The Wellington Files

  • Lazy Circles in the Sky

    We have a good turn of events to report on a story covered by Owl Chatter a short while ago. Max Hightower, the young trans gentleman who was stripped of his role in his high school’s production of Oklahoma! will be performing in it after all! Yay Max!

    Things had gotten ugly in conservative Sherman TX. Not only was Max denied his role, any girl in a man’s role, or boy in a woman’s role, was bumped, and then the entire production was scrapped. A theater teacher who objected was personally escorted out of the school by the principal. A stage set that students took two months to build was demolished. (Crash!)

    But Max’s family, led by his dad Phillip, fought the decision as did other cast families. And the cause was picked up by good people in the community. A hearing was held by the school district, and every seat in the room was filled. Sixty-five people signed up to speak, almost all of them on the side of Max and his castmates. It was an extraordinary showing by the community that shocked even Max’s supporters. The board took three hours to consider the matter and decided unanimously to reinstate the production with the original cast intact.

    Not everybody was pleased, of course. One local shopper said she believed that God made people either male or female and that the issue was as simple as that. I wish I knew as clearly as she did what God thinks on every issue, including the casting of high school productions. We could certainly use her on the Owl Chatter staff – we are so often at sea. But the article in The Times did not include her name or contact information.

    A gay married couple recalled how their daughter brought them the good news. “She just said “We won.’ She was beaming, smiling ear to ear.” They hung a Pride Flag in their window for the first time. They felt a little better about their neighbors.

    “We want to apologize to our students, parents, our community regarding the circumstances that they’ve had to go through,” the board president, Brad Morgan, said afterward.

    That’s okay, Morgan. You did good.

    Pictured below, before the song, are the protesters and Max’s dad.

    We go from the sublime to, well, feet.

    Ziwe Fumudoh, a comedian who goes by Ziwe, wrote a funny article in The New Yorker of 9/25/23. It’s called “Best Foot Forward” and is about her feet. But she writes about her hair and other parts too:

    “I am very self-conscious about the way that I look, in part because I am a woman who happens to be conscious.”

    “I had body odor. As an adult, I am known for smelling as fresh as a tropical beach after a rainstorm, because I surround myself with candles and fragrances. However, when I was a child, I was unfamiliar with the concept of deodorant. For some reason, it had never been explained to me. Not to point any fingers, but my mother refused to buy me products that acknowledged that I had hit puberty, and instead told me to scrub my armpits harder.

    One issue for a stinky middle schooler is that people will actually remark on your scent. The most memorable conversation about my stinkiness was when my sixth-grade teacher, Mr. [REDACTED], pulled me aside during gym class to ask me if my parents were dead. Confused, but ever cheery, I informed him that they were not. He replied, ‘Well, then, tell your mother to buy you deodorant.’

    I guess that, in Mr. [REDACTED]’s reality, the only logical explanation for my body odor was that I was an orphan whose parents’ death in some freak accident had led to my subsequent neglect.”

    But the story is about her feet. It turns out there is a website called wikiFeet that contains photos of celebrities’ feet, with ratings of same. Ziwe had no idea it existed or that a photo of her feet made its way onto it. A friend of hers sent her rating to her.

    “To my horror, I learned that I had a wikiFeet rating of two stars [out of five], categorized as ‘okay feet.’ While ‘okay’ is technically not an insult, it is not a compliment, either. I hate my feet. Also, I hate everyone else’s feet. In my humble opinion, feet are just ugly hands, and hands are not that cute to begin with. But, though it’s fine for me to have disdain for my extremities, for strangers to rate my ten toes as anything other than ‘perfect,’ ‘beautiful,’ or possibly ‘dainty’ is a hate crime that should be punished to the fullest extent of the law. This may seem like an irrational reaction, but you are wrong and stupid, and also, shut up!”

    She took comfort in the one comment her feet elicited. On 6/27/2020, at 12:22 PM, someone posted “Nice feet girl!”

    But her two-star (“okay”) rating definitely eats at her.

    “As such, I am demanding a call to action. Please go to wikifeet.com, create a user account on this collaborative, celebrity-foot database, and vote for me like my self-confidence depends on it.”

    Okay, girl. We hear you.

    Today’s puzzle by the brilliant Paolo Pasco is one for the ages. Quite a “feat” of construction. The theme is Evel Knievel, the insane stunt guy who, miraculously, died of natural causes back in 2007 at age 69. The puzzle spells out his name in circles that rise up a ramp, soar over a group of buses, and land safely on the other side. The letter/circles are part of crossing answers, and the buses are the ends of the answers COLUMBUS, REBUS, and SYLLABUS. (See the bottom section of the completed grid below.) Also, 23A is LIVING ON THE EDGE, and 9D is DAREDEVIL. Last, the clue at 3D is “Punny advice for this puzzle’s subject,” and the answer is GET OVER IT. Whew — exhausting — the man knows how to construct a puzzle. Even Rex was impressed. Oh, I almost forgot to mention (!), if you complete the puzzle online, the software actually shows a little motorcycle in motion — riding up the ramp, soaring, and coming down the ramp. (I’m not kidding.)

    In the Owl Chatter “Oops” Department, the new “indoor simulator” golf league backed by Tiger Woods and Rory McIlroy slated to start in January suffered a setback when the roof collapsed due to a power failure. The arena is a giant dome in part supported by air. When the power went out, the air support shut off, and the dome collapsed, suffering substantial damage. No one was hurt. I’m no engineer (Hi Sam!), and I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there’s some flaw in that plan somewhere, it seems to me, by crackie.

    That seems like a good enough dose of nonsense for us today. Thanks for popping in — see you tomorrow!

  • Down to the Ground, Down to the Ground

    Oh, we’re in for a treat today, courtesy of Rex. He regularly posts musical selections related to the puzzle and today they were over-the-top wonderful. For the clue “Handle that goes up and down?” the answer was OTIS (handle: name, then think elevator), so we got an Otis Redding tune that is not Dock of the Bay, and for some reason I can’t fathom, we got a Joan Armatrading song: Down To Zero. Let’s enjoy them right off the bat to set the tone for today’s chatter.

    One commenter asked about that song: Is it possible to shiver while you’re melting?

