The Wellington Files

  • To Herr Is Human . . .

    Very enjoyable puzzle yesterday, unless you mind being “mooned.” Yes, I think the constructor, Brad Lively, mooned me! At 24A, “Provide a brief glimpse?” was DROP TROU. And just above it, at 14D, “Nincompoop” was ASS. Very funny, Lively — now pull up your pants.

    Here’s our tour group partaking in a little “train mooning” yesterday.

    43A was good too, IMO. The clue was “[Can’t talk, eating],” and the answer was OMNOMNOM.

    Speaking of eating, breakfast today on our cruise was terrif. We opted for the buffet and took scrambled eggs, potatoes, mushrooms, sauteed carrots, sausage, with freshly baked rolls, smoked salmon with cream cheese and toppings, and muffins. Good coffee and OJ as bevs. Not used to being pampered like this. The late Steve Post could never have survived a cruise. He’d bite your head off if you said “Good Morning” to him. The staff is so cheery and sunny it would kill him.

    One of my favorite constructors, the beautiful and brilliant Wyna Liu, did not disappoint with yesterday’s New Yorker puzzle. Started off wonderfully at 1A: “Generic term for a scrunchie or ponytail holder.” Answer: HAIR THING. Also learned “Word coined to refer to the fear of being without one’s cellphone” is NOMOPHOBIA. And how about this? You know the cyrillic alphabet, used in Russian, e.g.? It’s named after Saint CYRIL. Here’s Ms. Liu.

    Getting back to the “moon” for a moment, a few years ago I had to get a shot at the doc’s office and I started rolling up my sleeve. But the nurse — a wonderful Black woman — said, “No, honey, this one goes in the rear.” So I said, “Okay, but I have to worn you, mine isn’t as cute as my grandson Leon’s.” So she chuckled and gave me my shot and then said: “It’s pretty cute.” Now, that’s a memory you take to the grave with you.

    We had a free afternoon in Am’dam so I plotted a route for us to get from the ship to a big art museum about two miles away (The Rijksmuseum). We got there beautifully but on the way home I got us so lost it was ridiculous. I didn’t think we needed my phone because the route was so direct. Really only one turn which I was certain I remembered. We barely made it back for dinner. Walked ten miles total, though — great city.

    The town is awash in bikes. There are 1.6 bikes per resident. The guide said he has two bikes, but most people have 1.6. (That was his joke.)

    The museum was a gorgeous enormous building with grounds. I sent a shot of this painting to Caity — a 17th century Zoey, but Riverdale Joe rightly noted Zoey is way prettier.

    And this one you should recognize or demand a refund of your college tuition.

    The note next to it pointed out that Remmy (to his friends) painted it so that the men are looking up to see you (the viewer) — as if you were intruding upon them. It was his way of involving the viewer. Sounds like he was a bit of a card. We also saw some gorgeous Vermeers. Great art is generally lost on me, but it was neat to see this stuff on its home turf.

    “To herr is human,” my bro said without fail whenever the topic of herring came up. You never know what will trigger fond memories; it might as well be herring. On our first guided excursion — a stroll through Am’dam, we passed a herring (or “haring”) stand. How great is that? A man from our group jumped over to it and soon returned with a roll stuffed with herring. He wolfed it down, noted Avi droolingly. Note to self: Make sure to get a herring sandwich if/when we pass a herring stand later on the trip. Sure enough, on our walk back from the museum I exclaimed: A herring stand!! We rushed over but were told, to my horror, that he was out of herring. My heart sank. There were other fish behind the counter. I said “What’s closest to herring?” He smiled ruefully and said: “There’s really nothing like herring.”

    But, get this: At the end of our walk in Enkhuizen today the guide said he was told to get us back in time for a fish trial. I said to Linda: “Guilty!” But it wasn’t that kind of trial. A cafe near our ship produced waves of herring and some other fish, the latter breaded and fried, and it was wonderful. I had “seconds, thirds, and fifths,” to quote a line from — anyone remember? — The Boys in the Band. I could see God’s purpose in denying us the herring yesterday — how often does that happen?

    The herring was so fresh and delicate — not salty. Our penance was sticking to a light salad for lunch, although the waitress talked us into sharing an outstanding warm apple crumb thingie a la mode for dessert. One last herring memory, if I may. A line from Bellow’s Herzog: “Stuff your face with herring, Shapiro, and mind your own fucking business.” (Or something close to that.)

    Herring played a large role in Enkhuizen’s early, prosperous period. You can see three herring on the town’s coat of arms set in the facade of this public building.

    This was the view from our “stateroom” this morning, and we’re headed back to sea for our next destination in about 30 min. So we’ll be able to have dinner overlooking the water.

    Let’s end with a few items from The Onion tonight. See you tomorrow!

    Cardinals Begin Placing Stickers On Vatican Relics They Want When Pope Francis Dies

    Pete Hegseth Blows Into Breathalyzer To Unlock Phone

  • Daddio

    Broadcasting today from Stateroom 102, aboard the Viking VE River Cruiser currently docked in Amsterdam. That’s right — you heard me =- Amsterdam in Europe, like with the Euros and everything. We’re on the Tulips and Windmills 10-day cruise. The room is pretty tight — we should have never invited George along — he brought, like, six large suitcases. Phil’s not a problem — he’ll be passed out in the lounge if he doesn’t totter overboard. We took a nice walk into parts of A’dam on our own while waiting for the room. Very nice walk. And we plan to glom on to a guided tour in about an hour. Dinner’s not till 7. Had my first Heineken within 5 hours of landing — it’s complimentary with lunch and dinner. Burp!

    The seven-hour flight went well, as far as unbearable experiences go. I watched part of an old Chris Rock special and two movies: Daddio, with Dakota Johnson and Sean Penn (two state-related names) — very good! It’s just the two of them — driver and passenger — talking in a cab. Electric. And Brooklyn, with Saoirse Ronan — also good! Here are Dakota and Sean.

    And here’s Saoirse, wearing something either by Louis Vuitton or the Scott Paper Towel Company. Just roll it around me, hon — we’re late!

    From The Onion:

    Death Of Chopped-Up Woman Ruled A Suicide

    Two long walks around Am’dam. Great city. Tons of canals: it’s the Venice of the North. But we won’t be able to see the Anne Frank House or the Van Gogh Museum because all the tickets for them are Van Gone.

    The puzzle was a paean to baseball, no doubt to honor opening day. Answers led you to phrases that were missing, in order, first, second, third, and home. For example, for the clue “I’ve done this before,” the answer was NOT MY RODEO, i.e., leaving out FIRST.

    Son Volt then shared this tune by Blue Rodeo.

    For home the clue was “Rave over, metaphorically,” and the answer was WRITE ABOUT, i.e., omitting home. It caused Commenter Nancy to share this story:

    I was 10-years-old and into maybe my 5th week at my 8-week sleep-away camp, when I got this postcard from my mother:

    Dear Nancy,
    I am having a wonderful time in NY.
    Love, Mom

    She then went on to chastise me. Evidently, every postcard that I had sent her in the past 4 weeks — camp counsellors made us send a postcard home every week — had said exactly the same thing: and only that one thing: “I am having a wonderful time at camp.”

