The Wellington Files

  • Drake’s Cakes

    Hard to come up with a better headline than the one AOL News just threw at me: “Family Feud Contestant Charged With Murdering Wife.” I guess the feud got a little out of hand.

    And so can sports celebrations: Ouch! The Mets lost their ace reliever Edwin Diaz for the season on Wednesday when he tore a tendon in his right knee celebrating Puerto Rico’s victory over the Dominican Republic. He pitched the ninth inning, hugged his brother who is also on the team, and started bouncing up and down with his teammates in what the NYT described as a fairly tame celebration. But something happened and he crumpled to the ground.

    At least no one got killed there, like in Georgia. That’s what happened in January after U. of Georgia won the National Championship (in football). A day after the victory parade, Jalen Carter, a defensive tackle for the Bulldogs competed in a drag race with Chandler LeCroy, a recruiting analyst for the team, who had been drinking. Both cars were going about 100 miles an hour and darted into oncoming traffic. LeCroy’s car left the road and hit a pole, killing him and Devin Willock, a team member.

    The Diaz injury is devastating for the Mets. He was pretty much unhittable the past two years, and they had just signed him to a $105 million contract. Yadi Molina, the manager of the Puerto Rican team, said it was God’s will. That makes sense. It’s not clear if that goes for the two dead people in Georgia too, but probably, right?

    You know those little Drake’s cakes, with the crumbly stuff on top? They’re delicious. Let’s give one to every member of every winning sports team from now on and that can be enough celebration. You can get them individually wrapped so if there are extras they won’t go to waste. Problem solved.

    In its 1943 holding in Barnette, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that schools can’t force kids to recite the pledge of allegiance. Justice Reggie Jackson wrote the opinion. [Note: It was Robert Jackson, but I like the thought of Reggie on the Court.] It states: “If there is any fixed star in our constitutional constellation, it is that no official, high or petty, can prescribe what shall be orthodox in politics, nationalism, religion, or other matters of opinion or force citizens to confess by word or act their faith therein.”

    In Pamela’s Paul’s Op-Ed piece today in the NYT, she wrote about Marisa Barnwell, a 15-year-old Black honor student in Lexington, South Carolina, who was inspired by Colin Kaepernick, and is refusing to participate in the Pledge. Her parents are suing the school because she was assaulted by a teacher over it. And on Facebook a comment urged her to “go back to her monkey cage in Africa if she doesn’t like to recite the pledge to the country that’s doing her and her retarded family a favor by letting them live among decent humans.”

    And, speaking of decent human beings,  Simone Segouin died on February 21, at age 97, in Courville-sur-Eure, France. Her nom de guerre was Nicole Minet, and she was a simple, pretty farm girl, 17 years old, who learned how to use a submachine gun, joined the Resistance, and killed Germans.

    Nicole was introduced to the Resistance by Roland Boursier, a lieutenant and local Resistance leader, with whom she later had six children. She started out with small jobs, e.g., serving as a messenger, but soon was involved in major operations like blowing up trains. She was one of a trio of partisans who personally killed a pair of German soldiers in an ambush. She was featured in an article in the Sept. 4, 1944 issue of Life magazine.

    After the war, she received the Croix de Guerre, a military honor for heroism in combat. She worked as a pediatric nurse. A street in Courville-sur-Eure was named after her.

    Rest in peace, pretty farm girl.

    Today’s puzzle was a first for constructor Carter Cobb and it was terrific. Everybody’s favorite was at 17A: “Join a boxer rebellion?” It had nothing to do with boxing or dogs. The boxer is underwear, and the answer was GO COMMANDO, which is a term that means to not wear underwear. Joey gave it some notoriety on Friends but it actually derives from the military. Commandos in the field for great lengths of time just couldn’t always take care to have fresh (or even tolerable) underwear so often did without. It applies to both men and women.

    At 40A, “Ones calling across the ocean?” was BLUE WHALES, the largest animals ever known to have lived on earth. They can be 100 feet long and weigh 200 tons. They are carnivores and live 80 to 90 years. Our intrepid Owl Chatter photographers really went the extra nautical mile to get this shot:

    This was cute too: “Retirement plan whose prospects are looking good?” The answer was BEAUTY REST. Get it? — retirement plan.

    And “Staples of horror movies?” was JUMP SCARES. Remember that great one in Wait Until Dark? Audrey Hepburn. Alan Arkin.

    “Slangy lunch fare,” was a SAMMICH.

    Good puzzle!

    Thanks for wasting some time with us! We’re celebrating friend Dan’s birthday tomorrow with dinner in Somerville. Can’t wait!

  • Let’s Go (Stein) Metz!

    Special Owl Chatter cheers for Jacob Steinmetz of the Israeli National Baseball Team. Jake is the first ever Orthodox Jew to be drafted by a Major League team — the Arizona Diamondbacks. He was the starting pitcher for Israel against DR on Tuesday (the Dominican Republic) and gave up one run and two hits in an inning and a third while facing the entire DR lineup. He struck out Manny Machado, one of the best hitters in the game, and Jeremy Pena, last year’s World Series MVP. After several pitches got by Juan Soto, he gave Jake a “pretty impressive” face look.

    Whatever his mom gave him, he ate. Steinmetz is 6’5″ and weighs 220. He’s 19, was born in Queens, and raised on Long Island. He is willing to play ball on the Sabbath as long as he can walk to and from the stadium. He says he’s only felt warm support so far from teammates and fans. No anti-Semitism.

