Today’s puzzle involved state capitals. I’m a little better at them because in my youth a friend I used to visit had a tiny bathroom in the basement with a map of the U.S. facing the toilet.

The theme was “raising capital” and the theme answers were all downs with state capitals “rising,” e.g., my favorite, at 15D: “Grey Goose competitor.” Answer: BELVEDERE VODKA.

“Brought up the rear” was CAME LAST.

“Criticize unfairly” was TAKE POT SHOTS AT.

And “‘”Huh, better than I expected’” was NOT SO BAD.

Not too many state capitals are amenable to this treatment. I came up with these two:

What one might say about obese meanies:

I hatE FAT NASty people.

Hegseth — are you sure?

Well, yES, I OBserved the rules.

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Aside from the theme, it was good to learn: “Breakfast brand originally known as Froffles:” EGGO.

Froffles!

I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess it was a portmanteau from “frozen waffles,” but I could find no reference to froffles on Wikipedia or the Eggo website. I did learn that the famous ad: “L’eggo my eggo!” brought attention to a link between Eggo and LEGO. Rather than go to war, the companies teamed up, and a LEGO-shaped Eggo was the result.

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Loyal readers of Owl Chatter (both of you!) will recall how thrilled we were when Trump rolled over the utterly unprincipled GOP Senate to get Pistol Pete Hegseth confirmed. It was clear an endless stream of hilarity would issue from the Defense Dept. And it has. Dayenu! But not in our wildest dreams could we predict the delicious turn events took this week. The war crimes we expected. But Pete’s making fun of it with turtle cartoons! Even Putin on horseback must be impressed. Bravo, PH!

Needless to say, Hegs caught sh*t for it from Franklin the Turtle, although that’s the least of his problems. I copied the following, verbatim, from The Hill:

“Franklin the Turtle is a beloved Canadian icon who has inspired generations of children and stands for kindness, empathy, and inclusivity,” Canadian publisher Kids Can Press said in a statement on X. “We strongly condiment any denigrating, violent, or unauthorized use of Franklin’s name or image, which directly contradicts these values.”

Condiment!! OMG, it just keeps getting better and better. In other pubs the intended “condemn” replaces the mustard, ketchup, and relish.

Of course, the Defense Department doubled down and charged the turtle with being soft on narco-terrorists. (Not kidding.)

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Arthur Sze is the current poet laureate of the U.S. About this poem he said: “In 2023, I participated in the Qinghai Lake International Poetry Festival on the eastern edge of the Tibetan plateau and collaged images and events in China together. The Yi host in the poem was the festival organizer, Jidi Majia.” It’s called “Qinghai Lake” and was in today’s Writer’s Almanac.

Naked carp swim upstream    and spawn in fresh water,
then fry return     to this 3,260-meter-high saline lake—

we stroll past black sheep      chained by their necks; 
later, our Yi host invites us    to join him at a low table:

boiled mutton, intestines, potatoes,     and red chile 
powder are set in red-swirling,     black lacquer bowls.

Closing my eyes,     I see wind turbines along a ridge, 
transmission lines     that arc from tower to tower 

across green hills;     a herder opens a gate, and black 
yaks slip through—when I walk    to a stream 

that feeds the lake, I follow     a path lined with red
and orange marigolds in pots,     wonder

who surrenders to reach     a higher plane of existence?
At a temple built and rebuilt     since 307 CE, 

I see a persimmon tree     alongside a cypress,
where lovers,     whetted by prayer, leave plaques

with dangling red strings.     Boating on this lake,
we make an oval track     on the surface; and, gazing 

at rapeseed     flowering yellow along the shore, 
we suspend but do not dissipate     the anguish of this world.

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The NY Football Giants (2-11) are having a worse season than the Jets (3-9). And, as Bill Parcells’ famous quote goes: “You are what your record says you are.” Last night, with the Jints down 17-7 against the Pats, their kicker Younghoe Koo attempted a field goal to make it a one-score game. It didn’t go well.

But if you check the game stats, there’s no record of a missed field goal by Koo. What gives? It turns out for a missed kick to count as a missed kick, statistically, the foot must touch the ball. Since Koo did not even come close here, it’s a nonevent. Actually, it counted as a sack of the holder.

Koo explained what happened after the game. It turns out he was high from drugs and “everything was spinning.” No! I’m kidding. He said the holder bobbled the snap and the ball seemed to still be in motion as he began his approach. He felt he could not complete the kick effectively, so he aborted the effort as you saw in the video. The Giants lost 30-9 anyway, so no harm was done. And his pretty wife, Ava, a teacher, consoled him after the game.

Are teachers allowed to be that pretty? I remember a back-to-school night when Sam was little. His teachers came out and seemed nice, and then his friend Greg’s teachers came out, like from a Victoria’s Secret catalogue. Greg’s dad (Hi Chris!) leaned over and said to me: “Greg is a very lucky boy.”

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We are looking forward to Jeopardy! tonight. A very nice young man named Eli, who often subs for Rex, is one of the contestants. Here’s what he said about it:

“I’ve been auditioning for Jeopardy for close to 15 years now. I’ve gone through the audition process so many times I’ve lost count (it’s at least 5). So to finally get the call was a dream come true. And the experience lived up to the dream!

“The entire staff at Jeopardy was just wonderful. They run the show like a well-oiled machine and treat all of the contestants extremely well. They know how big a deal it is for everyone who gets on the show and they make sure it’s special. The stage manager (Jimmy, formerly of the Clue Crew), the contestant wranglers, the hair and makeup team, the technical crew… all absolutely fantastic. You could tell they really cared. And Ken Jennings is a delight! I knew he was a good host, but trivia people are his people, and he knows how to make them feel welcome and at home.”

Knock ’em dead, Eli!

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See you tomorrow! Thanks for popping by.