I told this to my daughter-in-law Sarah and she said she knew that from yoga. So the yogis among you may already know this.]

    Here’s today’s quiz: This pretty girl is: ??

    Sublime!

    At 26A the clue was “Delight,” and the answer was SEND. One commenter didn’t see the connection, and was referred to the following:

    “Home of Banff National Park” at 27D was ALBERTA. If you don’t know this song, you oughta. Gives me goose bumps. Ian Tyson wrote it. Neil Young is singing it here. It’s called “Four Strong Winds.”

    Think I’ll go out to Alberta
    Weather’s good there in the fall
    I got some friends that I could go to working for
    Still I wish you’d change your mind
    If I ask you one more time
    But we’ve been through this a hundred times or more

    Four strong winds that blow lonely
    Seven seas that run high
    All those things that don’t change, come what may
    If the good times are all gone
    Then I’m bound for movin’ on
    I’ll look for you if I’m ever back this way

    The trip has been great! Incredibly perfect weather. We visited the Frick Museum in P’burgh — very nice. Terrific Thai food at Noodlehead including a first for us — a Duck Curry that was out of this world. Happy to see the Tigers and Yanks advance. Saw Michigan best Wisconsin with Sam (on TV). Good times.

    Let’s close with this poem by W.S. Merwin called “The Pinnacle” from today’s Writer’s Almanac.

    Both of us understood
    what a privilege it was
    to be out for a walk
    with each other
    we could tell from our different
    heights that this
    kind of thing happened
    so rarely that it might
    not come round again
    for me to be allowed
    even before I
    had started school
    to go out for a walk
    with Miss Giles
    who had just retired
    from being a teacher all her life

    she was beautiful
    in her camel hair coat
    that seemed like the autumn leaves
    our walk was her idea
    we liked listening to each other
    her voice was soft and sure
    and we went our favorite way
    the first time just in case
    it was the only time
    even though it might be too far
    we went all the way
    up the Palisades to the place
    we called the pinnacle
    with its park at the cliff’s edge
    overlooking the river
    it was already a secret
    the pinnacle
    as we were walking back
    when the time was later
    than we had realized
    and in fact no one
    seemed to know where we had been
    even when she told them
    no one had heard of the pinnacle

    and then where did she go

    See you tomorrow, Chatterheads! Thanks for popping by.

  • Bop Bop Bop

    We made it to Pittsburgh today, and are ensconced in our luxurious suite at The Maverick, by Kasa. Very chic. Almost as nice as our place last night in State College, PA:

    And I am happy to report that if any of you fellas were worried about a decline in the young, leggy, blond population, you can put your fears to rest. They are all at Penn State and are in fine fettle. The population on campus is about 97% young blond women in very summery shorts, and whatever the other 3% is I didn’t notice. Our Phil got to know this young lady a bit and asked her to marry him, according to the police report.

    I was wearing a Yankees cap and noticed that a young man walking towards me was wearing a Yankees shirt. As we neared each other, I caught his eye and gave him a slight nod of recognition and acknowledgement. In return, he gave me a small but clear thumbs up. Good stuff.

    Staying in the Dirty Old Man Dept for a bit, one of my favorite constructors, Wyna Liu, has a puzzle in the New Yorker this week and, of course, it’s great. I think it may have broken new ground in daringness. The NYT, in general, has let its hair down of late, e.g., allowing “ASS” into the puzzle on what seems like almost a daily basis. And Wyna is on the NYT staff. Anyway, her New Yorker puzzle had the following clue at 58A: “Pair in a sex shop.” That already has you heading places, amirite? And the answer was: EDIBLE UNDERWEAR. What are our puzzles coming to? Stephen Miller’s going to have to get involved at some point. All hell is breaking loose.

