The Wellington Files

  • Rockin’ Robins

    Our favorite commenter on Rex’s blog, egs (short for egsforbreakfast) got me scared yesterday referring to himself as having cancer. I should have known better. He was playing with the puzzle theme: TOUCANS — phrases that had “can” in them twice. Egs’s note said: This will be short as I’m having a cancer scan. I should have listened to the Canadian canards about eating Cancun pecans I guess.

    Barbara S. dazzled us with a different sort of note. I’m going to share it, in its entirety. It has nothing I can see that relates to the puzzle (altho it’s about birds and toucans are birds). She just had a story she wanted to tell, and (correctly) felt the (mostly) friendly lunatics who read Rex’s blog on the puzzle would enjoy it.

    Over the past few weeks, my husband and I have been godparents to a family of robins who have been nesting on our front porch. They built the nest in the early spring and we got quite excited about our new tenants, but then they abandoned their construction and disappeared. I guess they found a nesting site they liked better for their first brood of the season. But then, around 10 July, they came back and started reinforcing the nest. Woo-hoo, we’re going to get some avian action, after all! The mom laid four eggs but, sadly, according to one of our eagle-eyed neighbors, one was stolen by a crow. (I like crows for their astonishing intelligence, but it’s no wonder they call them in groups “a murder.”)

    Mom-robin was the soul of patience as she sat incubating those eggs. Our neighbors are having their driveway, front walkway and back patio replaced, and she had to carry out her vigil through the sounds of jackhammers and stonecutting saws – what a cacophony! I found it interesting that although she mostly sat there quite motionless, she did feel free to fly off for brief forays, presumably to eat. (It was during one of these absences, of course, that the crow struck.)

    Then, one day, we noticed both parents sitting on the edge of the nest and looking down into it. Hah – that could mean only one thing: baby birds have hatched! Then began the non-stop feeding ritual, in which both parents seemed to participate equally. They flew in and out of our porch at Mach-speed. If you happened to be out there near the flight-path, your hair could practically get singed.

    The little birds grew until first beaks and then bodies were visible over the sides of the nest. We were surprised that there was no chirping in the early days of feeding – it seems it takes a few days for the babies to find their voice. Hatchlings are really not an attractive sight and their open beaks seem to be the same size as the rest of them. But how quickly they passed through that stage and turned into little speckled buddhas sitting stolidly in a row, waiting for their next meal.

    And then one early morning before I was up, one of them fell out of the nest. Code yellow! Red alert! Battle stations! The dear little thing was unhurt and my husband popped it back in, after first determining that this action wouldn’t jeopardize the viability of the family. Apparently, robins don’t have a particularly good sense of smell so aren’t able to detect human interference. And, indeed, feeding went on in the normal fashion after that. Then, the next day, the little blighter fell out again, but this time, when my husband went to retrieve it, it flew a short distance. It flew! Good grief, how can that be? A mere two weeks ago, it was an egg!

    The second chick departed soon after that, leaving one lonely hold-out in the nest. We understand that, for a time, the parents feed the fledglings on the ground, and were a bit afraid that in their zeal to find the departees, they might forget about the remaining nester. Early this morning, my husband looked out and that last chick was perched on the edge of the nest, looking around, and presumably closely considering its next move. A little later a parent arrived with food and found that chick…gone! Poof, vanished, out into the big wide world.

    So, sniff, my husband and I are empty-nesters. We’ve been utterly riveted at all stages of the family’s development, and can’t wait to see if the nest will be used again.

    It elicited many “thank you for sharings” and this comment from long-time commentariat member Nancy: Barbara S. — Your wonderfully evocative comment makes me feel once again an emotion that I, a lifelong New Yorker, have too often experienced on this blog: Nature envy. You see, I have to walk to my Nature in Central Park. Nature doesn’t come to me. And it certainly doesn’t hang around for weeks and months at a time, revealing itself slowly in fascinating stages and progressions.

    Tippi Hedren and Melanie Griffith are both beautiful women. TH is 95, kinehora, living in New Ulm MN, and MG, her daughter, just turned 68 a few days ago. She (Mel) was married to Antonio Banderas for close to 20 years. And Melanie is mom to another knockout, Dakota Johnson. But Antonio is not Dakota’s dad — Don Johnson is. Mel was married to him twice, 13 years apart. Mel did have a child with Antonio — Stella. Time to throw some faces at you. Tippi, Mel, and Antonio with Stella.

    This all comes up because it was Hitchcock’s birthday this week. Like most moviegoers I was a fan. But when I learned how abusive he was to Tippi Hedren, well, he can go fuck himself in his grave. He played in the same playground as Harvey Weinstein. Hedren rebuffed him but he abused her terribly for years, treating her like a possession, and obsessing over her. Is it so hard to appreciate beauty, cherish and protect it? Shouldn’t that be the natural response?

    ********

    Will report on our excellent VT getaway next time. Thanks for popping in, Chatterheads!

  • Bamboo Stilts

    Broadcasting today from the wonderful Kellogg-Hubbard Library in Montpelier VT. How wonderful? Well, the information lady just helped me print out a puzzle for Linda off of my phone. Left to my own device, literally, — not a chance. It’s not air conditioned, but it’s one of those old buildings that don’t seem to get too hot and there’s a fan. That’s important because it’s going to hit 90 today, even up here in Vermont.

    We stopped at Walmart first to get a box of tissues ($1.84). The Waitsfield Inn didn’t supply one. Also got some authentic VT maple syrup: gifts for Caity and Sam, and get this — the Walmart up here sells beer. A fresh 12-pack of Long Trail Ale was going for just $15-something. Unheard of. (Burp!)

    Self-served ourselves some gas on Route 2 (not too badly priced up here), and by the time we found a non-permit, non-metered parking spot, it was ten and the library was open.

    Our plan today is to chill at the library till lunch at a very interesting looking Thai place. Then take a shady walk if we can find one. We’re catching a documentary film about Jeff Buckley at 5:45 at an artsy movie house in town, so we’ll either have dinner before it or after it, depending on our appetites. Not sure where yet.