    The following year, when I was 11, my postcards home were newsier.

    Rex mentioned Keir Dullea today which reminded me of Noel Coward’s line after meeting him briefly: “Keir Dullea, gone tomorrow.”

    Tired from the overnight flight. See you next time!

  • Summer In Brooklyn

    It’s the birthday of the poet Lawrence Ferlinghetti (1919, Yonkers). He died in 2021, just shy of his 102nd birthday. In the Navy during WWII, he was the commander of a 110-foot ship. He said: “Any smaller than us you weren’t a ship, you were a boat. But we could order anything a battleship could order so we got an entire set of the Modern Library. We had all the classics stacked everywhere all over the ship, including the john. We also got a lot of medicinal brandy the same way.”

    Here he is in front of his bookstore in SF.

    This poem by LF is called “11.” [The spacing works well if you are reading it on a laptop-sized screen. Your phone may screw with it.]

    Fortune
                                                has its cookies to give out

    which is a good thing

                                         since it’s been a long time since

                    that summer in Brooklyn
             when they closed off the street
                             one hot day
                                and the

                                                                    FIREMEN

                                                                                       turned on their hoses

                    and all the kids ran out in it

                                    in the middle of the street

                             and there were

                                                    maybe a couple dozen of us

                                                                                              out there

    with the water squirting up
                                                     to the

                                                                    sky

                                                                           and all over
                                                                                             us

    there was maybe only six of us
                                                        kids altogether
          running around in our
                                                  barefeet and birthday
              suits
                       and I remember Molly but then

          the firemen stopped squirting their hoses
                       all of a sudden and went
                                     back in
                               their firehouse
                                       and
                    started playing pinochle again
                                 just as if nothing
                                        had ever
                                                        happened
    while I remember Molly
                                            looked at me and

             ran in

    because I guess really we were the only ones there

    I try to solve the Monday NYT puzzles using only the down clues. I usually get pretty far before caving, but today I made it to end. Yay. It’s not that you don’t work on the acrosses at all. You can still figure them out based on the letters you fill in from the downs. You just don’t read the across clues. E.g., after filling in a few downs today it was easy to see 20A was BATHROOM SCALE. Here’s a good way to use one, BTW.

    One word I was surprised to learn I knew was POMADE. Its clue was “Greasy hair ointment.” Yuck.

    I gasped (not really) when I saw 56D: “Toy bricks” was LEGOS. It’s a big point of contention — what the plural is. The Lego people want you to say “Lego bricks.” Yet sh*tloads (brickloads?), of folks just say Legos, like the constructor today. The acronym AFOL was used in a comment which I looked up. It’s “adult fans of Lego.” There’s a Youtube AFOL channel devoted to all sorts of Lego stuff.

    There’s some neat Lego art out there.

    Try to not let your cat eat any Lego bricks, though. There’s no telling what may happen.

    We had a blast with Caity, Danny, and Zo at Lianna’s HS production of Les Miz yesterday. It’s such an emotional production and the kids really threw their hearts and souls into it. The snippet below doesn’t fully capture the intensity. Lianna was in the crew and they put in long hours to make it all come together. We are so proud of her.

    The performance we saw was the final one, and the emotional release for the cast when it ended was overwhelming. With the audience giving them a standing ovation, many cast members were openly weeping: more boys than girls. We have enjoyed many fine HS productions over the years, but this one carried everyone involved — cast, crew, and audience — into an extraordinary place. Bravo Morristown High School!

    Astute OC readers will recall I shared a post from the Dull Men’s Club (UK) yesterday on escalators in the London Underground that have the handrails moving at a slightly different speed from the stairs. Some comments (27) have since been posted and here is a selection of the dullest.

    Tim Robinson: Imagine the stairs as being like the rim of a wheel and the handrail is like the outer edge of the tyre, they are both rotating in sync but the outer edge has longer to travel so the linear speed is more. When the handrail gets to the bottom it has further to travel to get back to the top then the stairs does. (Sorry not sure that makes much sense. I can see it in my head but it’s difficult to describe.)

    David Mortimer: I think what you mean is the circumference of the hand rail is larger than the foot plate. I don’t think this precludes the functional surfaces travelling at the same linear speed. I think the extra distance the hand rail needs to travel would simply mean you’d be holding a different part on each escalation. And that wouldn’t matter to the user.

    [What?]

    Vince Peterbilt: The invention of the escalator was a US/European collaboration with one team working on the steps and the other on the handrails. Unfortunately one team was working in imperial measurements while the other used the metric system, and despite their best efforts when they converted the calculation to match they were a bit off and thus the handrails always move at a different speed to the steps.

    Mark Daniels: It is for safety. If the hand rail is moving faster than the steps, there will be a tendancy to be pulled forward very slightly, thus ensuring you do not fall backwards. This is very important on up escalators and causes no problem on down escalators. Most people will re-adjust their hand position if the difference becomes significant without even realising.

    Here’s a young woman remarking on the divergent handrail speed to her beau.

    See you tomorrow!

  • Baby, You Picking Up A Package?

    If ever there was a story tailor-made for Owl Chatter . . .

    From the Associated Press:

    An Orthodox Jewish passenger says a United Airlines pilot forcibly removed him from an airplane bathroom while he was experiencing constipation, exposing his genitalia to other flyers during a flight from Tulum, Mexico, to Houston.

    Hard to “unsee” something like that. (When many dems were trying to ignore the polls that showed Kamala was in trouble, James Carville said it was like accidentally seeing your grandmother naked — hard to “unsee.”)

    Needless to say, the poor fellow, Yisroel Liebb, is from Jersey. He had been in the restroom, fruitlessly, so to speak, for over 30 minutes. After repeatedly assuring the pilot he was “finishing up,” the pilot lost his patience, broke the lock on the bathroom door, and hauled Liebb out with his pants still down. He was “helped off” the plane in handcuffs “lent to him” by Homeland Security folks and missed his connecting flight. He’s suing the airline.

    Liebb! — you need more fiber, boychik. Your mother never told you about prunes?

    United eventually booked him on a flight home for free, but he did the math and complained the cost of his hotel and food for the overnight stay exceeded the savings.

    Oy, Liebb! Let it go. No wonder you’re all in a knot.

    Craven GOP Congresspersons are not just fearing being “primaried” if they show a little spine and oppose Trump’s methodical, illegal, and immoral dismantling of the government. They (and federal judges) fear that they and their family members will be killed. There’s an underlying mob element to the current goings-on. (Hang Mike Pence!) Remember the attack on Nancy P’s hubby? It started before Trump, IMO. Remember when a violent mob attacked the location where Florida officials were counting Gore v. Bush votes and successfully halted the counting? Trump has just embraced that approach and made it more vicious and personal.

    This is Jessica Aber. She was 43.

    She was a brilliant U.S. Attorney, in charge of a staff of 300 in the Eastern District of Virginia. She was appointed by Biden and confirmed unanimously by the Senate. A rising star, she resigned her post the day before Trump took office. She was found dead in her home yesterday. An investigation is underway. In, we hope, unrelated news, Trump has terminated the security the government was providing for Kamala and Hilary. What took him so long? The savings will help pay for his golf outings, which already cost over $18 million since he re-took office, setting a pace that will exceed the $152 mil spent on golf during his first term. Of course, Biden’s inflation is responsible for some of the increase.