    The commentariat was also amused to note that today’s constructor, Neville Fogarty, managed to sneak ONLY FANS into the grid, clued innocently with “Online subscription service since 2016.” You know about this? Apparently, it’s a popular and lucrative site for pornographers. They produce content and subscribers pay them directly to view it, with the site taking 20%. The actress Bella Thorne set a record, generating $2 million in a week, on the promise of nude pix. However, some customers complained because she was wearing lingerie in them and she had to offer refunds. Here’s Bella now.

    Speaking of Stephen Miller, the following is from our “You Can’t Make This Stuff Up” Dept. It’s a verbatim segment of Trump’s speech to the military commanders yesterday, as per the historian Heather Cox Richardson:

    “We were not respected with Biden. They looked at him falling downstairs every day. Every day, the guy is falling downstairs. We can’t have it. I’m very careful. You know, when I walk downstairs for, like, a month, stairs, like these stairs, I’m very—I walk very slowly. Nobody has to set a record. Just try not to fall, because it doesn’t work out well. A few of our presidents have fallen and it became a part of their legacy. We don’t want that. You walk nice and easy. You’re not having—you don’t have to set any record. Be cool. Be cool when you walk down, but don’t—don’t pop down the stairs. So one thing with Obama, I had zero respect for him as a President, but he would bop down those stairs. I’ve never seen it. Da-da, da-da, da-da, bop, bop, bop. He’d go down the stairs. Wouldn’t hold on. I said, It’s great. I don’t want to do it. I guess I could do it. But eventually, bad things are going to happen, and it only takes once. But he did a lousy job as president. A year ago, we were a dead country. We were dead. This country was going to hell.”

    God bless America.

    Today’s Poem-A-Day from poets.org is by Hua Xi and is called “A Bookshelf.” It didn’t reach me, so I am not including it. But it ended with the following poignant lines:

    Change 
    is scenic and sudden.

    One year, I came home 
    and all the leaves fell off my father.

    After that, 
    he was winter.

    So it’s on to a decisive Game 3 for the Tigers, Guardians, Yanks, and Sox. Cubs and Padres too, but that’s of lesser interest to us. The Yankee starter will be the impressive rookie, Cam Schlittler. Ironically, Shittler is from Walpole, MA, and his New England ties go even deeper — for college, Hitler went to Northeastern. Hope he’s got his good stuff tomorrow. The air will be electric.

    Thanks for popping in!

  • Westward Ho!

    Hi, Chatterheads! It’s Wilma the owl, letting you know we are all heading out to Michigan for the week. So even though we are not spotted owls, broadcasting may be spotty. A night at Penn State, two in Pittsburgh, and then the weekend with Morris Irving, Harold Barney, and the folks.

    To the baseball fans among us — may all your teams do well!

    We’ll see ya when we see ya!

    `Z

  • The Color Of Moonlight

    I took no pleasure in seeing my alma mater PENN (law) in the grid yesterday at 50A, clued with “Brown alternative.” Its throwing a transgender athlete under a bus to kowtow to Trump is unforgivable, discussed in an earlier post. Actually, I tried “Yale” first and then even thought of “ecru.” But “Burns, e.g.” at 50D turned out to be POET, so PENN it was.

    For the second Saturday in a row, the puzzle put up a good fight. Is Shortz reading the comments in Rex’s blog complaining about the puzzle being dumbed down to increase sales? Hope so.

    At 41A the clue was “Two humper.” Answer: BACTRIAN. I know — srsly? It turns out a camel with two humps is a Bactrian camel, from the region Bactria in Asia. (The Arabian camel has only one hump.) Here’s one!

    Another toughie was at 54A: “Part of a high-tech security system.” Turned out to be LASER MAZE. You’ve probably seen one in a movie protecting jewels or something in a museum.

    Do you know the myth about the tears of Ra, the Egyptian god? Me neither. The clue at 23A was “They arose from Ra’s tears, according to Egyptian mythology.” Answer: BEES. You can see the Egyptian heritage of this bee, in Manchester, England. Manchester is an industrial city and so the “worker bee” has become a symbol associated with it.

    At 12D, “Classic rock?” was RUNESTONE. Of course, you’re all familiar with Glen Campbell’s big hit “Runestone Cowboy.”