    Cheers as well for Owl Chatter fave Ana de Armas who wowed them at the Oscars last Sunday in her bid to snare the award for Best Actress for her performance in Blonde. She was beaten out by Michelle Yeow, but no hard feelings. Here she is in the gown she wore, followed by a more relaxed, if no less devastating, pose.

    Congresswoman Pat Schroeder died in Florida on Monday. She was 82. Oliver North called her one of the nation’s 25 most dangerous politicians. She was a pilot herself, and fought for women to have the right to fly combat missions. She was elected to Congress in 1972 out of Colorado, as an opponent of the Vietnam War. She helped pass the law that bars employers from firing women because they are pregnant and from denying maternity benefits. That reminds me, when I was working for the notoriously cheap Journal of Taxation, I once asked the bookkeeper if the company offered maternity benefits, and she said “Yeah — you get to keep the baby.”

    Schroeder was one of only 14 women in the House when she was elected and she confronted extraordinary hostility. She was the first woman to sit on the Armed Services Committee, and at the first committee meeting she was forced to sit in the same chair with Rep. Ron Dellums, a Black committee member. You may have to read that last sentence again — it’s hard to believe. As Schroeder tells it in her book, she and Dellums had to sit “cheek to cheek” because the Chairman “said that women and blacks were worth only half of one regular member.” (The Chairman was F. Edward Hebert, of Louisiana.) The NYT states it is not clear whether he actually uttered those words, but the seating arrangement is not in dispute. Hard to imagine AOC being told to squoosh her tush into half a seat today without it registering on a seismograph.

    Schroeder won her seat by ousting a Republican incumbent in the face of the Nixon landslide in 1972. Years later, when she requested her F.B.I. file, Schroeder found out that the bureau had placed her under surveillance during that race, breaking into her home and even recruiting her husband’s barber as an informant. She was re-elected eleven times with little opposition.

    She is survived by her son, her brother, four grandchildren, her husband, and her husband’s barber.

    I learned something new today, indirectly, from the puzzle. Rex said he felt the spelling of one of the answers seemed “jury-rigged.” I thought he meant “jerry rigged,” and I was going to politely correct him. But I’m glad I checked first. I mistakenly thought jury rigged was a legal thing — when you buy off a member of the jury. But it isn’t — Rex used the term correctly. It’s from the “jury mast” on a ship. The jury mast is used in an emergency to replace a damaged mast – it’s a hasty and temporary repair. And “jerry rigged” just means put together badly. That would have been correct too in this case.

    There was some grumbling about MIDGUT as an answer for “intestines place.” Rex didn’t accept the term as real, and felt one’s gut is one’s intestines. But medical people quickly weighed in and all agreed it is a valid anatomical term, e.g., “I am a physician and midgut is sort of a word. It’s usually used in association with the condition ‘Midgut Volvulus.’ It’s more of an embryologic term, in which there is a foregut, midgut and hindgut and they develop into different things. the midgut develops into the intestines and if something goes wrong, you get a twisting called a Volvulus which can be life threatening and needs to be recognized quickly after birth.”

    One person shared this story: “My younger son was born on December 20, 1989 and developed life threatening health issues three days later, leading to a helicopter flight from Central Louisiana to New Orleans (without mom or dad) for a tiny baby, and what I have and will always describe as emergency surgery–Sunday afternoon, Christmas Eve!! The life threatening issue was a MIDGUT Volvulus (so I have no problem with MIDGUT as a legit medical term). Thanks to a gracious and skilled pediatric surgeon, we received our son from the pediatric NICU at the Ochsner Clinic on Christmas morning. He’s thirty-three now, and married.” [I assume he means the son, not the surgeon.]

    Henny Youngman: “Every time I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.”

    Mort SAHL was in the puzzle again. Here’s what he said about Reagan: “Washington couldn’t tell a lie, Nixon couldn’t tell the truth, and Reagan couldn’t tell the difference. Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. If he ran unopposed he would have lost.”

    See you tomorrow — thanks for popping in!

  • The Corner of Morning

    Here’s a poem by Ted Kooser from Winter Morning Walks.

    All through the night,
    the deeply troubled, sighing furnace
    has tried to console one whimpering floorboard
    that wants to return to its tree.

    Beyond the walls, milky, translucent snow,
    brushed into drifts
    by the long blue fingers of shadow.

    The snow has gathered as much of the light as it can
    from the stars, but that’s not enough warmth
    to kindle the eyes of even one rabbit,
    frozen still as a stone at the corner of morning.

    Too tired to chatter tonight. Let’s see what tomorrow brings.

  • It’s Not You, It’s Me

    Trevor Bauer, who was suspended by Major League Baseball for abusing women, was released by the Dodgers last year and no other club showed any interest in him despite his winning the NL Cy Young award in 2020. The suspension cost him $37.5 million, the highest figure lost by a player under Baseball’s domestic abuse policies. He signed a contract to play for the Yokohama Baystars of Nippon Pro Baseball in Japan this year.

    “I can’t tell you how excited I am to be playing for the Baystars this year. Playing in the NPB has always been a dream of mine,” said Bauer, in a statement that set new records for bullshit, according to researchers at Cal Tech.

    Fresh off of their stunning victory over Nicaragua on Sunday, the Israeli national baseball team took the day off on Monday. Unfortunately, they were playing Puerto Rico at the time. So they lost 10-0 and failed to get any player to first base. Ouch! Even hugging The Mensch on the Bench didn’t help. Observers have noted the Mensch is the only team mascot who wears a tallis. Hope they do better against the Dominican Republic today.