    I just reread the above and notice that it’s quite dull. I may be spending too much time with the Dull Men’s Club (UK). That’s going to happen. Love those guys (and gals).

    Our one stop on the way up here was fantastic: The incredible Ying Quartet performing at Music Mountain in Connecticut on Sunday. Easily one of the best quartets we’ve ever heard, not that I’m a good judge. There are three Yings (Janet (second violin), Philip (viola), and David (cello)) plus Robin Scott, first violin. Four Yings formed the quartet way back in 1988. Scott has been with them for ten years.

    We had seats way up front (Row B) and could see and feel the intensity as well as hear it. Music Mountain recognizes that the classical music audience is made up 99% by seniors. So there is no senior discount. In fact, there’s a discount for listeners under 40 (and I think if you’re under 18 it’s free). But, there’s also a 50% discount for teachers. How great is that? So we splurged on the seats up front. (Lawn seating, btw, is normally $30, but is free for teachers.)

    They played two of the most popular quartets out there (Dvorak’s American and Schubert’s Death and the Maiden, and two lesser known works. How they could still move their arms after the Schubert for a wildly demanded encore (Gershwin) was amazing. Well, as wild as a room full of octogenarians can get.

    From the sublime to the ridiculous. For those of you who did not share in our glee at the confirmation of Pete Hegseth, you’ve got to admit he’s been an endless source of nonsense and delight. Historian Heather Cox Richardson shared this latest in her newsletter a few days ago:

    Last Thursday, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth reposted a video in which Christian nationalist pastors express their opposition to the idea of women voting. “I would like to see this nation being a Christian nation, and I would like this world to be a Christian world,” said Christian nationalist Doug Wilson. In his repost of the video, Hegseth wrote “All of Christ for All of Life.”

    Voting rights for women??? Why, the next thing you know, men will want ’em!

    Monday’s puzzle theme was revealed at 64A “Cocktail party staple:” CHEESE BOARD. So the theme answers were, e.g., “Independence Day banger” for (FIRE) CRACKER. And a (TRAFFIC) JAM supplied the jam. Did you know the little Lego people are called MINI FIGS? That’s how we got figs on the board. And ALISON BRIE was the cheese (“Recipient of two Golden Globe Best Actress nominations for Netflix’s ‘GLOW’”). She’s not looking cheesy here:

    This poem was written by Li Bai and translated from Chinese by Ezra Pound. It’s called “The River-Merchant’s Wife: A Letter.”

    While my hair was still cut straight across my forehead
    I played about the front gate, pulling flowers
    You came by on bamboo stilts, playing horse,
    You walked about my seat, playing with blue plums.
    And we went on living in the village of Chokan:
    Two small people, without dislike or suspicion.

    At fourteen I married My Lord you.
    I never laughed, being bashful.
    Lowering my head, I looked at the wall.
    Called to, a thousand times, I never looked back.

    At fifteen I stopped scowling,
    I desired my dust to be mingled with yours
    Forever and forever, and forever.
    Why should I climb the lookout?

    At sixteen you departed,
    You went into far Ku-to-Yen, by the river of swirling eddies,
    And you have been gone five months.
    The monkeys make sorrowful noise overhead.
    You dragged your feet when you went out.
    By the gate now, the moss is grown, the different mosses,
    Too deep to clear them away!
    The leaves fall early this autumn, in wind.
    The paired butterflies are already yellow with August
    Over the grass in the West garden,
    They hurt me.
    I grow older,
    If you are coming down through the narrows of the river Kiang,
    Please let me know beforehand,
    And I will come out to meet you,
                                    As far as Cho-fu-Sa.

    It’s the afternoon now, and OMG lunch was fantastic. Wilaiwan’s Kitchen is a window opening onto the street where you place your order and pay (cards only). There was a line of people waiting the entire time we were there. They only offer three options: noodle dishes in different spicy broths with chicken, beef, or pork. $12 each. They are open from 11 to 2, or until sold out. The menu changes weekly. Two tables outside and a few inside. Most folks order take out. We were lucky to get one of the outside tables. Generous portions; absolutely delicious.

    Bill Jeffs of the Dull Men’s Club (UK) shared the following with the membership: Slot booked for local recycling centre tomorrow. Wife is excited as I haven’t taken her anywhere other than the supermarket for ages!

    Dee Smith: Perhaps a romantic meal to follow?

    Matt Matterson: Easy now, Smith.

    Graham Walker: Who is being recycled?

    Bill: Now you’ve put ideas in my head, I was only planning to get rid of an old armchair and few other bits ‘n’ bobs.

    Rich Smith: Hang on Bill, I thought you meant you were just taking her there — why are you throwing out a chair and bits and bobs. Can you itemise what you are intending on throwing away? This is unacceptable and you will regret it. 

    Rich Smith: What’s the special occasion to warrant that Bill? Is it her birthday? It’s a bit extravagant isn’t it and what if other wives see your post? They are all going to be on their full husbands case now and expect the same luxury

    Bumper sticker on car in VT. (I told Caity I’d get her one):

    HONK IF YOU SEE A KID FALL OUT

    Today’s puzzle was by Erik Agard, a master craftsman, and I can’t recall Rex ever raving as profusely as he does over it: the freshness of the clues and answers, the craft of the construction (two “stacks” of three nine-letters answers each). The revealer was TOUCANS and the three theme answers each had CAN in them twice: MEXICAN AMERICAN, CANDY CANE, and CAN’T HOLD A CANDLE. For a long time NYT XWs routinely contained white men, and Black women just didn’t exist. Today, there are four Black women, including ANITA HILL (clued as a law professor), and no white men.

    At 18D “Online publication of Vox Media,” was THE CUT. It’s an online pub that’s part of New York Magazine. In 2015, it published a New York Magazine cover feature by Noreen Malone that included interviews with 35 women who had accused Bill Cosby of sexual assault. The cover image and photo portfolio by Amanda Demme included portraits of all the women seated and an empty chair to symbolize those unable to come forward. An excerpt from E. Jean Carroll’s book What Do We Need Men For? A Modest Proposal ran in 2019 on THE CUT and on the cover of New York‘s print magazine, in which she first shared her story of being sexually assaulted by then-President You-Know-Whom.