    Have you heard the term CO-SLEEPER? The clue was “Alternative to a crib.” It’s the mini-bed attached to mom’s bed.

    As many of you know, that photo is pure fantasy. In real life, the mother gets no sleep. Ever.

    Just one more and then we’ll let yesterday’s puzzle go, except for a song. At 48D the clue was “___ Lines (ancient Peruvian geoglyphs),” and the answer was NAZCA. You ever hear of NAZCA lines? I’ve heard of Nascar — completely different. According to Wikipedia, the Nazca lines are a group of over 700 geoglyphs made in the soil of the Nazca Desert in southern Peru. They’re pretty amazing — like hieroglyphics but on land.

    Commenter Son Volt provides a valuable service to the Commentariat. Almost daily he posts three songs related to things in the puzzle. Sometimes it’s a puzzle for me to figure out the relationship. Today, e.g., he shared this very old S & G tune, below. The minute I heard it I thought I saw the connection: The East River had been clued as “what the UN overlooks.” But that was in a different puzzle I recently completed: not the NYT. So I had to keep looking and the only connection I could find was POET, the answer for “Burns, e.g.,” as noted above. In any case, here’s the young duo.

    From today’s Met Diary, this story by Howard Rubin called “Just Enough.”

    Dear Diary:

    I grew up in the East New York section of Brooklyn. My mother shopped at the corner grocery store, which sold lox by the pound.

    She would often buy enough for one or two bagels, not unusual in our relatively poor neighborhood. She called it a half of a quarter of a pound.

    Many years later, when I was an adult and living in Flatbush, I had the urge for a bagel with lox.

    I stopped off at a nearby supermarket, went to the counter where the fish was sold and ordered an eighth of a pound of lox.

    The gentleman cutting the lox paused and looked at me.

    “Having company?” he asked.

    Bette Midler once described “the poor” as those “who summer where they winter.” In a similar vein, my view of the rich is those for whom lox knows no limits.

    Yesterday’s baseball action has left the Mets and Tigers in a precarious position. Each needs a win and losses by, respectively, Cincy and Cleveland to make it into the playoffs. The entire season comes down to this. Good luck, men.

    Whatever happens today, Pete Alonso, nicknamed the Polar Bear, had a phenomenal year, despite global warming: 38 homers, 126 RBI, and .273 batting average. That .273, BTW, puts him 15th in the NL. Only one player is over .300 — Trea Turner at .305. He’s 2nd in RBI, behind Schwarber (134), and 4th in homers.

    Phil caught this nice shot of Pete, greeting the press.

    Today’s puzzle is a nice take on the phrase FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS. In six segments of the large (Sunday) grid, there is a “friend,” i.e., MONICA, PHOEBE, RACHEL, JOEY, ROSS or CHANDLER, crossed by a “benefit,” e.g., VACATION, HEALTH, DENTAL, DAYCARE, WELLNESS, and BONUS. The title of the puzzle is “Central Perk,” the coffee shop from the show, and it’s a pun on “perk,” as a “benefit.”

    At 116A, for the clue “Rye, e.g.,” the answer was WHISKEY. It led Son Volt to share this exquisite song by the exquisite Laura Cantrell.

    At 50D the clue was “Clown around with food?” and the answer was MCDONALD, a reference to Ronald McDonald. Did you know the original Ronald McDonald was Willard Scott of the Today show? Scott in fact created the clown character at the request of the company, but was replaced after a few years because of his weight. Ouch! McDonalds did not want to be associated with fatness. SRSLY. Pass the fries. Scott passed away at the age of 87 four years ago.

    With the theme half-devoted to the show FRIENDS, the Commentariat weighed in with pretty strong feelings, on both sides. Here are some samples:

    A show that defined the uniformed privilege of the 90s. A copycat of Living Single and created by Clinton besties – absolutely void of any diversity or originality. It should have been called Wealthy, White, Straight Friends.

