The NYT Sports Section finally took on a question I’m sure you’ve often pondered: Why doesn’t some hockey team get a sumo wrestler and plop him in front of the goal to plug it up pretty much completely?

They came up with three reasons. First, an NHL goal is six-feet wide and even the widest sumo wrestler falls short (narrow?) of that width. And today’s sharpshooters would be able to take advantage of even the smallest of gaps. Second, goalies have various important jobs besides just stopping shots that involve skating around a bit. Third, it’s likely to be a tough sell: “Hey man, I know you’re a famous and highly respected athlete, but would you want to quit that job to get hit by vulcanized rubber going 100 mph for three hours a night? You may need to take a pay cut.” Not to mention the ridicule and dishonor.

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Conversation between Owl Chatter and an Owl Chatter friend:

OC: They can do genetic testing now to see if you have an elevated risk of getting Alzheimer’s.

OCF: But what can you do about it if you know?

OC: Not much, unfortunately. General health advice applies: exercise, healthy diet, etc.

OCF: Mental stimulation, like puzzles?

OC: Yes. Mental stimulation. Does porn count?

OCF: It better.

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Today’s puzzle was a “tribute puzzle,” commemorating the 50th anniversary (next Monday) of Stevie Wonder’s great double album, “Songs in the Key of Life.” It’s by a world class constructor Erik Agard and was very well received, including the first 5-star rating by Rex that I can remember. Answers included SW’s full name as well as the name of the album and titles of three songs from it. I’ve always admired Stevie very much but he’s never been one of my favorites, music-wise.

I worked with several of the non-theme answers, including ALFRE (Woodard), TIERED, and SPATULA.

Director of the 1963 film “The Bir.” ALFRE Hitchco

When I saw how high in the theater my $200 seats were, I TIERED up.

Vampire who makes excellent pancakes: SPATULA.

Most folks were delighted with the tribute to STEVIE WONDER. But acerbic commenter Gary took mild exception, to wit:

“Great. A tribute puzzle to an album from 1976. Just great. Add in Star Wars, Star Trek, and Atari and I’m hoping you solved this next to a lava lamp while sitting on a shag carpet. I was 12 when this album came out. I haven’t been 12 in a very long time.

“I hope this opens the door for a puzzle celebrating the life of John Wilbye and his hit madrigals from the post Italian Renaissance era. He didn’t need no stinkin’ Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame, nor self-congratulatory Grammy, nor even Billboard magazine. He just needed a quill and a cool song title. By the way, the Wikipedia entry for madrigals uses the word ‘whilst’ unironically in the first paragraph. That’s how you know smart people are involved.”

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We’re starting to see glimmers of what next season might look like for the Gnats. DJ Herz, who looks like actor Jesse Plemons, came back from a very long absence due to Tommy John surgery and looked good for four innings last night. If he and Josiah Gray can hit their potential, they’ll join Cavalli and Alvarez to form a strong rotation. We’ll hibernate until late March and see what happens. As far as the playoffs go, we’ll likely be pulling for the Yanks. Also like Tampa, Atlanta, the Phils and Cubbies, once the Yanks crash and burn. Looking forward to it.

Here’s DJ.

Owl Chatter sports consultant Sarah Fillier of the PWHL’s NY Sirens will be covering the action for us. We have George going over some of the basics with her. Three strikes, three outs, nine innings, . . . You’ll get it, babe.

Brace yourselves, fellas. This shot of her in that sexy uniform pushes most men over the edge. George! Where are my heart pills??!!

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I forgot to kvell over a recent math-related Sunday NYTXW that I thought was brilliant (Hi Judy!). It was by Tracy Gray and was called “Rise to the Power.” It used base numbers and exponents. Yeah, I didn’t remember those either. But they’re easy. If your base number is 2 and the exponent is 3, it’s “two to the third power,” and the answer is 8 (2 x 2 x 2). Similarly, 3 to the 4th power is (3 x 3 x 3 x 3), 81, right? In the puzzle each theme answer appeared in two lines: the base number on the lower line and the exponent on top of it, just off to the right — exactly how you’d indicate, e.g., 3 to the fourth power. Here’s how it worked:

The clue was “Beatles classic with the lyric ‘Will you still need me / Will you still feed me.’” Now you’ll immediately think WHEN I’M SIXTY FOUR, but that won’t work in the puzzle. Instead, you fill in WHENIMFOUR on one line and THREE above it to the right. Because “4 to the 3rd power” is 64. Get it? Brilliant, right?

Another example: The clue was “So very appreciated,” and the answer was THANKS A TEN below SIX. Because ten to the sixth power is a million. (So you get “Thanks a million.”)

Now, get this. Where the clue was “Vegas casino machine” the answer was NINE-ARMED BANDIT below ZERO, because 9 to the zero power is one. (So you get “one-armed bandit.”) And I learned that any number taken to the zero power equals one! I either never knew that or forgot.

This is the easiest explanation of it that I found:

Look at the powers of any number, say 8:

8^1 = 8
8^2 = 64
8^3 = 512 [64 x 8]

To get from 8^3 to 8^2 we have to divide by 8. And to get from 8^2 to 8^1 we have to divide by 8 again. The logical idea is to continue doing this so we get:

to go from 8^1 to 8^0 we should divide by 8. And 8 divided by 8 equals 1.

This works for any nonzero number.

Ouch, my brain hurts a little now. Let’s get to Sydney Sweeney. Have you seen the ad everyone is buzzing about? It’s for a betting platform Novig. SS appears in it sans clothes, covering up with various items of sports equipment, repeating the phrase “just sports.” (Novig only offers gambling on sports.) The criticism is that the ad promotes the treatment of women athletes as sex objects. SS blew off the charge and offered a bunch of examples in which women athletes themselves appear in sexy poses. I’m far too stupid and shallow to have anything worthwhile to say on the issue. I am certainly “guilty” of drooling over women tennis players, basketball players, etc. But, surely, ladies, don’t you do the same over sexy male stars?

Phil notes that as gorgeous as Sydney is, it’s hard to capture her in a photo. He likes this one. So do we.

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On Saturday, “Hardwood whose bark is sometimes used as paper” was BIRCH. This tune is courtesy of Son Volt. It’s a good way to close today.

Thanks for popping by. See you tomorrow!