    And here’s Otis:

    Miriam Webster’s word of the day today is CHIMERA, and here’s the entry:

    In Greek mythology, Chimera is a fire-breathing monster that has a lion’s head, a goat’s body, and a snake’s tail. [Quite the combo plate, see below.] In general contexts, chimera can refer to something (such as an aspiration) that exists only in the imagination and is not possible in reality.

    I think I sorta knew what it means, except for the monster part, but I was mispronouncing it. It’s not shim-era with the accent on shim. It’s ke-merra, with the accent on merra. Thanks, Miriam! I won’t be making that mistake again (maybe).

    Today’s puzzle by Gary Larson (not the cartoonist) was a “zee-fest” with the letter Z added to phrases to obtain wackiness. E.g., at 53A “Cap worn at a Shriners Christmas party?” was SANTA FEZ. My fave was at 16A: “Obnoxious houseguest?” was STAYING PUTZ. In case you don’t know, a putz is a stupid or worthless person, but it also has an off-color meaning, which I wonder if the NYT considered.

    I was flummoxed right off the bat at 1A, where the clue was “Half of an orange?” It turned out to be RED. WTF? Rex explained it refers to the color orange which is a combination of red and yellow. Ouch! Got me!

    A PELICAN flew into the grid today, clued as the state bird of Louisiana. There was a myth that a pelican mom would stab herself in the chest with her beak to draw blood to feed her young with when food was otherwise unavailable, but that’s not true. Your basic pelican mom is, like, “I’ll dig something up for those kids. Don’t worry about it.”

    Nevertheless, a pelican with a bloodstained chest became a symbol for some Christian artists who were drawn to the “sacrifice” element in the myth. In a portrait most likely painted by (or under the direction of) Nicolas Hilliard, of Queen Elizabeth I, she’s wearing a pelican pendant. It’s called The Pelican Portrait (duh). You can see the blood in the pelican detail, below.

    And here’s a real pelican (no it’s not: Scuttle’s a gull). (Sorry about all this pelican chatter, owls.)

    Here you go.

    In a follow-up to yesterday’s elbow incident, not to be confused with the Ox Bow Incident, former House Speaker Kevin McCarthy shot a rubber band across the House floor at Rep. Tim Burchett of Tennessee today. It fell wide of its target. It’s very hard to aim those things. McCarthy denied shooting at Burchett, but our staff photographer Phil provided us with this photo he caught of McCarthy’s right hand taken seconds before Burchett dove to the House floor.

    Headline in The Onion today: Girlfriend Signs Couple Up For Med School.

    A statue of the Virgin Mary in Mexico has been captured “crying” tears, prompting hundreds to travel to witness a “miracle.” The statue, in a church in the town of El Canal, Colima, was recorded showing what looks like tears seeping out of the Virgin Mary’s eyes.

    Some witnesses believe the Virgin Mary’s tears are real, as the redness around her eyes indicates she has been crying. Yup, they’re real alright.

    “Similarly, when we cry, and our eyes become red, the same happens to the image,” Victor Ramos, a local idiot, said. Of course. Makes sense.

    “We can associate it with the rising violence rates here in the state of Colima, also here in the community,” he said. Yeah. That explains it.

    Colima has been labelled the most dangerous city in Mexico and has held that ranking for six years. “You’d cry too,” Ramos reasoned.

    What do you have to do to get fired by the Pope? Right-wing Texas Bishop Joe Strickland turned the trick. Besides generally dissing his royal Popeship, Bishop maintained a fairly consistent level of assholery. He was behind the controversy over the Dodgers disinviting (and then re-inviting) the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence to their Pride Night this year. And, get this. According to Rachel Maddow:

    “You might remember that just before the January 6th attack on Congress, like three weeks before that, in mid-Dec. 2020, there was another day of crazy right-wing pro-Trump violence in the streets of Washington, D.C. Dec. 12, 2020. A number of people were stabbed. There were brawls in the streets of Washington, running, fistfights and battles. A Black Lives Matter banner was stolen and burned from a D.C. church. The largest event pro-Trump forces had organized was the Jericho March. This was a Mike Flynn thing, where Stewart Rhodes, the leader of the Oath Keepers, called for Trump to invoke the Insurrection Act to use the military in American streets to keep Trump in power.

    “And that event included an address from Bishop Strickland. A serving bishop speaking at an event that was calling for the overthrow of the U.S. government, including by the use of the Army.”

    A petition signed by 10,000 people thanked the Pope for removing Strickland. It stated: Strickland “is a notoriously election-denying, QAnon-spreading, Francis-bashing, vaccine-rejecting, LGBTQ-hating, division-sowing, fire-breathing darling of right-wing Twitter. His agenda went beyond far-right culture wars to full-blown Christian nationalism, even appearing at a ‘Stop the Steal’ MAGA event.”

    You can keep that stick thing and the costume. Just get out.

    Arrrrrgh. See you tomorrow.

  • Elisha Cuthbert

    Do you believe? In particular, do you believe in wishes? If you do, you may pick up some tips from today’s puzzle. The theme answer is MAKE A WISH, and it has five things you are supposed to make a wish on, several of which are new to me. SHOOTING STAR and LADYBUG are the ones I know. Did you know there are male ladybugs? They are a little smaller than the female, and, I would guess, are pretty insecure. This one’s not male.

    Then there is DANDELION – that stuff you blow off, right? But they also included ELEVEN ELEVEN — when you see it on a clock — and EYE LASH. If you see that an eyelash has fallen onto a face, or somewhere, you are supposed to wish upon it too.

    The superstition that compels us to wish on otherwise random objects dates back at least a couple of centuries. Several versions of eyelash wishing existed in 18th century Britain and Ireland. For example, folklore recorded in Shropshire, England, instructs that if “an eyelash comes out, put it on the back of the hand, wish, and throw it over the shoulder. If it leaves the hand, the wish will come true.”

    Fans of the TV show “24” know all about ELISHA Cuthbert (who was in the puzzle today at 44A) as no less than Jack Bauer’s daughter. She was born in Calgary and will turn 41 later this month. She’s a big ice hockey fan which is good because she married Dion Phaneuf, a former captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs. They have two children, a daughter born in 2017 and a son in 2022.

    Maxim named her the sexiest woman in television in 2013 and she generally does very well in “sexiest women” lists. She must have been especially sexy in 2013, because GQ also named her one of the hottest women of the 21st century that year.