    With just three days more I’d have just
    About learned the entire score to Aida.

    That’s a lyric from the song “Verdi Cries,” by 10,000 Maniacs. The woman is on vacation and every day hears the opera music that emanates from the hotel room next door. AIDA is the “Doomed Ethiopian princess” who was in the puzzle today at 6D. It’s a good tune. She steals the guy’s pastries!

    The folks in Crossworld I’ve run across at the few tournaments I’ve attended and through “the commentariat” for Rex’s blog mostly seem very nice. Mensches and menschettes. Several have put together a fundraiser you can learn about at the following site: https://fund.nnaf.org/campaign/these-puzzles-fund-abortion-5/c661718. For a $25 donation, you receive a bunch of puzzles. Check it out.

    A new feature of Owl Chatter: Portions of poems that did not get past the gate (i.e., OC rejects):

    This way of seeing
    senses cave,

    where darkness, backlit,
    hisses sparks over

    ash-hued crow
    wings peaking

    sickle sharp,
    from river glyphs

    [It lost me early, but “river glyphs?” Isn’t a glyph that thing with a node you don’t want the cancer to reach? Why is it in the river? Wait, is that “glymph?” That’s even funnier. Maybe lose the “g”? Never mind.]

    From today’s Met Diary in the NYT, by Oona Pritchard.

    Dear Diary:

    After days of going back and forth with the Postal Service about the whereabouts of a package I was expecting from my mother, I went to the post office at the corner of 11th Street and Fourth Avenue just after it opened at 9 a.m.

    As I waited empty-handed in line behind several people who were holding packages, a middle-aged woman in a postal uniform approached me.

    “Baby, are you picking up a package?” she asked.

    I nodded.

    She motioned me with her finger out of the line, and we walked toward the back of the post office.

    “Package pickup isn’t usually until 10 a.m.,” she said, looking at my confirmation slip. “But let me see what I can do for you.”

    She walked off and then reappeared two minutes later with a large brown box.

    “Here you go, baby,” she said, handing me the package. “You have a good day now.”

    I thanked her and turned to leave. As I did, I heard her speaking to another person in line: “Baby, you picking up a package?”

    The novelty of Rex’s blog (Rex Parker Does The NY Times Crossword Puzzle) is that it views the puzzle as something to be assessed like a novel or other creative work and not just to solve and discard. The creativity that goes into the construction of a puzzle is unique and, in the hands of the better constructors, brilliant. Rex has his own curmudgeonly approach to the puzzles, and then the commenters chime in. Here are some thoughts two commenters posted yesterday.

    Kitshef noted: One of my least favorite classes of comments are of the form of “anyone who knows anything about [insert subject] will know about [insert name or thing].”

    They tend to go wrong in one of two ways. Either the subject is laughably obscure (“anyone who knows anything about European calligraphy traditions will know about insular script”). Or the subject is well-known but the assertion is questionable (“anyone who knows anything about baseball will know Glenn Gulliver”).

    And pabloinnh quipped: Well said. This is a variation of the “I know this and everyone else should too,” which is of course ludicrous, unless the person who knows it is me.

    Attendance was up for today’s Sirens game vs Ottawa at the Prudential Center in Newark to close to 5,000, but the Sirens lost the second of two must-win games and their playoff hopes are pretty much doomed. Wait till next year girls!!

    Abby Roque had a good game, scoring one of our goals in the 5-2 loss. Abby is a Michigan girl by birth, although she earned her marketing degree at Wisconsin. She is a member of the Wahnapitae First Nation and was the first indigenous person to play for the U.S. women’s national ice hockey team.

    Don’t let that sweet punim fool you. She’ll knock your teeth out with a stick without a moment’s hesitation.

    Wayne Stallwood of the Dull Men’s Club (UK) posted this just about an hour ago so there are no comments yet. (Can’t wait! Will report back.)

    Take the walk from Liverpool St Station Tube station entrance to The Elizabeth line and you encounter a set of escalators.

    The handrails on these move slightly faster than the steps. About an arm’s length on each over the duration of the ascent/descent

    What’s with that? It’s a gear ratio and should be fixed right…how can it be wrong?

    I’ll take better measuring equipment on my next journey, but it seems to me that one of the things I’d concentrate on getting right if I was building an escalator, is making the handrail move at the same speed as the steps.

    [Yeah, me too. If I was building an escalator. “Better measuring equipment.” You mean, better than your arm?]

    See you tomorrow Chatterheads! Thanks for popping by.

  • Ana’s Gowns

    We’re back from a quick jaunt out to Michigan. May not have been a good idea to leave Phil and George in charge of Owl Chatter headquarters, but the damage doesn’t seem too bad.

    What a nice surprise to open our mail, find the New Yorker issue of 3/24, and see our own culture and style consultant Ana on the back of the cover in an ad for Louis Vuitton. Nice going, Armas!

    Some of you fashionistas may recall she wore an LV gown to the Oscars in 2023 (when she was a Best Actress nominee for Blonde) that took over 1,000 hours to create.

    This year, as a presenter, she wore wore a black column gown with a silver halter neckline. Ana, of course, could slay an army wearing a potato sack.

    From The Onion:

    Archeological Dig Uncovers Ancient Race of Skeleton People.

    “This is an incredible find,” said Dr. Christian Hutchins, Oxford University archaeologist and head of the dig team. “Imagine: At one time, this entire area was filled with spooky, bony, walking skeletons.”

    “The implications are staggering,” Hutchins continued. “We now know that the skeletons we see in horror films and on Halloween are not mere products of the imagination, but actually lived on Earth.”

    So we see that the formerly powerful Paul Weiss law firm fell all over itself rushing to kiss Trump’s ring. Sorry, I mean ass. So much for the legal community banding together to save America. So it comes down to the NBA as the only remaining force in this country powerful enough to take on the rogue administration. Stay tuned.

    Kudos to an amazing young woman, Becca Schneider, whose brilliant one-woman play we saw today in West Orange at a neat local theater: the Luna Stage. Becca is the niece of long-time Owl Chatter friend Ellen.

    The play is called Trich (pronounced trick), and is about Becca’s struggle with a condition called trichotillomania, a compulsive desire to pull out one’s hair. It’s a mental disorder that is overwhelmingly debilitative. The play is utterly absorbing and was a perfect blend of comic moments with searing personal struggles. If you get the chance to see it, run. It has won awards and has been staged here and there for the last few years.

    There was a question/answer period following the performance. Since I am committed to missing no opportunity to make a fool of myself, I asked whether trichotillomania has ever appeared in the NYT crossword puzzle. Becca said she does the puzzle daily (how great is that!) and to her knowledge it has never appeared. (At 16 letters in length it would require a enlarged daily grid (not uncommon), or a Sunday.)

    Phil was with us and caught this nice shot of Becca.

    And speaking of the puzzle, I think I was naticked today! That’s when two terms cross and you’re helpless if you don’t know them. 30D was “The “magic” in some mushrooms,” which is PSILOPSYBIN. Are you kidding me? And the cross at 53A was “Company that owns Words With Friends,” which is ZYNGA.