    Someone who lives in my house enjoys Friends and so we have watched all 236 episodes multiple times and I have never once laughed out loud, except for the “PIVOT!” scene. I suppose privileged white people who drink wine and have struggles is not my genre.

    The show often felt to me as if written by a committee with a bead on what was trending for a certain class of white people in the 90s. And also that it adhered to a very traditional comedy formula, consisting of a series of set-ups for one-liners and zingers.

    In an effort to defend the fact that this 70-year-old really liked Friends I will say this: Monica managed to get that extremely nice (and spacious) apartment when her grandmother died. Phoebe pretty much didn’t have a pot to piss in, but benefited by her friendship with Monica and was her roommate. Chandler had a very well-paid job that nobody really knew what it was, and Joey was an unemployed/underemployed actor (until he got a break well in) and also didn’t have a pot to piss in, but Chandler gave HIM a break and let him be roommate. Ross was a paleontologist. He had a nice apartment. Likewise, jilting bride Rachel had no job at first and benefited from the Monica apartment. With that said, sitcoms are not everyone’s cuppa, and most aren’t for me, but I truly think it had great writers and good actors that made you believe they were friends.

    To me, Friends is based on characters being stupid, mean to each other, live unrealistic lifestyles based on their jobs, and constant sexual innuendo and obsession. Oh, and haircuts.

    Only in TV fantasyland does a dorky looking David Schwimmer hook up with the gorgeous Jennifer Aniston.

    Egs said he enjoyed the tribute to a bunch of rich cats, reminding us that the puzzle’s constructor was Rich Katz.

    CHANDLER’s position in the grid is right in the center, in a vertical oval spanned by the letters of his name. So I posted:

    We’re coming up (next month) to the second anniversary of the sad passing of Matthew Perry, the fine actor who played Chandler. Perhaps that central part of the puzzle represents Chandler’s gravesite, which the others are visiting to honor his memory.

    Happy to close today with this poem from The Writer’s Almanac by Neal Bowers wryly called “Confederates.”

    My father was only two in 1915
    when he sat on Walter Denton’s lap
    and heard the old man dragging in
    his heavy chain of breath, each link
    stuttering down the back of his throat.
    “Floyd,” he whispered, saying the baby’s name
    like a question, “look yere,”
    and he placed my father’s hand
    on a scar the color of moonlight,
    a shrapnel wound from the Yankee boats
    that shelled Ft. Donelson.
    Then both of them began to cry,
    there in the ladderback chair
    someone had dragged into elm shade,
    away from the stifling house,
    until a woman came and saved them
    from each other, leaving one
    to go into the past and disappear,
    the other to follow by way of the future.

    See you tomorrow Chatterheads!

  • Shinola

    The NYT has apparently sunk to the grammatical equivalent of hanging around in sweats all day. The headline for this story in yesterday’s Style section reads: Who Are You Calling a Dummy Now? I’m sure you’re as aghast as I am at the failure to use “whom.” But what are you going to do? It’s still a good story.

    It’s about Sophie Becker whose acting career hit the skids during Covid, but rebounded when she picked up two dummies and put an act together as a ventriloquist. Ronnie’s the blonde, below, and the other one is Jerry, a replica of Jerry Mahoney some of you may recall who was Paul Winchell’s dummy back in the day.

    Sophie immersed herself in the history of the art. It has freaked her dad out a bit. He noted with some concern that his daughter addresses her dummy by name, as if it were a real person. And she says, “We’re on our way,” when she’s going to visit her parents. “Sometimes I wonder: Where does it stop and start for her? Where does Sophie end and where does the doll begin?”

    Here’s Jerry. Sophie says she can’t leave them out on the couch because they scare her roommates. She heard one yelp in the middle of the night when she saw Jerry.

    Austin Phillips made Ronnie — he’s a dummy maker in Portland, Maine. He also tunes them up when necessary. The actress Candice Bergen was interviewed for the story. Her dad was Edgar Bergen, who worked with the puppet Charlie McCarthy. She said he was never referred to as “the dummy,” it was always “Charlie.” “He was treated as something less than a god, but not by much.”

