The Wellington Files

  • Standing on Business

    So, you know how snake oil salesmen symbolize fraud (related to fake cures)? Well, it turns out snake oil is actually good for you — it’s high in Omega-3 fatty acids. The Chinese use a snake oil to treat joint pain. A 2007 study showed that mice that were fed snake oil attained significant improvement in swimming endurance and their ability to solve mazes over mice that were fed lard. (It didn’t help them with crossword puzzles.) The fraud connection comes from the many sellers of “fake” snake oil who arose. BTW, that mouse study was ended early because of how hard it was getting them into those little bathing suits.

    It all came up because of the clue at 30A today: ”Snake oil salesman’s offering.” ANS: QUACK REMEDY.

    I didn’t even know mice could swim. Do guinea pigs whistle? That was a question on Hollywood Squares several hundred years ago. Paul Lynde’s answer was: “When brought to a boil.”

    Rex’s holiday cat picture campaign has brought out some unusual material. First, I liked how he referred to this gal, Misha, as a Hanukkitty.

    Then there was a comment today from a guy who hadn’t commented since Sept 2022. He had been a regular (and well-liked, apparently) commenter up until then. The reason he stopped was he shared what he thought was a cute kitten photo, but it was deleted (along with his comment), by the Rex blog moderators. He was so miffed he stopped posting, until yesterday. I guess the stream of cat pix brought him out. In any event, this is the kitty that was “banned in Boston.” It made it by the mods today, obviously, and, really, should never have been cut.

    The clue at 33D was “Colorful symbols of hope and happiness.” It’s BLUEBIRDS, of course. But did you know there are three types? Eastern, Western, and Mountain. 

    (1) Eastern bluebirds have a royal blue back and head, a reddish-brown chest and throat, and a white belly.

    (2) Western bluebirds look similar to Eastern Bluebirds, except that the reddish-brown color of their chest extends to cover their shoulders, and the royal blue color of their back also covers their throat.

    Male Western Bluebird on Bobwire.

    (3) Mountain Bluebirds, the bluest of all three bluebird species, have a bright royal blue covering their back, head, and throat, and a soft patch of white on their stomach.

    The females of all three species look similar to the males, but are a duller blueish-gray in appearance.

    Here’s a comment I enjoyed:

    “Eastern Blue Birds beat out Western Blue Birds, but I would guess (I’ve never seen one) that the Mountain Blue Bird beats them both. I remember the mistake I made when I told a co-worker that I had seen my first Blue Bird, and damn, was it blue. He insisted for another hour to explain to me that I had been seeing Blue Birds all my life, and wondering what kind of an idiot I was that I didn’t know that. I explained otherwise, but he insisted he was right. I finally told him I wasn’t talking about a Blue Jay but a Blue Bird, and that if he ever once in his life considered that, in a disagreement between peers, he might, just might, be the one who is wrong not everyone would consider him the asshole they do.”

    Wow. Where’d that come from?

    [There is also the fourth type: The Jewish Bluebird. It’s the “Bluebird of Happiness?-Are-You-Kidding?-With-My-Back?” Very rarely sighted.]

    The sex-scandal-tarred Zieglers are still in the news! Mr. Z (Christian) is the head of the GOP in Florida who stands accused of raping a woman with whom his virulently anti-gay wife (and school board member) admitted (to the cops) to having gay sex via a threesome with Mr. Z. Mrs. Z was asked to resign in a 4-1 vote by the Board, the one nay vote being her own. But she refused. The vote was all for show, though. The Board is taking no real steps to remove her because her open seat could lead to control falling out of the hands of right-wing lunatics. God forbid.

    Christian meanwhile has had his salary reduced to $1 and has been stripped (pardon the pun) of his powers as party head. 

    Evan Power, the GOP vice chairman, said that party members considered the sexual assault charges against Mr. Z very serious. Here’s my favorite part: He said: “You cannot morally lead the Republican Party forward.” Hello? Knock, knock? Does anyone remember that Trump was actually found liable for sexual assault pretty recently? ”Moral leadership” may not be your best argument, Evan. 

    Here’s pretty Mrs. Z again, who, believe me, no matter what happens, will land on her feet. Like a Hanukkitty.

    DK Metcalf is an outstanding wide receiver for the Seattle Seahawks. He turned 26 just last week. He’s from Oxford, MS, and went to school at Ole Miss. In his five pro seasons, he’s averaged over 1,000 receiving yards per year — consistent excellence. DK is short for DeKaylin Zecharius. He’s a very good looking young man (and not married, ladies).

    With much less flare (how could it not be less?), he is doing for the deaf community what Taylor Swift is doing for her fans, i.e., introducing many to pro football.  DK is not deaf himself, nor is anyone close to him deaf. So what’s going on? When he was in college, he took a summer class in signing (ASL). It was a way to exercise his mind and provide a break from football.

    He resumed studying it this season online and is taking it very seriously. The instructor did not even know DK played football when they started, and he described DK as “an inquisitive and open-minded student, dedicated to learning sign language.” Deaf folks resent it when someone tries to learn to sign to use it for personal gain, or just to learn fun or dirty phrases. But there is much enthusiasm for DK’s embrace of it — it’s become a hot topic among the deaf.

    At first, the joke was he was learning it just so he could trash talk without getting fined. But he’s using it on the field in a much cooler way — he signs as part of his touchdown celebrations. The first time he did it, he directed his message to the defensive back he just beat and signed “44, my son.” ”44” represents spiritual strength, or, in this case, the ability to outrun the coverage.

    The next time was against Dallas. After scoring, he signed “Standing on business.” That means sticking by your principles and getting things done. It exploded (in a good way). The deaf community was “on fire” with it and can’t wait to see what comes next. DK said the “standing on business” idea came to him from his teammate Boye Mafe who also signs: He signs “I love you” to the sky before every game to honor his mom who died in 2018.