    BTW, the term “natick” for such a situation was coined by Rex and caught on widely in Crossworld. It came about because he was caught between not knowing the Massachusetts town, Natick, and the first two initials of N.C. Wyeth, the artist. They stand for Newell Convers. Just two days ago, in the Butler Art Institute on the campus of Youngstown (OH) State College, we came across this painting — to my delight, of course.

    The puzzle saluted Langston Hughes today. At 39A: “Classic Langston Hughes poem quoted on a wall of the National Museum of African American History and Culture.” The poem is I TOO.

    I, too, sing America.

    I am the darker brother.
    They send me to eat in the kitchen
    When company comes,
    But I laugh,
    And eat well,
    And grow strong.

    Tomorrow,
    I’ll be at the table
    When company comes.
    Nobody’ll dare
    Say to me
    “Eat in the kitchen,”
    Then.

    Besides,
    They’ll see how beautiful I am
    And be ashamed,—

    I, too, am America.

    Paige B. and the other UCONN women made mincemeat of Arkansas State in their first game of the Big Tourney: 103-34. Ouch. It was 66-16 at the half. The Lady Huskies were led by Azzi Fudd, no relation to Elmer, who, in addition to scoring 27 points, had seven azzizts.

  • Roam Most Near Me

    Broadcasting from Room 316 in the Sleep Inn in Youngstown, Ohio. Quite comfortable for only $65 a night. (Even Linda thought so.) We had a fun BBQ dinner at Barry Dyngles in Austintown OH (on Raccoon Road!) . The waiter told us they’ve been smoking meats since 2007. I had an ice-cold ale from a local brewery: Birdfish Brewing in Columbiana OH. A hazy IPA called “Too Hip to Sip.” A touch strong for me at 7.5% alcohol, but I enjoyed it. We ordered the “Pick 4.” Four generous portions of meats plus two sides (for only $32!). We went with two types of ribs (KC and baby back, yum), chicken, and brisket (with baked beans and a baked potato). Couldn’t finish. Staggered back to the inn drunk and bloated. Life is good.

    If I may go on about the cuisine, lunch was a treat too. Jimmy’s Italian Specialties in Y’town. It started out as an Italian gift shop back in 1974 and eventually expanded into an enormous shop with Italian specialties (oils, sauces, wines, cheeses, home-baked goods, etc.) with a counter in the back where you place a lunch order (they close at 5). Linda had a terrific meatball sub and I tried the Pollo Diavolo “brick.” While waiting on line, I asked the very heavily tattooed couple behind us what a brick was. The guy answered by forming a brick shape with his hands and saying, “you know, a brick, with . . .” and I had to finish for him: “stuff inside?” He said “Yeah.” It turned out to be a terrific panini-type sandwich. The couple might run a tattoo shop — the guy wore a t-shirt from one. They were very nice — he said they come to Jimmy’s from “all the way across town.” I said, “Well, we’re from Jersey, so fuck you.” (No I didn’t.)

    Total cost for both sammies: $12.98. I’m not kidding. Linda’s sub was $4.99 and mine was $7.99. Could you plotz? It was like it was still 1974. Most of the staff were Italian women in their 70’s. Hysterical. We were looking at the dessert counter after we ate and a woman came over to see if we wanted anything. “Just drooling,” I told her.

    We spent the morning walking around the campus at Youngstown State U. It was less of a kick than our preceding day at Penn State, but then we fell into a terrific art museum they have there: The Butler Institute of Art. Enormous and with a really good collection. (Hi Bob!) We asked this guard for help, but he just sat there. (He’s a statute.)

    This painting is by Edward Hopper. I think that guy in it is staring at a pretty YU coed, and who could blame him?

    And this one’s by Sargent.

    This headline is from The Onion, appropriate for the holiday.

    Oversized Leprechaun Hat Left At Home On St. Patrick’s Day To Avoid Damaging It

    This unusual poem is by Chloe Honum (after Chen Chen), and is from Poets.org. It’s called “Irreversible Fetal Anomalies.” And get this — it only uses letters that are in the title.

    a tall iris  
    a list of river names

    omens all i see
    fatal bells

    o visio  
    o loam

    a lit table  
    a test small flames retell

    i fall over a rose  
    reel into a mess of lilies

    sleet amasses stone
    a sea lives a fever

    in time a lion enters  
    o fearsome mane

    roam most near me

    [You might think, as I did, that the title is pretty long so limiting oneself to the letters in it is not so severe a limit. But it means not using any of the following letters: B, C, D, G, H, J, K, P, Q, U, W, X, Y, and Z.]

    To honor the returning space travelers, the puzzle today had an appropriate theme. Theme answers were STARBURST, nicely clued by “Chewy fruit-flavored candy;” SUPER NOVA, “Astronomical event depicted visually in this puzzle;” and HAD A BLAST and MAKE IT POP. Then the four letters (STAR) were depicted blowing apart! They started out all smooshed into one square, as part of the crossing answers LO[ST AR]TS and RE[ST AR]EA. Then they were in four separate squares forming a box, then forming a box with each letter separated by one space, and, finally a box with each letter separated by two spaces.

    Monday’s puzzle was all about GIRL POWER no doubt since March is Women’s Month. It had four “girls” with last names connoting a positive force in some way: TAYLOR SWIFT, JEAN SMART, BLAKE LIVELY, and CICELY STRONG. We’ve been hearing a lot about Blake lately, but don’t know much about her. Phil? Thanks!

    Gotta run — we’re still 3.5 hours from Sam and Sarah’s. Hope it’s okay if we let Liz Phair rock us off today, with a theme-appropriate song. See you next time!

  • Juliet Is The Sun

    We’re hitting the road this week. Driving the old Odyssey out to Sam and Sarah’s. We sold it to their friends Elizabeth and Richard from Chicago who are having twins, and two + one = need an Odyssey. Richard will fly out to Michigan to pick it up, and we’ll rent a car to drive home. It’s got 98K miles on it, but is riding very well. Body beat to shit (Caitlin’s adventures, don’t ask). I’m just happy to stop paying insurance on it. But enough about me.

    This Tiny Love Story from today’s NYT is by Julie Taylor and is called “An Enduring Luster.”

    One of the first things Jay told me was, “I love your hair.” It was 1995, and it was inky black from drugstore dye. After I got my first magazine job, it was colored red in a Madison Avenue salon. When we married, it was twisted in perfect ringlets. After two children, it was in a ponytail 24/7. In our L.A. years it was straightened weekly at a blow-dry bar. During the pandemic, it turned silver. And when it fell out in chunks last month after chemo, it was shaved off by my husband, who said, “I love you without hair.”

    I was just remarking to Linda the other day that I wondered if there was enough warbling going on in the world. I mean, when’s the last time you warbled?

    This story is from today’s Met Diary. It’s by Shelley Russell.

    Dear Diary:

    It was a bright clear morning in Manhattan. I was visiting from Arkansas, helping my college daughter settle into a summer program. While she was in class, I explored the city.

    Wandering through Bryant Park, I spied a crowd of people with their phones out and all pointed in one direction. Some of them were cradling large cameras with long lenses.

