Let it go, ‘Rines. Take the L. We don’t need no stinking win over Western Michigan. Let them have it. They f*cking earned it more than we did, for one thing.
If you have no idea what I’m talking about (probably not for the first time), it’s the controversial ending of the UMich-Western Mich football game from Sept. 5. Sportsworld is still buzzing/fuming over it. The ‘Rines were four-touchdown favorites, but appeared to have lost the game, having played incredibly shittily, and watched the clock wind down to zero as their last-ditch pass failed. But the refs were watching a different clock: one that had one second left on it when some player touched the ball, stopping the clock. With that one extra second, UMich completed a Hail Mary pass and won the game.
An uproar ensued and protests were filed. The NCAA concluded the refs blew it. The game should have been ruled over with WMU the winner. But it’s too late to change the result once the game officially concludes, so the win stands. What the f*ck! Too late my tuchas!! UMich has quietly entered the win into the record books, but I say they should join the protesters and say they don’t want it. We survived the great Appy State upset umpteen years ago, we can survive this loss. We just upended Oklahoma, for Pete’s sake. Give us the loss and let’s move on. Right, Babe?
David Emsley of the Dull Men’s Club (UK) writes: A thought occurred to me at a local hostelry. As the time arrived for, you know, I went and selected urinal no1. At further visits I always selected the same urinal. Is this common? Do others always select the same one each time?
Tink Dumbles: In a pub I know I use the same one if possible. If it’s a new pub I’ll try each one until I find a favourite.
Ken Irvine: Now you mention it, yes.
Trevor Mayor: I no longer drink, but when I did I was always pleased with myself if I made it to the urinals at the end of the night.
Paul Collingwood: Yes I too have a favourite urinal, and in all honesty I’m a little disappointed if I have to use a different one.
Joe Murray: I find if you hover really close they finish up rather quickly.
Paul C: Unless they are an undercover policeman, but I will keep that story to myself.
We heard a report from MIT on student use of AI. The fear is that if students rely on AI too much, they will lose the ability to solve problems or think for themselves. But isn’t that the goal? It said professors should replace written exams with oral exams. Personally, I think rectal exams are the way to go.
John Lonsdorf of Martinsville posted the following in our neighborhood website: “I just fired Ned Stevens gutter cleaning because their price has doubled over 2 years. Does anyone have a recommendation for a good local gutter cleaning service?”
I try to be helpful so I responded: “We used the same company that’s repairing the reflecting pool in DC. Excellent, and they only charged $12 billion.”
Two good tunes today, puzzle-related, from Son Volt. Enjoy!
We’re shared this one before. So what?
Son Volt works on music from the puzzle for us. Egs and I go for wordplay, the more ridiculous the better. Here’s egs today:
What the magician who lost her lingerie needed to start her incantation…..ABRA.
Didn’t Warhol’s son used to call him POP ARTIST.?
Whenever I try to remember the word for [Female antelopes], DOES DOES not come easily to me.
I chimed in with:
Hey! Who took all the chocolates??!! LINDT remover
How the successful Scottish comedian did: KILT
Last, off the clue “Organ-related item in a wallet,” for which the answer was DONOR CARD, I suggested condom.
From The Onion:
Mitch McConnell Returns To Capitol Hill In Jar Of Formaldehyde
This poem was translated from the Catalan by AKaiser. It’s by Anna Gual and is called “The New Normal.” It was today’s Poem of the Day from poets.org.
We will sink our feet into other sands,
in the new normal. We will grow plants
between our toes, in the new normal.
We will laugh at the distances
and it will be forbidden to not touch us,
in the new normal.
Our calendars will seem strange
and we won’t know what the rules are,
in the new normal.
There’ll be caves
and space for everyone.
There’ll be lichens
and hunger well-whetted.
We’ll embrace all the mysteries,
we’ll be lovers of the invisible
and death, death
will be quite bearable.
When winter comes
the mud will come and with the mud
creation unleashed
and we will draw the whole holy day,
in the new normal.
We’ll yank flowers from the rocks
and let pigment run
and we’ll paint our faces, also our thighs,
also our sexes and the hot thing, too.
We’ll look at the sky more than anything else,
in the new normal.
We will breathe very slowly,
in the new normal.
And who knows if the gods won’t find us
and we’ll have to create new altars with twigs
and make a roaring fire and roast fish
and dance barefoot until it hurts.
Pain not in the feet, but in our bellies,
from so much inconsumable joy.
“Pain not in the feet.” Sounds like an old Jewish woman at the chiropodist. We’ll let her close for us today. See you tomorrow, Chatterheads!
The Wellington Files 