    Whew. Time to go. To be continued.

  • Lollapuzzoola 2025

    Getting lost on the way to the puzzle-solving tournament was not a good omen. I forgot or never knew that the #2 subway line peeled off and headed east after 96th Street. So when I got off at 116th, I was way east of where I had to be. And where was that? Riverside Church way on the Westside at 119th. At Lollapuzzoola 2025, the second biggest crossword tournament in the U.S. It was going to be my third appearance. Or so I thought.

    I had close to an hour so I started walking west, but Morningside Heights is not heights for no reason. (Please don’t not forgive my double negatives.) So after a few blocks there was a massive set of steps heading up to the heavens. I started the trudge, but it was hot, and I’m suffering from my summer allergies, so I thought better of it after a few flights. I gave up.

    The options were to really give up and just head home — that would teach the Universe a lesson! Or take a cab, if I could find one. I found one but it passed right by me. Arggggh. F*ck you Universe! But the second one stopped and I climbed in. I still had about 25 minutes, plus I knew it really didn’t start at the crack of ten. The driver did his best to get me there, but we were stopped several blocks short by a parade. (I forget what the parade was for.) The cop told him he’d have to go all the way down to 96th to cross. (We were on 120th and that’s where I needed to be.) I told the driver I’d walk the rest of the way and paid him $12 for a $9.40 fare. It was about 9:45.

    Remember The Graduate? The last scene? Dustin Hoffman had to get to Katherine Ross’s wedding so he could stop it and run off with her. He’s driving like mad, but runs out of gas. D’oh! So he ditches the car and starts running. That was me, except I was walking. With about seven minutes to go, I burst into Riverside Church, banged on the chapel windows and started shouting Elaine! Elaine! Hundreds of puzzle solvers turned around to see what was happening. Time stopped. Elaine’s dad called me a son of a bitch. Finally, Katherine Ross screamed Ben!

    And Lollapuzzoola 2025 was on. Never in doubt.

    I’m pretty sure I did worse than my previous two times. I came in #144 out of 173 in my category. (There are three categories: local (normal people); express (geniuses); and pairs (couples working together).) Still — I finished in the top 100%!

    The first puzzle eased us into things and I completed it with time to spare and no errors. Yay me. You got points for correct answers and a bonus for a perfect grid. You could ask for help (an answer) 8 times during the day by cashing in a google ticket but each time you did it cost you 25 points. You also got a point for each second you finished before the allotted time.

    The second was a notch tougher. I was still able to finish early but made three errors. Not too shabby.

    The third one bloodied me. There was a trick to it. It was called “Balloon Animals” and some of the answers expanded with repeated letters, but I couldn’t get a handle on it. So I ended up using all the time and making a whole bunch of errors.

    For lunch, I found a nice bench on Riverside Drive and relaxed by doing crossword puzzles on my phone. No I didn’t!! Are you nuts? I enjoyed a fine tuna sandwich I brought from home. The tournament provided pizza and drinks for $15 but I opted out. I’m glad I did — there was some mess at the distribution point.

    We were warned that the fourth puzzle would be the hardest. Yup. No question. I took all 40 minutes and only figured out part of the trick. And for the first time ever I cashed in two google tickets. It helped. I managed to fill in much of the grid, but it was rife with errors. One of the organizers had constructed the puzzle. It was brilliant. The theme was revealed in the final across answer which was CALL BULL. (Like saying “bullshit.”) And throughout the grid whenever the letters RED appeared in a word, something happened, and the answer was the opposite of what the clue asked for. SRSLY, right? They sent us copies of all the puzzles. I’m going to try that one again at my leisure. I just have to find my leisure suit.

    You might think I was depleted after those bludgeonings, but I had my best showing in the fifth puzzle. A perfect grid, finished early! Nice to end on an up note.

    I’m ending here so I can get ready for our big summer vacation. A concert today at 3 at Music Mountain in CT, followed by four nights in Waitsfield VT. Can’t wait. Broadcasting may be spotty, but I’ll do my best.

    Thanks for popping in Chatterheads!

  • Madam Umpire

    You all know what streaking is, right? It’s not all that profound: You take off all of your clothes and run down the street. But did you know the answer to 55A today: “Events akin to streaks?” It’s UNDIE RUNS. One notch below (above?) a streak: You run down the street in your underwear. Not by yourself — in an organized run with other participants. They are popular in some colleges as fund raisers.

    The first photo above is from Cleveland. The second is from Washington DC. Undie runs should not be confused with No Pants Subway Rides, annual events where a group of people take a ride on a subway train while not wearing pants. Beginning in New York in 2002, the event spread worldwide to as many as sixty cities as of 2013.

    The clue at 20A was “toadlike” and the answer was WARTY.

    Linda was having a wart removed by our wonderful dermatologist Dr. Gruber several years ago and she asked him: “Does having a wart mean that I am turning into a witch?” And he looked at her in all seriousness and said: “Oh, no. I would not say that.”

    Owl Chatter, as usual, is far ahead of the traditional news. And so we discussed long ago the small piece of baseball history that is happening this weekend. Jen Pawol, proud Jersey girl, will be the first ever woman to umpire a major league game. She’s on the crew umping the Miami-Atlanta series in Georgia this weekend. Sunday she’ll be behind the plate. Brava, JP! Call ’em as you see ’em.

    Sh*t, doesn’t she look like she was born to ump?

    This poem by Tony Hoagland is called “Migration.” It’s from today’s Writer’s Almanac.

    This year Marie drives back and forth
    from the hospital room of her dying friend
    to the office of the adoption agency.

    I bet sometimes she doesn’t know
    What threshold she is waiting at—

    the hand of her sick friend, hot with fever;
    the theoretical baby just a lot of paperwork so far.

    But next year she might be standing by a grave,
    wearing black with a splash of
    banana vomit on it,

    the little girl just starting to say Sesame Street
    and Cappuccino latte grand Mommy.
    The future ours for a while to hold, with its heaviness—

    and hope moving from one location to another
    like the holy ghost that it is.