    I hurried over, eager for a celebrity sighting. The phones and lenses were angled downward at a cluster of bushes near the carousel.

    The crowd spoke in hushed tones. I was confused.

    “What’s going on?” I whispered to a particularly intense young man with a huge camera. His face was aglow.

    “It’s amazing!” he said. “The mourning warbler. We don’t usually see him here!”

    He lowered his camera, eager to show me shots of the small, brightly colored songbird. He explained its migratory pattern, its unique features and our stellar luck at being able to witness him.

    I nodded gratefully, tickled at his joyous rapture over this avian miracle. He returned to his focus, kneeling for more shots.

    A woman joined us.

    “What is all this business?” she asked, her Australian accent evident.

    “It’s the mourning warbler!” I said, having caught the enthusiasm. “It’s amazing!”

    Anybody have any problems with this poster from a classroom?

    Hard to imagine, right? I mean, if you had to check off boxes that said “Controversial” or “Not controversial,” would you have trouble picking one? Of course not.

    And yet a sixth grade teacher in Meridian, Idaho, Sarah Inama, was ordered to take it down by her school district. Her principal cited district policy that classrooms must respect the rights of people to express differing opinions and that decorations are to be “content-neutral.” What?

    Now, Sarah’s a reasonable and logical person. So she thought it through. It didn’t strike her as very complicated:

    “There are only two opinions on this sign: Everyone is welcome here or not everyone is welcome here,” she says. “Since the sign is emphasizing that everyone, in regards to race or skin tone, is welcome here no matter what, immediately, I was like, the only other view of this is racist. And I said, ‘That sounds like racism to me.’”

    Yup. Us too.

    Nevertheless, she took the sign down as she was directed to. But over the weekend she found it impossible to live with herself, and she and her husband took it to the school and hung it back up. She has been advised that she may be fired.

    She had meetings with district officials so they could explain the school policy to her. “The more we talked about it, the more it just solidified,” she says. “It seems so gross what they’re asking me to compromise about. I mean, there’s no way you’ll convince me that the differing view they’re trying to protect of that sign is not racist.”

    Here’s the district’s position:

    “Classrooms are places where students learn to read, write, think critically and build the skills needed for future success. While classroom decorations can contribute to the atmosphere, a truly welcoming and supportive environment is built through meaningful relationships and positive interactions between staff and students, not posters on the walls. Our focus is on fostering kindness, respect and academic achievement so that every student can thrive in a distraction-free learning environment.

    “This policy is designed to maintain consistency across all classrooms while ensuring that no one group is targeted or offended by the display of certain items. While we respect individuals’ rights to express their perspectives, it is important to reaffirm that this situation is not about limiting speech or expression but about ensuring consistency in our classrooms and maintaining a learning environment free from distraction.”

    Got a shovel? Fifty bucks to anyone who can find a bigger pile of horseshit.

    George! Make sure there’s enough Fresca in the fridge. We’re having some people over later to welcome Sarah into the Owl Chatter Hall of Fame. How are we on chips?

    If you were wondering what integrity, courage, and principles look like:

    In the puzzle today, at 87A, the clue was “Metaphor for Juliet, in Romeo’s soliloquy,” and I’m proud that I remembered SUN.

    But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
    It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

    (Sigh. Young love.)

    I think that was what led Commenter Son Volt to share this pretty song with us. It’s by Iron and Wine and is called “Sunset Soon Forgotten.”

    Oh, and here’s Juliet now. You were in the puzzle today, J!

    Listen, it’s probably the least of your worries, but that sill looks like it could use a little caulking or something. Just sayin’. If the rain starts seeping through you’re f*cked. Believe me, I’ve been there, in the Brooklyn house. Until we figured out what it was I wanted to kill myself. Oops. Sorry.

    ODE is a very common XW answer. It was clued today with “Composition of Catullus in ancient Rome,” which upset one Anony Mouse:

    “I am a Latin teacher and I never think of Catullus as writing ‘odes,’ even if there are addressees. We are far more likely to talk about his hendecasyllabics or elegiac couplets, or the epyllion that is poem 64.”

    For sure! The epyllion. Thanks, Mouse!

    For every poem I share here in Owl Chatter there are about twenty that don’t grab me. I’m going to start sharing pieces of those. Sort of my own personal Bulwer-Lytton contest. Here’s a snippet from a rejection today:

    Like priestly imprisoned poets,         
    the poplars of blood have fallen asleep.
    On the hills, the flocks of Bethlehem                  
    chew arias of grass at sunset.    

    [I swear I did not make that up.]

    I don’t know, kids. I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

    Let’s hope for the best and leave it at that. Thanks for popping by. See you next time!

  • Put Me In, Coach

    Meet Buddy, the lettuce-eating dog. He’s buddies with Owl Chatter friend Pennsylvania Nancy (and Eric) and he’s in a beauty contest. Should be a slam dunk, no? Got my vote.

    David Brooks had so many zingers yesterday. Trump has really made him jaunty. I sent this one to Frank Bruni: “One of the reasons MAGA conservatives admire Putin is that they see him as an ally against their ultimate enemy — the ethnic studies program at Columbia.”

    I also liked: “As America withdraws its security umbrella, nations around the world, from Poland to even Japan, will conclude that they need nuclear weapons. What could go wrong?”

    Last one, I promise: “I don’t care if Abraham Lincoln himself walked into the White House in 2029, no foreign leader can responsibly trust a nation that is perpetually four years away from electing another authoritarian nihilist.”

    That last one reminded me of when Bill Parcells became the coach of the Jets and Linda insanely grabbed at a smidgeon of optimism. Not me. I said, “God can take over as coach and they’d still go 5 and 11.”

    In yesterday’s puzzle, for the clue “Bench press?,” the answer was PUT ME IN, COACH. Great answer but the clue seemed a bit clunky to me. It’s a guy on the bench pressing the coach to put him in.

    Commenter PH noted: “Leroy Hoard was a former running back (1990-99 Browns/Vikings). He once said, ‘Coach, if you need 1 yard, I’ll get you 3 yards. If you need 5 yards, I’ll get you 3 yards.’ I don’t why I love that quote so much, but I do.” [OC note: LH played college ball at UMich.]

    Egs had an alternate clue: The response to “Sir, we are able to offer you an upgrade to first class. You’ll be sitting next to Marjorie Taylor Green.” PUT ME IN COACH.

    He was also “tickled to report that at my granddaughter’s Friday assembly, a fourth grader recited Pi to 50 decimal places! The sequence was projected onto a wall behind him so that we could verify his recitation as it went. “

    Happy Pi Day folks (yesterday, 3/14). Einstein’s birthday too, of course.

    An odd flare up occurred over REOS. Rex started it:

    As clued, REOS is terrible (16D: “Classic pickup lines, familiarly”). REO is a “line” (of motor vehicle), but REOS are not “lines,” just as FORD is a line of car but FORDS are not “lines” (they’re part of the same, single line: FORD).

    Then, Jim M wrote:

    I think the lines on the REO Speedwagon pickup are the flair of the fenders, etc. Classic design.

    Anonymous I: Absolutely not. There has to be correspondence between clue and answer. You’re talking about a “feature” of the REOS. The clue is saying the lines “are” the REOS.