    Here she is, as bright as the sun, with all of her eyelashes in place.

    Happy Birthday to writer/humorist P.J. O’Rourke, who was born on this date in 1947 in Toledo, Ohio, and passed away on Feb. 15, 2022, in Sharon, NH.

    Here’s one of his quotes: “Drugs have taught an entire generation of kids the metric system.”

    And this paragraph which he wrote was shared today in The Writer’s Almanac. As far as I’m concerned, it’s perfect.

    “The source of the word ‘humorist’ is one who regards human beings in terms of their humors — you know, whether they’re sanguine or full of yellow bile, or whatever the four classical humors are. You stand back from people and regard them as types. And one finds, especially by the time one reaches one’s fifties, that there are a limited number of types of people in the world, and you went to high school with every single one of them. You can visit the Eskimos, you can visit the Bushmen in the Kalahari, you can go to Israel, you can go to Egypt, but everybody you meet is going to be somebody you went to high school with.”

    You get the last word today, PJ. See you tomorrow everybody. Thanks for popping by.

  • Nothing To Be Afraid Of

    Another dreadful Jets loss last night. Lucky for me, I fell asleep at halftime and didn’t get to see it unfold. Back when my friend Lance was alive, I would get to my office every Monday during the season and find a phone message from him mournfully intoning Yiskadal v’yiskadash, the Jewish prayer for the dead.

    One play I saw last night had poor, hapless Zach Wilson, the most maligned quarterback in Jets history (which is saying something, believe me), break out of the pocket, elude a tackler, and race down the sideline for a touchdown! Hurrah! However, the replay showed he just stepped out of bounds by about an inch back at the three yard line, so they placed the ball back there and it was first and goal from the three. Then the Jets ran a nice running play to score the touchdown again. Hurrah! But this time they were flagged for a holding penalty (a sh*t call, IMO) and the ball was brought back to the thirteen. That was the last hurrah — they couldn’t score from there and had to settle for a field goal — three points instead of seven. They wound up losing the game by that four point difference, 16 to 12. It’s a good thing I’m not the type of fan who gets bitter (much).

    Is it starting to get cold where you are? Vermont Lizzie — you up to your pupik in snow yet? Today’s poem from The Writer’s Almanac addresses that. It’s called “Opposing Forces,” and is by Eamon Grennan.

    Even in this sharp weather there are lovers everywhere
    holding onto each other, hands in one another’s pockets
    for warmth, for the sense of I’m yours, the tender claim
    it keeps making—one couple stopping in the chill
    to stand there, faces pressed together, arms around
    jacketed shoulders so I can see bare hands grapple
    with padding, see the rosy redness of cold fingers
    as they shift a little, trying to register through fold
    after fold, This is my flesh feeling you you’re feeling.

    It must be some contrary instinct in the blood
    that sets itself against the weather like this, brings
    lovers out like early buds, like the silver-grey catkins
    I saw this morning polished to brightness
    by ice overnight. Geese, too: more and more couples
    voyaging north, great high-spirited congregations
    taking the freezing air in and letting it out
    as song, as if this frigid enterprise were all joy,
    nothing to be afraid of.

    58A yesterday was “Where to see heads of gladiators, informally.” I couldn’t make any sense out of the answer, even when I got it via the crosses: AMEX CARDS. It finally hit me, there is a gladiator logo sort of thing on AMEX credit cards.

    But one Rexite argued that it was a Roman soldier — not a gladiator. To which Kitshef replied: From the US Patent and Trademark Office’s official website:
    American Express Marketing & Development Corp
    Application #90862191
    Trademark application details
    “The mark consists of a Roman Gladiator Head enclosed in an oval shape design.”

    You’d think that would end it — it’s the goddamn U.S. patent office.

    But “Fox” posted: Um.. the guy on the AMEXCARD is a Roman Centurion, nearly the antithesis of a gladiator. I mean, they both fight but under very different circumstances. [A centurion is a soldier who fights in battle. A gladiator fights in competitions. Sort of the difference between a Marine and a pro wrestler or boxer.]

    Then “Beezer” chimed in with:

    Apparently the “is it a GLADIATOR or a centurion” debate “is a thing” and is mentioned in Wikipedia. After looking at various Roman gladiator AND centurion helmet images, my conclusion is the “real” helmet images for both provide much more protection than the AMEX helmet image, but the Amex image allows you to see the handsome Roman profile. I think the “safety/security” thing associated with the centurions is probably right when paired with a credit card.

    Want more?

    Sailor cited a website devoted to company logos which said:

    “The man dressed in ancient armor is referred to as a gladiator in both the original trademark and also in the current American Express trademarks. The initial trademark of 1958 described the gladiator in the American Express logo as a gladiator on a shield whereas the current American Express website lists the logo character as a Gladiator Head Design. The lawsuit of 1989 between the Vibra Approved Laboratories and the American Express also simply termed this character within the logo as a gladiator head design. However, there are many who believe that the gladiator is a centurion who in the roman century was a commanding officer and a part of the general Roman legion.”

    We sent Phil over to Rome to see if he could resolve this vital issue. He spent all of his time there drinking, and came back with this shot. She’s a gladiatrix. Good work, buddy!

    Life and death in the USA.

    By all accounts, Fred “Bubba” Copeland, was a decent guy, and very well-liked, beloved even. He was the mayor of Smiths Station, Alabama, population 5,384. He was also a pastor at the First Baptist Church of Phenix City, AL. His wife Angela was a teacher and cheer coach at Smiths Station Junior High. He had two stepchildren and one biological child from his first marriage.

    On November 1, 2023, journalist Craig Monger of conservative news website 1819 News reported on social media posts by Copeland in which he wore women’s clothing (see above) and described himself as a “transgender curvy girl.” The contents of Copeland’s posts allegedly included explicit photos of himself, and transgender pornography.

    Before the report was released, Copeland spoke with the website, claiming that his behavior was a “hobby” for “getting rid of stress.” He also said “I’m not medically transitioning. It’s just a bit of a character I’m playing.” Copeland requested that the article not be published, citing his family and his position as a pastor.

    Waste of breath, right? His request was ignored.