    I have good memories of Joe Pepitone, who died yesterday at age 82, but Mickey Mantle, who was very funny, may have summed him up well when he quipped, “I wish I could buy you for what you’re really worth, then sell you for what you think you’re worth.”

    [As a side note on Mantle, there is a very funny scene in which Casey Stengel and Mantle have been called to testify before a Congressional hearing on baseball. Rather than me describing it, take a listen — it’s under two minutes. Casey engages in his usual doubletalk, and Mantle’s response is on point.]

    Pepitone’s career got off to a fine start, with three All-Star appearances, three gold gloves, and two World Series. (The Yanks lost to the Dodgers in 1963, and the Cards in 1964. Joe hit a grand-slam homerun in Game Six in 1964.) But his life-style and bad habits got the better of him and he slipped badly on the field and in life.

    He was serious about his hair. Jim Bouton said Pepitone went nowhere without a large bag full of hair products. He was the first player to bring a hair dryer into the Yankee clubhouse, and he wore an assortment of toupees. One flew off of his head along with his cap one time when he was running from second to third, and when play stopped and he turned around to look for it, he saw it sitting on second base. The umpire ruled it was part of him and called him out when it was tagged. [No he didn’t.]

    When his MLB days were over, he signed a lucrative contract to play in Japan, but that was a disaster. He hated the rigid team rules and long practices. He played only 14 games in Japan, batting .163 with just one home run. His notoriety for hanging out in discos at night and then calling in sick to skip a game caused “pepitone” to become a Japanese term for “goof off.” [I’m not joking.]

    In 1975, Joe published a memoir that was open and honest about his difficulties. He also posed nude for Foxy Lady magazine that year, continuing the open and honest theme, I guess. At his lowest, he spent four months in Riker’s Island in 1988, for two misdemeanor drug charges. I imagine the RI baseball team kicked ass in the Prison League that year.

    He was popular enough culturally for his name to be mentioned in episodes of  “The Golden Girls,” “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” “The Sopranos” and “Seinfeld.” In one Seinfeld episode, Kramer explains to some tourists that Joe Pepitone designed New York’s Central Park.

    Joe was married three times, but went O for 3. He is survived by five children, several grandchildren, at least one great-grandchild, two hits, and no men left on base. He had recently moved from Long Island to Kansas City to be closer to his daughter Cara.

    Here he is, in happier days, with Maris and Mantle. They’re all gone now, but not forgotten. At least not in Owl Chatter. Rest in peace Joe.

    When Sam was at UMich, he kept up with his viola by joining a student orchestra for non-music majors. He shared his music stand with a beautiful girl with whom he was friendly, but not dating. She took the orchestra very seriously. She was always on time, always remembered to bring the music, always practiced the pieces at home — you know, how you’re supposed to be. Sam was pretty much the opposite. But he showed up and took it seriously while he was there, so he was good enough, by Owl Chatter standards.

    One day, the rehearsal was about to begin and Sam’s partner wasn’t there. This was unheard of. Unthinkable! She was always way early. So Sam, and others, started wondering what was up. It came time to start, so they started. But as the minutes ticked by, people started worrying more and more. Then, after about 45 minutes she showed up — all frazzled, all upset, clearly not herself. She dashed to her seat, flashed an OMG look all around, and started in on the music. They would have to wait until the break to get the story.

    It finally came and everyone gathered around to hear what happened. She was walking up State Street towards the bus stop to get to the rehearsal. And she just glanced at one of the cars driving by. Right at that moment, the driver happened to glance over at her too. Being courteous, she smiled at him. He smiled back and didn’t see that the car in front of him had stopped short. So he slammed the hell out of it, wrenching his neck in the process. Cop cars and tow trucks and ambulances raced to the scene, with their sirens blaring, and a cop asked her to make a statement as to what happened. Of course, she felt terrible about this poor guy who got hurt, and all the cars that got damaged, and everything took forever which is why she was so late, and it was all one big nightmare that she was still shaking from, a little bit.

    So all of her friends started in to provide the appropriate comfort and sympathy, except for Sam. Sam had a different take on it, as he often does. Sam said to her, “Are you kidding me? That must be every girl’s dream — to be so beautiful that when you walk down the street cars start crashing into each other.”

    Now I have to complain about my tax students, but to do it right I’ll need to cover some material with you first. Don’t be scared. It’s quite painless. You won’t even need novacaine.

    If you get life insurance as a benefit at work, the first $50,000 of coverage is tax-free, but you are taxed on the value of any coverage above $50,000. The value is determined based on a table. The table gives you the value of $1,000 of coverage for one month. That’s it — that’s the whole topic. This example will show you how it works.

    Tom Taxpayer has $130,000 of life insurance as a benefit from his job all year. The table tells him (for his age) to use 23 cents.

    Step one. Figure out how much coverage he has over the $50,000 tax-free amount. $130,000 minus $50,000 = $80,000.

    Step two. If 23 cents is for one month, multiply it by 12 for the whole year. So .23 x 12 = $2.76.

    Step three. If $2.76 is for $1,000, multiply it by 80, because we are valuing $80,000. So $2.76 x 80 = $220.80. He includes this amount in his taxable income.

    That’s it. That’s your answer. That’s all that’s involved. I went over it carefully in class. Took questions, and went over it again. I gave the exact problem in a homework set and went over it with them when we reviewed the homework set. I posted the answers to the homework set. I posted a handout (supplementing the textbook) which went over it.

    Before I tell you how the class did on that question, let me note that my granddaughter Lianna has math homework in 7th grade that is ten times harder than that. Fractions and polynomials and stuff you’ve never seen before. Thank God she knows better than to ask for my help.