    Anonymous 2: I disagree. The most interesting clues are not A = B, but ones that make you think, “Ah, that’s what they meant.” REO Speedwagons were designed with memorable body lines, as opposed to, say, a new utilitarian looking Ford F-150.

    Anonymous 1: Anonymous 2, there’s no basis for disagreement. You’re simply wrong. “Lines” is the main part of speech in the clue. It’s a plural noun. So the answer has to be a plural noun that = “lines.” So REOS *are* the “lines.” Clue would have to be rewritten to have your meaning.

    Jim M again: If the constructor used “lines” to mean vehicle models or manufacturers, then the constructor erred in the verb tense. If (design) lines were meant, then I believe that “REOs” works just fine as an answer. The plural works here as there were several classic REO Speedwagon designs.

    [What?]

    Let me tell you something folks. As a Jets fan, I don’t need another reason to hate Bill Belichick. But have you seen his girlfriend? He’s 72 years old. She can’t even spell her name: Jordon. She’s exactly one-third his age.

    Just kidding. Have a good time, kids. Life’s too short.

    In today’s puzzle, at 26A, “Irish actor who was nominated for a Golden Globe for 2023’s Saltburn” was BARRY KEOUGHAN. That was rough. I needed a lot of crosses. But I should have remembered him from Banshees. It netted him a well-deserved Oscar nom.

    In one scenes he professes his love for Kerry Condon and she so sweetly has to say no.

    Here’s Kerry’s Criterion Closet video. Rex called it his “favorite of all time—charming and funny and sincere, full of genuine, unaffected love of movies—a real model of the form.”

    Do you know about the Criterion Closet? I was today years old when I learned about it. Here — this is from Wikipedia:

    The Criterion Closet is a film closet owned and stocked by The Criterion Collection, a home video distribution company based in NYC with a specific emphasis on licensing, restoring, and distributing “important classic and contemporary films.” Located in their office, the film closet contains every title distributed by Criterion, totaling over 1,700 films. It was formerly a “disused bathroom” before being re-tooled to a film closet.

    In 2010, director Guillermo del Toro visited the Criterion office, during which he was filmed making his selections from the Criterion Closet; there, he made picks such as The Red Shoes by Michael Powell and Emeric Pressburger, Crumb by Terry Zwigoff, and Paths of Glory by Stanley Kubrick. Since then, Criterion has filmed over two hundred individuals visiting and making their own selections from the Criterion Closet in a video series called Closet Picks; past visitors have included Bill Hader, Martin Scorsese, Park Chan-wook, Cate Blanchett, Bong Joon-ho, Ayo Edebiri, and many others.

    Here’s a nice shot of CB. Thanks, Phil!

    At 24A, “Drink akin to a Moscow mule” was DARKNSTORMY. Wow, five consonants in a row. It reminded many of the famous worst first sentence “It was a dark and stormy night. . . . ” Up until this year, the English Dept of San Jose State U held the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction contest, in which contestants had to compose the worst first sentence of a novel. The contest was started in 1982 by Prof. Scott E. Rice of the department and was named after Edward George Bulwer-Lytton who wrote the novel Paul Clifford (1830) that opens with:

    It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents, except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.

    The first year of the competition attracted just three entries, but it went public the next year, received media attention, and attracted 10,000 entries. It expanded into subcategories, such as detective fiction, romance novels, Western novels, and purple prose. Sentences that were notable but not quite bad enough to win were awarded Dishonorable Mentions.

    This is the winner from 2023: She was a beautiful woman; more specifically she was the kind of beautiful woman who had an hourlong skincare routine that made her look either ethereal or like a glazed donut, depending on how attracted to her you were.

    A Lyttle Lytton contest is still in operation. It was started in 2001 by a writer, Adam Cadre. Entries are limited to 25 words. Here’s the winner for 2024, by Erin McCourt: He slammed the door in my face, loud and sharp, like an acoustic lemon. 

    The puzzle today is by Ryan McCarty, and there are many fresh, clever clues/answers in it:

    First, 2D and 3D, right next to each other, are AMNESIAC and WHYWORRY?

    35D: “Whiny comeback to a certain parent.” Answer: BUT DAD.

    14D: “Code group.” Answer: ZONING BOARD. Get it? Building codes.

    18D: “Something legally defined in the U.S. as affecting fewer than 200,000 people.” RARE DISEASE.

    7A: “Cozier alternatives to motels.” Answer: BANDBS. You usually see it as B&Bs. It’s called an ampersandwich, according to Rex.

    At 41D, “‘If you squint, maybe’” was a great clue for SORTA.

    Whew. That’s enough nonsense for me, for now. Kerry’s going to send us off today.

    Thanks Babe. George! Get the girl a Diet Pepsi – where are your manners?

    See you tomorrow, Chatterheads.

  • Chips and Salsa

    Headlines from The Onion:

    Flesh-Eating Bacteria Wishes It Hadn’t Filled Up On Foot

    Cracks In Facade Visible As Teen Enters Third Day Vacationing With Friend’s Family

    Major league ballplayer Frank Saucier died last week at age 98. He has the strangest claim to fame. He was an outfielder with the St. Louis Browns in 1951. I was only one year old at the time but I remember it clearly. (No I don’t.)

    Saucier won three batting titles in the minors, but his MLB career was derailed by an injury and service in the navy. He had only 18 plate appearances for the Browns, getting only one hit, a double, and batting .071. But the reason we are writing about him in Owl Chatter is what happened on August 19, 1951, during a double-header between the Browns and the Detroit Tigers. St. Louis was one of the worst teams in the league when Bill Veeck became their chief owner that July. To draw fans to the park, he announced special festivities would take place on Aug. 19 to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the founding of the American League.

    Between games, a parade of vintage 1901 cars took place, and Max Patkin, the baseball clown, put on a show. Last, Eddie Gaedel, who was 3 feet 7 inchies tall popped out of a large (paper) cake wearing a Browns uniform with the number 1/8.

    In the second game of the doubleheader, Saucier was the lead-off batter for STL in the bottom of the first, but he was called back and little Eddie Gaedel walked towards the plate. The umpire, Ed Hurley, said Eddie couldn’t bat, but manager Zack Taylor showed him the contract that was secretly signed earlier and Hurley said okay. Gaedel had a little bat (see below), and, taking no chances, went into a crouch. Detroit pitcher Bob Cain walked him on four pitches. Jim Delsing pinch ran for Gaedel and took over in right field for Saucier. Bob Swift was the Tiger catcher. Two days later, AL President Will Harridge voided the contract, under baseball’s “no fun” rule.

    Saucier was born on a farm outside Leslie, MO, in 1926, and died in Amarillo, TX. He is survived by his children, John and Sarah, two granddaughters, and four great grandchildren, all of normal height. He wrote a memoir in 1997 in which he wrote, “Eddie’s antic was the funniest thing I ever saw.”

    Rest in peace Frank.

    My collection already includes index cards signed by Saucier and Bob Swift. I’m going to try to pick up the autographs of Cain, Delsing, and Taylor to complete the story. None is very rare or valuable. Gaedel’s, however, is very rare, and would cost thousands. Ump Hurley is pretty rare too and would run in the $500 – $750 range.