    Speaking at the First Baptist Church, Copeland said “Yes, I have taken pictures with my wife in the privacy of our home in an attempt at humor because I know I’m not a handsome man nor a beautiful woman, either.” He added, “I’ve been an object of an internet attack. The article is not who or what I am. … I apologize for any embarrassment caused by my private and personal life that has become public. This will not cause my life to change. This will not waver my devotion to my family, serving my city, serving my church. I’m thankful for the grace of God and the willingness to forgive. I have nothing to be ashamed of. A lot of things that were said were taken out of context. In conclusion, I love my family. They’re number one. And, again, I’m sorry for what my actions have caused.”

    Leaders in state Baptist associations stated that they had “serious concern” about Copeland’s “alleged unbiblical behavior.” Hmmmm. Yes, this is very serious indeed.

    Copeland noted to a friend that he was having “dark days” and was being attacked viciously online. Two days after speaking in church, Copeland killed himself with a handgun. Former U.S. Senator from Alabama, Doug Jones called the attacks on Copeland and the circumstances of his death sad and disgusting. Ya think?

    Peter LORRE popped by the puzzle today: “Actor Peter of ‘M’ and ‘The Man Who Knew Too Much.’” He was Jewish, born in 1904, and fled Nazi Germany after Hitler came to power. His name at birth was Laszlo Lowenstein.

    Here’s some interesting stuff about his family, particularly his only child, Catherine. Lorre was divorced twice before marrying Anne Marie Brenning in 1953 who bore Catherine that year. Lorre died in 1964 and Anne Marie in 1971. Catherine later made headlines after serial killer Kenneth Bianchi confessed to police that he and his cousin and fellow “Hillside Strangler” Angelo Buono, posing as undercover police officers, had stopped her in 1977 with the intent of abduction and murder, but let her go upon learning that she was Peter Lorre’s daughter. Only after Bianchi was arrested did Catharine realize whom she had met. Catharine died of complications from diabetes, in1985, when she was only 32.

    Life can be stressful, and Lorre sometimes lost his head. On this occasion, his buddy Vincent Price found it and returned it to him. He’s looking a little suspiciously at Phil, though. Phil!! Run!!

    Maybe we should all run, now that I think about it. See you tomorrow.

  • And So It Goes

    Here is a kingfisher, showing off his catch.

    Keep it in mind as you read today’s poem from The Writer’s Almanac by Wendell Berry called “Before Dark.”

    From the porch at dusk I watched
    a kingfisher wild in flight
    he could only have made for joy.

    He came down the river, splashing
    against the water’s dimming face
    like a skipped rock, passing

    on down out of sight. And still
    I could hear the splashes
    farther and farther away

    as it grew darker. He came back
    the same way, dusky as his shadow,
    sudden beyond the willows.

    The splashes went on out of hearing.
    It was dark then. Somewhere
    the night had accommodated him

    —at the place he was headed for
    or where, led by his delight,
    he came.

    What a list of women in the puzzle today!! Jennifer Aniston, Glenn Close, Tami Hoag, Linda Ellerbee, Ayn Rand, Amy Klobuchar, Ann Patchett, Jane Goodall, Bea Arthur, Jacinda Ardern, and the fictional Lisbeth Salander: “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.”

    Phil!! Run out and get some more Fresca!! I think we’re okay on dip. I’ll pull the last of Yev’s pierogies out of the freezer — what are we saving them for?

    Linda Ellerbee is 79 now. Here’s how she looked before.

    She was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a double mastectomy — but that was back in 1992. Whew. Good catch, docs.

    She got one of her early jobs in radio because her Texas background made her sound Black, and the Black woman the station hired didn’t.

    Ellerbee’s work on NBC News Overnight was recognized by the duPont Columbia Awards as “possibly the best written and most intelligent news program ever.” Her work on news for children with her husband Rolfe Tessum for their company Lucky Duck Productions (Nick News) received much praise and many awards. Before marrying Rolfe in 1985, she shed husbands in ’66, ’71, ’75, and ’83.

    Does anyone remember this? In 1989, Ellerbee created a minor uproar by appearing in TV ads for Maxwell House coffee. The NYT said the ads betrayed her trademark “uncompromising intellectual honesty” and “sardonic wit” — and were mercenary, “devaluing both broadcast news and broadcast advertising.” Jeez Louise! Jimmy Breslin called to support her by reminding her that when he made a beer commercial, they let him keep his Pulitzer Prize. (Burp!)

    She was associated with the sign-off phrase “and so it goes,” which became the title of her first memoir (and of this Owl Chatter post!).

    Here’s a small sample of her work, a piece she produced for Nick News. You won’t see her in it, but her hands are all over it.

    In case you missed it, Michigan beat Penn State yesterday 24-15 in a very big game for both teams. UM coach Harbaugh was out, suspended due to a sign-stealing scandal, but Sherrone Moore took over at the helm and steered the ship well. Interestingly, starting in the second period, Michigan used only running plays for the rest of the game — not a single pass play. Was it a “statement?” Penn State came into the game with the best run defense in the country.

    Moore got a little emotional after the game, even slipping an F-bomb or two and a “sh*t” into his post-game blather. Check out this clip — I love the “Thank you Coach” Jenny Taft drops at the end.

    Owl Chatter will be moving its operations down to College Park, MD, next weekend to catch the UMich-Maryland game in person. Should just be a warm-up for the following week’s death match against Ohio State, but you can never take anything for granted. Go Blue!

    And, Harbaugh — Owl Chatter loves the sh*t out of you too!

    Getting back to those women in the puzzle, does Jacinda Ardern ring any bells for you?

    On October 26, 2017, at age 37, Ardern became the Prime Minister of New Zealand, thus becoming the world’s youngest female head of government. (She served until Jan of this year.) Ardern gave birth to her daughter the following June, making her only the second elected head of government to give birth while in office. The first was Golda Meir at age 76. Wait, what? No, the first was Benazir Bhutto. (Who even knew Ben was a woman?)

    As PM, Ardern introduced strict gun control laws after a mass shooting in a mosque, and she led New Zealand’s response to COVID-19, winning praise for its being one of the few Western nations to contain the virus successfully.

    [OTOH, a Rex poster posted this: We just returned from 3 weeks in New Zealand and were surprised that many of the people we met had a very low opinion of Ms. Ardern. She certainly seems charming based on her Colbert appearances but the general feeling was “you can have her.”]