    At 52A, the clue for NORTH STAR was “Guiding principle, metaphorically.” It led commenter Anoa Bob to share with us these lines of John Masefield’s from “Sea Fever”

    “I must down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
    And all I ask is a tall ship, and a star to steer her by.”

    Women are also making headway as baseball announcers. The Boston Red Sox made history Tuesday night when its first all-women broadcast team announced the game at Fenway Park as part of the team’s Women’s Celebration Night. Emma Tiedemann did play-by-play while Alanna Rizzo was the color analyst. Kasey Hudson was the sideline reporter, while Natalie Noury anchored the studio show with analyst Jen McCaffrey.

    It was a first for Boston, but MLB earlier had an all-female announcing crew back in 2021 for a Tampa Bay-Orioles game.

    Here’s the duo.

    May not be posting tomorrow. Wish me luck – I’ll be at Lollapuzzoola, the crossword puzzle tournament in NYC! Fun!

  • Red-Crowned Parrots

    Since I do a lot of puzzles, I notice when a common throw-in word gets a spiffy out-of-the-ordinary clue. So, today, for the answer DIP at 47A, Constructor Hanh Huynh stayed away from the guac or the salsa and clued it with: “‘”When I ___, you ___, we ___’ (lyric from a Freak Nasty hit).” The song (“Da’ Dip”) was released in 1996 and was Mr. Nasty’s only Top 40 hit. It’s a fun tune, if you like that sort of stuff.

    Hard to imagine, but if you know anyone who is still not clear on the sheer monsterism of Trump and his lackies, have them read the lead story in today’s NYT, not that it would make a difference. It’s on children being torn away from their parents. (If you thought that was taken care by the courts during the first go-round, think again.)

    Here’s how they do it (an actual case): A mom and dad with their 8-year-old son, seek political asylum. ICE gives them the choice of getting the hell out, or staying in detention, with their son taken away to a separate detention center for unaccompanied children. The parents elect to seek political asylum — the whole point of their coming. So, bye bye son.

    The son was terrified and has not seen his parents since May. And ICE says the family “chose” separation. As with everything else the government does now, it’s overlaid with a patina of dishonesty.

    Meanwhile, all this talk about his poll numbers dropping to historic levels? He still has a 44% approval rating according to the NYT today. That’s not a typo readers.

    Here is the family.

    God Bless America.

    Steven Wright, who claims he has a rare photo of Houdini accidentally locking his keys in his car, says “No matter what temperature the room is, it’s always room temperature.” Hmmmm.

    I know enough (mostly from puzzles) to know at 2D that “Six-stringed instrument similar to a cello,” (4 letters) is a VIOL, having ruled out tuba, drum, harp and oboe, as stringless. But I only really learned what a VIOL is from commenter Andy today, who shared the following short video on it.

    From Poets.org today, by Leonel Sanchez Lopez.

    What the Birds Do

    Over the screech of the morning
    traffic of Eagle Rock Boulevard
    I thought I heard the rooster
    from my parents’ backyard,
    calling. They lived close enough,
    it could have been. I’d been
    awake for hours but was still
    in bed looking out the window
    where a flock of red-crowned parrots
    skated through the blue.
    The Echo Park Parrots.
    The Pasadena Parrots. The Silver-
    lake Parrots. Everyone wants
    to own the birds, yet
    here they were this morning,
    serenading me.
    They come and go, they came
    and went. In my dreams, I’m sometimes
    a chicken. I fly from one man
    to the next, hoping their arms
    are strong like guava branches,
    strong enough to roost
    in for the night, ripe with seeds.
    I’m malnourished in my dreams
    because there are no trees, just birds
    in nonstop flight and song.

    Say you are young and single and have fallen for this young woman (who wouldn’t?):

    She’s Sophie Cunningham of the Indiana Fever of the WNBA, aka Caitlin Clark’s team. Here’s how not to meet her: throw a bright green bouncy sex toy at her (rubbery male genitalia (the worst kind)). Some nut did, and, let’s just say, she’s not trying to get his number. Opponent Kelsey Plum kicked it back into the stands. Ouch.

    You hear about this? It started at a WNBA game in Atlanta a few weeks ago and has become very unappreciated. It’s aimed at the league, and not Sophie in particular. It’s always the same bright green item. The moron who threw it in Atlanta was arrested, but no other details are known.

    Sophie, btw, played college ball at U. Missouri and turns 29 next week. Happy Birthday, Soph! (We know what not to get her.) She’s single and straight. Hard not to fall for a girl in a uniform, amirite?

    Let’s close tonight with this recent headline from The Onion:

    Watchdog Group Downgrades U.S. From Democracy To Whatever Political System Lobsters Have

    See you next time, Chatterheads. Thanks for dropping in,

  • “Hey, Guess What?”

    This just in from The Onion:

    Area Mom Hasn’t Ordered Favorite Pizza Topping In Over A Decade

    WEXFORD, PA—Saying that “it’s fine, really,” local mother Catherine Reynolds told reporters Wednesday that she has not been able to order her favorite pizza topping, spinach, in nearly 12 years. “Tyler, what kind of pizza do you want? Spinach?” said Reynolds to her two young children, who have denied or outright ignored their mother’s requests for white pizza and spinach since 2002. “Maybe we get half spinach, half cheese? Okay, that’s fine. Half cheese, half pepperoni. I’ll call now.”

    Tom Espo, of Troy Hills, posted this on our local “Neighborhood Watch:”

    There’s been some aggressive turkeys around Highland Avenue don’t fear them make a lot of noise and chase them don’t run away from them because you only end up falling which I saw somebody for today she was trying to run from them understand being afraid but you have to make them afraid of you turn around and chase them carry a stick if you want.

    Thanks Tommy! I think I have a good stick around here somewhere.

    There they are! Sh*t! — Linda! Get the stick!!

    “Satchel in Cooperstown” was the clue at 34A today. It reaches pretty far back so you might be forgiven for wondering what sort of luggage would the Hall of Fame be featuring? But, of course, the answer was PAIGE. Satchel Paige one of the greatest pitchers of all time, first in the Negro Leagues, and then, finally, the majors (thanks, Jackie!).