    Metcalf is delighted by the response of the deaf community. He did not know they felt unseen or forgotten. Is it even a little bit a way to get some trash talking in? After all, DK has been fined about $100,000 over the years for his “colorful” conduct. ”I’m trying to learn a new language,” he said. ”Simply put.”

    You can keep an eye on the man tonight — the Seahawks face the Eagles in a battle of the birds. It’s on ABC at 8:15.

    Good night, everybody. See you tomorrow.

  • Do You Like Chocolates?

    On this date 120 years ago, the Wright brothers made their first flight. Wilber complained that his lunch was cold, and Orville was upset at having to pay extra for his bag. Low-hanging fruit, but sometimes the bad jokes just have to be told. The actual flight took place near Kitty Carlisle, NC, or, if you prefer the truth, Kitty Hawk. 

    Orville went first, got only ten feet off the ground, and landed right away. After two more tries, Wilbur got seriously aloft and traveled 852 feet. There was some damage to the plane, but the boys were overjoyed. There was no press coverage of the event. The brothers hired an amateur photographer, (it may have been Phil’s dissolute great grandfather), who took only one photo, when the plane was ten feet off the ground. This is it.

    Papers refused to run it, thinking it was a hoax. Only six years later, when Wilbur flew over Manhattan, were the boys given their place in history. 

    Both brothers married very late in life, joking that they spent a long time looking for Mrs. Wright. Orville’s wife Emmylou is on the left, and Wilbur’s wife Betty on the right. The brothers often confused the two until Betty had a restraining order issued. [This entire paragraph is false: the boys never married. I don’t know who these women are, but they’ve been very generous with drinks and salted nuts. So they’re welcome to stay, like, forever.]

    I was wrong about the Pistoffs schedule — I thought their next loss, I mean game, was tomorrow against Atlanta, but they managed to sneak in a loss to Milwaukee last night. So it’s 23 in a row. They seem to have settled into comfortably losing by 32 points, since that was the margin again, 146-114. They lost all four quarters. After the first they were down 43-20. Ouch. Let’s not dwell on it. Here’s a lighter topic — Jeffrey Dahmer.

    Remember Jeffrey Dahmer? The serial killer with the worst-selling cookbook in publishing history. He was killed in prison in 1994. But his dad Lionel died only two weeks ago, in Ohio, at age 87. If you’re wondering what it’s like to be the dad of a son like that, you can read Lionel’s book that was pretty well received: A Father’s Story. 

    Lionel’s parents were both elementary school teachers and he was a chemist. He married Joyce Flint, a telephone operator. How’s this for creepy:

    “She became pregnant days after the wedding. The coming months were a kind of ill omen. [Ya think?] Joyce Dahmer suffered from seizures and emotional fits. Her legs locked into place, she trembled, her jaw jerked to the right and became frighteningly rigid, and she foamed at the mouth. Sometimes the episodes would end only when a doctor injected her with barbiturates and morphine. She took as many as 26 pills a day.”

    Jeffrey was a happy little guy, but turned awkward as he grew up, and the rest is history. Lionel had been awkward as a child too, and he didn’t realize Jeffrey had become “serial-killer awkward.” They had a second child, who is still living, but the marriage failed and Lionel remarried. He visited Jeffrey in prison and recordings of those visits were used in a mini-series on the story. Lionel is survived by a sister, his son, and two grandchildren, none of whom look forward to Thanksgiving.

    Here’s Lionel at the trial, with his second wife, not Joyce.

    Remember what Garrison Keillor said when he spoke at his daughter’s graduation: ”The truth is, we would love you just as much, and be just as proud of you, if we were visiting you in prison today, instead of at your college graduation. But we’re grateful for the difference.”

    71A in the puzzle today was “Count on one hand?” and the answer was SIXTY. I had no idea why, but it turns out to refer to the hands of a clock which are counting sixty seconds and minutes. Commenter John X says:

    “The minute and second hands of a clock can count to sixty, and so can a human hand. This has been done since ancient times, and is the origin for the Base-60 system (that and 60 is divisible by more whole numbers than 100). This is why there are 60 minutes/seconds, 12 hours, 360 degrees, etc etc.”

    Okay, thanks. Wait, is that the Minister of Silly Walks on that clock? We’d have to change the clue to “count on one foot.”

    The clue/answer for the Dirty Old Man Dept. today was at 12A: ”They may be wireless.” The answer was BRAS. One commenter asked: ”Wait — so women use their bras to connect to the internet these days?” 

    The puzzle theme was “bridges.” In theme answers there were bridges crossing over various bodies of water. Rex questioned whether there is a “bog” bridge, but many pointed out that of course there is. When you take a hike over marshy areas, little bridges help you across the wetter spots. There was also a question about “ocean” bridges. But “trigger” noted: ”I think bridges to barrier islands or to Key West would qualify as ocean bridges.”

    And pabloinnh added: ”The bridge over the OCEAN made me think of an old Bob and Ray bit where one is interviewing the other, who is building a bridge over the Atlantic Ocean, which has just been started, and in the background you hear the sound of cars driving off the end and into the water because of course they do. Nobody beat those guys for absurd.”

    This poem from The Writer’s Almanac is by Louis Simpson and is called “Chocolates.”

    Once some people were visiting Chekhov.
    While they made remarks about his genius
    the Master fidgeted. Finally
    he said, “Do you like chocolates?”

    They were astonished, and silent.
    He repeated the question,
    whereupon one lady plucked up her courage
    and murmured shyly, “Yes.”