    To my great shame, I was unable to finish yesterday’s puzzle — a Wednesday no less. I did not know the wicked witch of the west is ELPHABA. Did you know it comes from the name of the author of the Wizard of Oz: L. Frank Baum?

    I was also completely lost at 45A: “Crazy, sexy or cool: Abbr.” Answer: ADJ. Srsly? WTF?? Turns out all three (crazy, sexy, and cool) are adjectives. And the abbreviation, of course, is ADJ. (Boo.) It didn’t help that the A came from 29D: “Sprinkled with seasoning, in Italian.” What?? SALATA. Of course. (How do you say “boo” in Italian?)

    47A was from outer space too: “Boolean operators denoted by v-like symbols.” Answer: ORS. Gimme a break. Commenter JJK asked: Does anyone who’s not an academic mathematician know this?

    Commenter Darren responded: Your question re: ORS reminds me of an old math joke. (Judy, take note!)

    Three mathematicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Would any of you like a beer?”
    The first mathematician replies, “I’m not sure.”
    The second chimes in, “I don’t know, either.”
    At which point the third mathematician says, “No, “

    In the same spirit, my answer to your question as to whether anyone who’s not an academic mathematician knows this is, “I don’t know.”

    Yesterday’s puzzle was a paean to women. It had a whole bunch of women, including Heidi Klum and folksinger Melanie, who, sadly, passed away last year. Here’s a shot of HK’s gorgeous daughter Leni, followed by a Melanie song, “Candles in the Rain.” Mel performed at 1am the first night at Woodstock (right before Arlo). The song was inspired by the candles lit by the audience and held up during her performance. Mel was born in Queens but moved with her family to Jersey, and I’m going to claim her as a Jersey Girl. She graduated from Red Bank HS in 1966, for cryin’ out loud, although she was barred from the graduation ceremony on account of an overdue library book (not kidding).

    I bet you know 44D: “TV series whose name is shown on a vanity license plate in its opening sequence.” LA LAW of course. In my Business Law class a student raised her hand and asked me about a legal situation that came up in the previous night’s episode of LA LAW. I fumbled through a pathetic attempt at an answer and finally gave up and said: “I usually do better on legal questions that arise in The Simpsons.”

    Rex Parker, whose blog on the daily NYTXW I read each morning, especially for the observations of the “Commentariat,” bills himself “the Greatest Crossword Solver in the Universe (when I co-solve with my wife)! (2017 Pairs Division Champions, Lollapuzzoola Crossword Tournament).” Even so, he is human. (Actually, Rex is not human — but his real name is Michael Sharpe, and he’s human.) And since he is human, he, like me, missed two key elements in the theme of today’s puzzle. Let me bore you with an explanation.

    The theme was revealed at 61A: “Commit a party foul, in a way.” The answer was DOUBLE DIP. And in five theme answers, you had to “dip” down twice and take letters from the answers below. For example, at 21A the clue was “Sorts with unruly hair.” And the answer was MOPEDS, which makes no sense, right? But in the word below it, there was an H in a triangle and an A in a circle. You dip down to get those, and mopeds becomes MOPHEADS. See? That happened five times. Okay, Rex and I got that far, but we missed two things: the triangle and circle represented the shapes of tortilla chips and salsa bowls for dipping. More importantly, the ten (5 + 5) letters in those shapes spelled out the words CHIPS and SALSA. Wow. Impressive craftsmanship (craftsmanchip?).

    Pursuant to a recent Executive Order, please delete the clue and answer at 32A from the puzzle today. Clue: “Identity associated with a blue, pink and white flag.” Answer: TRANS. (Good to see it in there, Rich Proulx and Simeon Seigel.)

    There’s a whole bunch of orientation flags. My favorites are “bear” and “leather.” Not kidding — take a look. Some folks even seem to have sex with cooking utensils!! Pansexuals. Linda caught me fooling around with the teakettle the other day.

    Didja see in the NYT today the Republican Chair of a House Subcommittee, Keith Self of Texas, referred to his colleague, Sarah McBride, who is trans, as Mr. McBride. McBride responded “Thank you, Madam Chair,” before proceeding, but Rep. William Keating, D-MA, was having none of it. He requested that Self repeat his introduction, which he did but still referred to Sarah McBride as “Mr. McBride.”

    “Mr. Chairman, you are out of order,” Keating fired back. “Mr. Chairman, have you no decency? I mean, I’ve come to know you a little bit. But this is not decent.”

    Self said it was time to continue the hearing. But Keating refused to let go.

    “You will not continue it with me unless you introduce a duly elected representative the right way,” he said.

    With that, Self adjourned the session.

    It’s come to this.

    God Bless America.

    The Report from our Sports Consultant, Sarah Fillier of the NY Sirens of the Pro Women’s Hockey League was unusually brief: “Don’t ask.”

    It’s not that she had a bad night. She’s just a little embarrassed. The Sirens were playing the league-leading Montreal Victoire in Jersey, coming off an eight-game losing streak and mired in the cellar. Ouch. But they carried play in the first half, taking a 1-0 lead. The Victoire tied it early in the second half, but Sarah (or Filly, as the coach calls her) netted a sweet goal from the right side to regain the lead. So it was 2-1 NY heading into the third half.

    Then, disaster. It’s a physical game, even when played by the ladies. So Sarah’s stick might have come up a just a smidge high into a Montreal player’s face. Oopsies. She was called for a five-minute major misconduct penalty and tossed from the game. Yikes! Our Sarah!! With the woman advantage, the Victoire tied the game pretty quickly. Brilliant goaltending on both sides kept it 2-2 at the end of regulation play. Then things got happy: an exquisite goal by Maja Nylén Persson about 2 minutes into OT sent everyone home. Yay! The losing streak was over.

    Here’s Maja. She’s Swedish. No doubt her boyfriend (or girlfriend) calls her his/her little meatball.

    From Frank Bruni’s “For the Love of Sentences:

    In WAPO, Catherine Rampell explored the challenge of bringing down supermarket prices: “Importing more eggs has proved complicated, though, and so far there’s not much additional poultry in motion.”

    Sorry to end with this wrenching poem. But once I read it, I couldn’t unread it. It’s by Mosab Abu Toha and is called “[You were so small in my hands].”

    You were so small in my hands
    no shrapnel could hit you,
    but the dust and
    smoke of the bomb
    rushed into your lungs.
    No need for any gauze.
    They just closed your eyes.
    No need for any shroud.
    You were already
    in your swaddle blanket.

  • I Got Some Groceries

    I learned a bit about quarterback signals from an article in The Times this week, a topic we can pretty safely say is of interest to just about no one, and is thus perfect for us here in Owl Chatter. Tyler Bray was a QB with the pre-Mahomes, pre-Taylor Swift, KC Chiefs. During a practice, he signaled for a play using “White 80.” But head coach Andy Reid shook his head and walked over. He told Bray he “held his ‘white’ too long.” OK, so Bray switched to Green 80 but that was no good either, according to Reid. Blue did the trick. Blue 80 worked.

    Are these people insane? What the f*ck difference does it make what color they use when they have to release the ball in under 3 seconds prior to getting slammed into by 400-lb linemen bent on ripping them limb from limb? Turns out it’s all about “cadence.”