    In 2013, I had some nice things happen to me at “work.” I was named one of the top 300 professors in the U.S. by The Princeton Review, and received a Presidential award for teaching excellence (from Hunter’s President, not the White House). The latter came with a monetary award and I celebrated by blowing $200 of it on a gorgeous autograph of Satchel Paige for my collection.

    The guest blogger for Rex today, Clare, shared this quote by Willie Mays about Paige:

    Oh, yeah. We were in Memphis, Tennessee. It was like a playoff game. It might have been ’48. Satchel had a very, very good fastball. But he threw me a little breaking ball, just to see what I could do, and I hit it off the top of the fence. And I got a double. When I got to second, Satchel told the third baseman, “Let me know when that little boy comes back up.” Three innings later, I go to kneel down in the on-deck circle, and I hear the third baseman say, “There he is.” Satch looked at the third baseman, and then he looked at me. I walk halfway to home plate and he says, “Little boy.” I say, “Yes, sir?” because Satch was much older than I am, so I was trying to show respect. He walked halfway to home plate and said, “Little boy, I’m not going to trick you. I’m going to throw you three fastballs and you’re going to go sit down.” And I’m saying in my mind, “I don’t think so.” If he threw me three of the same pitch, I’m going to hit it somewhere. He threw me two fastballs and I just swung…I swung right through it. And the third ball he threw, and I tell people this all the time, he threw the ball and then he started walking. And he says, “Go sit down.” This is while the ball was in the air. He was just a magnificent pitcher.

    Here are his rules for a long and happy life:

    1. Avoid fried meats, which angry up the blood. 2. If your stomach disputes you, lie down and pacify it with cool thoughts. 3. Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. 4. Go very light on vices such as carrying on in society. The social ramble ain’t restful. 5. Avoid running at all times. 6. Don’t look back, something may be gaining on you.

    At 44A the clue was “You’re getting warmer!” for CLOSE. And commenter Son Volt used it to share this Aimee Mann song.

    There was a farmhouse that had long since been deserted
    We stopped and carved our hearts into the wooden surface
    We thought just for an instant we could see the future
    We thought for once we knew what really was important

    We sold our old Honda Odyssey, so I returned the license plates to NJ. [I once saw a bumper sticker on an Odyssey that said “My other car is an Iliad.”] I also had to submit a form explaining why I wasn’t turning in my registration. I did so, and checked off the box marked “Lost.” Next to that box it said “Explain.” So I wrote: I cannot locate it.

    I swear I didn’t make that up.

    Headline in The Onion:

    Desperate Trump Attempts To Flush 14-Year-Old Masseuse Down Toilet

    Commenter egs shared this charming personal Willie Mays story with us.

    I was invited to sit in the owners box, which is actually a large indoor suite with windows facing the field, once while Bob Lurie owned the Giants. Willie Mays, who was certainly the best player ever, was a goodwill ambassador for the team and roamed around the box making small talk and signing autographs. He wasn’t good at small talk, BTW, but just meeting him was such a thrill. When he got to me, I said, “Mr. Mays, the first major league game I ever saw was the first year the Giants moved into Candelstick and you hit two inside-the-park home runs. I was 6 years old.” He said “You’re mistaken. No one’s ever done that.” I insisted, but he didn’t agree, and he just kept moving around. A couple of innings later I felt a tap on the shoulder and it was a beaming Willie. “Hey, guess what? I had someone look it up. I did do that!”

    At 42A the clue was “Competition that offers a lot of bucks?” Answer: RODEO. Here’s a tune by Blue Rodeo, a Canadian band. They’re going to send us off tonight. See you tomorrow!

  • Let The Good Times Roll!

    Good morning Chatterheads! I’ve signed up to embarrass myself again at a major XW tournament, Lollapuzzoola, in NYC on Saturday. This will be my third appearance. They are a lot of fun and I’m looking forward to it.

    Speaking of puzzles, I had no idea what was going on in today’s NYTXW even after solving it. It’s by Patti Varol, who edits the LA Times puzzles that I enjoy. I recall Rex was happy when she landed the position, thinking she will lend a women’s perspective to the grids she edits.

    Anyway, the five theme answers today were AARON JUDGE, AERIAL PHOTO, AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN, AORTIC VALVE, and AUDRE LORDE, pictured and discussed below.

    See what’s going on? I didn’t. Each answer starts with an A followed by another vowel in the order of AEIOU.

    Yankee fans will also note that ROGER Maris crosses AARON JUDGE via their shared G. Nice touch. The baseball mini-theme continued at 46A with SHEA Stadium, former home of the Metsies. Bobby Murcer of that era was on the Yankees and was very funny. While Yankee Stadium was being renovated, the Yanks played their home games at Shea for two seasons. And Murcer, who generally had good power, just couldn’t hit a home run at Shea. Month after month, no homer. As the season was nearing its end, Murcer drove a ball deep to right but it just tailed off and went foul. After the game he was philosophical about it. He said: “It’s just as well. If I hit a homer here this season, the fans would expect me to hit one next year too.”

    Murcer got into trouble later in his career for publicly criticizing the Baseball powers for letting Gaylord Perry get away with throwing illegal spitballs. Murcer was fined by the league for his comments. As luck would have it, the Yankees were facing Perry shortly after that and Murcer hit a homer off of him. Naturally, the press wanted to hear what he would have to say so they gathered around him after the game. “I got hold of a hanging spitter,” he told them.

    Murcer’s feet were tapped to fill Mantle’s shoes and he never quite managed that tall task, but he had a good career and the fans loved him. (.277 lifetime average, 252 HR, 1,043 RBI) Here’s a little statistic that speaks well for him. In MLB history only 24 players hit above .275 while also hitting 250 or more home runs, driving in more than 1,000 runs, and stealing more than 125 bases and totaling 45 or more triples. Among that elite group only Murcer, George Brett, and Rogers Hornsby struck out fewer than 1,000 times.

    Murcer became a very popular announcer for the team after his playing days. Get this — he also appeared as a mystery guest on What’s My Line? Damn, I missed it. He married his high school sweetheart Kay when he was 20. They had two sons and were married for 42 years, until his death from cancer at the age of 62 in 2008. Like Mantle, Bobby was an Oklahoma boy, born and bred. A mensch.