    “Tell me,” he said, leaning forward,
    light glinting from his spectacles,
    “what kind? The light, sweet chocolate
    or the dark, bitter kind?”

    The conversation became general
    They spoke of cherry centers,
    of almonds and Brazil nuts.
    Losing their inhibitions
    they interrupted one another.
    For people may not know what they think
    about politics in the Balkans,
    or the vexed question of men and women,

    but everyone has a definite opinion
    about the flavor of shredded coconut.
    Finally someone spoke of chocolates filled with liqueur,
    and everyone, even the author of Uncle Vanya,
    was at a loss for words.

    As they were leaving he stood by the door
    and took their hands.

                                    In the coach returning to Petersburg
    they agreed that it had been a most
    unusual conversation.

    Rex’s practice this holiday season of sharing pet pix his readers send in turned poignant today. He posted this photo of a reader’s cat named Oliver, dressed up as something silly:

    Then he shared this note he received two days after he received that photo:

    Hi, Mr. Parker! 

    My wife, Courtney [W.], submitted a photo of our cat Oliver in the last day or two.  Oliver died yesterday, and part of her cat grief has been to regularly check your blog to see if her photo was posted. Sometimes it’s the little things? 🙂 

    To honor her memory, Rex followed up by posting additional photos of Oliver. Here are two of them.

    Rest in peace, little guy. 

    We’ll see you all tomorrow.

  • PHI 124, DET 92

    It’s Jane Austen’s birthday today: Happy Birthday, young lady! An author so popular that all the way across the ocean the people of Texas named their state capital after her. [No they didn’t.] Born in 1775, she’s 248, but, honestly Jane, you don’t look a day over 200. C’mon, take a load off, girl — just throw all that crap off the sofa — you like beer?

    For those of you who question the power of the written word, this note was in today’s Writer’s Almanac: After the First World War, Austen’s novels were prescribed to shell-shocked British soldiers for therapy, because the psychologists found that Austen helped them recover their sense of the world they’d known before the war. [Zelensky tells me Owl Chatter is serving the same purpose for the Ukrainians.] 

    Brava, Janie. Phil! — Run out and pick up some ice cream! Here’s a twenty — maybe a few Ben and Jerry’s.

    Did you know you’re a fashion trend, Austen? Whoda thunkit? Jane Austen dresses are definitely a thing.

    How’s that for a classy opening?

    Now let’s take a look at this gorgeous grid today, by Garrett Chalfin:

    Usually, the requirement of symmetry just results in black squares scattered here and there. Look at today’s climbing diagonals. And it’s so clean. The only construction flaw I can see is at 23D/36D the ASS is above the FLANK. 

    Of course, it only inspired dread for curmudgeon Rex. Here’s how he opened his writeup:

    “I could tell right away from the shape of this one that it was more likely to be a puzzle to endure rather than savor. That thick tube of 8s running through the middle would, at best, hold up OK, but would be unlikely to provide much sizzle, and the highly cut-off corners would play like puzzles unto themselves, with maybe one winner in each corner if I was lucky.”

    The puzzle had quite a bit of material for our dirty old man department. The clue at 13D was “Situations involving multiple romantic partners,” which turned out to be the tame GROUP DATES. But right next to it at 16D was “Portmanteau for poly relationships,” which was THRUPLES. And 17A was “Film unlikely to have a costume designer:” PORNO. And I think the constructor may be risking a little jail time when he throws in WEE LASS at 18A (“Young woman, quaintly”), with the emphasis on ASS at 23D (“Bottom”). Hot stuff coming from a constructor who just graduated high school last year. Has your mom seen this puzzle, young man?

    Egs noted: ”Based on my own experience, I immediately threw down OCTUPLES for poly relationships.”

    OC readers may be pleased to learn the streak is alive. The Detroit Pistoffs of the NBA lost their 22nd straight game last night to Pennsylvania (nee Delaware) Nancy’s Philly 76ers. Detroit lost by 32 points (124-92), but they were only down by 4 after the first quarter, and they played them even (30-30) in the fourth quarter. Those middle quarters musta been ugly. 

    Philly also won the funny name competition with bench players Mo Bamba and Furkan Korkmaz (I’m not kidding), which is an anagram of “Kafka’s mazourka” [no it’s not, but it should be]. Detroit has a Jalen, Jaden, Jared, James, and Joe for all the good it’s doing them. They’re playing like they were put together on JDate. Next up: Atlanta on Monday. OC will be on hand, for sure.

    Back to that THRUPLE. Rex struggled a bit with the spelling (throuple?) since he thought it was pronounced to rhyme with hoople, but it isn’t. In any event, it brought to mind (for him), Mott the Hoople. Remember that band? They did well with this song David Bowie wrote, below. And one commenter wondered if they were named Mott the Hoople to avoid confusion with Mott the Applesauce. 

    Re the holiday cat pix Rex is posting that are being sent in to him by his readers, okanaganer posted: ”I recall some comic had a bit about a guy who awakens from a 30-year coma. A nurse shows him her smart phone and says ‘you can look up any fact; watch movies; listen to any song you want.’ The guy says ‘That’s amazing! What are you looking at right now?’ She replies: ‘Cat pictures.’”

    Here’s a cute one from today (the cat’s name is Brady):

    With Lianna’s sleepover with friend Quinn canceled we were freed up to see Maestro in Cranford. Very nice theater we had never been to before. Independently owned. Very intense film. Cooper is spectacular. Whoever did the makeup should get an Oscar — he looked more like Bernstein than Bernstein did. (Wait, what?) Our favorite scene: Lenny conducting the performance in the cathedral. Wow.

    Let’s close with some more Jane Austen dresses. So lovely. See you tomorrow!