    Before PM-ing, she spent some time in the U.S., which included volunteering at a soup kitchen in NY. Her dad was a cop and her mom a school catering assistant. Her daughter’s given names are Neve Te Aroha. Neve is an anglicized form of the Irish name Niamh, meaning ‘bright’; Aroha is Māori for ‘love’, and Te Aroha is a rural town west of the Kaimai Range, near Ardern’s former home town of Morrinsville.

    SAL BANDO was in the puzzle too — “Captain of MLB’s Swingin’ A’s of the 1970s.” Those A’s won three consecutive World Series (’72 – ’74), and he was a frequent All-Star and near-MVP. Take a look at that wonderful Italian punim — first his real one and then how he appeared in his cameo role on The Simpsons! He passed away earlier this year at 78. Rest in peace, Salvatore.

    In his beautiful tribute to Matthew Perry in the Sunday Opinion section of The Times today, Hank Azaria wanted to convey how funny Perry was within their friendship. Here’s what he came up with:

    Every time — and I do mean every time — we went to a McDonald’s drive-thru, he would ask the person on the other side of the speaker, “Do you know what Grimace is?” After getting a “no,” he would offer, “I think it’s a purple shake that has no cup.” There was usually a pause followed by a very confused, “May I take your order, sir?”

    Whenever we went into a public restroom together, I’d beg him — I’d say, “Please don’t do it, Matthew.” He’d say, “OK.” Then he would proceed to go into a stall and start making little high-pitched straining “ow” noises, that would build into a crescendo of a man full-volume screeching as if he were giving birth to whatever was coming out of him in there.

    If you’re looking for the story, it’s on page 10, and has this drawing of Perry by Iris Legendre on top.

    [Owl Chatter note: Drive-thru ordering may be a genre in comedy. Dave Letterman once drove up to one those things in a convertible with Zsa Zsa Gabor, and asked to see their wine list.]

    We went to a wonderful concert today in Plainfield, with Lianna’s viola teacher playing in the violin section. A 14-year-old cellist tore the roof off the place – an adorable Asian girl — playing Haydn’s cello concerto. But I didn’t get enough sleep during it, so I’m a little tired now. If I’m lucky, I’ll drop off and miss tonight’s Jets game.

    See you tomorrow.

  • Donuts

    From this poem, I learned that the word “flex,” as a noun, can mean a boastful statement or display (informal). That helps. It’s by Jenny Browne and is called “I Am Trying to Love the Whole World.” It’s from The Poetry Foundation today.

    I am trying to love the whole world

    is such a public display of affection, a flex even,

    one the lone magpie staring back from the backside

    of a badly shorn sheep finds suspect. I flap my arms

    & blink three times. Bad luck to glimpse just one.

    Magpie being the only creature rumored to have

    refused the ark, preferring to perch high on the mast

    & curse the rain. I too keep rewinding this mixtape

    of the plague years until I can hear it snap like a tendon

    or a tent pole. The world stays busy out there, hammering

    itself into softer ground with a flat rock & yet, the sound

    of wind softly shaking the stars awake. My world

    I have missed your mouth, your morning

    breath coming round the wild garlic, your fat

    lilacs forgetting to be the flower of death.

    The hatemongers seeking political gain by trampling on innocent transgender kids might take note of the front page story in the NYT today. The Pope has made it clear that trans folks can be baptized, serve as godparents, and be witnesses at church weddings.

    Cloaking hatred under the guise of morality is pretty nimble tap dancing. Yet the story goes on to note: Last spring, the American bishops’ conference issued its own doctrinal document stating that chemical and surgical interventions for the purpose of gender transitions were “not morally justified,” and instructed Catholic hospitals not to perform them.

    That’s worth re-reading: It’s immoral to offer established medical treatment to aid a suffering transgender youth. And yet it is well-established that suicide rates and suicidal tendencies among transgender folks are considerably high compared to the general population. How are you on connect-the-dot exercises? — These bishops have the blood of children on their hands. Perhaps they can take a break from sexually abusing young boys to reverse this policy. Shouldn’t take too long.

    Regarding the Pope, Maxwell Kuzma, a Catholic who runs a farm outside Columbus, Ohio, said the document was “a very good sign of, yes, we want transgender people to be involved in the life of the church.”

    He said he was especially touched by the section that said transgender people could be witnesses at weddings. In 2019, he was asked to be the maid of honor at his younger sister’s wedding, which coincided with his decision to come out and begin transitioning, he said. But the wedding organizers told him they wanted only a female maid of honor and disinvited him from the wedding party.

    Mr. Kuzma said many transgender Catholics hid their identities to participate in their church communities, “and that’s just not a very good way to live.”

    Good job Pope. Stop by for a cold Rheingold the next time you’re in Jersey.

    In the puzzle today, at 35D the clue was “Former attorney general Bill,” and the answer was BARR. Separately, 28A was “Cash in the music business,” and the answer was ROSANNE (as in Rosanne Cash, the singer, and daughter of Johnny). Anyway, Bill Barr triggered this Rex Rant:

    “Are there no non-repugnant BARRs? Speaking of other BARRs, semi-hilarious that ROSANNE / BARR appears in this puzzle and the puzzle’s just pretending like she’s not there (yes, the real Roseanne BARR spells her name with that extra ‘E,’ but still, you can’t put ROSANNE / BARR in a grid and expect me not to think of Roseanne Barr). We need new BARRs! Candy BARR was an American stripper and burlesque dancer! I mean, she shot her second husband, and had a relationship with Jack Ruby (!), but she still seems way more appealing than Bill BARR. Candy BARR is my favorite BARR now (admittedly, it’s a low … bar).”

    [Candy Barr’s real name was Juanita Dale Slusher. A club owner suggested the name Candy Barr because of her fondness for Snickers bars. She had a tough childhood with abuse and prostitution, but gained fame as an exotic dancer. At age 16, she appeared in one of the most famous early underground pornographic films, Smart Alec (1951), which led her to being called “the first porn star” by the media. She went on to cobble together a career in show biz.

    In 1984, Texas Monthly listed Barr alongside other Texans like Lady Bird Johnson as one of history’s “perfect Texans.” In 1988, it was announced that Ryan O’Neal would direct Farrah Fawcett in a biographical film about Barr, but it was never made.