    AUDRE LORDE the poet, was a true daughter of CUNY. She earned her undergrad degree from Hunter College in 1959 (Go Hawks!), and then taught at Lehman and John Jay from 1969 to 1981. In 1981, she went on to teach at her alma mater, Hunter College, as the distinguished Thomas Hunter chair.

    She was born Audrey Lorde, but dropped the Y from Audrey when she was still a child because of the artistic symmetry of the two names ending in E.

    This poem of hers is called “Who Said It Was Simple.”

    There are so many roots to the tree of anger
    that sometimes the branches shatter
    before they bear.

    Sitting in Nedicks
    the women rally before they march
    discussing the problematic girls
    they hire to make them free.
    An almost white counterman passes
    a waiting brother to serve them first
    and the ladies neither notice nor reject
    the slighter pleasures of their slavery.
    But I who am bound by my mirror
    as well as my bed
    see causes in colour
    as well as sex

    and sit here wondering
    which me will survive
    all these liberations.

    She died at the age of 58 in 1992.

    ADELE is one of the most popular singers in Crossworld. When your name is 60% vowels, what do you expect? Today she was clued with “‘Skyfall’ singer.” Rex’s guest blogger Eli shared this compelling cover of it by Paul F. Tompkins. I can see why.

    The clue at 2D today was “Decluttering maven Kondo” and the answer was MARIE. She is 40 years old and 4′ 7″ in height. Married with three kids. I like this sentence from her Wikipedia writeup: After the birth of her third child, Kondo’s rigorous attitude towards tidying her home relaxed. [Yeah, like Dresden “relaxed” after the bombing.]

    Simon Pitts of the Dull Men’s Club (UK) shared the following with the membership: I just fitted a new wheel to my wheel barrow.

    Phil Dent: Think you might need a cup of tea now, chap!

    Murray Atkinson: In a few years you’ll fit a new bucket, then after that a new frame, but it’ll still be the same barrow. [The question of “Trigger’s broom” — if it has the head replaced and then the handle (leaving no original parts), is it still the original broom?]

    Tony Allen: I have a mate with a brush like that. He has an old saying, ‘look after your brush’

    Avi Liveson: Catchy. And easy to remember.

    Liz Webster Goddard: Let the good times roll!

    Avi Liveson: Should be able to cart those bodies into the woods after midnight now.

    See you tomorrow! Thanks for dropping in.

  • The Ninth of Av

    So I shared my notes about the plural of octopus and circus with my Dull Men’s Clubmates. Christiano Belloni got pretty serious with it. (Or is he full of Belloni?) —

    1) octopus is also the word in Latin, third declension (octopus, octopodis). Plural of the third declension ends in -es, so it would be octopodes, *which is still a latin word*. Octopi follows the wrong assumption that octopus is a second declension word (since most words ending in -us at their nominative are second declension) and it’s incorrect even in Latin.

    2) Greek plural would be oktopodes, with a “k” (that doesn’t exist in Latin)

    3) pluralisation of foreign words follows the host language rules, so it’s octopuses.

    But this comment by Paul Clark was my fave: “I usually say ‘bring me an octopus’ then ‘sorry, make that two’ just to be on the safe side…..”

    Richard Barley wondered how you would pluralize a Ford Focus (Foci?) and Belloni explained you’d used the pluralization method of the host language, English here, so it would be Focuses. To which I replied:

    Yes, but if you have two Focuses and they both break down you can just say you’re out of Focus.

    Here’s Belloni:

    He’s funny. Posted this separately:

    The iconic Star Trek line “Beam me up Scottie” was never actually said in the original series or any of the movies based on it. Sort of like “Play it again, Sam” never said in Casablanca. But the beaming business was at the core of today’s impressive NYTXW.

    THE ENTERPRISE snaked its way across the top in shaded letters, along with MISTER SCOTT running across. Then quotes from six of the characters (Kirk, Spock, Uhura, etc.) ran down the grid with their names working upward within the quotes in circles, as if being beamed up. Pretty amazing IMO and I managed to complete the puzzle even though I am not a trekkie.

    For our Dirty Old Man Dept, the clue at 13D was “Way back?” and the answer was UNDOBUTTON. Phil came up with these for us:

    Okay, but where are you, Phil? Just get out of there, let her go, and get back. We already have George in jail. We spoke to you about basements and attics before. Please try to be a little less deranged. Watch normal people and try to pretend you are one of them.

    In case you want to see what the woman who wrote this poem looks like, here is Diane Lockward.

    She’s a former English teacher at Millburn HS, not far from Owl Chatter headquarters. The poem is called “My Husband Discovers Poetry” and it’s from today’s Writer’s Almanac. I don’t know what to make of it, but that’s not unusual for me. Duh.

    Because my husband would not read my poems,
    I wrote one about how I did not love him.
    In lines of strict iambic pentameter,
    I detailed his coldness, his lack of humor.
    It felt good to do this.

    Stanza by stanza, I grew bolder and bolder.
    Towards the end, struck by inspiration,
    I wrote about my old boyfriend,
    a boy I had not loved enough to marry
    but who could make me laugh and laugh.
    I wrote about a night years after we parted
    when my husband’s coldness drove me from the house
    and back to my old boyfriend.
    I even included the name of a seedy motel
    well-known for hosting quickies.
    I have a talent for verisimilitude.

    In sensuous images, I described
    how my boyfriend and I stripped off our clothes,
    got into bed, and kissed and kissed,
    then spent half the night telling jokes,
    many of them about my husband.
    I left the ending deliberately ambiguous,
    then hid the poem away
    in an old trunk in the basement.

    You know how this story ends,
    how my husband one day loses something,
    goes into the basement,
    and rummages through the old trunk,
    how he uncovers the hidden poem
    and sits down to read it.

    But do you hear the strange sounds
    that floated up the stairs that day,
    the sounds of an animal, its paw caught
    in one of those traps with teeth of steel?
    Do you see the wounded creature
    at the bottom of the stairs,
    his shoulders hunched over and shaking,
    fist in his mouth and choking back sobs?
    It was my husband paying tribute to my art.