  • Emily

    So my plan is to live forever.

    So far, so good.

    (Stephen Wright)

    As you may recall, Rex Parker (of Crossword puzzle blog fame), is quite the cat lover. He shared a holiday photo of an adorable cat that one of his readers sent in and said if anyone else wanted to submit a holiday-themed pet shot, he’d post it. Dozens of us followed suit and today he posted my entry:

    It’s my Zozo with her fierce watch-cat Emily. Rex noted that he liked how Emily was staring directly into the camera as if to say: Are we done here?

    Made my day.

    Today’s puzzle was crisp and crackling with freshness. 14D was “One on the Israelites’ journey to the Promised Land.” Answer: CALEB. I had no idea, but egs posted: ”There is a wonderful show about one of the Israelites journey to the Promised Land. Unfortunately, you can only see it if you’ve got CALEB TV.” 

    With LMS in hibernation, egs has become my favorite Rex poster — good strong devotion to utter nonsense like that.

    The puzzle had a minor “crabbiness” theme. 14A: ”‘Knock it off!,’ in question form,” was CAN YOU NOT? and 27D: “Don’t even think of coming back!” Ans: AND STAY OUT! 

    At 28D “Nephalist” was TEETOTALER. (WTF??)

    At 18A “Number in a count,” was a great clue for BALLS. Think of count in the baseball sense — balls and strikes. 

    Actress Malick was WENDIE. She was very good in a very funny TV show Just Shoot Me! George Segal was in it, along with a perfect comic cast. That’s Wendie peering over the shades, below

    She auditioned for the role of Diane Chambers in Cheers, but, of course, lost out to Shelley Long. 

    Ok everybody. Keeping it short tonight. Too tired from my day in the big city giving an exam. See you tomorrow!

  • The Country of Couples

    Nearing the cusp of history: The Detroit Pistons of the NBA have not won a game since October — that’s 20 losses in a row. The all-time record is 28, but that spanned two seasons. The record for a single-season string is 26. You can do it boys! Focus! 

    First thing we gotta do is change the team song. ”Don’t Worry; Be Happy” is not getting it done. Next, the team name. Maybe instead of the Pistons, it should be the Pistoffs. And who’s this guy? He’s not on the roster — call Security!

    This poem from today’s Writer’s Almanac is by George Bilgere and is called “Crusoe.”

    When you’ve been away from it long enough,
    You begin to forget the country
    Of couples, with all its strange customs
    And mysterious ways. Those two
    Over there, for instance: late thirties,
    Attractive and well-dressed, reading
    At the table, drinking some complicated
    Coffee drink. They haven’t spoken
    Or even looked at each other in thirty minutes,

    But the big toe of her right foot, naked
    In its sandal, sometimes grazes
    The naked ankle bone of his left foot,

    The faintest signal, a line thrown

    Between two vessels as they cruise
    Through this hour, this vacation, this life,
    Through the thick novels they’re reading,
    Her toe saying to his ankle,

    Here’s to the whole improbable story
    Of our meeting, of our life together
    And the oceanic richness
    Of our mingled narrative
    With its complex past, with its hurts
    And secret jokes, its dark closets
    And delightful sexual quirks,
    Its occasional doldrums, its vast
    Future we have already peopled
    With children. How safe we are

    Compared to that man sitting across the room,
    Marooned with his drink
    And yellow notebook, trying to write
    A way off his little island.

    At 63A today the clue was “Hydrox competitor” and the answer was Crossworld’s favorite cookie: OREO. There was some grumbling. Youngsters had never heard of Hydrox — it was discontinued in 1999. It was brought back briefly for its 100th anniversary in 2008, and it’s being produced again by Leaf Brand which picked up the trademark when Kellogg abandoned it. Hydrox came first (1908), four years ahead of OREO.

    I think the fellas in marketing dropped the ball on HYDROX. What kind of name is that for a cookie? It sounds like a detergent or a medication for bloating.

    I felt the same way when McDonalds introduced the McWrap. What were they thinking?

    In fact, Hydrox (the name) comes from hydrogen and oxygen, the two molecules in water. Yum! It differs from Oreo in that the filling is less sweet and the outer shell is crunchier and, when dipped, less soggy.

    If you have a craving for some McCrap, you can still get it in the UK, Poland, Canada, and Australia.

    The clue at 32D today was “Peter who was the first actor to play a Bond villain” and the answer was LORRE. What? Peter Lorre was the first Bond villain? But wasn’t it that guy from Dr. No? 

    It turns out there was a Bond before Sean Connery. In 1954, CBS paid Ian Fleming $1,000 (around $11,000 today) to adapt his novel “Casino Royale” into a one-hour television adventure as part of its Climax! series. It aired live in October of that year and starred Barry Nelson as Bond and Peter Lorre as Le Chiffre.

    Here’s Barry Nelson — does he look very Bondian to you?

    According to Linda G., down in Florida, as we age, our songs get revised. 

    Here are some:

    From Herman’s Hermits — Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got a Lovely Walker.

    The Bee Gees — How Can You Mend a Broken Hip?

    Paul Simon — Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver

    The Temptations: Papa’s Got a Kidney Stone

    Johnny Nash: I Can’t See Clearly Now

    While I was in the dental chair this morning having two fillings toned up, Kevin said that he heard that the twelve days of Xmas song is really about twelve different birds. Some are obvious (partridge, turtle dove, swan, etc.) but maids-a-milking and lords-a-leaping are birds too. Here’s what I was able to pick up from a site called AZ Animals.

    The obvious birds are partridge, turtle doves, French hens, geese, and swan. The “calling” birds were actually “colly” birds originally, meaning black as coal or soot. Hence, these are blackbirds. The five “rings” are ring-necked pheasants. Here’s one — hi, fella! (or gal)

    The maids-a-milking are magpies, which are black with milky patches. These two are gorgeous, no?