    Unfortunately, I could not get an appropriate sample of Sophie’s work for us, but here’s a female British ventriloquist.

    Yesterday’s puzzle featured some amazing wordplay by constructor Jesse Goldberg. You could tell something funny was going on right away. E.g., at 2D the clue was “Anaheim players,” which had to be ANGELS, but there was space for only 4 letters in the answer. Similarly, at 6D the clue was “Spell out,” so the answer should be SPECIFY, but there was only space for 5 letters.

    Well, the revealer way down at 52A made things clear. The clue was “What each Down answer needs from its clue in order to make sense,” and the answer was FIRST TWO LETTERS. So here’s the scoop: for every single down answer, you had to take the first two letters of the clue and add it to the front of the answer for it to make sense. So for SPECIFY, above, you only enter ECIFY, and the first two letters of the clue (“SPell out”) complete it to be SPECIFY. That happened for every down clue/answer! Amazing.

    At 30D the clue was “Shoe polish brand” and the answer was INOLA to which you add SH, for SHINOLA. That explains the expression — when you call someone an idiot by saying “he doesn’t know shit from Shinola.” My whole life (till now) that made no sense to me. But of course, if it’s shoe polish, it might be confused with the other substance by an idiot.

    If you were in Philly back in the early Seventies and a sports fan, you had to love Bernie. Bernie Parent (pronounced pa-rent) was the goalie for the Flyers who won the Stanley Cup with Parent in goal in ’74 and ’75. It was the Flyers heyday; the Bobby Clarke era. In the 1973-74 season, Parent won 47 games, a single-season N.H.L. record that stood for 33 years. He also led the league with a 1.89 goals-against average and 12 shutouts, which earned him the Vezina Trophy, for the league’s top goalie.

    Parent passed away this week at the age of 80. Oddly, Hall of Fame goalies Ken Dryden and Eddie Giacomin also died very recently.

    I remember one game situation from the playoffs back then. An attacker from the opposing team broke free with the puck and charged at Bernie. He took a point-blank shot which Parent flicked away but the rebound came back to the shooter who took another heads-on blast which Parent again flicked away. Time seemed to freeze. It seemed like these two going at it were the only two people on the planet. The attacker took the rebound again and shot again. Bernie, who remained planted in front of the goal the entire time, flicked that one away too. Finally, some defensemen arrived on the scene, like Robert Duvall in The Godfather arriving with armed men at the hospital, where Brando had been left without protection. They whisked the puck away and it was over. Any doubts you may have had about the unique and extraordinary skills Bernie possessed were forever dispelled.

    Here’s how Stan Hochman described a similar situation in the Philly Daily News. He compared Parent’s turning away shots to a boxer fending off punches.

    “Pow, Gil Perreault from the left,” he wrote. “Crunch, Jocelyn Guevremont from the right. Wham, Perreault again from the left. Bam, René Robert from the middle. Whoosh, Perreault once more with a haymaker.”

    Parent is survived by three children from his first marriage which ended in divorce; his second wife, Gini; two sisters; six grandchildren; and two great-grandchildren.

    Rest in peace, Bernie.

    Senior Living Dept. After carefully watching two YouTube videos on how to replace engine and cabin filters in a Subaru Outback, I decided I could do it myself and save a few bucks. (If you are laughing already — cut it out!!) So I went online to Amazon to order the filters. I needed one for the engine and one for the “cabin:” the part of the car in which the people sit. They were both clearly due for a change. We have a 2017 model and the filter sizes seemed to have changed starting in 2020. So I had to be sure to order the right ones.

    I skimmed a few reviews, checked on prices, and placed my order on Wednesday with delivery promised by yesterday. The package came, and I invited Linda to watch me do it! As comedian Jim Gaffigan described a day out with his kids, it’s like one of those movies where the prisoner is being escorted to a new prison on the train, handcuffed to the deputy. Things may seem to go perfectly fine for a bit but you know something’s going to pop. Sure enough, I open the package only to find two engine filters and no cabin filter!