    OK, guys, time to move on.

    At 17A, the clue was “Drives around in circles, perhaps,” and the answer was DOES DONUTS, which was new to me. Where else but in Owl Chatter can you get over ten minutes of donut-doing? I don’t recommend giving it more than a few minutes, though – tops.

    Whew, I’m a little wobbly now. See you tomorrow! Thanks for popping in.

    There once was a teacher named Didi
    Who came home to her squeeze, and said “Sweetie,
    I’m so tired, I’m wobbly.
    So pour me some Chablis
    And don’t be emotionally needy.”

  • Flaco the Owl

    The wells from which I draw (steal) poems for Owl Chatter have been dry lately, but The Writer’s Almanac has wonderful material on Carl Sagan today, who was born on this date back in 1934, a Brooklyn boy. He died in 1996.

    Sagan received a lot of mail and he kept a file labeled F/C for the crazier stuff. It stood for “fissured ceramics,” aka crackpots. LSD guru Timothy Leary wrote to him. Leary was interested in building a “space ark” and asked Sagan what star they should aim for. Seems like a reasonable question. You don’t want to be wandering around aimlessly out there. When Sagan wrote back that the technology to accomplish that goal did not yet exist, Leary replied: “I am not impressed with your conclusions in these areas.”

    Hrrrumph.

    This passage is from Sagan’s book Pale Blue Dot: “That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it, everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you have ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives […] [E]very king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every revered teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every superstar, every supreme leader, every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there — on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.”

     He didn’t believe in life after death, and once told his daughter, Sasha, that it was dangerous to believe in something just because you want very badly for it to be true. But he also told her, “We are star stuff,” and made her feel the wonder of being alive.

    Happy Birthday, Carl!

    You like cake?

    Poet Anne Sexton expressed the same idea, sorta, but more acerbically.  “Live or die. Make up your mind. If you’re going to hang around don’t ruin everything. Don’t poison the world.”

    It’s her birthday today too. She was born in 1928, up in Newton, MA (Hi Don and Jelly!). Her bestie was poet Maxine Kumin. They spoke on the phone so much they had a second (secret) phone line installed so they wouldn’t annoy their husbands. She died by suicide in 1974. She wrapped herself in her mother’s old fur coat and climbed into her car and left it running.

    Along the same lines, Frank Bruni included this passage in his “For the Love of Sentences” feature this week. It’s by essayist Maria Popova: “We were never promised any of it — this world of cottonwoods and clouds — when the Big Bang set the possible in motion. And yet here we are, atoms with consciousness, each of us a living improbability forged of chaos and dead stars. Children of chance, we have made ourselves into what we are — creatures who can see a universe of beauty in the feather of a bird and can turn a blind eye to each other’s suffering, creatures capable of the Benedictus and the bomb.”

    Switching gears, with a loud grinding noise. This headline is from The Borowitz Report, about Ivanka’s testifying in Trump’s fraud case in NY: “Ivanka Unable to Remember Name of Her Father.”

    The giant pandas are gone from the National Zoo — back to China. Tian Tian, Mei Xiang and their youngest cub, Xiao Qi Ji. They’ll probably be happy over there. They will join 150 other pandas in a lush nature preserve in the misty mountains of Sichuan Province. Xiao Qi Ji was born after his mom got too old to have kids, it was thought. Hence his name which means “Little Miracle.”

    Remember the old kids’ joke: How do you fit six elephants into a car? Three in the front, three in the back. Well, how do you ship three Pandas back to China. Fedex, of course. The Fedex aircraft, loaded with 220 pounds of bamboo, a veterinarian and two zookeepers, took off for the 19-hour flight from DC to China yesterday.

    Time to go, little fella! Boo hoo.

    If you prefer your friends to be out of captivity, you’ll be happy to learn that Flaco, the owl who escaped from the Central Park Zoo nine months ago, was sighted in the East Village this week and seems fine. He was ordering some Indian food.

    When Flaco first escaped it was feared that 13 years in captivity might have weakened his survival skills, but he’s been doing fine, living off rats which the city has in abundance. Yum! He had settled in Central Park, but fireworks for Sunday’s NYC marathon may have scared him off. After the recent sighting in the East Village, he took off again, heading to who-knows-where.

    There was some concern for Flaco’s safety when he left Central Park. But a photographer who has been following him, David Lei, told our Phil: “Part of celebrating his freedom and pursuit of happiness is understanding that he is writing his own story now.”

    This shot was taken of our owl friend last Monday. Yup, looks good.

    Try not to make eye contact with a Cyclops. That’s my advice. But the clue today at 33D was not about the fellow’s eye issue. The clue was “Huge,” and the answer CYCLOPEAN. I like it, but (voo den?) Rex was not impressed:
    “I’m a middle-aged man who has been teaching Cyclops-containing literature for decades and I’ve never heard or seen the term CYCLOPEAN. They are indeed big, the Cyclopes, but if I were to make an adjective out of their name, I would think the iconic trait would be one-eyed-ness. Lots of things are big. Gargantua was big, and they made an adjective out of his name, and it made sense.” 

    So there. [Note: Voo den is Yiddish for “what then?” meaning “what else would you expect?”]

    But poster sailor noted:

    “For most of recorded history, the Cyclopes were known primarily for their huge size and strength, enabling them (for example) to lift the huge stones to build the ancient Mycenaean walls. So the word has been in continuous use, with the meaning as clued today, for (literally) centuries.” OK, fine.

    The puzzle had me up against the ropes — until it didn’t. The theme is hard to explain, but here’s how it worked: The clue at 39A was “Not that shrink!” And answer was crawling with parentheses: PSYCH(O(THE)R)APIST. You were supposed to read the innermost word first (THE), then the next inner one (OTHER), and then the entire word, to come up with: THE OTHER PSYCHOTHERAPIST. Wow! Good wordplay.

    And that happened three other times, but not as cleanly. See if you can discern how this one worked:

    Clue: “Result of dropping a tray of coffee drinks?” Answer: S(P(LATTE)R)ED. [LATTE PLATTER SPLATTERED]

    Since this was a pretty wacky use of parentheticals, I posted a comment that said “This puzzle is in loco parenthesis.” (Get it?) It’s gotten no responses, thank goodness.