    The nine ladies dancing are either cormorants or cranes. Cormorants seem to dance elegantly because of their bobbing stance; cranes are also known for their mating dance. Here’s a crane gettin’ down (or up).

    The lords-a-leaping are grey herons who leap into the air to take flight and look like hunched over old Jewish men when their necks are bent. They are often heard saying, “Oy, I’m going over there now, Yetta.”

    The eleven pipers are sandpipers, and the twelve drummers are either woodpeckers or snipes. The latter’s tail vibrates with a drumming sound when they swoop down. (I have a cousin like that.)

    So there are your twelve birds of Christmas. All that’s left is to sing the damn song — but not too loudly please — we don’t want to wake the two owls-a-napping.

    Guess who popped by today? at 51D, “Actress Knightley,” the hauntingly beautiful KEIRA, of course. That sister is thin though, amirite? Get her some latkes, Phil — I think there’s still some sour cream on the door. Keira, sit down, darling.

    See you tomorrow!

  • Infinite ERA

    Zelensky came by our offices last night to chill out after his meeting with Biden. To be honest, we hadn’t seen him so upset since he heard CBS was canceling Blue Bloods. This is the closest to a smile Phil could get out of the poor guy, although, to be fair to Phil, he refused to be tickled.

    I said, “Volodymyr, is it the Person of the Year business? — are you upset about getting edged out by Taylor?” He said, “No, although that didn’t help. I won’t begrudge her the title: she deserves it. I won it last year, you may recall. It’s pretty hard to repeat. It’s the war. I’m worried about the war.” 

    “Oh, yeah, duh, there’s that,” I said. ”But, c’mon, buddy — you’ll feel better after a few cold ones.”

    It’s the birthday of poet and writer Heinrich Heine today (1797). Get this — his dad wanted him to be a businessman so he got him a job at a bank. But then he involved him in an embezzlement scheme and he got fired. Thanks Dad! So he tried law school, but the anti-Semitism was so intense he had to convert to Protestantism to get his law degree. [Jeez Louise! — and I thought I had trouble getting through.]

    The man could hold a grudge. He said: ”We should forgive our enemies, but not before they are hanged.” Happy birthday, Henry!

    Victor Jose Davalillo Romero, who died last week at the age of 84 in Venezuela, was a damn good ballplayer: Vic Davalillo to us fans. You can see his autograph from my collection, below.

    I used to enjoy telling about him that he was once traded “for a player to be named later,” and it turned out it was him — he was shipped back as that player. So he was essentially traded for himself. But there’s nothing about that in his Wikipedia entry. [It turns out that happened to Harry Chiti in 1962. He was traded by the Indians to the expansion Mets, and after 15 games (during which he batted .195), he was returned to Cleveland as the “player to be named later.” Chiti was the first player to whom that occurred. It happened three times later: to Dickie Noles, Brad Gulden, and John MacDonald.]

    Davalillo’s MLB career started with the Indians in 1963 and he played for them for six years. After that he played for five other teams and finished up with the Dodgers in 1980. He played in 1,458 games and had a lifetime batting average of .278. He won a Gold Glove in 1964. In 1965, he was the starting center fielder for the AL in the All-Star game, and was one of only three batters to finish the season batting over .300: His .301 trailed only Tony Oliva and Yaz. He won the World Series with the Pirates in ’71 and Oakland in ’73.

    He holds one “distinction” which I love. In 1969, for St. Louis, he pitched twice in relief, failing to retire a batter either time, and yielding an earned run. He is one of only 14 pitchers in MLB history with an infinite ERA. Of those 14, he is the only one who had more than one pitching appearance. 

    Late in his career, he was an excellent pinch hitter for the Dodgers. In Game 3 of the 1977 NLCS vs the Phillies, LA was down 5-3 with two outs in the ninth and no one on base. Davalillo came up to pinch hit and surprised the defense with a perfect drag bunt. A flurry of hits tied the game and LA won in extra innings. They won the pennant the next day. 

    Davalillo’s play in the Venezuelan Winter League was legendary. All told, he played in it for 30 years, from 1957 to 1987, retiring at age 50. A stadium in Venezuela is named in his honor as well as the league’s MVP award.

    ??

    Here he is, later in life. Rest in peace, Victor.

    Commenter Pete shared this cute note on Rex’s blog:

     “I sent my musician wife a text saying ’… your vibrator was really good last night.’  Auto-check didn’t like my typing of vibrato.”

    The unusual word PSALTER was in the puzzle today, clued with “Book of hymns.” Here’s how psalter could be used in a psentence: That’s psome psorry psalter — my psalad is way too psalty.

    She requested that we not go “cray cray” (which was the clue at 2D today for LOCO), or OVERDO IT (which was the answer at 3D), but we have to at least note that she’s 34 today — Happy Birthday, Taylor! (Volodymyr’s here today, TS, and he and Olena wish you the best.) It’s also the first day you can stream her ERAS tour concert film (for $19.89) at home. So — what are you waiting for?

    Thanks for popping in. See you tomorrow!

  • Chairman of the Board

    You know that expression for actors: “Break a leg?” Better not say it to Annie POTTS who visited the puzzle today (no relation to Mrs. Potts from Beauty and the Beast, shown here with son Chip).

    She is 71 now. When Annie Potts was 21 she was hit by a drunk driver and, as she put it, broke every bone below her waist but one. She’s been in chronic pain her whole life and has had over 20 surgeries, including a recent ankle replacement. Impressive that she can project so much sweetness, and attained so much success in her career. She has three kids too. Amazingly, none of them has any broken bones. Welcome to Owl Chatter Annie, — don’t be a stranger — Phil!! Get her a seat and some Anacin!!