    Anyway, back to my tax students. So I told them they could bring notes to the exam — one page, both sides, write as small as they want. And I put that exact question on the test, thinking it was a free shot at a couple of easy points — who could possibly have trouble with it among a group of upper class accounting majors?

    Nineteen out of 46 got it wrong. That’s over 40%. 16 students scored below 60% on the exam, which is failing. The average grade was 68%.

    It was never nearly this bad before the pandemic. Something happened. It’s a mystery to me. Good thing I’m not the type to complain.

    Erasing any remaining doubts as to his moral standing, Ron DeSantis said yesterday the U.S. has no vital interest in supporting Ukraine, and referred to Russia’s relentless and brutal commission of horrific war crimes as a “territorial dispute.” I’ll tell you, folks — that’s one hell of a territorial dispute. Seems a bit like the dispute Germany had with Poland a while ago.

    There was a cute clue in today’s New Yorker puzzle: “Like some victories and chocolate bunnies.” [You got it, right? Six letters.]

    Today’s puzzle had a March Madness theme. Commenter Weezie noted: My father, despite being 6’7”, never played. When people asked him if he played basketball, he would say, “No, do you play miniature golf?”

    At 63A, the clue was “Who’s solving this puzzle?” and the answer was YOU (meaning, the solver). Some folks thought it should be I AM, instead of YOU. One comment noted:

    This reminds me of a classic bit on The Simpsons. Bart interacts with a talking statue of Smokey the Bear, which has a sign in front of it reading “Only WHO can prevent forest fires?” and two buttons, one labeled “You” and the other labeled “Me.” Bart pushes the “You” button. “Wrong!” says the bear. “You chose “You,” as in me. The correct answer is “Me,” as in… YOU.”

    Let’s end with Kerry Condon at the Oscars last night in her yellow gown. She didn’t win there, but she’s a clear winner here at Owl Chatter. Hi Kerry!

    Thanks for popping in. See you tomorrow!

  • Threesome

    Taking a night off.

    See you tomorrow!

  • Israel 3, Nicaragua 1

    This is the lead paragraph in a story in the NYT today, on p. 15.

    “A former NYC police officer [Sara Carpenter] was convicted of several crimes for her role in the Capitol riot on Jan. 6, 2021, during which, prosecutors said, she pushed against and slapped the arms of police officers, all while yelling and wielding a tambourine.”

    Later, the story states:

    “Using video that Ms. Carpenter provided and security camera footage from the building, investigators were able to track her through the Capitol. She also voluntarily turned over the tambourine she said she had carried.”

    Owl Chatter photographer Phil Peppard was able to capture this exclusive shot. Good job Philly!

    Owl Chatter has two “dogs in the hunt,” in tonight’s Oscar ceremonies, although that expression was never more inapt. OC fave Ana de Armas is up for Best Actress (!) for her portrayal of Marilyn Monroe in Blonde. And Kerry Condon is vying for Best Supporting Actress for her spectacular performance in Banshees. Good luck ladies!! You come back and see us no matter what happens, okay? Slip in the porch door if we’re out — our casa is your casa.

    This poem is called First House, and it’s by Connie Wanek. It was in today’s Writer’s Almanac.

    We bought a house made of mud and straw.
    Thieves stole my sewing machine
    and my turquoise ring.
    They stole your music, and the needle
    you lowered with one steady finger.
    To lose these things. I learned.
    We had a little girl
    and I never let her out of my arms.

    Summer nights we sat on a moon-striped
    back porch. Later I hung out
    laundry in the snow, glorious whites.
    Clothespins clung to the wire,
    a flock of house finches,
    breasts to the sun. Like a needle
    we rode the world as it spun,
    working our way to the center,
    song by song.

    Yesterday’s puzzle at 43D was “Coin with a polar bear on its reverse, informally,” and it turned out to be the Canadian $2 coin, a TOONIE. Commenter Stan Combs said, “I always thought the Canadian two-dollar coin should be called the ‘Moonie’ because it has the Queen on one side with a bear behind.”

    66D today was “Three sheets to the wind,” and the answer was HIGH AS A KITE. Here’s what pabloinnh said: HIGHASAKITE reminded me of a story W. C. Fields used to tell about his uncle, who was so poor he couldn’t afford a kite, and had to hire one. “I have a picture of him down in front of the saloon, hirin’ a kite,” said Mr. Fields.

    I was today years old when I learned the word HATERADE from the puzzle. It’s from “hate” and “Gatorade,” and it’s what you drink to fuel your hatred. “Hey! — no more Haterade for you — you’re going overboard with the negativity!”

    With Barbara Bryant’s death on March 3rd in Annie Arbor, MI, there is one less person to count. She was 96. When the first Pres. Bush appointed her to lead the U.S. Census Bureau in 1989, she became the first woman to hold the position.

    Bryant had a bug up her ass about everyone getting counted. This is from the NYT obit:

    “When the soap opera ‘All My Children’ broadcast an episode in early 1990 in which a character wormed information out of a housekeeper by pretending to be a census taker, Dr. Bryant wrote the show’s creators in protest and asked them to include pro-census messages in future episodes. (They didn’t.)”

    Bryant’s technical staff came up with a statistical model to make adjustments to reflect “invisible” populations like the homeless and minority groups. But her GOP bosses opposed them, arguing the adjustments could introduce inaccuracies. Bryant stated:

    “In my opinion, not adjusting would be denying that these five million persons exist. That denial would be a greater inaccuracy than any inaccuracies that adjustment may introduce.” When the issue reached the Supreme Court it held against Bryant.