    QB signals go all the way back to 1882 when a Yale coach named Walter Camp drew up five signals for plays for the first time in history. He used random phrases. One was “Play up sharp, Charlie,” which meant a quick toss to an end for a sideline run. In either 1887 or 1889 (there is some dispute, don’t ask), signaling became numeric. A play would be called via a number in the huddle and the QB could yell plus or minus something to change it before the snap.

    That held into the 1950’s until a Notre Dame coach named Terry Brennan saw that too many mistakes were occurring, so he devised the color-number system which is still partly in use. Under it, a numbered play is called but with a color, like red 28. Red is the “live” color. At the line of scrimmage if he uses any color other than red, it’s just ignored and they run play #28. But if he yells “red” that means he’s changing the play to a new number. So “Red 17” means switch to play #17. Green, blue, or orange anything means stick with play #28.

    Okay, so if that’s the system, why did it matter, above, what color Tyler Bray used? Because in the modern pro game, the cadence in which the signals are expressed matters too. The rhythm and sound of the signals need to be just right: they control the timing and flow of the play. A back-up QB needs to learn the signals for the play but also needs to mimic the cadence of the starter. They need to practice getting it just right, like with a teammate or in front of a mirror. It’s like an actor delivering a line in a play. Different kind of play.

    Okay, Liveson, now get out there and let me see what you can do. Sure Coach!

    Eudora WELTY was in the puzzle today.

    Here’s a comment posted by Barbara S in its entirety. It’s a good example of why I love the Rex group.

    My favorite passage from The Optimist’s Daughter:

    When Laurel was a child, in this room and in this bed where she lay now, she closed her eyes like this and the rhythmic, nighttime sound of the two beloved reading voices came rising in turn up the stairs every night to reach her. She could hardly fall asleep, she tried to keep awake, for pleasure. She cared for her own books, but she cared more for theirs, which meant their voices. In the lateness of the night, their two voices reading to each other where she could hear them, never letting a silence divide or interrupt them, combined into one unceasing voice and wrapped her around as she listened, as still as if she were asleep. She was sent to sleep under a velvety cloak of words, richly patterned and stitched with gold, straight out of a fairy tale, while they went reading on into her dreams.

    Another passage from that book, which describes my life at the moment, goes like this:

    To have the past, and to have loved it, to know it exists in the present, not in the haunting shadows, not in memory, but alive beside me in this room.

    I’m currently in receipt of an enormous number of photographs taken over many years by my sister, who was an excellent photographer. She has Alzheimer’s disease and is in a care home, no longer able to appreciate her own wonderful visual legacy. Many of these photographs are in good order and well-organized, but I’m in the process of systematizing the rest, which has required me to take a deep dive into memory. Truly, studying these photographs is like travelling backward in time: the past reality they present is so real and so vivid, the dead they resurrect are so very much alive, that when I stop looking at them, I actually have to reorient myself to the present – metaphorically shake my head and slap my cheek. “Wake up, wake up, it’s 2025!”

    At 62A the clue was “Compliment on the green,” and the answer was NICE PUTT. Here’s what I posted for the gang:

    “Missed opportunity to see a NICE BUTT in the grid today. D’oh! So close.”

    Today’s theme was ACUPUNCTURE. The clue was “Traditional Chinese medicine component.” (General Tso’s Chicken didn’t fit.) The theme answers were: GET THE POINT, STAB IN THE BACK, and MOVE THE NEEDLE. Theme answers usually run across the grid, but these were down answers and the constructor, Jared Cappel, explained it was like they were needles being inserted into the patient. Jared is a serious Scrabble competitor ranked #4 in Canada. But that rank will have to be adjusted once the tariffs take hold.

    I shared this note with the gang:

    My late brother performed EMGs for a living — electromyography. It involved sticking very fine needles into the patient, giving a slight electrical jolt, and analyzing how the nerves responded. When a member of the NY Jets needed the test done, they used him. He was always amused to see a 350-lb lineman scared of the little needles. They would ask “Will this hurt, doc?” and his answer was invariably “I don’t feel a thing.”

    Laura Howarth, of the Dull Men’s Club (UK) posted the following:

    Having flown a handful of times over the last 12 months with a very dull airline (name loosely rhymes with Lion Hair), I have a question which I’m hoping my fellow dull people can answer. On each and every flight there’s been an announcement “Today we have a passenger on board with a severe nut allergy, therefore please do not consume nuts while on this flight” (or words to that effect). Every flight. Are we being stalked by someone with a severe nut allergy I wonder? Or are there so many people with such an allergy that there is always one on every flight? Or, as I suspect, do they not have a clue about people’s allergies and just announce this to cover themselves just in case??

    Here are a few of the dullest comments:

    Gaz Trowell: I also fly a lot with the aforementioned terrible air line and they don’t always announce the nut allergy over the tannoy. [Tannoy? I had to look it up. It’s a type of public address system.]

    Laura: That means we’re being stalked then!!

    Avi Liveson: If you truly believe you are being stalked by a person with a nut allergy who means you harm, you should eat nuts to foil his or her plan. However, your doing so opens the risk of an innocent person dying if your stalking theory is off. Can you live with that on your conscience? I’m feeling a little bad just for making the suggestion.

    Adrian Bull: Maybe they have something on your passenger profile that says it’s you with the allergy?

    Laura: OMG! Never thought of that!

    Jason Andreoli: Never actually heard that announcement on said airline, however, on some routes they may do it as routine just in case and to ensure liability is covered.. Five Guys Burgers does something similar (although the polar opposite) by frying in peanut oil and having sacks of peanuts scattered around the floor to ensure nobody with an allergy and a brain cell ever gets near their produce. [Wow — never thought of that.]

    Mayblossom Stiffdog: Only way to prove this is to buy every ticket for a flight, you then being the only passenger on the flight and without such allergy will help to prove your point.

    Mark Hall: I can honestly say that in all my 63 years, I have never known anyone with a severe nut allergy.

    Gordon McGoochan: You are lucky. My daughter has a severe peanut and legume (soya, chickpeas etc.) allergy, even the smell of a peanut causes her throat to start closing. Once at school a classmate gave her a chocolate covered peanut for a joke, she went into immediate anaphylaxis and spent the night in hospital, it’s no fun for her and a constant worry for her mother and me.

    Mark: I don’t deny people have them and sincere sympathies to your daughter, it must be hard to go through life avoiding everything. I just haven’t met anyone personally.

    Gordon: Thank you, yes it is incredibly difficult, everything she eats has to be scrutinized in detail, things like pea or soya proteins, chickpea flour and anything cooked in peanut oil for example are all potentially fatal.

    Ian Frazier has a funny piece in The New Yorker of 3/17: “Prayers For Everyday Life.” Here’s a sampling:

    (Throughout the day)

    Oh, dear God,
    May I not have thrown away the
    Top to our sour cream.

    Oh, Jesus,
    Where did all that water in the
    Basement come from?

    (At the workplace)

    Dear God Almighty,
    Why hasn’t that idiot Liam been fired?

    (At the pharmacy)

    Oh, for God’s sake,
    You are not next in line.

    Here’s a fitting tune to send us off tonight. See you tomorrow!