    It’s been a while since we’ve called on our crack OC math department (Hi Judy!). But today’s puzzle invoked Pascal’s triangle at 16A: “Start and end of every row in Pascal’s triangle.” Answer: ONES.

    Pascal was French and the triangle was named after him in the West. But it was already known in other regions, e.g., it was Khayyam’s triangle in Iran from the Persian mathematician (and poet) Omar Khayyam. You can see how it’s put together, below. (It keeps going.)

    As for its uses or what it means — fuhgeddaboutit. Here’s the first sentence of “explanation” in Wikipedia: Pascal’s triangle is a triangular array of the binomial coefficients arising in probability theory, combinatorics, and algebra. (I fell off the truck at binomial.) You may recall, I’m the moron who doesn’t know what a logarithm is.

    Hey, Georgie! — you know who else was in the puzzle today? Get over here Santos — your favorite SNL star, Bowen YANG! He’s at 18D, cleverly clued by “Comic actor Bowen.” Here he is, doing some Santos a while ago. Not bad.

    I’m amazed by how insightful some folks are about finding connections in the grid that just sweep by me. Today, right next to each other at 28D and 29D are “Novelist Ken:” KESEY, and “Greek goddess of peace:” IRENE. Here’s what egs noticed:

    Gotta point out that Ken KESEY is sitting there snuggled up to IRENE, who provided the title to his best novel:

    Sometimes I live in the country
    Sometimes I live in town
    Sometimes I have a great notion
    To jump into the river and drown

    Irene goodnight…

    Let’s have a listen. Here are The Weavers. Pete Seeger is on the banjo.

    In one of the comments, someone added these lyrics:

    “Sometimes she sleeps in pajamas,
    Sometimes she sleeps in a gown,
    But when they’re both in the laundry,
    Irene is the talk of the town” 😳😂

    It’s Frank Sinatra’s birthday today, born in 1915 in Hoboken, NJ. He started out singing solo in bars and roadhouses. A trumpeter for Benny Goodman offered him $75 a week to join the band but told him he’d have to change his name. Sinatra said, “You want the voice, you take the name.” And so he got to keep it. But he hit it big with Tommy Dorsey’s band, which he joined in 1940. He said he learned his distinctive vocal style from the way Tommy Dorsey played trombone, sliding from note to note and then holding long pauses. 

    He was married four times, most happily to Barbara Marx, his fourth wife. Her maiden name was Blakely. “Marx” came from her earlier marriage to Zeppo Marx. Frank was married to her for the last 22 years of his life. He died at age 72 in 1998. She lived about 20 more years, never remarried, and died at age 90. They are buried next to each other. She had blue eyes too.

    Thanks for stopping by — see you tomorrow!

  • Open Heart

    It’s Monday and gloomy. If that isn’t enough for you, this poem in today’s Writer’s Almanac ought to do it. It’s called “Bypass” and is by Susan Kelly-DeWitt.

    When they cracked open your chest, parting
    the flesh at the sternum and sawing

    right through your ribs, we’d been married
    only five weeks. I had not yet kissed

    into memory those places they raided
    to save your life. I could only wait

    outside, in the public lobby
    of private nightmares

    while they pried you apart, stopped
    your heart’s beating, and iced you

    down. For seven hours a machine
    breathed for you, in and out. God,

    seeing you naked in ICU minutes
    after the surgery … your torso swabbed

    a hideous antiseptic yellow
    around a raw black ladder of stitches

    and dried blood. Still unconscious,
    you did the death rattle on the gurney.

    “His body is trying to warm itself up,”
    they explained, to comfort me.

    Wow, the ref really got into the middle of it in yesterday’s Bills-Chiefs game. A beautiful play gave KC a touchdown and the lead with little time left, but it was negated by an offsides call. Kedarius Toney was clearly over the line. But Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes blew up. The call should not have been made, or Toney should have been warned so he could step back, they shrieked. I thought that was ridiculous — how hard would it be for Toney to just stay on his side of the f*cking line? But chatter I heard on the radio today by a couple of old pros agreed with the Chiefs. Yes, Toney blew it, but in most cases that call would not have been made.

    The play itself was pretty. Mahomes hit Kelce midfield. Kelce advanced the ball and then lateraled it over to Toney, who scored. Take a look. Kelce, of course, is Taylor Swift’s boyfriend (she was there). Social media is on fire expecting a song ripping Toney (or the refs?). Nah. You’re better than that, TS, right?

    It’s Jim Harrison’s birthday today. Jim holds a very special place in Owl Chatter because he’s the poet/writer to whom Ted Kooser sent his daily poems on postcards from Winter Morning Walks. Jim was born in Grayling, MI, in 1937 and passed away in 2016 at age 78. He said: “Death steals everything except our stories,” and “Sometimes the only answer to death is lunch.”

    He also said: “I would rather give full vent to all human loves and disappointments, and take a chance on being corny, than die a smartass.”

    Happy Birthday Jim!

    It’s also the birthday of Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, born in Russia in 1918. He also died there at age 89. He started out as a gung-ho communist, even bringing a copy of Marx’s Das Kapital along on his honeymoon. (If that didn’t trigger a side-eye from the wife, I don’t know what would.) But getting tossed into a labor camp for 8 years for dissing Stalin in a personal letter left a bad taste.

    He came to the U.S. and settled in Vermont for a time after he was exiled from the USSR. He wasn’t the most gracious guest. Speaking at Harvard’s graduation in 1978, he said the U.S. was mired in boorish consumerism, and the American people were suffering from a “decline in courage” and a “lack of manliness.” Well, maybe if he settled in the Bronx or Detroit he’d get a different picture. Just sayin’.