    She held the position until Clinton became Prez and is credited with modernizing the Bureau and its approach. When she left, she joined the faculty at UMich (Go Blue!) where she was instrumental in developing the American Customer Satisfaction Index.

    Dr. Bryant is survived by three children, eight grandchildren, five great-grandchildren, and several descendants who avoided being counted.

    AMY Poehler popped in today, at 90A. Hi Amy! Big fan. Love this quote of yours:

    “Telling me to relax or smile when I’m angry is like bringing a birthday cake into an ape sanctuary. You’re just asking to get your nose and genitals bitten off.”

    The Modern Love column today in the NYT Style section is about a little girl’s love for her stuffed animals and what happened when she grew up. It’s beautiful and if you want to read it, it’s here:

    Here’s an eggzerpt:

    I went into the kitchen and came back with a box of trash bags. She carefully examined each animal, stroked each creature’s matted fur, held them up to her nose and breathed in deeply before putting them into the bag. By the second bag, tears were trickling down her cheeks.

    “You don’t have to give them all away,” I said. “You could keep the special ones.”

    Her lip quivered. “They’re all special.”

    “Then why are you giving them away?”

    “Because I don’t know how to play with them anymore.” Her face puckered, and then she said in her typically precocious way, “I know you thought they were just stuffies, but they weren’t. They were my friends. I was never lonely because I had them. They used to come alive, and now they don’t. And nothing I do will bring them back to life. I know you don’t believe me, but it’s true.” She began to sob.

    Oh, but I did believe her. Fully.

    Having squandered several golden opportunities, the best Israel could hope for heading towards the final innings of its first World Baseball Classic game against Nicaragua was to keep it close. And they did, trailing only 1-0 in the bottom of the 8th.

    Mervis opened by grounding out to second, and the sands of hope seemed to be drifting away. But Dickerson singled, and when Lavarnway was hit by a pitch, the Yids were back in business. Goldfarb pinch-ran for Dickerson and soon scampered home when Horwitz singled to left. The game was suddenly tied and the runners advanced to second and third with alert baserunning.

    Mendlinger was walked intentionally to load the bases and set up a force play at home. It paid off when Wielansky bounced back to the pitcher and the lead runner was cut down at the plate. There were two down now and the ability to score on an out was gone. Wielansky!! What the f**k!! But Garrett Stubbs stroked a double to give the boychiks in blue a 3-1 lead and it held. Mazel Tov fellas! We face a tough Puerto Rican squad tomorrow, but things have gotten interesting.

    Thanks for stopping by! See you tomorrow!

  • Messing Around on a TV Set

    Before playing a selection by Brahms this morning, the WQXR host, Paul Cavalcante, introduced and then played a scene from John Cleese’s show Fawlty Towers, an Owl Chatter favorite. Cleese’s wife had been away, and when she got back to the inn she saw that Cleese had not taken care of any of the things he should have. She said something like, “This place would be in much better shape if you would do something instead of just listening to that racket!” And Cleese says:

    Racket!!??

    That’s Brahms!!

    That’s Brahms’ Third Racket!!

    The host went on to say: Here’s the second movement of Brahms’ Third Racket.

    Zoey! Shove over, sweetie — make a little room for Cleese in the “makes life worth living” folder.

    As you may have heard by now, at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) last weekend, Daily Wire host Michael Knowles said that “for the good of society, transgenderism must be eradicated from public life entirely—the whole preposterous ideology, at every level.” The audience applauded loudly.

    Leaving aside the redundancy of “eradicating entirely,” many in the media couldn’t help but notice it sounded a little “Hitlery.” Knowles was miffed at the comparison and insisted that “eradicating transgenderism” was not the same thing as eradicating transgender people.

    Wait, what?

    Is it me? Is something in that explanation askew? If Hitler had called for the eradication of “Judaism from public life entirely at every level” that’s okay? Would a Jew be able to relax upon hearing that? Can the parent of a transgender child struggling to cope appreciate the clarification? Red states are passing laws banning established medical procedures that help transgender kids. Is it crazy to view those laws as Hitlery?

    Lincoln knew the danger to democracy of setting a portion of the populace aside and branding it as inferior (“preposterous”). Either people are equal, or they are not. “I should like to know if taking this old Declaration of Independence, which declares that all men are equal upon principle, and making exceptions to it — where will it stop?”

    Who better to lead us back to humanity than our favorite baseball announcer Keith Hernandez? Keith was getting some sort of honor last year, and his partner in the booth, Gary Cohen was a bit too generous with his praise, Keith thought. When Cohen finished Keith just said, “Tell that to my ex-wives.” Here are some quotes that may help you get to know him a little bit.

    I remember, as a kid, I couldn’t wait to get my library card, get my first book. There was a sphinx on the cover, and I figured I was going to read about the Egyptians. But it was archeology. It was so dry. But I forced myself to read it because it was my first book out of the library. Should have gotten a ‘Hardy Boys.’

    When I was little, my older brother, Gary, was forced to read a book a week in fourth grade. The books he liked he threw on my bed when he was finished with them. This continued throughout my childhood and made me a reader for life.

    I like to write, and I try to be positive and optimistic. I’m pretty sure when I need a comma; I’m not so sure about a semicolon. The best class I ever took in high school was typing.

    In New York, I have a photo of my parents on their wedding day in 1947. They’re beaming at home plate in Houston’s Buffalo Stadium. I love the photo because my dad is smiling. He didn’t smile much in his later years.