    I was super careful when I placed the order, so those idiots at Amazon must have screwed up. So I checked my account to see what I ordered. Sure enough, I ordered two engine filters and no cabin filter. D’oh!

    The good news is I was able to replace the filter in the vehicle smoothly and when I contacted Amazon to send the second one back and get the right kind, they told me just to keep it and they’d issue a refund anyway. How great is that!

    Epilogue: The cabin filter came today and I was able to install it. All’s well that ends well.

    At 22A today, the puzzle asked me: If a group of geese is called a “flock,” what group of animals or birds is called a “business?” A business of what? Answer: FERRETS. Who knew? Hi fellas!

    If you’re not fond of ferrets, how about weasels? At 2D for the clue “Talked one’s way (out of),” the answer was WEASELED.

    There were some crafty clues today. At 33A the clue was “Takes in the trash?” But “take” here is a noun, not a verb. Like “Take 15” when shooting a movie. So the answer was DELETED SCENES. (Get it?) But, side note — who takes “in” the trash? You take “out” the trash, no?

    R. Dangerfield: My wife told me to take out the trash. I said, “I already took out the trash.” She said, “Well, go keep an eye on it.”

    And there was a lot going on at 15A. The clue was “Stream with a lot of shade?” Stream here is like to watch something on Netflix. And shade is from the expression to throw shade, meaning to disparage or ridicule. So the answer was HATEWATCH. (I’m too f*cking old for that one, but I can sort of see it.)

    At 49A, “In need of an evening out?” was CREASED. The constructor is playing with “evening” here. Like to even something out.

    This just in — from The Onion:

    Mom Triumphantly Drags Hotel Pool Lounge Chair Back To Family Like Fresh Kill

    ENCINITAS, CA—Proudly hauling her prized prey across the Holiday Inn Express’ patio Saturday afternoon, mother of three, Bonnie Cohn, reportedly dragged a pool lounge chair back to her awaiting family like a fresh kill, onlookers confirmed. “Got one!” said the victorious hunter, who had methodically stalked the poolside area for several minutes before eyeing her quarry, charging across the sun-warmed concrete, and viciously pouncing on her target. “They need to put more chairs out here. There just aren’t enough for everyone.” At press time, Cohn’s most dominant offspring had reportedly ripped the chair away from his weaker siblings.

    See you tomorrow!

  • The Pennycandystore

    The Commentariat got its knickers all in a twist (that’s British for “panties all in a bunch”), over whether ice cream and soup are “spooned” when served, as asserted in a clue. Many maintained ice cream is “scooped” and soup “ladled.” Close enough for crosswords, is my view. And one witness for the defense noted that both the scoop and the ladle are types of spoons.

    This post made the whole contretemps worth it for me:

    “I always call it scooping ice cream, even when I’m using 2 large spoons and trying (too often unsuccessfully) to form perfect quenelles. But I always ladle soup.”

    “Quenelles!” What a great word, and new to me. According to Wikipedia, a quenelle is a mixture of creamed fish or meat, sometimes combined with breadcrumbs, with a light egg binding, formed into an egg-like shape, and then cooked. By extension, a quenelle may also be another food made into a similar shape, such as ice cream, sorbet, butter, or mashed potato quenelles.

    The issue arose because the theme to the puzzle yesterday was JUGBAND, with the five theme answers starting off with instruments you would find in such an ensemble: WASHBOARD ABS, STOVEPIPE HAT, SPOONS OUT, BONES UP ON, and, JUG BAND itself. This video shows how to make a stovepipe for a jugband, and how it’s played (you blow into it).

    Commenter Lewis shared this video with us of the Spoon Lady, who entertained him for many years busking in downtown Asheville.

    Putting it all together, here’s some jugband music, just as the doctor prescribed.