    The most frequent complaint we get from readers is that we don’t pay sufficient attention to the Jewish fast days. Guilty as charged! So let’s note by way of closing that today was Tisha B’Av, the ninth day of the month of Av. It’s the saddest day on the Jewish calendar, marking the two times the Temple in Jerusalem was destroyed. The second saddest day, of course, was when Sandy Koufax retired.

    My Tisha B’Av memories are sorta sweet. My parents sent me to a Hebrew-speaking summer camp for six summers. Massad. And I remember gathering in the assembly hall the night before Tisha B’Av and sitting around on the floor in the dark with a candle in a potato in front of each of us. That we didn’t burn down the place was truly a miracle. Apparently, someone sat around that day with a paring knife digging out a hole in an enormous number of potatoes big enough to hold the base of a candle. This photo is the closest I could come. The candles in Massad, if memory serves, were those white sabbath candles.

    Hope you had a good day, Chatterheads. See you next time!

  • Are You Supervocalic?

    What a strange word Miriam Webster’s “Word of the Day” is today. I’ve seen it before but have never known what it means. Palimpsest.

    Yeah, you heard me.

    In its original meaning it refers to a parchment manuscript (or other writing material) that is being reused after the original writing on it has been erased. The underlying text is said to be “in palimpsest.” Its meaning has been extended to cover something that has diverse layers or aspects apparent beneath the surface.

    I can’t imagine using it — except that I just did!

    In this piece from tomorrow’s Met Diary, I like the moment at which the writer senses the weight of the chair has lifted. It’s by Sarah Gundle and is called “Big Leather Chair.”

    Dear Diary:

    I was rushing to the subway one day when I passed a big leather chair lying on the sidewalk. It looked perfect for my closet-turned-office. Its weathered brown leather and slight scuffing gave it plenty of character.

    I was three blocks from my apartment, and the chair was very heavy. I tried dragging it, but the legs wobbled precariously. I tried lifting it and walking with it hermit-crab style, two steps at a time, but its unwieldy bulk made me feel as if I would topple over.

    Unsure what to do, I suddenly felt the chair’s weight lift before I got a look at the stranger who had stopped to help me carry it.

    “Where are you going?” she asked.

    I nodded down the street.

    “I got you,” she said. And from there we carried it down the block side by side.

    “This was a good find,” she said when we got to my building. “Most people miss the treasures that are right before our eyes.”

    “New York City is full of them,” I responded, gesturing in her direction.

    If you’re going to get into a good fight with your boyfriend, one that involves throwing things at him and pushing him over stanchions, the worst place to do it is in an airport security area. They have more cameras on your ass than an NFL replay booth.

    And that’s how our favorite Olympic runner, Sha’Carri Richardson, wound up getting arrested at the Seattle-Tacoma airport. The boyfriend is also a sprinter, Christian Coleman. He holds the world record for 60 meters. Sha’ had just run 100 meters in 11:07 to finish second in the U.S. Track and Field Championships.

    We asked Owl Chatter’s sports consultant, women’s hockey star Sarah Fillier, for her analysis. She doesn’t see anything wrong with Sha’s knocking his ass down. “Did he lose teeth?” Thanks SF! The hockey perspective is always informative.

    From The Onion:

    Businessman Does His Work Lying On Bed Like Schoolgirl

    Ghislaine’s dinner tonight consists of a choice of a Caesar Salad or Vichyssoise to start off. The second course will be Penne ala Vodka or Ravioli. The Main Course is Mediterranean Chicken, Skirt Steak, or Wild-Caught Alaskan Salmon. All come with vegetables on the side. Dessert is a choice between Chocolate Lava Cake and Apple Pie.

    Bon Appetite, Madame.

    The following has been copied verbatim from a story by ABC News:

    The Smithsonian’s National Museum of American History removed references to President Donald Trump’s two impeachment proceedings from an exhibit on the “Limits of Presidential Power.” The exhibit now only includes references to the impeachment proceedings against Presidents Andrew Johnson in 1868, Richard Nixon in 1973 and Bill Clinton in 1998.

    The best plural of octopus is octopodes. That’s because octopus is Greek and podes is the plural ending for Greek words. But octopi has been used by mistake so often that it has become acceptable too. That’s the plural ending for Latin words which octopus is not. Octopuses is okay too — that’s the English plural ending that can be used since octopus has been adopted into English.

    Circus hasn’t caused the same problems, as far as I know (admittedly, about as far as I can throw a Buick). No one has tried circi, or circopodes. It’s circuses. Its ancestry is Middle English, from Latin. Still no one tried has tried circi.

    Why am I jabbering on about this? Because the guest blogger for Rex today jokingly tried circi and circopodes before circuses.

    Hmmm, as I reread this portion, it seems dull enough for the Dull Men’s Club (UK). Maybe I’ll give it a try over there.

    Chuck Mangione passed away last Tuesday. He was honored with an appearance in the puzzle today, clued with “Flugelhorn player on the 1978 instrumental hit ‘Feels So Good.’” Did you know he was (still is) supervocalic? That means his name has exactly one of each of the five vowels.

    Chuck was born and died in Rochester NY. He was 84. As a kid, his father took him and his brother to the Ridgecrest Inn in Rochester, where jazz luminaries like Miles Davis, Art Blakey and Dizzy Gillespie played regularly. “My father would walk up to someone like Dizzy and say: ‘Hi, Mr. Gillespie. These are my two sons and they can play.’ And we would sit in.”

    “Then my dad would invite everyone to our house for spaghetti and homemade wine. Dad had a grocery store attached to the house, and Mother loved to cook, so we could have a party in a minute. This week it would be Dizzy, the next week Carmen McRae, then Sarah Vaughan, Art Blakey, Kai Winding.”

    It worked dad.

    Rest in peace, Chuck.

    Thanks for popping in — see you tomorrow!

  • Medium Rare

    This poem by Leo Dangel is from yesterday’s Writer’s Almanac. It’s called “In Memoriam.”