    This poem is by Robert Bly and is called Things to Think. It’s from today’s Writer’s Almanac.

    Think in ways you’ve never thought before.
    If the phone rings, think of it as carrying a message
    Larger than anything you’ve ever heard,
    Vaster than a hundred lines of Yeats.

    Think that someone may bring a bear to your door,
    Maybe wounded and deranged; or think that a moose
    Has risen out of the lake, and he’s carrying on his
           antlers
    A child of your own whom you’ve never seen.

    When someone knocks on the door, think that he’s
           about
    To give you something large: tell you you’re forgiven,
    Or that it’s not necessary to work all the time, or that
           it’s
    Been decided that if you lie down no one will die.

    Special Owl Chatter thanks to friend Don who confirmed that “Mercy” is unquestionably associated with late Boston announcer Ned Martin. It hit him as soon as he saw the word — even before the issue was raised.

    The Owl Chatter mailbox was also visited by friend Nancy who noted good-naturedly that the ratio of beautiful women to handsome men in OC is out of whack! I reminded her I recently included The Gill-Man — exactly her type — tall, dark, and fishy.

    I was proud of myself for finishing today’s puzzle. Add that to my first “two” in Wordle in a long time, and it makes for a good puzzle day. Look at some of the words I had to get:

    3D, HORCRUX: “Bit of dark magic in Harry Potter”

    44A, FOVEA: Tiny pit in the retina.

    43D, TOONIE: “Coin with a polar bear on its reverse, informally”

    11D, CHAGRIN: “Discomfiture.”

    13A, COOLIO: “Sweet!”

    14A was BRIOCHE for “Patisserie offering,” but someone noted “I’m splitting hairs here, but BRIOCHE would be a Boulangerie offering, not a Patisserie offering.” Okay. Noted.

    The central clue/answer was at 33A, “Apt anagram of ‘I sew a hole,’” and the answer was ELIAS HOWE — inventor of the sewing machine.

    Only one guest star in the grid today, but she’s very special to some of us. It’s DEBRA Messing, cutely clued with “Messing around on a TV set?”

    Debra is 54, Brooklyn-born, and Jewish. She had a bat-mitzvah. Her parents supported her dream of going into acting but urged her to get a liberal arts degree first, and, in college, to take at least 75% of her classes outside of theater. Following their advice she graduated summa cum laude from Brandeis University, Owl Chatter’s alma mater. Hurrah!

    She met her hubby, actor/writer Dan Zelman, in grad school (NYU) and they had a son, Roman, who will be 19 next month. But the marriage broke up after 11 years.

    Messing posed nude for Allure magazine in May of 2012. Debra!! What will Aunt Helen say?? — Bernie! — stop looking at that!!

    We asked her to throw some clothes on for Owl Chatter. Thanks for stopping by, Deb — say hi to the family.

    See you tomorrow! Israel takes on Nicaragua at noon in the World Baseball Classic. Owl Chatter Sports will be on hand (albeit probably drunk).

  • Sunrise, Sunset

    What a star-studded puzzle today! First, “Page of football” was Alan Page, Hall of Fame defensive lineman for 15 years mostly with the Vikings. Page, who, oddly, has not a drop of Viking blood in his ancestry, has two children, a daughter Paige Page, and a son Back Page. [Ignore that last sentence.] Page and his wife Diane were married for 45 years until her death in 2018. They had four children. Page’s daughter Kamie and he wrote four children’s books, one with the neat title: Alan and His Perfectly Pointy Impossibly Perpendicular Pinky. All of the proceeds from the books go to Page’s Educational Foundation.

    But that only begins to tell his tale. He went to college at Notre Dame (leading them to a National Championship in 1966), but later earned a law degree at U. Minny. He knew he wanted to be a lawyer when he was a child. After a time in private practice, in 1992 he was elected to the Minnesota Supreme Court, becoming the first African-American to serve on that court. He was reelected in 1998 as the biggest vote-getter in Minnesota history, again in 2004, and for a final time in 2010. He served until mandatory retirement at age 70. He’s 77 now,

    Page was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2018. Get this: before college he worked for a time in construction and was on a crew that laid the foundation for the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, where he was enshrined 25 years later. In 1971, Page became the first ever defensive player to be named league MVP. Only Lawrence Taylor has joined him since. A Middle School in Minneapolis is named after him, and an elementary school with his name is being built. In 1988, the Pages established an Educational Foundation to assist students of color. Not too shabby a life, Page. Owl Chatter salutes you.

    Here’s a recent shot of him — Hey, check out that “perpendicular pinky!”

    The Israeli actor Topol died in Tel Aviv on Wednesday. He was 87. Although Zero Mostel made the role of Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof famous, it was Topol who played it in the movie version (1971) and on stage over 3,500 times (by 2009). He did not think non-Israelis could pronounce the “Ch” sound in his first name, Chaim, so he went professionally just by Topol — A “mononym” like Cher or Madonna, as noted about them in a recent puzzle.

    Norman Jewison, director of the Fiddler film, said casting Tevye was the most agonizing thing he ever went through. Mostel wanted the role, as did Rod Steiger, Danny Kaye, and (get this) Frank Sinatra. After turning down Sinatra, Jewison was lucky not to find a severed horse head in his bed, amirite? Topol didn’t even seek it at first. When he first saw the show it was with Zero Mostel who was going a little nuts with it at the time, ad-libbing with the audience, for example. He’d say things like “Mrs. Finkelstein, are you yawning because I’m boring you, or did your husband keep you up all night?” Topol didn’t want to go near it, but later saw a production in Tel Aviv and it won him over. How could it not?