    He condemned the 1960s counterculture for forcing a hasty capitulation in Vietnam. In a reference to the Communist governments in Southeast Asia’s use of re-education camps, human rights abuses, and genocide after the fall of Saigon, Solzhenitsyn said: “Members of the U.S. antiwar movement wound up being involved in the betrayal of Far Eastern nations and the suffering imposed on 30 million people. Do those convinced pacifists hear the moans coming from there?” Ouch. Don’t blame me, I flunked my physical.

    He also accused the Western media of violating the privacy of celebrities, and of filling up the “immortal souls” of their readers with celebrity gossip and other “vain talk.”

    Sheesh. Ease up, fella. Nobody’s perfect. Have some cake. How do you say Happy Birthday in Russian? Here we go: с днем рождения!

    Here’s the birthday boy with his buddy Mstislav Rostropovich, followed by his 2-ruble coin.

    See you tomorrow!

  • Dunst

    The theme of today’s puzzle was political puns. They were pretty bad, which is okay for puns. (Rex called it an exercise in “groanolatry.”) So, e.g., at 62A the clue was “The sound engineer was obsessed with the …” and the answer was SPEAKERS OF THE HOUSE. Get it? Another one was at 40A: “The veterinarian specialized in mending …” LAME DUCK BILLS. Rex was pretty much on target labelling it meh.

    He closed with a nice photo and note, though. He said: “We got a tree and put lights in our outdoor bushes and everything, for once (we’re usually pretty lazy about such things). Gonna decorate the tree now, I think, if the cats let us. Does this look like the face of someone who will let us?”

    There was a very pretty guest in the grid today: Canst thou guess who? It’s Kirsten DUNST. Didst thou know’st she is a Jersey girl? Yup, born in Point Pleasant back in ’82 (so she’s 41). KD married actor Jesse Plemons last year, and they have two kids. I first grew to like JP when he was on Friday Night Lights. During the first season, the joke was that Plemons was the only member of the cast who actually played HS football but he wasn’t on the team in the show (the Panthers). He joined the team during the show’s second season, and told the director he wanted to do his own stunts. On his first play, he was tackled and his chin split open, requiring eleven stitches. D’oh!

    They acted together in The Power of the Dog and were both nominated for Oscars in supporting roles. Anyway, never mind all that, here’s Kirsten. Stop by more often girl — where you been?

    Ukrainian Olympic skating champ OKSANA Baiul was also in the grid today. She’s 46 now. In ’93 she was the World Figure Skating champ, and in ’94, she won Olympic gold in ladies singles. She moved to the U.S. after the ’94 Olympics, living in CT and VA, before settling in Cliffside Park NJ for 14 years. She married her manager in 2015 and they live in Las Vegas with their 8-year-old daughter Sophia.

    In ’97, Baiul was arrested for drunk driving after crashing her car into a tree in Connecticut. Judges awarded her 5.6, 5.5, and 5.8, for her glide into the tree. She entered rehab for her drinking, and in a 2004 interview said she had been sober for six years, and that that was more important than Olympic gold. Amen to that, sister.

    Oksana was raised as a Russian Orthodox Christian, but upon learning as an adult that her maternal grandmother was Jewish (making her Jewish under Jewish law), she identified as Jewish herself, and says it feels good to her: natural “like a second skin.” I’m not sure what Jewish skin is, but I hope she has a good dermatologist. If not, she’s skating on thin ice. (I knew I’d get there eventually.)

    If you can spare a few, here she is winning the gold when she was just a little girl.

    Kudos to Jayden Daniels, LSU quarterback, for winning this year’s Heisman trophy. The team only went 9-3 behind him because its defense was weak. His stats are incredible: 3,812 passing yards and 40 touchdowns against just four interceptions. He added 1,134 yards on the ground and 10 rushing TDs. He had the highest quarterback rating in FBS history. Kudos as well to Blake Corum and J.J. McCarthy, our Wolverine heroes, who finished 9th and 10th in the voting. Go Blue!

    Miriam’s “Word of the Day” today is “foolscap,” and I had no idea that it means a piece of writing paper; in the U.S., specifically, a legal-size sheet, 8 x 13 inchies. When it first appeared in the 1500s it referred to an actual fool’s cap: the hat a jester would wear. But it became associated with sheets of paper due to the use of an image of such a cap as the watermark on paper.

    We attended a very good holiday concert today by an amateur orchestra with which Lianna’s viola teacher is involved. It’s intergenerational and the youngest member was a teeny-tiny 5-year-old cellist (who has been playing since he was 3), and the oldest looked, well, pretty damn old. They performed “The Conquering Hero Comes,” from Handel’s Judas Maccabaeus oratorio, and the conductor explained that it was the first time (like, in history) that a Jewish character was portrayed heroically in a work. There were 5,000 Jews living in London at the time and all 5,000 came to the performance (on April 1, 1747). Handel recognized a good scam when he saw one, so his next 7 oratorios did the same Jewish thing with biblical themes. All were hits. The next one didn’t, and flopped.

    Came home to watch the Jets finish pulverizing the Texans. Has Zach Wilson turned some sort of corner? — he was brilliant. Is there cause for hope?

    See you tomorrow.

  • Not Today Satan

    This piece is from tomorrow’s Met Diary. It’s called “Riding Downtown” and is by Isabel Walcott Draves.

    I was headed downtown on the 2 train when a college-age girl sitting nearby began to sob.

    I moved over to sit on her right just as a woman sitting on her left began to comfort her.

    The girl said she was overwhelmed with anxiety and on the way to her therapist. A man sitting across from her offered her an unopened cold soda, which she accepted.