    In the early afternoon my mother
    was doing the dishes. I climbed
    onto the kitchen table, I suppose
    to play, and fell asleep there.
    I was drowsy and awake, though,
    as she lifted me up, carried me
    on her arms into the living room,
    and placed me on the davenport,
    but I pretended to be asleep
    the whole time, enjoying the luxury—
    I was too big for such a privilege
    and just old enough to form
    my only memory of her carrying me.
    She’s still moving me to a softer place.

    If you’re a girl and your name is Sydney, it would be good if you were beautiful. The actress Sydney Sweeney is. (Her middle name is Bernice, if you must know.)

    Her ad campaign for American Eagle has caused a bit of a flap over charges that it contains racist dog whistles. Woof! I didn’t even know dogs could be racist. Although I have heard of race dogs.

    An op-ed piece in the NYT by John McWhorter has a great title: Do These Jeans Make My Ads Look Racist?

    The issue is the interplay between jeans and genes. In one spot, Sweeney says, “Genes are passed down from parents to offspring, often determining traits like hair color, personality, and even eye color… My ‘jeans’ are blue.” The ad says “Sydney Sweeney has great genes” with the word genes morphing into “jeans” a moment later. So — is this white nationalist crapola about blond blue-eyed folks forming a superior race?

    McWhorter (a Black Columbia prof) raises the issue of whether there’s a statute of limitations on historically tarnished expressions. He’s inclined to let this one go. “Language changes, culture changes, labels are reassigned. And a blonde, blue-eyed actress talking about jeans–or even genes–is just a pun, not a secret salute to white supremacy.”

    Sydney herself has caught some sh*t for staying silent about it. We asked Owl Chatter style and culture consultant Ana de Armas to weigh in. Ana’s Louis Vuitton ads have generated no controversies — only enough drooling to call for flash flood warnings. She says flatly: Leave the girl alone. She’s gorgeous. Let her work.

    The Owl Chatter community, of course, is free to form its own opinion.

    The theme revealer in yesterday’s puzzle was at 39A: “Ones paying flat rates.” It’s a pun on a flat as an apartment, and the answer is TENANTS. But you need to read it as TEN ANTS, like the insects, because at ten points the letters ANT are smooshed into a square and function that way both down and across.

    E.g., the answers L[ANT]ERN and REDUND[ANT] cross at the [ANT]s. Here’s what the completed grid looks like — crawling with ants. (See ’em?)

    That HANA up there at 68A is Hana Mandlikova, the Czech–Australian tennis star who was ranked as high as #3 in the world back in the ’80s. She was inducted into the Int’l Tennis Hall of Fame in Newport RI back in ’94, but has avoided visiting the Hall because the tickets are expensive. She says she may pop in when she qualifies for the senior discount (she’s 63 now).

    And the VERA up there at 54D is Vera Farmiga, the actress, a Jersey girl from Clifton. She’s Ukrainian. I missed her performance as a drug addict in “Down to the Bone” in 2004 but she got raves for it. Phil caught her pulling out all the stops (smoky eyes; bed head).

    From today’s puzzle I learned about suhur and iftar. I’ve long wondered about the long fast period of Ramadan. I can barely go 20 minutes without grabbing something. Well, first of all, Ramadan does last a month — from one crescent moon to the next (29 or 30 days). (The next one starts Feb. 19, the ninth month on a lunar calendar.) So it’s a month-long fast, but you only fast during the daylight hours. A pre-dawn meal is eaten called the suhur. That is why during the before Ramadan the sales of alarm clocks in Muslim neighborhoods soar. An evening (post-sunset) meal is also eaten, called iftar. Iftar was the answer in the puzzle, clued with “Evening meal during Ramadan.”

    Did you know that female aphids that don’t enjoy the dating scene can have kids without mating with a male? It’s called telescoping generations. Aphids are small sap-sucking insects like the greenfly and blackfly. There is also a fluffy white wooly aphid. It’s pretty and is sometimes called a cotton fairy. Hope it dates.

    The clue for APHID was “Insect that can reproduce with or without mating.”

    Riverdale Joe shared a story with us today. The topic of Rhode Island came up because Sam is there this weekend for his friend-also-named-Joe’s bachelor party. Sam is flying back to Motown on Sunday from the airport that serves four cities in the Providence area: The Rhode Island T. F. Green Int’l Airport. (T.F. Green was an RI Governor and Senator.) The four are Providence, East Providence, Warwick, and we couldn’t recall the fourth (Cranston). When we were guessing, I offered Minsk. Here’s the story it brought to mind:

    A gentleman had to get to Minsk but did not have the money for a train ticket. He got on the train nevertheless and started heading to Minsk. When the conductor asked for his ticket, he said he did not have one, so he was kicked off at the next stop. He waited for the next train there, and got on it when it came. Again, when he told the conductor he did not have a ticket he was kicked off at the next stop. When the third train arrived, he got on and the scene repeated itself — he was kicked off at the next stop. While waiting for the fourth train he ran into an acquaintance and they started chatting. His friend asked him where he was heading. He said “Minsk, if my ass holds up.”

    Joe then explained that as the tale crossed over the Atlantic to the new country, the destination morphed from Minsk to Winnipeg. “Winnipeg, if my ass holds up.”

    Now, Minsk, obviously, is perfect. Winnipeg we’re not sure of. So your assignment, dear readers, is to see if you can come up with something funnier than Winnipeg in the U.S. or Canada. So far all I can think of is Boise.

    We reached convicted sex monster Ghislaine Maxwell sipping a marguerita by the side of her private pool at her federal facility, livid. “What the f*ck is with this goddamn chef they got me? I had to return my steak twice this week. Can someone instruct the idiot on the difference between medium and medium-rare? Jesus! There is a difference you know.” The President’s lawyers apologized and have assured her it’s being taken care of.

    (You know you’re spending too much time on this topic when you can spell Ghislaine correctly from memory. Oy.)

    Special Owl Chatter farewells and thank yous to ex-Gnats Kyle Finnegan and Alex Call, both of whom we enjoyed watching play ball very much. Two menschen. Happy to see KF heading to Detroit, his hometown, where he will certainly see playoff time. And Alex is heading to the World Champion Dodgers. Not too shabby.

    See you tomorrow Chatterheads.