    In today’s puzzle, “Like the scent of some air fresheners” was PINEY, which some thought was a bit awkward. Can you find it in this Dylan song?

    Didn’t I weep beside you
    With the rain blowing in your hair?

    I completely crashed on “2011 Peace Nobelist ___ Johnson Sirleaf.” It’s ELLEN. She was President of Liberia from 2006 to 2018, the first elected female head of state in Africa. Her efforts to bring women into the peacekeeping process won her the Nobel Peace Prize. Liberia had a mild anti-gay statute that was never enforced. While she did not push for its repeal she held fast against efforts to pass far more onerous ones. Good job, El!

    Get this — if you’re a fan of the TV comedy Parks and Recreation, Sirleaf’s niece is the actress Retta who played the character Donna Meagle on the show. Below is the Prez herself, followed by Retta.

    This poem from today’s Writer’s Almanac is by Lawrence Ferlinghetti. It’s called “The Pennycandystore Beyond the El.”

    The Pennycandystore beyond the El
    is where I first
         fell in love
              with unreality
    Jellybeans glowed in the semi-gloom
    of that september afternoon
    A cat upon the counter moved among
                  the licorice sticks
              and tootsie rolls
          and Oh Boy Gum

    Outside the leaves were falling as they died

    A wind had blown away the sun

    A girl ran in
    Her hair was rainy
    Her breasts were breathless in the little room

    Outside the leaves were falling
         and they cried
              Too soon! too soon!

    It’s a compelling poem, no? I did a little googling to try to get a handle on how it’s been interpreted. Didn’t work. One writer said it’s about the death of humanity and that the girl was God. Puh-leeeze. I did note the stark difference between the store with the glowing jellybeans, and outside where the wind had blown away the sun. Is it about the passing of childhood “too soon?” One writer referred to the first time you (a boy) see a real girl and appreciate her force. Another said “Her hair was rainy” is the best line in the poem. There’s certainly more electricity to it than if he wrote “her hair was wet.”

    Did she look like either of these?

    Technology continues to take a larger role in baseball. Next season, each batter will be “measured” for his particular strike zone and each pitch will be determined to be a strike or ball electronically. That result will only be called into play if a batter challenges the umpire’s strike call, or the catcher/pitcher challenges a ball call. Each side gets two challenges per game, but a challenge is not charged if it’s proven right. I like it.

    Owl Chatter sports consultant, the lovely women’s ice hockey player Sarah Fillier, has been following the story and was able to get us a shot of what the so-called “robot umpire” will look like. Thanks Sarah!

    At 18A today, “Dance craze named for a Southern city,” was, of course, the CHARLESTON. I associate that business with your knees with it, but there’s a lot more to it, apparently. Here’s some “footage” from my grand-nephew’s bar mitzvah in Delaware.

    Sometimes, with the whirlwind that is Washington DC, we lose sight of the eloquence. Here are some excerpts from Trump’s speech at the UN.

    “In my first term, I built the greatest economy in the history of the world. We had the best economy ever, history of the world, and I’m doing the same thing again, but this time it’s actually much bigger and even better. The numbers far surpass my record-setting first term.

    “In a period of just seven months, I have ended seven unendable wars. They said they were unendable. You’re never going to get them solved…. No president or prime minister, and for that matter, no other country, has ever done anything close to that, and I did it in just seven months. It’s never happened before. There’s never been anything like that. Very honored to have done it.

    “You’re destroying your countries. They’re being destroyed. Europe is in serious trouble. They’ve been invaded by a force of illegal aliens like nobody’s ever seen before. Illegal aliens are pouring into Europe, and nobody’s doing anything to change it, to get them out. In London, they want Sharia Law. It’s not sustainable.

     “I’m really good at this stuff. Your countries are going to hell.”

    A senior foreign diplomat posted at the U.N. texted: “This man is stark, raving mad. Do Americans not see how embarrassing this is?”

    I don’t know. Do we? What’s the embarrassing part?

    Thanks for stopping by. See you tomorrow!