    There we were on the train, four of us together, one of us in crisis. The situation seemed so precarious that I skipped my stop to stay by the young woman’s side. Her distress was palpable.

    I, the woman on the left and the man offered her encouraging words in low tones. It seemed to help. She began to breathe normally and calmed down.

    We reached Wall Street, the last stop in Manhattan. I didn’t have time to go to Brooklyn and get back to my destination in time.

    Preparing to get off the train, I asked the young woman if she was going to be OK. As I did, the woman on her left said she had to get off too. The man sitting across from us said he felt bad because he also needed to get off.

    We all asked the young woman if she was going to be OK. She nodded, but sniffled.

    The three of us stood, hesitating as the doors opened. Suddenly, a woman swooped in from somewhere down the car and sat down in the seat I was vacating.

    “I got her,” the woman said, smiling.

    The man is f*cking irreplaceable, but someone’s gotta try. And thus 19 folks have signed up to run on the GOP side for new OC staffer George Santos’s recently vacated House seat. One of them is George Grillo, 49, who refers to himself as the Republican Messiah, and who are we to quibble? Well, the Republican Messiah was convicted on Tuesday on five counts related to the January 6 riot at the Capitol, including a felony obstruction charge. In his defense he claimed he did not know that Congress convened there. I believe it.

    Here are some shots of him in the Capitol that he’s using on his campaign posters. He’s the guy circled in red. Please contact us for information on how to contribute to his campaign or to help cover the legal costs of his appeal.

    Yesterday was the last day of classes for me for the semester. The big law class (90 students) was the most fun. Regrets – there was one story and one joke I wish I found the chance to tell. But that’s okay. One nice Asian girl handed me a note at the end of class: It was in the shape of a bunny and in it she thanked me for the class — said she enjoyed the stories and lectures. How nice is that? She got a 57 on the midterm, and will likely do worse on the final, but I’ll give her an A, for sure.

    One thing I can say about Yoko Ono and Roger Federer is that I didn’t notice anything about their hair-dos. But that’s on me, because both were by the very exclusive NYC hairstylist Tim Rogers, whose life was cut short (sorry) last month, at the age of only 51. The cause of death was not revealed. In addition to his upper upper clients, he was a presence at NY Fashion Week, doing hair for runway shows for designers, among them Marc Jacobs and Anna Sui, the latter of whom is a frequent visitor to Crossworld.

    Actress Anna Kendrick was a client. She was not entirely pleased when our Phil broke in on them for this shot. Looking good, though. There’s no stopping the man, Anna — be thankful he didn’t wake you up.

    Rogers also dished out beauty advice in a column in Redbook. This included counseling readers to avoid using too much shampoo, which “can strip hair of its protective oils, making it dry and dull.”

    “Use only a nickel-size drop of shampoo on short-to-medium lengths, and a quarter-size dollop for long hair,” he added. “Emulsify it with water in your palm first, then rub it just on your scalp, where hair is most oily.”

    Who knew? On the other hand, maybe that was what caused his death: shampoo deficiency.

    Many of his clients were men, including Jack Schlossberg, JFK’s only grandson. He regularly rushed off to the Hamptons by helicopter to provide cuts to hedge fund managers and investment bankers. His fee could run as high as $800 per session.

    According to the obit by Alex Williams in The Times, Rogers “treated everyone like a star, whether they were a celebrity, a model, a C.E.O. or a regular person. He believed everyone could be stylish and beautiful.”

    Rogers is survived by his parents and brother, all three of whom look marvelous.

    Rest in peace, Tim.

    Today’s puzzle is by two old pros: Doug Peterson and Christina Iverson and it was chock full of wonderful material. Rex felt constrained to disclose that Doug is an old friend of his, before starting his writeup. It led egs to start off his comment by stating: “Full disclosure: Doug and Christina are my parents.”

    Some favorite clues/answers were:

    34A “Defiant declaration popularized by the drag queen Bianca Del Rio.” Answer: NOT TODAY SATAN.

    58A: “‘Let’s have our cake and eat it, too!’” Answer: WHY NOT BOTH?

    17A: “100% correct!” Answer: CAN CONFIRM.

    13D: “Causes to grow, humorously,” is EMBIGGENS.

    Do you know about “embiggens?” It was used in The Simpsons in 1996. The founder of Springfield uses it in some old film footage and when one teacher asks another about it, she says: It’s a perfectly cromulent word. “Cromulent” was a made-up word that has since entered the language. I thought embiggens was also made up, but it goes as far back as the 1880s. Its use as an awkward word in The Simpsons has given it new life, e.g., in today’s puzzle. Miriam Webster includes both in her dictionary.

    44D was “Idaho senator Mike,” and the answer was CRAPO. Never heard of the man. And yet he’s been in the Senate since 1999. It’s pronounced Kray-po, not Crap-po. He’s 72, married to his wife Susan for almost 50 years, and they have five Crapo children.

    He opposed Obama’s health reform legislation. He voted against a bill that would have expanded background checks for all gun buyers. He urged Trump to withdraw the US from the Paris Climate Agreement. He supported depriving Obama of a Supreme Court nominee with ten months left in office, but went along with rushing Trump’s nominee through two months before the election. Bottom line: An utterly unprincipled hack. Sullies the puzzle. Phil refused to waste time getting a shot of him.

    Yuck — we can’t end on that. Kooz — help us out!

    From Winter Morning Walks.

    A cold wind out of the west all night.
    Where our row of Norwegian pines
    lines the road, there were lots of joined pairs
    of needles this morning, blown over the grass
    and onto the shoulder, every pair
    an elongated V, coated with frost,
    and each pointing east southeast,
    where, sure enough, the sun was rising.