    At 5D, would you have known that “Iconic feature of the Who’s ‘My Generation’” is BASS SOLO? I didn’t — I needed the crosses to get it. Let’s check it out.

    One Rex poster opined that a better iconic feature of “My Generation” would be “stuttering.” Ag-ag-ag agreed.

    Getting back to the psychotherapist for a moment, poster Andrew reminded us of an unfortunate portmanteau combining “analyst” and “therapist.” Take a look:

    A study released by The Onion concludes: People who are obsessed with celebrities may be less intelligent. A Hungarian study has found “a direct association between celebrity worship and poorer performance on cognitive tests,” with data showing high scores on the Celebrity Attitude Scale correlating with lower performance on two cognitive ability tests.

    D’oh! That can’t include Taylor Swift, though. Right?

    See you tomorrow!

  • The Dry Beer

    Apparently, if you openly show that you hate children and won’t hesitate to harm them, it doesn’t disqualify you from being a high school principal in Texas. The child in question is Max Hightower, a senior at Sherman High. Last month Max learned that he snared the leading male role in the school’s production of Oklahoma. He was sky high. But Max identifies as a transgender male, so the hateful shmuck of a principal (Scott Johnston) quickly instituted a gender policy that denied Max the role. Just what the world needs more of now — virulent discriminatory hatred.

    Max’s older brother Noah, a sailor in the US Navy, said he was “ashamed I associate my education” with the school.

    Max’s sister Gracie said female students who were assigned the part of “cowboys” in the musical also had their roles taken away and were no longer allowed to participate. “Many opportunities were ripped away from kids not for bad grades, not for bad behavior, not for attendance, but for something that has absolutely nothing to do with the production,” she said. She also noted Max had been elated to be awarded the role and was devastated by the decision to strip him of it.

    Max’s dad Phillip says the family is fighting the decision. “I’m not going to quit advocating for my son — ever. Max has shown me what real strength is,” he said. He also said he’s been stunned by the outpouring of love and support for Max.

    Amen to that, Hightower. Owl Chatter is with you 100%.

    Here’s Max, strutting his stuff. He’s the one with the face.

    Boy, some days it just doesn’t pay to get out of bed. Republican David Worrall was running for one of the two open at-large seats on the Clarksville, Indiana, town council yesterday, and came in third. D’oh! But that was the least of it for the poor guy. While greeting voters, he collapsed, and then died on the way to the hospital. Ouch! He took the last train to Clarksville. Rest in peace, Dave.

    As a follow-up to our recent chat about the passing of famed lunatic basketball coach Bobby Knight, here’s a newly issued bobblehead doll honoring his chair-throwing accomplishments. It’s selling for $40.

    While we’re shopping, these Taylor Swift baseball caps are going for just $35, and either (or both!) would make a perfect Veterans’ Day gift for that special Swiftie someone in your life.

    Everyone who grew up in NY around the time that I did can sing along to these lyrics, amirite? My beer is Rheingold, the dry beer. Think of Rheingold whenever you buy beer.

    Robbin Bain died two weeks ago, at age 87. She was voted “Miss Rheingold” in 1959, an honor that came with $50,000 (around $500,000 in today’s dollars). Before that, as a model, she appeared in ads for Helena Rubinstein and Revlon. She was also one of four women, called “Portrettes,” who introduced Jackie Gleason on his television variety show.

    The Rheingold fame gave her enough pop to garner an appearance on the panel of the TV show To Tell the Truth, where she was able to pick the inventor of the cocktail from a group of three. She also joined the Today Show, where she handled light features of interest to women, a role Barbara Walters and Florence Henderson held before their careers took off.

    Robbin is survived by her husband, two daughters, a stepson, and six grandchildren, all of whom enjoy a cold one from time to time, preferably extra dry.

    Another obit in The Times today is of the brilliant Soviet Olympic figure skater Oleg Protopopov, who died at age 91. (“Protopopov Pops Off” was the headline.) His skating partner and wife was Ludmilla Belousova, who died in 2017 at the age of 81. Here they are still at it in 2007, when he was 75 and she was 71. They defected to the West in 1979.

    Last, kudos to Ohio for defending abortion rights, and for Kentucky for re-electing their good governor. And for Virginia, also for protecting abortion rights by flipping their House in the right direction. I’m celebrating with some fine Virginia ale, below — from the Devil’s Backbone Brewing Company, Lexington VA. Almost as good as Rheingold.

    Burp!

    See you tomorrow!

  • The Ex

    With Taylor and Travis working out how to keep in touch with her tour starting up again and the football season moving into its second half, we asked Taylor about Joe Alwyn, whom she dated for six years and, by all reports, could very well have married. Happily, she told Owl Chatter he was a mensch. She has nothing bad to say about Joe. They worked together on ten of her songs. But, ultimately, they were not close enough a fit to make a go of it: for one thing, he shied away from the limelight, and she is, uh, she is the limelight. Phil got this nice shot of them for us. After that, please enjoy one of their songs: Evermore.

    Today’s poem from The Writer’s Almanac is by Richard Allen Taylor and is called “The Next Generation of Mourning.”

    I have begun, like my mother before me,
    to cross out names. She lived to read the obituaries
    of all her friends. In my generation, the first girl
    I ever kissed is dead, complications of pneumonia.

    I saw the email on the way from something
    important to something suddenly not, and felt
    nothing, as if a high-powered bullet had passed
    through me without hitting heart or head or bone.

    Later: the ache as I remembered
    when we were 16, in a state
    of mutual crush, and rode to the lake—
    that parent-approved, church-sponsored
    alternative to a real beach trip
    with tiki bars and carnal temptations—
    and made out in the back seat of a red ’64
    Chevy Impala with Ray driving and Mable
    looking back now and then to wink and grin.

    Soon the romance was over and we moved on,
    but never forgot that date, and when
    I saw her forty years later we still joked
    and smiled about that ride and wondered
    whatever happened to Ray and Mable.

    It’s Harold Ross’s birthday today, co-founder of The New Yorker. He was born in Aspen, Colorado, in 1892, and died in Boston in 1951. He got interested in the newspaper business when he found out that journalists got to go on police patrols and ride fire engines. The first issue hit the stands on 2/21/1925 and it proceeded to lose $8,000 a week. But when E.B. White and James Thurber came aboard, it took off.