    He was nominated for an Oscar for Best Actor for his role in the movie and won a Golden Globe for it.

    Starting out, one of his strengths was the ability to seem like an old man, physically. When he was in his 70’s he said, “At 29, I knew I had to restrain some muscles to make sure I didn’t suddenly jump in a way that destroyed the image of an elderly man. I walked slower, made sure I wasn’t too erect when I danced. It was quite a job. Now, as I pass the age of 55 by 20 years, I feel totally free to jump and dance as much as I feel like.”

    In 2015 he was awarded Israel’s highest cultural honor, the Israel Prize, for his philanthropic work as well as his acting. He married Galia (his Goldie) back in 1956, and is survived by her and their three children, nine grandchildren, a horse, and two mules.

    Reviewing the movie, Pauline Kael, who was notoriously hard to impress, wrote of him: “He’s a rough presence, masculine, with burly, raw strength, but also sensual and warm. He’s a poor man but he’s not a little man, he’s a big man brought low — a man of Old Testament size brought down by the circumstances of oppression.”

    Topol said: “I did ‘Fiddler’ a long time thinking that this was a story about the Jewish people. But now I’ve been performing all over the world. And the fantastic thing is wherever I’ve been — India, Japan, England, Greece, Egypt — people come up to me after the show and say, ‘This is our story as well.’”

    Rest in peace, Tevye — you didn’t fool us — you were a very rich man.

    Due to copyright restrictions, Owl Chatter was not able to get footage from the film version of Fiddler, so instead I’m posting Linda’s and my wedding video, which was pretty much along the same lines. If you’ve got six minutes (and some tissues) you could do worse than clicking on the red arrow.

    Not many folks could follow a segment like that. But Olga Kurylenko from the puzzle today at 50D will have no trouble at all. She’s “worse than beautiful,” as Napoleon would say.

    Olga was born in Ukraine and has French citizenship. Her modeling and film career are going very well. She was a “Bond girl” in a James Bond film. She’s 43 already — it goes fast. Two marriages tanked (had to be the guys’ fault), but she has a son from a different partner.

    Look how beautiful. She’s not even trying here.

    Can’t imagine a better image to close with tonight.

    Thanks for popping in! See you tomorrow!

  • Worse Than Beautiful

    So I have tax exams to grade, a zoom meeting at four for school, and a couple of tax returns to do. This is the closest I’ve come to real work in months and I don’t like it. It’s interfering with my Owl Chatter obligations! Maybe Welly and Wilma can help with the exams — at least the short-answer part.

    At the risk of coming across as a dirty old man (a ship which has long ago sailed, I know), the clue for HOOKS today at 62A was “Memorable parts of songs,” and I suggested in a comment that a better clue would have been “Memorable parts of bras.”

    Speaking of bras, it’s about time Owl Chatter chattered a bit about Napoleon and Josephine, don’t you think? It’s their wedding anniversary today! Mazel Tov, kids! — 227 years ago.

    Josephine’s given name was Marie Josephe Rose Tascher de La Pagerie and she was known as “Rose.” But Bonaparte preferred “Josephine,” and occasionally called her Gumbo. [No he didn’t.] She was sexy, with a low voice. He wasn’t the first man to fall madly in love with her. Her first husband, Alexandre François Marie, Viscount of Beauharnais, lost his head over her, — literally. He was guillotined during the Revolution.

    Napoleon called Josephine, “worse than beautiful.” He once wrote to her, “I awake full of you. Your image and the memory of last night’s intoxicating pleasures has left no rest to my senses.”

    Still, he showed up two hours late to the wedding. They were lucky the rabbi didn’t have another one to perform that day, like Rabbi Rosenberg did when Linda and I got married. Like we needed the extra pressure.

    Anyway, back to Jojo — she had two kids with Alex, but was unable to bear children for NB, so they split. Of his new wife Napoleon noted “I married a womb.” Nap and Joe were still so in love that they read statements of devotion to one another at the divorce ceremony. (Not kidding.)

    Here’s a shot of her. I can see the draw. She’s electric.

    The clue at 65D was “Walker’s charge,” three letters. Some folks bristled at having to erase their first answer: DOG, and insert the correct answer PET. They noted that dogs are the only pets that can be walked. But Barbara S. shared the following:

    “The notion of walking a PET other than a dog reminded me of a story my mother once told about being in a florist’s shop in a hotel. The only other customer was a woman walking a gorgeous and amazingly well-behaved cat on a leash. My mother couldn’t contain her curiosity and asked. The woman said she travelled a lot and took her cat everywhere. The cat had been trained to the leash since kittenhood and had adapted completely. And they were in the florist’s because the cat didn’t get a chance to spend much time in nature and enjoyed walking around and sniffing the flowers!” 

    And Diane Joan said:

    “I grew up in a small city and oddly there was a tiny dairy in this town. Yes I can verify that many pets can be walked as it was common to see the farmer’s children walking their pet raccoon around the city streets.”

    Here’s a cat walker.

    This poem is called Field Guide, by Tony Hoagland.

    Once, in the cool blue middle of a lake,
    up to my neck in that most precious element of all,

    I found a pale-gray, curled-upwards pigeon feather
    floating on the tension of the water

    at the very instant when a dragonfly,
    like a blue-green iridescent bobby pin,

    hovered over it, then lit, and rested.
    That’s all.

    I mention this in the same way
    that I fold the corner of a page

    in certain library books,
    so that the next reader will know

    where to look for the good parts.

    Ian Falconer, who died on Tuesday at 63, was hugely successful at every turn. Children’s books? He created Olivia, the piglet who stayed on the best-seller list for 107 weeks. Set designs for operas? A reviewer in the Chicago Tribune once wrote: “The new ‘Turandot’ that concludes Lyric Opera’s 1991-92 season is a show from which you emerge literally humming the scenery.” He also designed costumes. Artwork? He drew 30 covers for The New Yorker. Here are two of them. The first was a personal fave of his, and the second is a sweet Valentine’s Day cover.

    Noting the enduring success of Olivia, he said, “It’s a little embarrassing. All these years, I’ve been working so hard to paint and draw, and I’m going to be remembered for this pig. Still, there are worse things that can happen to me.”

    With baseball slowly elbowing its way back into our lives, it’s worth mentioning that 68A was “Goodness,” with the answer MERCY.

    Pabloinnh said: “My favorite answer was MERCY which made me think of the late great Red Sox radio announcer Ned Martin, who would describe a truly fantastic and amazing unbelievable play and simply sum it all up with ‘MERCY.’ Still miss him.”

    Don, you concur?

    How about 27D? — “Singer Scaggs with the 1970s hits “Lowdown” and “Lido Shuffle.” BOZ, of course. I liked him and went to see him perform once. Get this, he’s 78 now and still touring. He’ll be at Miller Symphony Hall in Allentown, PA on May 21st, kinahora. Let’s let his “Lido Shuffle” usher us out today.

    We had smoky eyes in the puzzle a while ago, which were very pretty, and today we had DEEP SET eyes, clued as “like eyes beneath a prominent brow.” They sound a little neanderthalic, but the pictures don’t bring that out.

    Sign in an optician’s window: EYES EXAMINED WHILE YOU WAIT.

    Now, where did I put those exams? Thanks for stopping by. See you tomorrow.

  • Oily Odor of Tanbark

    I’ve been mispronouncing the word RIBALD. TIL (today I learned) it’s pronounced like “dribbled” without the first D. I’m lucky it hasn’t come up that often. (How did I learn this? — it was in the puzzle today, and a comment pointed it out so I checked.)

    Do you know that expression: He (or she) has a face for radio? Well, Jessica Hansen has the exact opposite kind of face, and she’s been reading the donor announcements on NPR for years. The reason the owls are chattering about her today is she was written up in a Brandeis alumni story because her voice was used in the Oscar-nominated movie Tar. She was asked to read a fake NPR announcement that Cate Blanchett mocked.

    Here’s what Hansen says about her 20 seconds of fame:

    “Cate Blanchett’s character, Lydia Tár, she’s in New York, getting ready for bed and listening to NPR. It’s not just me, there are three or four of us you’ll hear. But she hears me come on, and the director wrote some spoof credits, so they don’t quite make sense. They’re inside baseball jokes, like what is this that people talk about on NPR? And she’s mimicking me. And she has this moment where she realizes what she just said and she’s thinking about it. I have watched that 20 seconds many times, just to watch Cate, because every time she mimics me, the craft of her acting is so specific and so subtle. It’s remarkable. You know, because she’s Cate Blanchett.”

    She may be Cate Blanchett, but Brandeis-grad Hansen is way prettier.

    Today’s puzzle contained a recipe for guacamole. It includes CILANTRO (see below). And this was noted in a comment: “Cilantro leaves contain the same aldehydes used in soap-making, which is why many people experience a soapy flavor. I definitely taste it. It put me off at first, but now I don’t really mind it.”

    Here are the clues (and answers) that comprise the recipe. The garlic and cumin raised a few eyebrows.

    1/2 cup coarsely chopped, for bright (or soapy) flavor: CILANTRO

    Three cloves minced, for depth and aroma: GARLIC

    One teaspoon, pink or black, for emphasis: SALT

    About two cups cubed, after peeling and pitting: AVOCADO

    One small juiced, for citrus notes, and to preserve color: LIME

    One seeded and minced, for heat: JALAPENO

    One small red minced, for crunch and tang: ONION

    1/2 teaspoon, for a little extra flavor … really, try it!: CUMIN

    One vine-ripe chopped, for texture and color: TOMATO

    (Pam — you on it?)

    Who’s sexier than Liz CHENEY? — in those librarian glasses skewering the bad guys like shish-kebob from her committee seat? She’s in the puzzle today as “Former Wyoming representative Liz.” She said this about Jan. 6th:

    “Tonight, I say this to my Republican colleagues who are defending the indefensible: There will come a day when Donald Trump is gone but your dishonor will remain.”

    OTOH, she also says stuff like:

    “Rarely do I disagree with best VP ever [her father] but @SarahPalinUSA more qualified than Obama and Biden combined. Huge respect 4 all she’s done 4 GOP.”

    Dammit, this is the best I could do to find a sexy shot of her. I can’t believe no one has ever caught her in a bathing suit. What the hell is wrong with this country!! You can put a man on the moon but you can’t get a photo of Liz Cheney in a bikini. Hrummmph.

    Owl Chatter is running out of steam tonight. I’m tired from my classes today. Here’s a poem by Ted Kooser from Winter Morning Walks to bid us goodnight.

    The beaver’s mound of brush and cornstalks
    stands at the edge of silence this morning,
    a pyramid on an untracked desert of snow
    with black, open water shining behind it.
    Somewhere inside are the hidden mysteries:
    an old yellow-toothed pharaoh, wrapped up
    in bandages of sleep, and on his shallow breath,
    oily odor of tanbark and the priceless perfume
    of summer willow leaves.