    Ross himself never fit in with The New Yorker’s audience. He was gap-toothed, his hair was always a mess, and he spoke with a Western twang. He wore ill-fitting dark suits, and James Thurber said, “[He looked like a] carelessly carried umbrella.” He was always full of energy that he didn’t know what to do with. He once had his office soundproofed because he couldn’t stand distractions, but then he was distracted by the silence. He hired most of his staff himself, but whenever someone had to be fired, he either left the building or hid in a coat closet.

    He believed in accuracy above all else, and pioneered the use of fact checkers for everything, including fiction and cartoons. He never let a cartoonist draw a lamp without showing the cord plugged into a socket.

    “If you can’t be funny, be interesting,” he said. Happy Birthday, Ross.

    The Yanks had a disappointing season in 2023 and so did their rookie shortstop Anthony Volpe — at the plate — but not in the field. Yesterday, he became the youngest player ever to win the Gold Glove award at shortstop. He’s the first Yankee rookie ever to win a Gold Glove, and only the second Yankee ever to win it at shortstop, the other being Jeter, who won it five times.

    Kudos Volpe!

    Owl Chatter fave Adolis Garcia of the World Champion Texas Rangers snared the Gold Glove for his outfield position too. We’ll be keeping an eye on Adolis. He’s electric.

    Today’s puzzle was very clever, IMO. 56A was the “revealer” and it was: “Where your eyes might stay during a suspenseful scene … or the only place you’ll find the ‘eyes’ in this puzzle.” The answer was GLUED TO THE TV. Then each long theme answer had a “TV” in it with a letter “I” “glued” to each side. E.g., TRANSIT VISAS. There were no other I’s in the grid.

    The answer at 32A was NOEM, clued by “South Dakota governor Kristi ___.” It raised Rex’s hackles because she is an ardent right-winger. So I suggested two alternate clues that would have been less emetic:

    1. Chomsky typo.

    2. How a triskaidekaphobe would alter the English alphabet.

    The second one garnered a few nice comments. Jberg noted, though, that if you removed the M, the N would just replace it as the 13th letter. I replied asking him to please stop being so reasonable.

    Good night — see you tomorrow.

  • The Queen of Naboo

    Today’s Tiny Love Story in the NYT by CATE WNEK, which looks like a radio station, is called “My Last Chance to Tell Him.”

    My father became ill with advanced heart failure three weeks after I realized I was lesbian. At 49, I was in uncharted water. The truth kept hitting like a rough wave. On my first two visits, I shied away from telling him. His strength waned. “Is this going to be my last meal?” my father asked, half-laughing at the hospital food. While other family fulfilled his request for steak, potato, asparagus, merlot, I sat by his side — on a precipice. My choice would be absolute. I leaped. My father caught me, saying, “My whole heart is with you.” 

    Rex Parker, the self-anointed King of Crossworld, hit a new level of fame last week. Maybe? Someone dressed up as him for Halloween. Here’s how he described it, followed by a pic.

    “Somebody dressed up as me for Halloween. I repeat: Somebody. Dressed up. As me. For Halloween. Also, importantly: ‘No one got the reference.’ I have somehow peaked and nadired simultaneously. Life is long, and very weird (thanks, Julia, for sending me the picture, and tell your fiancé I’m … well, startled, but also honored):”

    The title of the puzzle today was “Double Talk” and it tipped me off to the “trick.” The theme clues had to be read as homophones before getting the answers. E.g., “We won!” was KINDERGARTENER. “We won” had to be read as “Wee one.” Cute, right? The others included:

    “To peace!” — STRING BIKINI (two-piece)

    “See in” — BEACH HOTEL (sea inn)

    and my favorite:

    “But wait!” — JUNK IN THE TRUNK (butt weight)

    MARGE Simpson popped by today too — Hey Marge! — big fan! Sorry Phil burst in on you like that — he’s incorrigible. (Great shot, though.)

    Marge isn’t the only fictional character in the grid today. “Star Wars queen” AMIDALA dropped in too, a pretty important part of the story. Here’s what Wikipedia has to say about her:

    Padmé Amidala (née Naberrie) appears in the prequel trilogy portrayed by Natalie Portman. First indirectly mentioned in Return of the Jedi, she is introduced in The Phantom Menace as the teenage Queen of Naboo, and after her reign, becomes a senator and an anti-war activist in the Galactic Senate. She secretly marries Anakin Skywalker, a Jedi Knight, then later dies while giving birth to twins Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa. Anakin’s fear of losing Padmé serves as the catalyst in driving him to the dark side of the Force and becoming Darth Vader.

    Yikes!

    Bad Joke Dept. So the wife is stepping out of the shower and the husband is stepping into the shower when they hear the doorbell ring. “See who that is, darling,” the husband says, so the wife wraps a big towel around herself and goes down to open the door. It’s their neighbor, Tom. He takes one look at her and says “I’ll give you $300 if you let go of that towel.” She thinks about it for a moment and then, Zowie! He hands her the money, she picks the towel up and goes back into the house.

    The husband shouts down, “Who was it?” The wife yells back, “Tom, from next door.” The husband asks, “Did he say anything about the $300 he owes me?”

    At 26D, the clue was “Commit a holiday etiquette no-no.” And the answer was RE-GIFT.

    This cartoon, one of my favorites, is a take-off on the classic children’s book, The Giving Tree, which many of you are very familiar with.

    81D was “Blue Ribbon beer,” which, of course, is PABST. Remember this scene from David Lynch’s Blue Velvet?

    There’s excellent news on what had seemed like an intractable war in Ukraine. Trump says he can end it in one day, and today, on Meet the Press, Zelensky invited him to come over. The only hold-up may be Trump’s bail restrictions.

    In other news on Ukraine, a report surfaced that Olena Zelensky, the first lady, spent over $1 million at Cartier’s while she and the Prez were in NYC recently. How unseemly! Plus she got a sales clerk fired in a snit for no good reason! Da Noive! A copy of the receipt was attached to the story.

    But Mrs. Z was in Canada when this was supposed to have happened, so it’s all a pile of Boole-sh*t. Pay no attention to those trolls, Olena. Owl Chatter has your back.

    Oy, that’s enough nonsense for today. See you tomorrow!